Conflicted

by Heather Dahlgren

  “It’s not every day, if that’s what you mean, but it is every time she drinks. She can’t socially drink. When she drinks, it’s to get drunk. I am usually the one carrying her, well dragging really, because I can’t lift her. That’s why I jumped when I heard the door and didn’t throw on clothes. I figured it was her trying to get in.” I have so much anger in me right now that I know I need to leave. I’m so fucking disappointed in her. She knows what it was like for us. Why the hell would she want to do that? I push off the wall and walk down the hall. I hear Mel’s tiny footsteps behind me, so I turn to face her once we are in the living room. “Keith, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you, but I wasn’t going to lie.” I pull her to me before I realize what I’m doing, and we wrap our arms around each other. We don’t say anything for a while, but holy shit, having her in my arms is unreal. It feels so good, and even though I’m still pissed, my dick must not realize it because it is straining against my jeans. I’m sure she can feel it considering she only has panties on, but I don’t give a shit right now.

  “I need to go.” I pull back and notice a bit of disappointment in her eyes. Fuck, I want to stay so badly and get to know every inch of her body, but not tonight. She folds her arms, covering her once again hardened nipples, and I smirk. “Don’t be embarrassed. I think it’s hot.” I turn and walk to the door but call back over my shoulder. “Make sure you lock this.” I don’t give her a chance to respond to anything. I make my way to the car and climb in.

  I get back home and get right into the shower. I can’t get Mel out of my head. She looked so unbelievably sexy, and I have to believe if her nipples were that hard, that her panties were wet too. The more I think about her, the harder my cock is getting. Next thing I know, I am jerking off in the shower like a teenager. With the images of Mel in my head, it doesn’t take me long before I’m falling over the edge.

  I quickly wash up and step out of the shower. I start to laugh and realize, shit, I’m turning into Young.

  I close and lock the door behind Keith and lean against it. I need to get a hold of my damn hormones. It’s been so long since I’ve been this attracted to a guy. This is a small town, and working for the police department, I know who the good ones are or aren’t. The choices aren’t huge. Most of the guys I work with are married or not my type. The last guy that I felt any attraction to was someone they sent in to help with a case. We ended up going out a few times, but he had to go back home, and last I heard, he was happily engaged. My last boyfriend, that’s a different story. I thought I had found someone that was sweet, trusting, and overall a good guy. After being together for a few weeks, things started to change. He started becoming more distant, and the only time he was interested in something was when it was about work. Long story short, he was the friend of a guy whom I had drawn a sketch of and was trying to find out more information. I felt like such a fucking fool. Since then, I’ve been very picky about who I date, and it’s been hell. I am sexually frustrated and lonely. I have Connie, but I’m not that kind of lonely. I want a guy to hold me at night, to take me out, and to rock my world in bed. I hear a crash, and it pulls me out of my depressing thoughts.

  I run down the hall and into Connie’s room. The hall light that flows into the room shows that she knocked the lamp over and is falling out of bed. I shake my head and go over to help her back into bed. She is dead weight, and it’s a struggle to pull her back up. I manage to get her back in bed, and I turn her back on her side. “Connie, you need to stop doing this shit. You are so much better than this.” I sigh and kiss her forehead. I walk out and head to my room. I climb back into bed and close my eyes. Unfortunately, when I do, the only thing I picture is brilliant blue eyes, strong arms, and a sexy smirk. Damn, it’s going to be a long night.

