by Aaron Oster
17
The walk back through the woods was relatively silent. Everyone was exhausted, as it was nearing midnight and they hadn’t gotten much sleep the previous night. It was hard to believe that they’d been in the guild just two days ago, accepting the updated quest to kill Borgana, the awfully named trope.
The pal-tee child had begun whining at a certain point, but after they’d threatened to leave him, he’d shut up. While they walked, Sam had a bit of time to examine his status and assign his attribute points. It wasn’t a difficult decision to make and all ten from his two levels went into Intelligence.
CHARACTER STATUS (ABBREVIATED)
Name: Sam
Race: Human
Level: 24
XP: 38,341/175,000
AP: 1
Class: Over-Mage
HP: 350/350 (Regen 3.5 Per Second)
MP: 1,160/1,160 (Regen 8.6 Per Second)
STA: 130/130 (Regen 1.3 Per Second)
ATTRIBUTES
Strength: 10 (+4 Elixirs)
Constitution: 23 (35)
Agility: 8
Endurance: 9 (13)
Intelligence: 101 (116) (10+6 Class)
Wisdom: 72 (86) (+6 Class)
Charisma: 48 (+6 Class)
Luck: 16
It was hard to believe he’d only been level 18 when he’d come into this Dungeon, and he was shocked by how much he’d grown. A lot of his abilities and skills had improved, and he’d gotten a new one on top of that. He still had to wonder why he didn’t yet have access to the specialization tab for when he reached level 26.
He’d been able to look over his sub-class options before level 18, so it only made sense. Another thing he didn’t get was why he hadn’t yet been offered any new skills or abilities for his Class. He’d passed level 20, which should have awarded him with the option to choose a new ability. He’d need to ask Gordon these questions when they finished this dumb quest and got some rest. Until then, he could continue wondering.
“Looks like the trees are thinning up ahead.”
Sam looked up to see that Emma had been correct. The trees up ahead were indeed thinning out, and just a couple of minutes later, their tired group exited the fresh-smelling forest and were greeted by the patented pal-tee stench.
“I did not miss this,” Sam muttered, pinching his nose.
The odor assaulted them like it was something physical, driving their sleepiness away by sheer force of stench. Gasping and gagging, they made their way back into the silent village. It seemed everyone was asleep, and seeing as they were technically enemies, Sam debated just leaving the kid and running.
He would still get his XP since the Shtainerzeid was dead and they’d returned the kid, but it wouldn’t risk their lives by confronting the Chief. Unfortunately, the choice was taken out of his hands when the little pal-tee boy dashed forward and shoved the Chief’s door open, bawling so loudly that he was sure the entire village could hear.
“Well, that’s not good,” Emma commented as lantern lights flared in the Chief’s house.
Lights began appearing in the other hovels as the bawling intensified, and soon, pal-tees were staring out into the streets, their small eyes glittering with distrust.
“Get ready to call an Inquiry,” Sam muttered under his breath.
“I don’t know if that’ll do us any good,” Emma replied. “Remember, only the wife promised we could live. The Inquirer would come to kill her, but the others would be free to kill us once he left.”
“Shit! I hadn’t thought of that,” Sam answered as the Chief’s doorway darkened and Hoze Butcher came out.
Sam prepared himself for a fight, but when the pal-tee didn’t make any outward signs of hostility, he relaxed. A moment later, Vaab exited the house, a weeping Yingel clinging to her skirts. She was beaming at them, seeming for all the world to be the happiest person alive.
“You did it!” she exclaimed, stopping a couple of feet from them and bowing low. “You saved my Yingel and defeated the Shtainerzeid. The pal-tees can now live in peace without fear of that monster ever stealing our children again!”
A low muttering ran through the village at that, the pal-tees who’d left their houses looking at them in a new light.
“So, did we complete…”
GONG!
DIVINE CURSE
You have broken a rule and have been struck by a divine curse.
Effect: Baby Speech
Duration: H 23 : M 59 : S 59
“Fwak!” Sam yelled, feeling his tongue twist oddly at the end and distort his words.
“I beg your pardon?” Vaab asked.
“Dawrn cuwse! Scwew you, Ovewlowd!”
“I’m afraid I don’t understand…” Vaab said, turning to Emma for an explanation.
Emma turned to Sam, who had devolved into a babified version of cursing, foot stomping, and fist shaking.
“Don’t mind him,” she said, doing her best to hold in her laughter. “It’s been a long day.”
“Ah,” Vaab said, still unsure as Sam fell to his knees and began punching the ground. “If you say so?”
“Just tell us that we’ve completed the quest, and we can be on our way,” Emma said, taking over for Sam, who was busy throwing a temper tantrum.
“Oh, yes, of course! You have completed the quest.”
QUEST COMPLETE
Congratulations! You have completed the quest: Bane of the Pal-Tee
Rewards: 20,000 XP, You get to live
Sam swiped the notification away, inwardly howling at the indignity of it all. Just a few seconds shy of completing the quest, the clock had struck 12, and he’d failed. Now he was stuck talking like a baby for the entire day.
“If I were you, I would run now,” Vaab said, turning to usher her son back into the house.
