“Have fun.” Eddie chuckled and waved.
Harmony might have been the catalyst for leaving Bakersfield, but she wasn’t the one that set it in motion. There was one man responsible for that, and he was a ghost from my past that I was ready to confront. He was a sad sack of shit when I left him and I doubted he had turned things around after I left. I wasn’t even sure if he was still alive, but I never saw an obituary. I checked periodically while I was away. Part of me hoped it would pop up one day, just so I could officially put the memory to rest.
I turned down my old street and passed houses that looked mostly the same, but a little more run down. When I got to my house, I was surprised to see that there was new siding on the house. My attention was immediately drawn to a tricycle sitting in the driveway next to the garage. I left the engine roaring for a second, because I was sure that he no longer lived there. I looked to the left and saw the car he used to drive sitting on blocks in the backyard. A few seconds later and a man emerged from the house. It couldn’t be him. There was no way. The broken down, beaten man I knew had been replaced with a healthier looking older version of him and he had some extra weight on his bones. He tilted his head to the side as I turned off the engine and removed my helmet.
“Nathan?” His jaw fell open. “Oh my god! It’s you!”
The old man that could barely stand up in the morning started walking towards me in a trot as I threw a leg over my motorcycle. He looked… happy, with surprise etched on his face. He grabbed me in a strong embrace and hugged me. He had never hugged me before, not one single day of my miserable life. I was completely taken off guard, so much so that I nearly stumbled back into my motorcycle. I looked over his shoulder and saw a woman walk out onto the front porch. She had graying hair, appeared to be about his age, and there was a little girl hanging onto her left leg.
“Grandma, who’s that?” The little girl pointed at me.
“I think…” The older woman tilted her head to the side.
“It’s my son!” My father broke the embrace and looked over his shoulder. “It’s Nathan.”
What is this, the fucking Twilight Zone?
“Well don’t just stand in the yard, come on inside. I just made a fresh pitcher of lemonade.” She motioned for us to follow her.
I didn’t have much time to figure things out in my head before he started walking back towards the house. I followed behind him, mostly because I was absolutely certain someone had replaced my father with a robot. When I got inside the house, I saw that the entire place had been redecorated. He introduced the woman that I saw on the porch as his wife, Linda. The little girl was her granddaughter, Julie. After we said our introductions, Linda took Julie upstairs and I sat down at the kitchen table with my father. I looked around the kitchen, taking in all the sights and trying to make sense of what I saw.
“Looking for empty booze bottles?” My father’s face took on a solemn stare once Linda and Julie were gone.
“More like… surprised that I don’t see any.” I nodded and sipped my lemonade.
“I’ve been sober four years now—married for two.” He looked towards the stairs. “That woman saved my life.”
“I’m sorry, Dad, but what the fuck?” I put down my glass and threw my arms up in the air.
“You have every right to hate me.” He nodded and sighed.
“You’re damn right I do.” I dropped my arms and glared at him. “What, you waited until I was gone to get cleaned up and turn your life around? You couldn’t do it when I needed you?”
“I’m sorry, Nathan—oh, right. You prefer Nate. It was actually your leaving that made me realize I needed help. I was a mess back then. Hell, you remember, of course. I don’t even know how long you were gone before I noticed. I woke up one day with a hangover, and it occurred to me that I hadn’t seen you in a while.” He sighed and shook his head. “I figured you were staying with Eddie, but he told me you left Bakersfield. He told me why, too. I guess that was the wakeup call.”
“Why?” I narrowed my eyes at him. “You never gave a fuck about me. You beat the shit out of every chance you got until I got too big for you to throw around.”
“I was a shitty husband. That’s why your mom left. I was an even shittier father. I know that. I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but if you’re back, you’ll always have a place to stay.” He motioned to the house. “It’s a little nicer than it was back then thanks to Linda.”
“I’m fine. I have somewhere to stay.” Despite his transformation, I couldn’t warm up to the new man he had become.
“I understand.” He nodded and sipped his lemonade. “After I started to get clean, I met Linda. She convinced me to go to church and kept me from falling off the wagon when times got dark. I had to marry a woman like that. She didn’t care how awful I had been in the past. She just loved the man she saw—as broken as I was.”
“I don’t want to hear about your happy ending. The only reason came here was to look you in the eyes and tell you that you didn’t break me. That despite all of the shit you put me through, I still became my own man.” I shook my head back and forth. “I guess I’ve said what I needed to say, even if you’re not the man I thought you’d be.”
“Won’t you stay for a while? I’d love to hear what you’ve been up to since you left Bakersfield.” He reached out and tried to put his hand on mine.
“No.” I pulled my hand away. “I’m not ready to have that conversation. I’m not sure I ever will be.”
I stood up and walked to the door. I was angry. I felt like I had been denied the opportunity I needed to release the rage pent up inside me for so long. I wanted to scream at a drunk. To kick him until he was forced to open his eyes and recognize me. I wanted to throw him around the room the way he used to do to me. I wanted him to sit on the floor and cry while blood ran down his face. All I could do was scream into the wind while the motorcycle drowned out the sound. I squeezed the throttle as I got to the edge of Bakersfield. I stared at the sign that brought me so much joy the first time I passed it when I ran away. I released the throttle and brought the motorcycle to a stop in front of the sign.
