The Cowboy’s Return

by Aarsen, Carolyne

  “I’d like to thank you for your service,” she said. “And I’m sure Zach is glad to have you back. From the looks of things, the whole Tye family is returning to Rockyview, and I’m making plans to leave.”

  Again her comments showed Summer a connection to community and family she had missed while gone.

  “Where are you going?” Summer asked, curious.

  “I’m looking at jobs in Toronto or Vancouver. Some big city, where people don’t know me.”

  Summer was surprised at the faint note of bitterness in Shannon’s voice, wondering what caused it, but then Shannon was smiling at them both, the awkward moment passed.

  “I’ll take you to your room,” Shannon said. “Your little girl will be in the nursery until the lab gives us the test results. We’ll bring her to you once they’re finished with her. If she’s hungry can we bring her sooner?”

  Shannon asked the question in a casual tone, but it created another push-pull for Summer.

  “I’d like to put her on the bottle,” Summer said, pushing down the guilt that accompanied the comment.

  “I’ll make note of that,” was all Shannon said as she scribbled something on the chart.

  And, of course, as soon as it was committed to paper Summer wanted to change her mind. To feed her baby herself.

  Be practical, she told herself. She’ll need to be on a bottle once she—

  But Summer couldn’t think past that.

  Then Shannon was wheeling her into her room and helping her into the bed. The drive into town had been surprisingly tiring. Thankfully, Summer didn’t have to worry about Glenda. Kinsley, Elliot’s fiancée, said she wasn’t busy at the photography studio that day, so she braved the trip from town to the ranch and would stay with Glenda until Lucas came back.

  “So I imagine your mom must be thrilled,” Shannon said as she helped Summer settle into the bed. “I’m sure she’ll be here as soon as she can be.”

  Summer shot an anguished look at Lucas, not sure what to say. She hadn’t called her mother, because the baby wasn’t supposed to come yet and she wasn’t supposed to keep it.

  “Things have been nuts what with the storm and rushing here, we haven’t really had a chance to let her know,” Lucas said, helping Summer out.

  “Sure. Of course.” Shannon looked nonplussed, but again her professionalism took over and she said nothing more. “I’ll leave you to rest. I’m sure Dr. Henneson will come by later this evening to follow up on you and your baby.” Another smile and then with a squeak of her rubber-soled shoes, she left.

  “I’m glad we got you and the baby here,” Lucas said, pulling up a chair. He shoved his hand through his hair and blew out a sigh. “I feel better knowing that everything is okay and that you’re surrounded by doctors and nurses.”

  “I feel better being here overnight as well.” Though she had to confess, despite the pain and discomfort of labor and delivery, there had been a distinctly intimate atmosphere being in the house with Lucas.

  She fiddled with her hospital bracelet.

  “You look worried,” Lucas said, covering her hand with his. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  She paused, trying to find the right way to articulate the confusion she felt.

  “I think I’m just tired.” She felt as if she was finding her way through a dark place, moving one slow step at a time. Yes, Lucas was there, but she knew he was following her lead. She was the one who had to make the choices, and Shannon’s comment about her mother made her think she had to make another difficult one. “I should call my mother. Other people know, it seems wrong not to tell her.”

  Lucas was quiet a moment but the questions that neither dared speak aloud hung like a shadow between them.

  Would she keep the baby? Or give it up?

  “I can call her if you want.”

  “That would be nice. Thanks. Tell her I’ll come and visit her once…once everything is more settled.”

  Another prevarication. Another hesitant shift sideways instead of forward.

  “I will. And now I’ll leave so you can get some rest. Text me when you find out when the doctor will let you out of here. I’ll come and get you.”

  She swallowed down another knot of emotion and gave him a wavering smile. “Thanks for everything. I’m so thankful you could be here. At my side.”

  Lucas stood, still holding her hand, then bent over and placed a warm, soft kiss on her mouth. As he drew away she moaned her disappointment, and he kissed her again.