  I sit up suddenly when I hear something. I look around and realize it is almost noon. Damn, I didn’t realize I was that exhausted. I lie back down, and my dream starts to replay itself. It was fucking hot. Keith and I were in bed, and he was making me come over and over. His amazing sweaty body pressed up against mine, a look of pure lust was on his face, and he was saying dirty sexy things. My nipples harden and my pussy clenches just thinking about it. Shit, I need to get out of bed and get him off my mind. I throw the covers off and go in search of coffee. I walk into the kitchen and stop dead in my tracks when I see Keith sitting at the kitchen table talking to a very hung-over Connie. He doesn’t look happy, and she looks absolutely miserable. I try to back out of the kitchen before he sees me. I’m still wearing my white camisole top and just my panties. It’s bad enough he saw me like this last night. Just when I think I’m clear, he looks up and pins me in place with those eyes. The same eyes I dreamt about all night. I can’t move. I am consumed in his stare, and I feel myself getting turned on once again. He lets his eyes travel up and down my body, and I know I should cover up or just walk away, but I don’t. I like the attention he is giving me, especially after that dream. Finally, Connie looks over, and I break eye contact with him. “Well, if it isn’t my best friend who runs her mouth to my brother.” She pulls me out of my Keith lust, and just as I am about to tell her what I think, Keith speaks up.

  “Hey, don’t go blaming other people for your mistakes. She didn’t say anything I wasn’t seeing. It was rather evident you do this often, so don’t you fucking dare blame her.” I whip my head to look at him, and he winks at me. Holy shit, I need to get out of here. I go into the bathroom and decide a shower is exactly what I need.

  After showering, getting dressed, straightening my hair, and putting on my makeup, I figure he is probably gone, and I can have it out with Connie. I walk into the kitchen, and thankfully, there is still coffee in the pot. I pour myself a cup and hear my cell phone ding. I completely forgot I left it out here to charge. I sip my coffee, pull it off the charger, and head to the living room. It’s a text from Connie telling me that she is having lunch with Keith and Karen. She told me she wants them over for dinner tonight, and she would like me to join them. I feel the butterflies with just the thought of spending more time with Keith.

  “Mel, are you almost done in there? I need to fix my hair.” I know I’ve spent way too much time getting ready, but the last three times Keith has seen me, I haven’t been at my best. I curl my long brown hair, put on just the right amount of makeup, and decide to wear my strapless black dress that is tight on the top, but flows out from the waist down. I pair that with my black strappy heels. Yes, I might be a bit over dressed for dinner at home, but like I said, I want Keith to know I don’t always look like shit.

  I open the bathroom door and find Connie standing there with a small smile on her face. “Well, don’t you look amazing? Trying to impress someone?” Fuck, I didn’t think this through.

  “What? No, I just thought it would be nice to make myself look decent. I’ve been dressing like shit lately.” She won’t believe it for a second, but it’s the first thing that popped into my head. She laughs as she pushes past me into the bathroom.

  “Sure, I believe you, Mel.” She laughs again as she opens the bottom drawer of the sink to get the straightening iron. “Hey, do me a favor? Just go check on that roast and make sure it is alright.” I don’t say anything because I already feel like a fool. After I check it, I’m going to get out of this dress and put on jeans. I don’t want to look ridiculous tonight. My heels click on the wood floor all the way to the kitchen. I open the oven, and damn, it smells good. Connie is one hell of a cook. She has taught me a lot, but I’m still not as good as she is. I close the oven and turn to head to my room.

  “Shit!” I jump back when I see Keith smiling and leaning against the doorway of the kitchen. “You scared the shit out of me.” My heart is pounding in my chest, and it’s not only from being scared, but also from seeing him. He looks sexy as hell. He’s wearing jeans that are sitting incredibly low and a dark blue button-down shirt, which makes his eyes pop.

  “I’m sorry, Mel. I didn’t mean to scare you.” I can’t help but s
mile at him when he winks.

  “It’s alright. Dinner should be ready soon. Can I get you something to drink?” At this point, I can’t go change. I’m just going to have to deal with it. He pushes off the doorway and comes into the kitchen.

  “I’ll have a beer if you have any.” I go to the fridge and pull out two beers. I suddenly need something cold. I hand him a beer, open mine, and take a big sip. “Mel, I hope I’m not out of line here, but you look beautiful.” I look up at him, and he is staring at my face. I am equal parts flattered and turned on.

  “Thank you. You look great too. Do you have plans after dinner or something?” He chuckles and walks closer to me. He is standing right in front of me and smiles.

  “Nope.” Holy fuck. I should just go panty free when this man is around because mine are wet already.

