Balance (The Divine, Book One)

by M. R. Forbes

  Not enough time. They were on me in an instant. The vamp that nailed me from behind rolled me over, grabbed my throat, and lifted me up as high as his arm could reach. I couldn't think of anything else to do, so I spit on him.

  He didn't like that very much. He responded by rearing back and throwing me at the side of the building. My face slammed into the brick, my nose shattering from the force. I hit the ground and rolled over to face them, my vision fuzzy. I could make out the two girls being tied up together. I could see Josette's prone form leaned against the building opposite me. My attackers had lost interest in me, either taking me for dead or just not feeling at all threatened. I coughed out some blood and rose to my feet.

  I looked over at Josette, and my anger flared. I didn't seem to be able to control much of my power yet, but it seemed to have a way of making itself known when I got pissed or beat up. I could feel it now in the base of my spine, strength I couldn't tap into in calmer moments. It called to me, begged for release, a siren's call to accept what was offered. All reason vanished as my human mind faded into the background, replaced with clear burning purpose.

  I knew myself, but lost myself. My mind became an engine to a singular goal, my emotions devolving into chaos. I could feel every vein and muscle in my body. I could hear the roar of my blood vessels pumping energy into me. I heard my clothes tearing as my body shifted and changed, into what I didn't know and in the moment couldn't care. I let out a roar so loud it shook the entire alley, breaking the lower windows of the buildings around me. This got the vampires' attention. As one they turned to look at me. I could smell their fear. It was intoxicating.

  I heaved myself forward with unexpected speed and ease, leaping the distance between the vampires and myself. I grabbed the nearest one in both hands and easily ripped his head from his torso, taking pleasure in the sound of the tearing, the end of his existence. I rounded on the others, lashing out and cutting another from head to toe with my razor sharp claws. Their confidence was shattered, their fear ruling their actions.

  They moved as one to get away from me, breaking off down the alley at a run. I crouched and leaped, landing on another vampire's back and ripping his head from his shoulders. I pounced again and shredded the fourth. Moments later I had dismembered the remaining attackers and turned back to where the two girls were standing, silent and motionless, hoping I wouldn't notice them.

  I bounded down the alley on all fours, stopping in front of them. I looked down on the pitiful creatures, my eyes drawn to the shadowy darkness at the center of their chests. I shifted back into my human form, dressed in a pair of black pants, a white shirt with a vest over it, and a long leather morning jacket. I had a small dagger in my hand, and one thought on my mind.

  The girls trembled as I approached them, drew back in fear as I raised the dagger. I brought it close to the taller one. She had long raspberry blonde hair and smelled like lemon. I pressed it against her chest, then slid it down to begin cutting through her blouse.

  My heart thudded in my chest, and my mind was overwhelmed by every sense of them - the sight, the smell, the anticipation of the taste and touch. A small voice in my mind told me to stop, but I couldn't. I wanted this so much. My mind was mired in an evil place, no longer completely my own. I had traded control for power, and the power filled me with a primal lust.

  I don't know what would have happened if Josette hadn't come to. I don't know what I would have done to those girls if she hadn't stopped me. One moment I was preparing to do vile things to them, the next I was skewered on the end of her sword.

  She ran it through my stomach and used it to pull me back, away from the girls. She produced a dagger to cut their bonds, held her hand up to them, and whispered something in a language I didn't understand. They gained this blank, confused expression and fled from the alley. Josette turned me on the sword and slammed me back up against the wall.

  "Landon," she said.

  I didn't know who Landon was... yes, I did. I was Landon. Wasn't I?

  "I warned you about the cost of using the demon’s power," she said.

  Demon's power. I tried to make sense of the words. They sounded like little more than moans through mud. It was slow, but the pain helped me stay focused on it. The power. I could still feel the source of it, pulsing in my spine, reveling in the chaos and destruction, screaming out in agony at the blade that was piercing my flesh.