  She wanted to ask him where their relationship was going as well. What would happen with the two of them? He seemed to have his plans laid out, as did she, but she also knew they had both come to a fork in the road where they either went their separate ways or they chose to be together.

  But the little girl in the nursery down the hallway was still part of the decision Summer had to make that might change everything.

  Lucas left and Summer lay back, trying to sleep. But thoughts chased each other through her mind. Expectations and guilt mingled with the reality that she was too attached to this baby to make a dispassionate decision.

  Because as soon as she held her little girl she didn’t think about her father. Summer just saw an innocent child who had no say in how she was conceived any more than Summer did. And she felt a surprising surge of love and protectiveness that blindsided her.

  Though weariness clawed at her, she had a sudden urge to see her again. But instead of ringing for the nurse, Summer got up, slipped the hospital-issued bathrobe over her nightgown, put on her slippers, and shuffled out of the room. The ward was circular in shape with a desk sitting in the middle, a skylight above spilling light onto it. An older nurse sitting at the desk looked up and smiled at Summer, her face wrinkling up. “You could have just rung, my dear,” she said, standing up. “What do you need?”

  “I’m looking for the nursery,” Summer said, glancing around.

  “Popular place today,” the nurse said with another smile. “It’s just around the corner of that hallway.” She pointed, and Summer nodded then walked toward it, apprehension and anticipation thrumming through her veins.

  Then, as she turned the corner, she paused.

  Standing in front of the large glass window, looking into the nursery, hands placed against the glass, were a couple. The woman had a gown on so she was clearly a patient. The man had his arm around her.

  But it was the look of utter happiness on the woman’s face as they looked at the bassinet holding their baby that gave Summer pause.

  She watched them a moment, then went back to her quiet, empty room.

  And as she lowered herself on her bed, she sent up confused, incoherent prayers for strength, wisdom, and guidance.

  Could she even begin to give her child the love she saw so clearly displayed on that woman’s face?

  * * *

  “So is she cute? I bet she’s adorable.” Tricia placed her hands over her heart, as if to hold it in place, a note of yearning in her voice.

  “She is cute,” was all Lucas said, grinning at the loopy look on his sister’s face.

  He had come to the ranch after taking Summer to the hospital. He wanted to thank Kane and Elliot for clearing out his driveway. But his brothers were still busy scraping snow off the yard, and only Tricia, the kids, and Zach were in the house.

  And he wanted to update the family on what was happening.

  However, more than that, he wanted to connect with his family. Test the waters, as it were. Imagine what staying here would be like. Kinsley had told him that Glenda was doing well and to take his time coming back, so he did. Though with Summer now recuperating, he would have to arrange for other help for Glenda.

  Zach harumphed from his side of the kitchen table, turning a page in his magazine. “Newborn babies aren’t that cute,” he said. “They’re all scrunched up, and their eyelids look bruised and puffy.”

  “Really, Dad?” Tricia asked, giving him a poke with her finger. “Are you saying I
wasn’t cute?”

  Zach shrugged. “Sorry, honey. You were adorable when you turned one, but before that, bald and skinny and kind of homely.”

  Tricia turned to Lucas, her hand on her chest as if wounded. “Did you hear that? My own father.”

  “You can’t tell me that Cash and Hope were so adorable when they were born,” Zach said.

  Tricia glanced to the adjoining family room where the twins were running around, screeching, playing with Misty, who was happy to oblige, oblivious to the conversation in the kitchen.

  “They were,” she said, lowering her voice, lifting her shoulders in a shrug. “Sort of.”

  “I thought as much,” Zach said. “Homely for the first year. Like you. But adorable and beautiful and gorgeous after that.”

  “Nice recovery, Dad.”

  Lucas sat back enjoying the give and take, the easy company. Though he and Summer had gotten a few things out of the way, there was still a tension that hummed between them.

  Here everything was casual, easy, and comfortable.