  “Well, look at this.” I snap my head to look at Connie and Karen both looking at us with big smiles. Fuck, this is ridiculous. The whole Dickson family is driving me crazy. I step away from Keith and go over to the oven to check the roast again. Both girls laugh, and I want to stick my head in here with dinner.

  After the awkward beginning of the night, we are all having a good time. Dinner was fucking unbelievable, and after cleaning up, we moved into the living room and have been talking and laughing for the last hour. “Worst kiss?” We are now talking about the worst and best times we’ve had with someone.

  “Easy. I was in high school, and Joe Simpson kissed me under the bleachers. It fucking hurt because his braces cut my lip and my tongue.” We all laugh at Karen.

  “Mine was with that guy, Stu. Remember him, Mel?” I throw my head back laughing. I totally remember that tool. He thought he was so hot, and Connie thought so too for about a week.

  “Oh, I remember him.” Keith is smiling while listening to us, and I can’t help but wonder if he is sad he misses so much of his sisters’ lives. I’m an only child, but I feel like Connie is my sister, and I’d be sad if I didn’t see her every day.

  “What about you, Mel?” I look over at Keith with his one eyebrow raised. I laugh and take a sip of my beer.

  “That would have to be Charlie. Good looking, great body, so sweet, but holy shit, he pretty much licked my face the entire time he was trying to kiss me.” I burst out laughing just thinking about it. “I felt like I took a shower.” Keith spits beer out of his mouth, and the girls are hysterical. I laugh even harder because of all that.

  I excuse myself to go to the bathroom, once we stop laughing. I look at myself in the mirror and smile. I look so happy. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen myself this happy. It’s a nice change. I fix my hair and makeup before making my way back to the living room. I am shocked when I see that only Keith is sitting there. “Where did Connie and Karen go?” He turns to look at me.

  “They went to get more beer, but at least Connie isn’t drinking much.” I sit down and tuck my legs under me, making sure my panties aren’t on display. He’s right. I don’t know what he said to her, but she’s only had one beer tonight. “So, Mel, tell me more about yourself.” I cock my head and smile. I’m a bit tipsy, so I can feel myself flirting.

  “What do you want to know?” He sips his beer and seems to be thinking.

  “How do you like your job? How long have you been doing it? Do your parents live local? Do you have any brothers or sisters? Are you seeing anyone?” I get a huge smile on my face when I realize he asked all that to get to the final question.

  “I love my job. I can’t imagine doing anything else. I’ve been doing it for two years. No, my parents live in California now. I’m an only child. No, I’m not seeing anyone. How about you? Well, I know about your family, but everything else.” I smile at him and he winks. Fuck, that wink gets me every time. How the hell is that possible?

  “I never wanted to be anything but a cop, so I’m the same as you. I can’t imagine doing anything else. I’ve been on the force for over a year. Like you said, you know my family here, but my friends in New York are my other family. Campbell and Kenz are about to get engaged, Maddie and Young have been together for a while now, and then there is Becca. She and I used to date, but we were much better off as friends. So, to answer your question, no I’m not seeing anyone.” We both smile at each other, and fuck, I feel the incredible urge to lean forward and kiss him. I feel like he might want it too because he keeps looking from my eyes to my lips. I slowly start to lean forward, and the door flies open, scaring me, and I sit back so quickly I knock the chair backward. “Oh shit.” Keith is standing above me, and I close my eyes because I am so embarrassed. “Are you okay?” I nod my head yes but refuse to open my eyes or speak. I hope my dress hasn’t ridden up; this is bad enough.

  “Shit, Mel, what the hell were you doing?” I hear Connie and Karen laughing on their way to the kitchen. I feel Keith’s breath on the side of my face, and my heart pounds in my chest.

  “Don’t be embarrassed. I wanted to kiss you just as badly.” This time, my eyes fly open on their own account. He smiles and moves the hair off my face. “Let me help you up.” He grabs my hand and helps me up. “Are you sure you are alright? You didn’t hit your head?” I straighten my dress and lean over to pick up the chair.