  Chaos. Destruction. Demon. My mind started to put the puzzle pieces together. The process was slow and agonizing, but I wrested back control, forcing the power to subside. All the while, Josette held me against the wall, her golden eyes fearful and sad.

  "Josette," I said. "It hurts."

  She knew I was back. I don't know how. She pulled the sword from my gut and took a shaky step back. Her own energy was exhausted, and she was bleeding from her temple. The second the blade was free. I fell to the ground, first to vomit, and then to sob. What had I done? What had I almost done? What had I become? It was all too much for me to handle. My body quaked as I cried.

  Josette knelt down next to me and put her hand on my shoulder. She didn't say anything. She just let me know she was there. I appreciated it. It was something sane and peaceful for me to grab onto, to identify myself with. The pain took some time to subside, the pace of my healing seemed to be affected by the source of the wound.

  After what seemed like hours I was able to calm myself, to stop the flow of tears, to roll to a sitting position. When I looked at Josette, I saw that she had been crying too.

  "Let's get out of here," I said to her.

  She nodded, and we helped each other to our feet. I tried to ignore the disintegrating bodies of the vampires as we made our way out of the alley. Sure, they were demons. Sure they were evil, at least in the greater hierarchy of the Divine. It didn't make the act of killing any easier.

  We carried each other back to my room at the Belmont. Once we got there, I doused another rag with holy water and put it over the wound on her head. She smiled at me as I did it, placing her hand over mine.

  "The demon will try to entice you with promises of power," she told me. "Do not give in. What he seeks is to own you, or to destroy you so that he can be set free."

  "I never meant for this to happen," I said. "How do I stop it?"

  "I will teach you,” she said. “But not tonight. Rest now, Landon. You have earned it."

  She took my hand and kissed it, my body electrified by the warmth of her lips. I had intended to crash on the couch, but I didn't make it that far. One moment I was awake, the next I wasn't. When morning came, she was gone.

  Chapter 8

  The sun was doing its best to get through the crud covered windows when I woke the next morning. My eyes opened slowly, and I experienced a moment of euphoria at the fact that I was alive, until I remembered with certainty that I wasn't really. Until I recalled what had transpired a few hours earlier. If there had been anything in my stomach, I would have expelled it. Instead I dry heaved off the edge of the bed for a minute before gaining enough of my senses to get control of my repulsion.

  I scanned the apartment looking for Josette, but I knew right away that she was gone. She had told me she would teach me, and she hadn't been lying, so I just assumed she would be back. I went into the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror. I was still wearing the clothes the demon had put me in. I couldn't get them off fast enough. I tossed them in a pile and jumped into the shower, enjoying the cleansing feeling of the water as it rained down onto me. It didn't matter that it was tinged orange with rust, or that it sputtered and choked its way out of the pipe. My requirements were simple, and it fulfilled them.

  Afterwards, I spent a bit of time trying to will myself some new threads. Meeting only failure, I resigned myself to wearing the bloodstained mess of clothes I had discarded. Once I had put them on, I discovered that while I couldn't create cloth from thin air, I could rearrange the existing material. I put myself in a black collared shirt and blue jeans, with
silver tipped black boots. I didn't know if the silver was real or just a facsimile. I hoped I didn't need to find out.

  The next order of business was to get some food into my stomach. As I made my way out of the Belmont, it occurred to me that I probably didn’t need to sleep or eat. Like the cold, perhaps these too were mortal desires that my brain was continuing to cling to. I didn’t mind the hunger part too much. I liked to eat.

  I made my way out of the beat down section of town, keeping myself alert to any other Divines that may have been wandering Manhattan. It was almost three in the afternoon, and the city was in full swing. If it would be hard for me to pick them out in a crowd, the same could be said for my own exposure. I found a crowded deli to duck into to grab a bite to eat - Pastrami on rye, a pickle, a knish and a large coffee. I located a small empty table and sat down, picked up my sandwich and took a huge bite. I hadn't realized how hungry I was.

