Be with Me

by Maya Banks

  She went still against him. “You’re angry too.”

  He sighed. “Yeah, I’m pissed. I don’t know what set Hutch off, but he didn’t handle it worth a damn. He knows that me and Sawyer would never hurt you. Damn it, he knows.”

  “So what do I do?” she asked again.

  “Only you can answer that,” he said, though he wanted to tell her to go kick Hutch’s ass and then make things right with Sawyer. But he couldn’t make that choice for her, not matter how badly he wanted to do whatever it took to keep her.

  “I just wish I knew what the hell he was thinking.”

  “You and me both,” Cam murmured.

  Hutch had always been defensive when it came to Reggie, though Cam wasn’t going to volunteer that information. No sense building her case that this wouldn’t work.

  He rubbed her arm again then kissed the top of her head. “Why don’t you come back to the house? I’m betting you haven’t eaten all day. You can kick Hutch’s ass and Sawyer’s too if you want. I’ll even clean up the blood when you’re done.”

  He forced lightness into his voice, hoping that if he didn’t make a big deal out of it then neither would she.

  “You go on ahead,” she said in a low voice. “I need to think about things for a while.”

  His breath caught and held. “But you’re coming back, right?”

  Silence stretched between them, and he tensed as he waited for her response.

  “I won’t run anymore. Whatever happens I’ll face it head-on.”

  Her answer didn’t make him feel any better. But he also heard the resolve in her voice. This is where he was going to have to trust her and hope like hell that another man hadn’t fucked up any chance of a future he had with the woman he loved.

  CHAPTER 31

  Reggie pulled up to the house and cut the engine. Sawyer’s truck was gone. With a sigh, she got out and wearily headed for the door.

  She and Sawyer were a lot alike. Both hotheads, prone to blowing up, and taking off was their way of dealing with it.

  This time, however, she’d promised Cam that she’d deal with it rationally. Her and her big mouth. What she really wanted to do was tuck tail and run. Just like she’d done a year ago. Only it hadn’t helped.

  As soon as she mounted the steps, the front door flew open, and Hutch yanked her into his arms.

  “Reggie, thank God. I was worried.”

  She stiffened then pulled away and slugged him right in the gut.

  He doubled over with a grunt but managed to keep hold of her elbow as he dragged her inside the house.

  She twisted free from his grasp and shut the door behind him. He stood in the foyer, his hand beneath his T-shirt rubbing his gut.

  “I deserved that,” he said in a low voice.

  She glared at him. “Yeah, you did.”

  A long sigh spilled from his lips, and she softened when she saw the misery etched on his face. He didn’t have to know she’d gone all gooey though.

  She fixed him with a frown, and he returned her stare bleakly.

  “Can we talk?” he asked as he gestured toward the living room.

  “Where’s Sawyer?” she asked as she walked in front of him.

  “I don’t know,” he admitted. “He hasn’t been back yet.”

  A twinge of fear rippled through her chest. She rounded on Hutch and used her anger to block out that fear.

  “What the fuck were you thinking, Hutch? What was that all about?”

  He flopped onto the couch, dug his elbows into his knees and buried his face in his hands.

  “I’m an asshole,” he muttered.

  She sank down in the chair across from him. “Yeah, well that’s been established. Care to tell me what prompted this particular assholic venture?”

  He stared up at her with such pain in his eyes that she recoiled. A prickle of unease skirted down her spine, and her anger was replaced by concern.

  “What’s wrong, Hutch?” she asked softly. “What would cause you to think that Sawyer or Cam would ever hurt me? Did it look like I was protesting?”

  Hutch took in a deep breath, and she could see the battle he fought, could see the muscles twitching and the nerves jumping in his taut body.

  “I didn’t see how you could possibly have a chance to say no with your hands tied behind your back, your mouth full of Cam’s dick and Sawyer’s shoved up your ass,” he said bluntly.

  She flushed, and her lips tightened. “Look at me, Hutch.”

  He turned dull eyes on her. They had the same haunted look of Sawyer’s.

  “What’s going on? You know they wouldn’t hurt me. You have to know that. Do you honestly think I’d just lie there like a moron and take it if they were doing something I didn’t want?”

  His protest was swift. “You’re smaller than them, Reggie. Especially Sawyer. It wouldn’t be hard for him to overpower you, and there isn’t a damn thing you could do to stop him.”

  There was fear in his voice and a thread of anger, but it went beyond what had happened on the couch. His gaze was unfocused, as if he was lost in some other place. Another time.