“Wun? Why?” Sam asked, confusion overriding his anger momentarily.
“While I did promise to let you live, I never promised to let you leave. I and the others gathered here might look the other way, but as soon as my husband is awake, he’ll be sending people after you.”
“Are you kidding me right now?” Emma exploded. “We save your son and your entire village, and this is how we’re treated?”
Vaab shrugged, then moved to usher her son into their house.
“Pal-tees are notoriously ungrateful creatures,” Gordon said with a sigh. “If we do not wish to be recaptured, I recommend we follow the woman’s advice and start running. I believe we are only thirty or so miles from the border of the East Kingdom, and once there, they will not follow us.”
“Fucking pal-tees!” Emma yelled but did as she was told.
“Fwaking paw-tees!”
“Fornicating ungrateful swine!” Gordon huffed before turning to follow them.
“What they said,” Barry chimed in, too tired to say anything more.
The pal-tees did not reply, simply staring as they ran from their village. Though he felt like turning around and wasting the lot of them, Sam knew they didn’t stand a chance.
***
Morning found the group bedraggled and barely standing as they approached the towering border wall of the East Kingdom. Though they’d wanted to stop several times during the night, the fear of recapture after all they’d gone through spurred them on. However, a new problem showed itself as they approached the wall.
“It doesn’t look like there’s any way in,” Emma said, looking up at the imposing wall.
It stretched nearly sixty feet tall, sheer and flat. It had somehow been made from a single slab of stone, without so much as a crack in its surface.
Sam, not wanting to talk more than necessary, merely pointed to Barry, then up to the sky, which was now colored a light pink as the sun rose behind them.
“Screw you!” the bird squawked, though Sam couldn’t understand why.
Out of the four of them, Barry had been the only one to get any actual sleep. While they’d all had to walk, he’d perched on Emma’s shoulder and just
dozed off. Everyone else was overtired after the pitiful hour of sleep in the last two and a half days, and they all wanted nothing more than to find an inn. Luckily, the map showed a town right on the other side of the wall. However, what the map didn’t outline, was a way to get through said wall.
“Come on, Barry!” Emma said in exasperation. “Everyone’s exhausted, and you’re the only one who can fly.”
The bird let out another shriek but finally did what was asked of him. Taking off from Emma’s shoulder with a gust of air, he was soon soaring high above them. It didn’t take him long to come back down, and he motioned to their left with one of his wings.
“There’s a border gate half a mile that way.”
“Thank you,” Emma said, pulling a piece of mango from her storage and attempting to hand it over to him.
“I don’t need your pity mango, bitch! Just get me to a bed!”
“Why the hell are you complaining? Unlike you, none of us were able to get any sleep!”
“Easy for you to say. Do you know how hard it is to sleep when your perch keeps moving?”
“Oh, I’m sorry that my shoulder wasn’t comfortable enough for you, you undersized chicken! Next time, I’ll make sure not to move when we’re running for our lives!”
Sam gritted his teeth and tried to block out the bickering pair, though it wasn’t easy. He was just as tired as the rest, large bags sat beneath his eyes, and he felt as though he would collapse at any minute.
Gordon trudged along behind them, his head hanging low and his feet dragging along. While the dog was usually full of energy, he was now at the end of what he could handle. Luckily, the gate soon came into view, a towering drawbridge complete with a moat that had been dug in a semi-circle around the entrance.
Please don’t tell me there are sharks in there.
“Holy crap, there are sharks in that moat!”
Sigh!
The small group came to a halt next to the moat and looked around for some way over. The drawbridge was up, meaning that people rarely came this way. Either that or they took security very seriously.
“Hey! Open up!” Emma yelled after waiting for a grand total of five seconds.
When people were this tired, they didn’t tend to have much patience.
“Oh, yeah, and why should we?”
The petulant, nasally voice that answered was not what one would expect of a guard, let alone one left to guard a border gate.
“Because we want to get in, duh!” Emma replied.
“Well, too bad. I don’t wanna open…ouch! What the hell was that for, you big lug?!”
Sam and Emma shared a confused look, just before another, less annoying voice called out.
“Sorry about him, he’s just sore that he’s gotta watch this deserted outpost. We don’t really get many people coming this way. Before we let you in, we need to ask what your business is in the East Kingdom.”
“How about not being eaten by the pal-tees? Is that a good enough reason?!” Emma yelled.
There was a long moment of silence, and Sam held his breath with anticipation. Then, with a rattling crash, the drawbridge descended. Two figures were revealed as the gate lowered. One was tall, lanky, and covered in downy gray fur, and the other was short, weaselly, and had a literal snout instead of a nose.
“Well? Come on! Get in quick!” said the taller of the two men. He was looking around nervously, as though expecting a pal-tee horde to come charging through at any moment.
“Doesn’t has to ask me twice,” Sam muttered, hating the way his words came out.
It didn’t matter at this point, though. He’d been muted for an entire day before, and he was planning on sleeping most of this one away. So, by the time he got up, he’d only need to stay silent for a few more hours before he could speak normally again.