  Zach gave Tricia a crooked grin, then his gaze swung to Lucas. “So, I imagine you had a few rough hours delivering that baby.”

  “I didn’t have much to do with it. Glenda and Summer did all the work.”

  “Must have been terrifying for her. Especially with the power out and being stranded like that. A mother’s worst nightmare.” Tricia shook her head, as if she couldn’t imagine it. “And poor Glenda. She’s recuperating from surgery too, isn’t she?”

  “Yes, though she’s doing real well,” Lucas said. “Thankfully, it turned out okay.”

  “I’d love to go visit Summer. Or should I wait until she’s back home?”

  Lucas blew out his breath as he scratched the scar on his face. “I’m not sure what’s happening with the baby,” he said. “And I don’t know what I should tell you.”

  “Right, of course,” Tricia said, her expression growing serious. “I keep forgetting she’s giving the baby up for adoption.”

  “What? Is she really?” Zach sounded surprised. “Why?”

  Lucas fiddled with the mug of coffee in front of him, then took a sip as he tried to figure out how much to say. Summer had told him what she did in confidence. He could hardly spout it off to his family.

  “It’s…complicated,” was all he said.

  Tricia nodded, as if she understood what he was saying with those two words. And the meaningful pause between them.

  “Okay, then.” Zach closed his magazine and got up as if knowing this was the end of that particular conversation. “I’m going to see how the boys are doing. Do you want me to take your dog?”

  “She seems to be having fun with the kids,” Lucas said, turning to see what was going on. Hope and Cash were sitting on the floor petting her, and Misty was lapping up all the attention.

  “Will you be around when I come back?”

  “I don’t think so. I don’t want to leave Kinsley alone too long with Glenda.”

  But he was reluctant to leave just yet. He had things on his mind he had to sort out, and Tricia had always been easy to talk to.

  Once Zach closed the door to the kitchen, Tricia turned to Lucas. “So I’m thinking there are a lot of other things going on with Summer and that baby.”

  “There is,” was all he said.

  “I’m sorry for prying. It’s just, I kind of get how confusing expecting a baby when you’re all alone can be. I remember when I found out I was having twins after Drew died, I panicked. I called Social Services to see what I could do if I wanted to give them up. And then they were born and I knew I couldn’t do that. Ever. But what helped was that they were Drew’s kids. And even though Drew might not have been the best person in the world, we did get married. And at the time, I did love him.” Tricia was silent a moment, leaning to one side to see what her kids were up to. They were lying on the floor, draped over Misty. “I wonder if it’s the same for Summer. I understand that the father isn’t part of their lives?”

  “No, thank goodness.” The words, spoken in anger, popped out before he could stop them, and once again he saw Tricia interpret them and catch the deeper meaning.

  “I see.” She pulled in a long, steadying breath, her arms crossed as she leaned back in her chair. “I’m sorry she’s had to make this hard decision. I’m sure it didn’t come easy and she didn’t make it lightly, but what are the repercussions for the two of you if she follows through?”

  Lucas thought again of Summer’s baby. How surprisingly protective he felt holding her. How she had created a yearning so deep he knew that if Summer gave her up it would be like a wound to himself as much as to her.

  “I don’t think I would ever stop wondering about her, and if I feel that way, I’m sure Summer would feel that even stronger.”

  “And I’m thinking you’re afraid the repercussions of her decision would have a negative influence on your relationship.”

  Lucas scratched his scar again, his mind spinning with all the repercussions. “Maybe. Probably. But I don’t want to lose her again.”

  Tricia leaned closer, her elbows resting on the table, her eyes holding his intently. “You know it’s the ordinary day-to-day stuff that can either build up or wear down a relationship. Mason and I love each other very much, and I’m looking forward to being married, but I also know that spending time with him every day has shown me how easily a relationship can shift toward the positive or the negative. And it seems like we have to do a correction again and again. Apologize for words spoken harshly or impatience or a myriad of other things. But those are identifiable and easy to pin down and it takes communication and openness and a willingness to talk about them. What Summer is contemplating is much harder to discuss. To deal with. This is her child.”