  “Do you honestly think Sawyer would ever hurt me, Hutch? Look me in the eye and tell me you think something so bad of a man who’s been your brother since you were ten years old.”

  A dull flush crept up Hutch’s neck. “No,” he muttered. “He loves you. He’d die before hurting you.”

  “Then what the fuck were you thinking today?” she demanded. “You hurt him, Hutch. Did you see the look in his eyes? How the hell am I supposed to ever get him to even look at me now?”

  She curled her fingers into fists and willed herself not to lose the tenuous grip she had on her temper. Hutch was hurting too. She didn’t have a clue why, but something else was going on here.

  Hutch looked away. His shoulders shook, and he dragged a trembling hand through his short hair.

  “I know, Reggie. I know. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s not me you need to apologize to,” she pointed out.

  “Yeah, it is. I embarrassed you. I decked my brother. I put you in a difficult position, and for that I’m sorry.”

  “But why?” she asked softly. “What happened, Hutch? It’s not like you to go off like that. Is it the situation? Are you jealous? Is this something you can’t deal with?”

  “No,” he said sharply as he snapped his head around.

  He shot to his feet and began to pace restlessly. His body language screamed agitation. Tension rolled off him like a heat wave.

  She waited and watched as he grappled with whatever demon held him in its grip.

  He stopped and turned to her, one hand on the back of his neck. “It just hit me wrong, baby. I walked in the door, and I see you bent over the couch, hands tied behind your back, Sawyer’s handprint on your ass. What was I supposed to think?”

  He blew out his breath, but she could see he wasn’t angry any longer. He seemed confused. And sad.

  “My dad used to beat up on my mom,” he confessed in an ashamed whisper.

  Her heart lurched and squeezed, but she remained quiet, wanting to hear what he had to say. He never talked about his family. Never talked about his life before he arrived at Birdie’s. As close as they were and had been for years, everything she knew about him came forward from that point.

  “He was a bastard. An alcoholic who was almost as mean when he was sober as he was drunk. When he got tired of knocking my mom around, he’d come after me and my brother.”

  She gasped. She didn’t even know he had a brother.

  “I remember how helpless I felt and how angry it made me because I couldn’t help her. I couldn’t help my brother. I was completely and utterly powerless.”

  “Hutch, you were just a boy,” she said gently.

  “Yeah, just a kid,” he said derisively. “I haven’t thought about those times in years, Reggie, but when I came home and saw that, it was like seeing my dad and my mom all over again. I know what I did was wrong, but it
sickened me to think of anyone ever hurting you like that.”

  He looked away guiltily. “And maybe I’ve just been waiting for Sawyer to screw up. I’ve never liked how rough he was with you, but I’ve sat on my hands and held my tongue because I knew it would only cause an argument, and I guess deep down, I know I’m being an ass.”

  She opened her mouth to speak, but he began pacing again.

  “He killed her, Reggie. And the bastard got away with it. Her death was ruled an accident. Ironically she was drunk. She never drank, but I guess that night it was just too much for her. He pushed her down the stairs and then played the grieving husband. I couldn’t stay there anymore so I ran, and I never went back.”

  The ache in her heart grew as she saw the raw pain grooved into his face. He looked as lost as Sawyer had looked when Hutch had condemned him.

  “I thought your parents were dead . . . like Cam’s and Sawyer’s,” she said quietly. “I never realized . . . I mean you never talked about them.”

  “What’s to tell?” he said derisively. “My old man wasn’t exactly something to write home about, and I was always afraid that I’d get sent back to him. It was easier to pretend he didn’t exist.”

  She rose falteringly, her feet unsteady beneath her. And then she went to him, sliding her arms around his waist and burying her face in his chest.

  “I’m sorry, Hutch.”

  He gripped her tightly to him, his chest heaving with unspent emotion. “You have nothing to apologize for, Reggie. I was a complete and utter jerk. I jeopardized everything. Not only for me but for Sawyer and Cam. Can you ever forgive me for that?”

  She closed her eyes, hoping it was as simple as forgiveness. For all of them.

  “You have to make this right with Sawyer,” she said quietly.

  “I know. But first I had to make it right with you. What I did was unforgivable. I did exactly what we swore we wouldn’t. Put you between us. I love you, Reggie. And I’m sorry.”

  She squeezed him tighter. “I’m going to go up and wait for Sawyer, okay?”

  Hutch rubbed his hands up and down her back. “I’m so glad you came home, baby. I was so worried. Don’t leave like that again please. Next time stay and kick my ass or make me leave, but don’t walk out. This is your home. You belong with us even though I don’t deserve you.”