She’s wrong. Angelina is wrong.
I turned my motorcycle around and started riding back towards the hotel where Angelina was staying. She brought me back to Bakersfield to help me find closure with my family. She didn’t just bring me back for Harmony. I knew that from the beginning, but for the first time, I realized she was wrong. If love could turn someone like my father from a raging beast to a calm, mild-mannered man, then there was no reason for Harmony to walk multiple roads to find me. We had already found each other. Nothing else mattered. We could tackle the world like a normal couple would, with all the complications that went with it. Love—love could conquer anything.
11
Harmony
I finally trusted Angelina. Her methods were complex and made me question everything I knew about conventional love, but I saw past the mirage. My shell had been cracked and it was falling off around me. I walked back downstairs and when I got to Angelina’s suite, I heard shouting inside. I decided not to knock on the door, so I hid around the corner and waited. A few minutes later, I saw Nate storm out of her suite and walk down the hallway. There was a part of me that wanted to rush to him. I wanted to tell him that I was finally coming around to what Angelina said. Another part of me was scared to even approach him. If there was some sort of rift between him and Angelina, I didn’t want to be in the middle of it. I needed Angelina. She had opened my eyes and exposed my soul. I needed to know what was next.
“Angelina?” The door was still ajar when I approached. “Is everything okay?”
“Yes.” She turned towards me and nodded. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
“I heard you fighting with Nate.” I looked back towards the door as I pushed it shut.
“Yes, well, this is a complicated process. When you face the ghosts from your past, sometimes they aren’t what you thought they would be. Ever
ything is fine. How was your time with Devlin?” She walked over and put her hands on my shoulders. “Did you finally accept the part of yourself you were trying to hide from?”
“I did.” I nodded quickly. “I don’t know what that means exactly or where that leaves me with Nate, but I don’t regret my time with Devlin.”
“You don’t see it yet, but it is going to bring you closer to both men than you ever imagined.” She smiled and walked over to the tablet. “Why don’t you go home and get some rest? Come by tomorrow and we’ll discuss the next road you need to walk down.”
“I don’t want to wait.” I shook my head back and forth. “I’m ready now.”
“Okay, well, then let’s talk.” She motioned for me to follow her to the living room area of the suite. “So far you’ve met two men that wanted you. They both wanted you enough that they were willing to cross any distance to have a small chance of seeing you.”
“Yeah.” I nodded and smiled. “I’m glad they did.”
“Are you willing to do the same? What lengths would you go to in order to get what you want?” Angelina tilted her head to the side.
“What do you mean?” I felt a confused expression spread across my face.
“You didn’t even know Nate existed before he came back to Bakersfield. You were far too scared to ever consider someone like Devlin. You didn’t just spend every waking moment of your life alone. You had relationships.” Angelina turned her tablet towards me. “One that is rather interesting.”
“Connor?” I shrugged my shoulders. “He asked me out in college. We went out a couple of times, but then it fizzled like every other relationship.”
“Did it?” She tilted her head to the side. “What happened to him?”
“I guess he left school. I mean, he said he had to go home to handle some family business. He was nice enough to break up with me—I guess that says something. Not that we had been going out long enough to call it a relationship.” I stared at his picture and then lifted my eyes to look at Angelina. “What does he have to do with anything now?”
“He needs you.” Angelina put the tablet on the table. “He’s hurting.”
“Hurting? Why?” I wrinkled my lip in confusion.
“He left school because his brother died in a car accident. His brother was the CEO of his family’s company. That responsibility fell to Connor with his brother gone. He’s struggling to keep it together, both in the business world and personally.” Angelina nodded. “When he’s alone at night, he thinks of you, wonders where you are, and looks at your pictures on social media.”
“You’re a serious fucking stalker.” My jaw fell open in shock. “How do you do all this shit?”
“I have my ways.” She smiled and nodded. “You forget that I’ve been working with Nate for a year. All of this was planned long before I came to Bakersfield with him.”
“But—I mean… Connor? He’s a nice guy. I don’t doubt that he could use a friend if he’s dealing with a lot of personal stuff, but what am I supposed to do? Show up on his doorstep and be like—hey, remember me?”
“Yes.” Angelina nodded. “That’s exactly what you’re supposed to do.”
“He’s going to think I’m crazy!” I shook my head back and forth.
“As crazy as Nate showing up here after all these years? As crazy as Devlin coming through your computer screen to punish you the way you deserved?” She chuckled. “Sometimes a dose of crazy is what makes everything work. It brings resolution to complexities.”
“I can’t do that.” I stared at the floor and slowly shook my head. “My heart aches for Connor, it really does, but I finally have something here. Nate is an amazing man. Devlin was my dose of crazy. Why do I have to go see Connor?”