  "Ah, pastrami. Did you know that pastrami was invented by the Ottoman Empire during the middle ages? It was even before my time."

  I knew that voice. I looked up from my meal to see Dante in the chair across from me, a huge smile on his narrow face. He was still wearing the same suit, but now there was a single red rose pinned to his breast.

  "Buongiorno Signore," he said, his mood jovial. "How was your first day back among the living?"

  I dropped my sandwich.

  "I'm still here," I said.

  I felt… what?Anger, relief, frustration, sadness, joy? I had been waiting for Dante. Now that he was here, I wasn't sure I wanted him to be. I had no doubt he wouldn't think too highly about the relationship I had struck up with Josette.

  "Yes, you are," he replied. He reached over and picked up my pickle, taking a bite out of the end. "Impressive on its own, given the circumstances. Was my gift helpful?"

  I laughed out loud, attracting the attention of the people around me. "You could say that," I said. "Although I think paper might have been a little more durable." I told him about my run-in with Rebecca. He seemed amused.

  "Come Signore," he said. "Let's go somewhere we can talk about more serious things." He reached over and put his hand on my shoulder, and we were back at the Belmont.

  "Isn't that trick reserved for Mr. Ross?" I asked him. The quick trip had left me feeling a little lightheaded. "How did you know where I was staying anyway?"

  "Mr. Ross' talents with transportation dwarf my own. I do have some abilities though, within a limited area of effect. As to your second question, I didn't," he said. "I just asked your subconscious to take us to a familiar place." He looked around. "You haven't figured out what to do with the blank card yet, have you?"

  I had forgotten about the card. I dug it out of my pocket and looked at it, twirling it over in my fingers. I had an idea of what he was getting it.

  "I've been a little busy trying not to have my face ripped off," I responded. "In any case, I'm done stealing other people's money."

  I looked up at Dante. I don't think he heard me. He was consumed with deconstructing the apartment with his eyes, apparently not impressed by the accommodations.

  "You don't like how I decorated the place?" I asked.

  He turned on me, a look in his eyes that caused me to take a few steps back. An instant later it was gone, and he was smiling again.

  "Not what I would have chosen," he said. "Now, why don't you tell me about the seraph."

  Josette wasn't there, but I should have known that Dante would be able to sense her. It was nothing that he could have physically seen, but I knew there was an indelible presence of her hanging in the air. I had felt it the moment I had woken up, and it still sat in the apartment like a spring breeze. Oh well, no denying it.

  "Just someone I met yesterday,” I said. “The only one who didn't try to rip my face off. Well, she wanted to, but we came to an understanding."

  Dante sat himself on the dilapidated sofa. "You came to an understanding with an angel? What kind of understanding?"

  "Simple really," I said. "I kill some demons, she doesn't kill me."

  He laughed at this. "As if she could," he said. "No Signore, it is not as simple as you say. The seraph Calmed you."

  I didn't like the way he said it, and I didn't like the way it sounded. "Calmed?"

  "Angels don't have dirty tricks,” he said. “They don't lie, at least not well, and certainly not well enough to fool you. They won't stab you in the back or aim to outright deceive you. Instead they have the power to Calm. To put you at ease, and make you start talking about whatever they want to know."

  I thought back to when we had sat together in the park. "Right, yeah, she did that to me. We came to the understanding after that. At first, she thought I was an angel, but she was suspicious, so she Calmed me."

  He seemed surprised and puzzled. "She thought you were an angel?"

  "Yup,” I said. “I was in the Apple store up on Fifth Avenue, and she was in there with a friend. I noticed her, and I knew what she was right away, so I did my best to get out of there as fast as I could. It wasn't fast enough though, she spotted me and we left the store together. It was like she opened a port to my soul. I could hear her speaking to me, but she wasn't actually talking. She called me 'fellow'."