  “I’m fine. Honest.” After I get the chair up, I walk past him into the kitchen. “What did you guys get?” They pull out the beer, and I grab one from them. I open it and guzzle down more than half of it. What the hell is happening here?

  “I’m going to head out. I need to check on Mom and make a few phone calls. Thanks for a great dinner. Love you guys. Mel, it was a pleasure, as always.” He walks out of the house, and Connie and Karen look at me.

  “So, you have the hots for my brother, huh?” I look at Karen with wide eyes, and Connie laughs.

  “I think you two should hook up. It would make you both a hell of a lot happier.” I shake my head and finish off my beer.

  “Alright, fine. I’m attracted to him. He makes me feel things I haven’t felt in a long time, and I hardly fucking know him. I had an erotic dream about him, for fuck sake.”

  “Fuck, Mel, that’s my brother. I don’t want to hear about your erotic dreams.” This time I just laugh. Especially when I think I’d rather it be real than just a dream.

  “Yea, well, you asked. Anyway, I’m sure nothing will happen. He has a whole other life.” This actually makes me upset because I want him to want me, but it’s probably true. I sigh and lean against the counter. Connie wraps her arm around me, and I look over at her.

  “Mel, if Keith is interested, which I can tell he is, believe me, he will make it happen. My brother goes for what he wants; he makes things happen. If there is something standing in his way, he’ll try his damndest to fix it.” I smile at Connie and give her a hug.

  “That’s sweet. I won’t get my hopes up though.” I start to walk out of the kitchen and turn back. “I’m going to bed. I have work early. Please don’t stay up drinking, you have work, and Karen has school.” I walk away and laugh when I hear them yell ‘yes, Mom.’

  I climb into bed and close my eyes. I once again see brilliant blue eyes, a sexy smirk, and strong arms. It’s going to be another long night.

  When I left Connie’s last night, I left because the urge to pull Mel into her room was overwhelming, and I needed to get out of there. I need to talk with Connie before I make a move and make sure it is all right with her. I would never want to do anything that would hurt my sister. I also need to figure out if a fling is something both Mel and I are game for. I’ll only be here for a few more weeks, and I don’t want to hurt her. It figures that when I meet someone that I feel a connection to, she lives thousands of miles away from home.

  I’ve been lying in bed trying to figure out what I should do. I know what I want to do, but I need to think with my head, not my cock. My cell phone chirps, and I grab it off the nightstand. I smile when I see it is a text from Young. I open it and start laughing. It’s a picture of Campbell down on one knee practicing proposing, w
hich would not be funny, except he is doing it to a blow up doll that Young has. In the text, it says, “I hope Red doesn’t get jealous.” It makes me laugh harder, and I decide to call him.

  “Hello, Dickhead. Do you like my picture?” I chuckle and sit up.

  “Hey, man. Yes, thanks for that blackmail photo. How’s it going there?”

  “Things are great, couldn’t be better. Nothing new happening at all, same as always, yep it’s all good.” It makes me sit up straighter wondering what the hell is happening.

  “Young, don’t fuck around. What’s going on there?” I hear him knock something over and curse.

  “Dick, it’s nothing, man. I mean, maybe you should call Becca.” Now, I don’t like that at all. What the hell is he talking about?

  “You have five seconds to tell me what the fuck is wrong.” Just what I need is to worry about what’s happening at home while I’m here. I can’t be in both places. I need my head here right now.

  “Fine. Fuck. Becca went out to dinner with that guy, Jeff.” I roll my eyes and sigh.

  “Are you fucking serious? Why the fuck would that be a big deal? We aren’t together anymore. You just got me all worked up for nothing.”

  “Dickhead, I know you guys aren’t together anymore. I’m not a fucking idiot. I just didn’t want you to be hurt. I look out for my friends, and I know you have enough on your plate right now. So don’t be an asswipe.” He is the best friend in the worst way.

  “I know, Young, thanks for looking out for me. Hey listen, can I ask you a question?” I may regret this, but maybe he can help me with my dilemma. I explain it all to him, from the second I saw her, to last night.

  “So what you want to know is if you should fuck her?” Yep, I regret it. I should have talked to Campbell.