by Aaron Oster
“What’s with all the racket?” Emma muttered, her voice sounding way closer than expected.
It was only then that Sam became aware of her arm wrapped around him and the press of her body against his.
When did that happen?
“I’m coming, you damn hag,” he muttered, getting out of the bed and stumbling over to open the door.
“Wake up, you…! Oh, good, you’re up.”
“The hell you want?” Sam demanded. “Can’t you just let us sleep?”
“Sure,” Wuh-Man replied. “Just as soon as you pay another five silver for another night.”
“What do you mean?” Sam demanded, feeling his anger flaring up. “We just checked in, and now you’re trying to swindle us out of more money?”
“Ha! You two haven’t left that damned room in over twenty-three hours! I don’t know or care what you’ve been doing, but unless I see some more silver, I expect you out in fifteen minutes!”
Sam blinked in surprise. Twenty-three hours? There was just no way! Then again, he didn’t feel all that tired now, so maybe the woman was telling the truth.
“We’ll be leaving,” Sam replied, glaring at the nasty innkeeper.
“Hmph! Well, you’d better, otherwise I’ll have the guard come and drag you out!”
Sam watched the nasty woman go, wondering how she was even still in business with an attitude like that.
“Sam, who was that?” Emma’s sleepy voice came from behind him.
“The innkeeper,” he replied, closing the door behind him. “Apparently, we’ve been asleep the entire day and she wants us gone.”
Emma sat up at that, rubbing at her eyes and peeking out the window.
“That can’t be right,” she said with a wide yawn.
“I’m speaking normally again, so it’s gotta be true,” he replied, eyeing the small bath in the corner. “We’ve only got a few minutes left, so I think bathing would be a good idea. I want to get out of this damn town and make our way deeper into the kingdom. Maybe we’ll even find a decent inn without an asshole proprietor when we do.”
“Ooh, a bath sounds nice,” Emma said, sitting up straighter and arching her back. “Maybe I’ll join you.”
“Oh, come on, we can take turns,” Sam said, already heading to the tub.
“I don’t see what the big deal is,” Emma said innocently. “After all, we did spend the last day in bed together. So, bathing together should be next, right?”
“Ha ha, hilarious,” Sam muttered, yanking the curtain closed and turning on the faucet.
He still found it interesting that this place would have running hot water. Somerset was supposed to be a medieval fantasy world, and there was only so much you could explain away with magic. Sam quickly stripped out of his clothes and got into the tub. He knew that Emma would want to wash up as well, so he had to do this quickly. Luckily, as someone who always liked to sleep in, Sam was adept at the in and out.
Sam was drying his hair, his underwear already on, when Emma pulled the curtain aside and walked in. Her grin turned into a pout as she noticed he was already dressed.
“Aww, guess I’ll have to be quicker next time,” she said with a feigned sigh.
Sam didn’t dignify that with a response, merely stooping to collect his clothes and leaving the area, making sure to pull the curtains closed. He caught a glimpse of Emma’s bare back as he did so and heard her huff of annoyance a second later.
“You know, if I wasn’t so confident in my looks, I’d think there was something wrong with me.”
“Really, and why’s that?” Sam asked as he donned his robes.
“What kind of man would repeatedly refuse the opportunity to even have a little peek?”
Sam’s cheeks flushed as he finished pulling on his pants and tried to find the right words to say. He didn’t know why he kept turning her down. In truth, it was most likely because he’d nearly been killed by two attractive women. And even if she’d slowly been wearing him down, the last stunt she’d pulled by trying to seduce him to prevent a rule being broken had caused him to raise his guard.
In all honesty, when he thought about it, he couldn’t really see himself having any sort of romantic relationship with Emma, even if she did want to sleep with him. She was too bold and open with what she wanted, and her personality reminded him more of his buddy Greg than any girl he’d met.
“If I'm honest,” he replied, pulling on the last of his gear. “I don’t really see you as a romantic partner. Sure, you’re smoking hot and I like being around you, but I’m afraid I’m gonna have to put you squarely in the friendzone.”
There was a long moment of silence following this declaration, and Sam was afraid that he may have pushed it too far. Sure, he’d known deep down that this was the way he’d felt but it was difficult to say out loud. He also knew that it would be unfair of him to continue stringing her along just for the sake of sparing her feelings, and if she wanted to leave, he wouldn’t stop her.
It had been only him and Gordon at the start, and he was sure he’d get on just fine with the dog for company. Sure, he’d miss the presence of another person from back home, but he was sure he’d get over it quickly enough. Finally, Emma’s reply came through the curtain.
“Guess I kinda saw this coming,” she said with a sigh. “Probably why I was pushing so hard towards the end there.” She was silent for a few more moments before continuing. “Thanks for telling me, Sam. You’re more decent than most.”
There was silence again, followed by the sound of splashing water. Sam just sat there on the bed, his back to the bathing area, and his eyes downcast. He could hear the hurt in her voice, and he hated himself for what he’d said. But he knew it needed to be done.
“At least I know it’s not my looks, right?” Emma’s voice came through a moment later. “And don’t expect me to be acting any different just because you’re not interested.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Sam said, feeling a huge sense of relief.