  She smiled and then tilted her head back so she could lean up to kiss him. “I’m tired and it’s been a long day. I’m gonna head up and crawl into Sawyer’s bed. I just hope to hell he comes home so I can talk some sense into his head.”

  Guilt flashed again across Hutch’s face. He started to speak, but she held a finger over his lips.

  “Save it for Sawyer,” she said gently.

  He nodded and loosened his hold on her. She let her hands slide down his arms to his wrists, and then she squeezed his hands once before turning to head up the stairs.

  She hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but when she heard the door creak open and saw the time, she realized she had.

  The light flipped on, and she threw an arm over her eyes as her eyeballs all but exploded.

  “Fuck! Sorry, Reggie,” Sawyer muttered before slapping at the light switch to plunge the room back into darkness.

  “It’s okay,” she said groggily. “Turn it back on.”

  Instead he walked over and switched on the bedside lamp. Cautiously, she removed her arm from her face and stared up at him.

  He looked . . . rough. Like he’d been a few rounds with a guy much bigger than him, though she wasn’t sure there were many of those around.

  “What the hell happened to you?” she demanded. “And where’ve you been?”

  The corner of his mouth cracked up in what looked suspiciously like a half grin.

  “Went and had a few,” he said with a shrug.

  Her eyes narrowed. “And you drove home? Damn it, Sawyer, why didn’t you call me? Are you just trying to kill yourself or get arrested?”

  He plopped down on the bed, leaned forward then turned his head to look at her. “You stayed up just to give me a lecture?”

  “No, dumbass, I stayed up because I wanted to see you. Because I wanted to talk some sense into your thick head.”

  “I can see why I came home for such abuse.” His voice was thick with amusement, but shadows still haunted his eyes.

  She crawled across the bed, grabbed handfuls of his shirt and yanked him forward. His mouth fell open in surprise about the time she swooped in to kiss him.

  She slid around his body like she was a pole dancer on the make. Then before he could so much as blink, she shoved forward, knocking him flat on his back.

  She went with him and they both landed with a thump.

  Her lips found his again. She kissed him then released then kissed him again. “Don’t.” Kiss. “Ever.” Kiss. “Run.” Kiss. “Off.” Kiss. “Likethatagain!”

  His hands slid up her back to cup her shoulders as she peppered his mouth with hers.

  “So says the woman who took off like a bat out of hell,” he said dryly.

  She raised her head and glared down at him. “And how would you know what I did?”

  “Oh, let’s see. A, you’re just like me. And B, Cam left a somewhat frantic message on my cell phone saying you’d run off like a scalded cat again.”

  “I came back,” she mumbled.

  He moved his hand to her front and tucked a curl behind her ear. His expression grew serious. “Yeah, you did. Dare I read anything into that?”

  “I don’t want to talk about me,” she said softly. “I want to talk about you. And Hutch.”

  His eyes flickered and became blank. He shoved at her, and she fell to the side as he rolled away from her.

  “Nothing to talk about,” he said tonelessly.

  “That’s where you’re wrong.”

  He turned back to face her, his eyes swarming with intensity. If she didn’t know him so darn well, she’d be pretty afraid right now. He bristled with power. It boiled off him like water from a hot radiator.

  But she eyed him calmly, refusing to let him intimidate her.

  “It won’t work. You’re going to sit here and listen to me or so help me I’ll tie your ass to the bed. Then we’ll see how much you like being at my mercy.”

  His lips lifted in a smirk. “I hate to break it to you, honey, but if that’s a threat? Color me not afraid. I can think of worse things than being at your mercy.”

  A warm buzz blew through her veins, and she trembled despite her determination to kick his ass into submission.

  She moved forward again, getting into his face until they were nose to nose. “You’re going to listen to me, Sawyer. We’re going to talk about this. If you refuse, I’m gone.”

  He blinked, and then his eyes narrowed to dangerous slits. “I don’t do ultimatums, Reggie.”

  Never make a threat you’re not willing to carry out. It was a concept solidly ingrained from years of living with a father who was more bluster and hot air than flesh and blood.

  Without a word, she backed off the bed, turned around and stalked out the door. Her hands shook, but this was too important. It wasn’t a bluff. How the hell could she stay here and try to make this work if he wasn’t willing to let down his guard around her?

  She wasn’t taking this kind of shit from Hutch, and she sure as hell wouldn’t take it from Sawyer. Dramatic? Yeah and she almost felt guilty because this so wasn’t her style. Well, apart from the stomping off. But making idle threats or playing stupid mind games wasn’t her deal.

  But Sawyer wasn’t someone you could calmly approach. He took