“Because if you don’t, he’s going to kill himself.” Angelina’s expression soured. “If you don’t get on a plane, you’re going to be reading his obituary. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but it’s coming.”
“How do you—you know what, why even ask? You’re not going to tell me.” I glared at her and felt my jaw clench up.
“Here’s his search history.” Angelina leaned forward and tapped her tablet a couple of times before pushing it towards me.
“Oh my god…” I picked up the tablet and my eyes nearly bulged out of my head.
His entire search history was his brother, me, some porn, and painless ways to kill yourself. They went back for months. I felt my heart sinking straight into my stomach. Connor wasn’t someone that I was in love with, but I cared about him. Our dates had been a lot of fun. He took me to an arcade on the first one and the second one ended abruptly when he got a call from home. The next day he told me that he was leaving and I never saw him again. I didn’t try to reach out because I had no idea why he had really left. I stared at the search history and felt my stomach tighten up.
“You’ve known about this and you did nothing? You just waited for me to get to this point so you could send me to him?” I narrowed my eyes at her. “What if he didn’t wait for me to show up? What if he would have killed himself yesterday?”
“Hit the button the top of the tablet, Harmony.” She motioned with her finger.
“What’s this?” I stared at the screen as it shifted to a folder full of photographs.
“I have someone watching him at all times. I would have stepped in, no matter what. It will be much better if you’re the one that does it, though. I’m more the lock-them-in-a-box type of person.” Angelina reached into her purse and pulled out an envelope. “Here’s some money and a plane ticket.”
“What do I do when I get there? I mean, if he even wants to see me.” I stared as she pushed the ticket across the table.
“Let your heart guide you. All I can do is put you on the road. You’re the one that has to walk it.” She nodded and took her tablet back.
I guess I’m going to—New York City? Wait, wasn’t that where Nate found Angelina in the first place?
12
Connor
Misery—party of one?
I stared at the papers in front of me. My job as CEO of Vale Investments was to figure out which direction our money was supposed to go. I had tons of recommendations, risks, calculations, potential returns, and everything that I needed to make the right decision, except I didn’t have the instinct. My father had it. He founded the company and it killed him when he was forty. The doctors said it was a stress induced heart attack. My brother had it too, and whether the newspapers reported it or not, it was the job that ultimately took his life as well. He started drinking the day he took his spot at the head of the table and he was too drunk to function, much less drive, when his car hit the telephone pole.
It’s going to kill me, too. I won’t wait for it to take my life—I’ll make my own exit soon enough.
I sucked at my job. The company had been losing money since I took over. My best option would have been to sell it, but the trust my father set up wouldn’t allow it. It stated specifically that as long as he had a surviving heir, they would be the CEO of the company. I couldn’t even walk away. All of the people in the building depended on my family to feed theirs. If I was gone, then the company could be sold. All of the employees would likely be retained since they were good at their jobs. They didn’t deserve a CEO that didn’t know what what the hell they were doing. My father never meant for me to run the company. It was always supposed to be my brother. I either had to find a way out, or watch the company burn to the ground around me and ruin all of their lives. The losses we had suffered might as well have been lit matches piling up around me.
Suffocation—that’s a rather painless way to go if you do it right.
“Mr. Vale? Have you finished making your selections? We need to get the report submitted before the market opens.” My second-in-command, an older man named Leonard, stepped into my office.
“I’ve told you not to call me Mr. Vale. Connor is fine.” I quickly circled a few options and pushed the papers across my desk. “Yea
h, invest in these.”
“Perfect.” He smiled and picked up the papers.
“If you think any of those selections are wrong, feel free to tell me.” I stared at him with hopeful eyes.
Please!
“That isn’t my job, Mr.—Connor. I just manage the money once it’s invested.” He smiled and nodded before walking back towards the door.
A monkey could do this job better than me.
I hoped the calculations were right, but I didn’t have much faith in them. My father and brother could spot a funny result that was propped up by an erroneous report from a mile away. I couldn’t spot them if they were right in front of my face. Those were always the investments that lost money for us. I was going to school for marketing before my brother died. I was going to get as far away from the world of investments as possible. I wished I could just pick up where I left off and finish school. It just wasn’t in the cards for me. When the day was finally over, I got in my car and headed back to my apartment overlooking the city. Technically, it wasn’t even my apartment. I just moved in once my brother was gone because the lease was paid up for a year.
I miss happy—happy was a good emotion to feel.
I sat down with a glass of vodka and my laptop. The alcohol took the edge off, and I really didn’t care if it killed me one day. I remembered the last moment I felt happiness. I was on a date with Harmony Carmichael and I was falling hard for her beautiful smile. We had just finished a round of putt-putt golf and were talking about seeing a movie when I got the call about my brother. I never told her why I really left. I couldn’t find the words in my tangled thoughts after packing everything up to return to New York City. She still had that beautiful smile. I loaded her Facebook page and for a brief moment, I felt a glimmer of what I used to call happiness. Her sister had just got married. Harmony looked beautiful in the few pictures I saw that she wasn’t trying to get out of the shot.
Chasing her Curves Page 7