It seemed Emma would be sticking with him after all. Emma didn’t say anything more after that, so Sam was finally able to concentrate on his status. He focused inward, to the small blinking notification in the corner of his vision. He didn’t remember doing or missing anything at all, as he’d been fast asleep. Curiously, he pulled it up. As soon as he did, he regretted that decision.
DIVINE CURSE
You have broken a rule and have been struck by a divine curse.
Effect: HP reduced by 50%
Duration: H 7 : M 13 : S 03
Sam’s eyes widened.
When the hell had this happen? What rule did I possibly break?
Then he very clearly remembered not checking yesterday’s rule. He must have inadvertently failed it somehow, meaning he was now stuck with half his HP until the afternoon.
“Here’s to hoping we don’t run into anything,” he muttered, pulling up today’s rule.
RULE OF THE DAY
Don’t be a stingy pig, donate 100 Gold to the poor
Sam wasn’t sure whether to be angry or not. On the one hand, a hundred gold was the Earth’s equivalent of ten thousand dollars. It was also half the coin reward for clearing the special Dungeon. On the other hand, he did have a lot of money. Including the 20 electrum coins, which were each worth 100 gold, he now had well over 2,200 gold, which was a veritable fortune.
Giving back had also never been something he could afford to do in his life on Earth, as he’d been dirt poor.
“Curse you, Overlord, for giving me this dilemma,” Sam muttered.
“What was that?” Emma’s voice came from behind the curtain.
“Rule of the day,” Sam replied. “What’s yours?”
“Let me check…Fuck! I have to give the innkeeper a compliment!”
Suddenly, donating 100 gold to the poor didn’t seem like such a big deal. After all, he was doing a good deed, and he also didn’t think he could bring himself to say a single nice thing to that woman.
“I feel so much better now,” Emma said, closing up the front of her robes. “It’s good to be clean and not stinking like a sewer.”
“Glad you feel that way,” Sam replied. “But did you really have to get dressed in here?”
“What? I thought I wasn’t your type,” Emma said with a sly grin as she tightened her waistband.
“I’m still a guy. Don’t you have any shame?” he asked, his face burning with embarrassment as he stared at the far wall.
“When it comes to you?” Emma asked, placing a finger on her chin. “Not anymore!”
Sam fought to keep his composure as she laughed, remembering the sight of her as she exited the bathing area in vivid detail. He’d turned around, figuring she was already dressed, only to be met by the sight of a soaking wet Emma in her birthday suit.
Sure, he’d imagined what she’d looked like under those robes, but seeing the real thing in person was entirely different. Not to mention the fact that he’d never seen anything like that in real life before. Screens only captured so much.
“Maybe you could just…”
“No!” Sam yelled at the little red-skinned version of himself, complete with bat wings and spaded tail that had just puffed into existence on his left shoulder. “I will not fall to temptation!”
“What are you, some kind of wholesome anime character?” the little red Sam asked.
“You are doing well, Samuel. Do not fall to this devil’s trickery!”
This was said by a little angelic version of himself that appeared on his right shoulder, complete with a halo and white toga.
Damn, I have a weird imagination!
“Sam? What are you doing?”
Sam opened his eyes to see Emma giving him an odd look. He imagined he must look quite strange with his face all scrunched up as he fought his own inner battle.
“Just working through a trope,” he said with a tight smile.
“Come on, she wants it so bad!”
“Ignore the devil!”
“How about both of you shut up!” Sam yelled, startling Emma.
“Let me guess,” she said with a small, wicked grin. “Got a little angel and devil on your shoulders?”
“Only in my head,” he replied. “Though I don’t know why my mind went there.”
“This is Somerset, a land of tropes and bad names. It’s only right that you have little shoulder people telling you right from wrong.”
“That girl is a terrible influence. You should leave her at once!”
“You still have five minutes, I bet you can get in a quickie before the old bat comes around!”
TITLE GAINED!
Due to your visualization of a weirdly specific internal monologue, you have gained a new title!
Arbiter
Effect: Manifestation of Devil and Angel when you face internal conflict
“Why?” Sam cried out. The devil and angel both let out whoops of joy, then glared at each other. Even with his eyes open, he could now see both the angel and devil perched on his shoulders.
“Let me guess again,” Emma said. “The system just screwed you and brought the little shoulder people to life.”
Sam bit his lip, trying to not let out a scream of rage.
“Come on, Sammy. Have I ever steered you wrong?” asked the little devil, as Sam buried his face in his hands.
“The evils of the flesh should not corrupt such a poor and innocent soul.”
“Shut up, you pompous prick! It’s because he hasn’t gotten any that he’s always in such a bad mood.”
Trying to block out their bickering, Sam thought hard on how to get rid of them. The Title’s description had said they would only manifest when he had an internal conflict. Seeing as what happened had made him question his willingness to sleep with Emma, it was no wonder they were here. But all their bickering had cooled his libido, and any thoughts on that were quickly fading.
“Truth and justice win out!” said Angel-Sam when he opened his eyes.