  "Interesting. Angels rarely communicate with each other verbally, it’s just safer for them that way. The fact that she was even able to establish a connection with you is incredible. This is not a trait that I believed diuscrucis possessed, and I am certain it was not in Charis's repertoire. You said that Rebecca mistook you for an angel also?"

  I took a seat on the couch across from Dante. "Yeah. She said I smelled like an angel, but when she got up close she realized she was wrong. Here's the crazy part, I got marked as a demon by a couple of Touched. They would have killed me, but Rebecca showed up and stopped them."

  "Why would she do that?" he asked.

  His expression was pure confusion. His question was whispered, as if he was asking it of himself. I could tell he was fighting hard to make sense of the whole thing.

  "She said she's done the math and realized that if Hell wins, vampires are going to become the new food source. She's not so sure she wants to play on the Devil's team anymore, because there isn't much of a future in it for her."

  Dante didn’t look convinced. "A vampire does not just change sides,” he said. “To do so would make them a target for every demon on Earth. She may have helped you this once, but I would be wary of her true motives."

  I hadn’t thought about it, but it made sense. "Agreed," I said.

  "Very good,” he said. “Now, back to the seraph. You said you met her in Central Park, but she was in this apartment. She Calmed you in this apartment. I can feel the residual energy."

  Calmed me here? I didn't think so. Sure, I could feel the energy too, but that was just her.

  "Sorry Dante, but we were definitely in the park. We were attacked by a demon, a Great Were. We killed it together. She was injured, I brought her here and healed her wounds with some holy water."

  I hadn't finished speaking when his expression darkened, his eyes turned black, and he rose to his feet. The next thing I knew, I was pinned against the wall by an invisible force that I couldn't break.

  "You healed her," he shouted. "The seraphim are our enemies! How dare you!"

  I tried to move, but it was an overwhelming effort just to gather the willpower to make the attempt. Every muscle in my body cried out in exhaustion, and even my eyes began to feel heavy. I could feel the evil soul inside me stirring, offering me the power to break free of these bounds and destroy the one who held me here. I could sense my growing anger, and the temptation that accompanied it. I remembered what Josette had told me. Not this time.

  "What right do you have to judge me," I yelled back with all of the force I could muster. I doubted if it had come out as more than a whisper. "You dumped me here to fend for myself, the only thing you told me was that the balance had to be maintained. I don't know if you noticed, but the ba
lance is totally out of whack."

  As quickly as his anger had risen, it subsided. He lowered me to the floor and bowed his head.

  "I am sorry, Signore,” he said. “Your words are true. I have no right to judge you. Please forgive me."

  He spoke with such honest regret, my own anger faded as well. I shook my arms out to make sure I was back to normal. Everything seemed to be functioning okay.

  "It's all right," I said. "There's something else you should know. After I killed the demon, somehow I absorbed its soul."

  Dante's smile returned. "You killed a Great Were, and you captured his soul? Fantastico!"

  It was my turn to be confused. "Josette made it sound like it was a bad thing."

  "Maybe for her," he replied. "Do not be afraid to make use of every tool at your disposal, Landon. The seraph will tell you that capturing souls this way is dangerous, but while you remain in control you can use this power to your advantage."

  "What if I don't remain in control?" I asked.

  "You have more power than you realize,” he replied. “I think it will be very difficult for you to lose control so completely that the demon can subsume you."

  Maybe not completely, but what horrible things would I do while I was under the influence? I wasn't so sure Dante was right about that one, his scruples seemed to be a little shaky when pitted against getting what he wanted. I decided that I would do my best to avoid absorbing any more souls, and to fight against the temptation to let the beast loose. I needed Josette to come back and teach me how to keep to that decision.

  Josette. Dante said she had Calmed me in the apartment, before he had gotten all ape-crap angry on me. I knew she hadn't. I could clearly remember when she had, so I would have remembered if it had happened again. We had fought the vampires, and then come back to the apartment. She told me to get some rest, kissed my hand, and that was it. I had fallen asleep immedia… Oh, crap.

  "She put me to sleep," I said to Dante.