  Each word Tricia spoke was like a tiny blow, a tiny hook.

  “But I can’t walk away from her now,” Lucas said, heaving out a heavy sigh.

  “Looks like you’ve already made your decision. Then support her. Give her the strength she needs. Let her know how you feel, but then be willing to put into God’s hands whatever she decides.”

  “Easier said than done,” Lucas said.

  “Of course it is. Words are cheap. But your actions and support are what Summer needs right now. If this child was conceived the way I think she was, then Summer will need you more than ever. And will need to know that you love her regardless of what she decides. And you have to be willing to trust her reasons for whatever she needs to do.”

  Lucas gave her a wry look. “How did you get so wise?”

  “Life has made me learn hard lessons the hard way. You’ve had your own hard stuff to deal with, so I know you have even more resilience than me.” Tricia got up and gave him a quick, one-armed hug. “I know you care deeply for her. That’s the best place to start from.”

  Lucas nodded then glanced at the clock on the stove. “I should get going. Thanks for the pep talk.”

  “Don’t know if it was so much a pep talk as a reality check,” Tricia said with a light laugh.

  “You’ve given me lots to think about at any rate.”

  “You’re a good guy, correction, a great guy. You have lots to offer her. Start with that.”

  Lucas gave her a hug, then called for Misty.

  Ten minutes later they were driving down the road, headed home. Lucas prayed as he drove. Prayed for wisdom, for strength.

  And for the right things to say.

  Chapter 15

  “She is adorable.”

  It wasn’t too hard to hear the note of longing in her mother’s voice as she looked through the window at the bassinet holding her grandchild.

  No. No, don’t call her that.

  Summer stomped on the appellation, pushed it back.

  But as she watched her mother she felt the same sense of yearning, the same emotions she struggled with and her heart twisted with regret and second thoughts.

  For about the seventieth time in ten minutes she wondered about
the wisdom of telling her mother about the baby.

  But what else could she have done? It was a no-win situation. Heartless if she hadn’t told her mother, cruel to show her what might be taken away.

  “Have you given her a name yet?”

  Her mother’s simple question piled on her self—condemnation added to her remorse. “I haven’t…yet…” She let the sentence drift away, once again caught in a no-win situation. If she named this child, she would have another connection to her. If she gave this child up, naming her would make it harder.

  Harder than it already is?

  Her head ached, and her heart was sore.

  Keep her. Keep her.

  “What’s the matter, sweetie?” her mother asked, placing her hand on Summer’s arm.

  “I’m so confused,” Summer sighed. “I wish I knew what to do. How to feel.”

  “Well, there’s no rule that says you have to act a certain way. It’s tough after a baby is born. Give yourself some space.”

  Summer let her soul rest a moment. Tried to still her busy mind.

  “After Michael and I were born, were you afraid?” she asked. “You were all alone.”

  Her mother twisted a strand of her long, graying hair around her finger as she often did when she was either nervous or thinking. “Of course I was scared. Sometimes I wondered if I could take care of one baby, let alone two.” Her mother shrugged. “But you know, you were my kids. And yeah, it was tough, but I loved you guys.”

  “What about when Brendan was dating you and he told you he could take you but not us before we were born?”

  Her mother pursed her lips. “It was hard. I know I didn’t react the right way. Made some bad choices.” She gave Summer a sad smile. “But you’re lucky. Lucas is a great guy. He’ll take good care of you and the baby. And he’ll love that baby. Your father wasn’t one-tenth the guy Lucas is. You don’t need to worry.”

  The words both soothed and concerned her. Yes, if Lucas was true to his word, she wouldn’t be alone, but what about the future parents?

  “When are you and your baby allowed to go home?” her mother asked as they walked slowly back to her room.