Sure enough, the angel was glowing gold while Devil-Sam looked cranky.
“You win this round, but I’ll get him next time!”
Then, with a pair of simultaneous puffs, the two of them vanished.
“Oh, thank the Overlord!” Sam said. “I don’t know how much more of that I could take!”
“Well,” Emma said. “Now that that pointless fluff is out of the way, can we get going?”
“Did you just try and break the fourth wall?” Sam asked, his sour mood vanishing.
“Hey, you never know,” Emma replied with a shrug. “We could all be the figments of some slob’s imagination.”
Sam snorted at that.
“Maybe. It would explain why we keep getting hurt and somehow surviving. If this was all in some guy’s head, it would explain all the stupidly hot women and the fact that we’ve even survived this long. I mean, fighting a level 26 monster and his minions? We’d need the thickest plot armor in the world for that!”
The two of them fell silent for a moment before bursting out in laugher.
“You’ve got some imagination, that’s for sure!” Emma said, fighting down another fit of giggles.
“Hey, you were the one who brought it up in the first place,” Sam shot back. “Besides, if we were part of some elaborate made-up story, then I’d be ripped, win all the fights with one attack and be a total badass.”
“Really, and what makes you assume that you’d be the main character?” Emma replied with a playful grin.
“Hmm, maybe my charm? My inexplicable bumbling and the way I always seem to screw up, but just in the right way? Or maybe…”
“…the Overlord is just a total dick and keeps screwing us over?”
“Yeah,” Sam replied. “Definitely that.”
“Hmph! You’re two minutes late checking out,” the innkeeper said, snatching the key from Emma’s fingers as soon as they’d descended the steps. “Your damn pets have also been standing out there for the last half an hour. Get rid of them, or I’ll be adding them to the stewpot!”
Sam gave Emma a sidelong look, wondering if she would have the nerve to do what needed to be done. She was red in the face and looked as though she wanted to do nothing less than bury the crotchety woman up to her neck and kick her head around until she’d vented her rage. Instead, Emma forced her lips upward in a terrifying approximation of a smile.
“Did you do something different with your hair?”
The innkeeper’s eyes snapped up, and she let out a snort.
“What’s it to you, girlie? What I do is my own business. Unless you’re going to buy breakfast, I suggest you beat it!”
“Oh, I was just asking because it looked so…Oh, fuck it! Your hair looks like it was attacked by a swarm of bees, then dragged through the mud and finished by dunking in a pal-tee’s shit! You are the ugliest, most disgusting, horrific excuse for a woman I’ve ever seen! And what the hell kind of innkeeper is such a bitch? If I weren’t so patient, I would wring your warty neck and…!”
Sam sat back, watching in amusement as Emma laid into the innkeeper. He didn’t mind that they’d be getting a late start. In fact, he was enjoying the show. It was a shame she couldn’t bring herself to compliment the woman, as she would now be hit by a Divine Curse. However, if he was expecting the innkeeper to be insulted, he was in for a rude awakening.
“Why, thank you, dearie, how kind of you to say!”
“Huh?” Sam said, eyes going wide at the now beaming woman.
Emma was equally confused and gave Sam a helpless look as the nasty woman trundled forward and wrapped her in a tight hug.
“I’ve been having such a bad week, and then you came along and said such kind things to me!” The woman sobbed. “You truly are an awful person yourself.”
Sam had no clue what was going on, but as soon as he used his Inspect skill, everything became clear.
LOWLAND HAG
Name: Wuh-Man
Gender: Female<
br />
Class: Priest
Level: 16 - HP: 270/270 - MP: 480/480 - STA: 290/290
Status: Grateful
Greatest Threat: Cooking Ladle
Lowland Hags are a sub-race of the Hag race, and receive bonuses to both Endurance and Intelligence, with each new level. They also, however, receive penalties to Strength and Charisma.
Hags are one of the most misunderstood races in Somerset, as they view ugliness and meanness as high praise. This has led to their race being hated and mostly looked down upon.
Well, that explains it, Sam thought as the hag released Emma.
“Don’t think you’ll be getting any free meals from me, girl, even if you are nice for one of your kind,” Wuh-Man said, though judging by the smile on her face, she wasn’t unhappy. “Now, get out of my inn!”
Emma, still having no clue what was going on, did as she was told.
“I hope I never see you again, you old bat,” Sam said as he headed for the door.
“Same here, scrawny!” The hag cackled as the door swung shut behind him.
Somerset sure was filled with all sorts of interesting races, and Sam didn’t think he’d even met a tenth of them so far. At least the Overlord didn’t lack in diversity, though if he went by the standards of their race, Wuh-Man would be pretty hot.
“Guess I overestimated you, Overlord,” he muttered to himself. “You are still a sick fuck!”
20
“Ah good, I see that the two of you have finally decided to grace us with your presence,” Gordon huffed as soon as they exited the inn.
“No need to get all snippy, dog. It’s not like we slept that long on purpose.”
“What have I told you about addressing me properly?”
This shit again? It had been so long since Gordon had said anything that Sam had almost begun to think he’d relaxed.