The guards raised the drawbridge as soon as they were across, still casting fearful glances out over the land.
“You guys really stink,” the short one said, pinching his snout.
“That tends to happen when you spend time in a place that reeks as badly as the Quagmire,” the other replied, cuffing him over the head. “Sorry again about him,” he said, looking sheepish. “His kind doesn’t do well in isolation.”
The short man snorted and glared at them, then marched into a door set in the side of the wall, giving them the middle finger and slamming the door behind him.
“What exactly is he?” asked Emma, their current spokesperson.
“He’s from one of the beast tribes, though I never asked which since it’s considered to be rude. They’re all extremely social, so it’s hard when there’s only two of you.”
“Isn’t there a town just half a mile from here?” Emma wondered.
“There is, but we don’t get to go there often. Someone needs to be here at all times, and if one of us abandoned our posts, we’d be executed for treason.”
“Ouch! Sounds a bit harsh, don’t you think?”
Barry’s very loud and obnoxious screech cut her off and gave her a pointed reminder to their current situation.
“Sorry about him,” Emma said. “We haven’t gotten much sleep and are looking for an inn. Anything you can recommend?”
“Well, the town of Next to Border only has one inn,” the man began.
Oh boy, Sam thought, here it comes…
“It’s called the Sleep, Eat, and Leave. They have some decent food and the beds aren’t all that bad. Tell the owner, Wuh-Man, that Guard sent you and she’ll give you a discount.”
Fucking hell! It’s way too early for this shit!
“I’ll do that,” Emma said, though Sam could clearly see it was taking all she had not to lose it.
What the hell kind of name is Guard? Lazy ass Overlord.
“Do come back and visit if you happen to be passing through. We can always use some company,” Guard said as they left the overhanging stone arch and entered the kingdom proper.
“Will do, and good luck with that angry little beast-man,” Emma called with a wave.
Finally, they were in the East Kingdom, and a bed was just a short walk away!
18
“Sure, we have rooms, but it’ll be five silver per, and no pets allowed!”
As it turned out, the Sleep, Eat, and Leave wasn’t a very friendly place. In fact, judging by the way the owner, a very ugly-looking woman, was glaring at everyone, she wanted nothing more than for them all to leave. This was the first time Sam had seen an unattractive woman in Somerset, though judging by how comically ugly she was, it was done this way on purpose.
Is it so hard to ask for some average-looking people in this damn place? he wondered as Emma tried to haggle.
“No haggling! This is a proper inn. Now pay up or get out!”
The proprietor, Wuh-Man, sounded as though she’d been smoking ten packs a day for the last hundred years, and her looks only added to that narrative. Her skin was yellow and wrinkly, and her teeth were all but gone. Her face was covered in hairy warts, and her body was best described as a huge lumpy pear.
However, since they’d dealt with pal-tees over the last few days, his threshold for what was gross had been vastly changed. And even as this woman sprayed them both with the contents of whatever she’d been chewing, neither of them so much as flinched.
“Fine!” Emma spat, slamming the coins onto the table. “But if you’re not going to let our companions sleep inside, where are they supposed to stay?”
“Not my problem,” Wuh-Man replied, sweeping the silver off the counter and dropping a room key in its place. “Meals are extra and served at six, noon, and six. If you’re late, you don’t eat.”
Then she walked away, leaving an indignant Emma to silently fume.
“Do not worry yourselves overmuch,” Gordon said. “The bird and I shall find somewhere else to sleep. I spotted a comfortable-looking spot on our way in.”
Barry fluttered from Emma’s shoulder and landed on the dog’s back.
“
Let’s go, horsey!”
“Call me that again, and I shall partake in some fresh bird as you sleep. I have been craving some thigh meat recently and though you are small, you will just have to do.”
“Don’t get fresh with me, you mutt. I’ll…”
The rest of their conversation was cut off as the door swung closed behind them. Both Sam and Emma stared after the pair for a couple of seconds, their tired minds taking some time to catch up with what they were seeing.
“Let’s go up,” Emma said with a sigh.
Sam grunted in agreement, and the two of them headed up to the single room Emma had purchased. Had he been less tired, Sam might even have argued or insisted on separate rooms, but now, he just didn’t care enough to summon the energy. And he was sure that Emma didn’t care either. They headed halfway down the narrow corridor, entering room number six.
It wasn’t all that bad on the inside, though five silver without meals was highway robbery when the general price was two, including food. There was a single large bed, a small curtained off area containing a tub and toilet, and a chest of drawers.
The two of them didn’t say a word. Emma locked the door while Sam drew the curtains. Kicking off only their boots, the two of them collapsed onto the bed without preamble. There was plenty of room, and the sheets were soft and clean. Sam thought he might have a hard time falling asleep in a strange place, but it seemed his tired brain had different ideas. Within seconds of his head hitting the pillow, he was out cold.
***
A loud banging on the door brought Sam from a deep slumber. He groaned, cracking an eyelid and seeing daylight peeking through the curtains.
Whoever that is, I will seriously kill them for waking me so soon.
“Open up, you damn morons! Checkout is in fifteen minutes, and unless you pay for another night, I want you out by then!”
