Getting the Goods

by Elizabeth Perry

  That kind of shit can wreck a person.

  But, I know how persistent my mother can be, and if I show up alone to this party, she will make the entire week a living hell.

  “Well, you see, Sarah won’t be an issue, because when I come home, I’m bringing my girlfriend with me.”

  “Girlfriend?” Lexi squeals. “Conner! You dirty dog, I had no idea that you had settled down!”

  Neither did I.

  “Yeah. I mean, we’re fairly new, but, I’m going to bring her home to meet everyone.”

  “That’s fantastic! What’s her name?”

  I pause.

  Am I really going to do this? Because once I say a name, I’ve got to get her to come with me.

  “Gabriella.” I read the name scrawled across one of the many empty Starbucks cups in that I now have in my hands.

  “Her name is Gabriella, and she’s great. She graduated from Harvard. Make sure you mention that a few times to Mother.”

  “Gabriella from Harvard. Got it. That’s fantastic news, Conner! I cannot wait to see you guys. This is going to be so amazing!”

  What will actually be amazing, is if I can convince the stubborn as hell woman inside to travel across the country with me and be my pretend girlfriend.

  Lord help me.

  It’s about a week later, and I still haven’t managed to find the courage to talk to Gabriella about coming home with me.

  She had been so irritated and hung over on Saturday that when I walked into the house to return her keys, I hadn’t had the guts to ask her.

  I’ve been trying to figure out how to do this, but every time that I play it out in my mind, she tells me no.

  Hell no, for that matter.

  But, today’s the day.

  “Gabriella?” I knock once on her partially open door, and she glances up in my direction.

  “Hey, Conner. What’s up?”

  She’s been far less abrasive to me this week, which is a good thing. It means that I may have a shot here, even if it’s only a shot in the dark. It’s still a shot, and I’m going to take it.

  “There’s something that I wanted to talk to you about.”

  “Ok.” She shrugs, before closing her laptop, clasping her hands together on top of her desk and focusing her attention on me.

  “I need to ask you a favor.”

  “A favor? If this is for another business dinner where I’m required to get totally shitfaced, I’m in. Just as long as it’s with the Russian’s this time. I’ve completely sworn off whiskey, so no more truck drivers please.”

  I sink into one of the chairs across from her desk and lean back in my seat.

  “Well, it’s sort of like that. It would be a business meeting, yes.”

  “Ok…” She eyes me warily.

  “But a different kind of business. Carter and I have to return home next week for a family party. I need you to return home with me, and to pretend to be my girlfriend.”

  She bursts out laughing, and it’s not just a single giggle. She belly laughs so hard, that tears fill her eyes.

  “I’m serious.” I glare at her, and she waves her hands.

  “Oh, my gosh. You’ve got to be joking. How in the hell could you even ask that of me? You want me to go home with you, and convince people that I actually like you? I can’t even convince myself of that. There’s no way that I can do that. Are you really that desperate that you have to ask me?”

  My glare deepens, as she continues to laugh. She hastily wipes the tears away from her eyes and shakes her head.

  “Oh, my. That was a good one, Conner. Seriously, that was good. What did you really need?”

  “I wasn’t kidding. Listen, I’m not desperate, but I have to have a girlfriend when I go home. It’s a must, otherwise, I can’t go.”

  “Tinder.” She looks me in the eyes and nods. “I think that you should go on Tinder. You’re pretty enough. Just find someone on there, and for the love of God, don’t speak. When you open your mouth, you really bring your hotness level down. So, pretend to be mute. You’ll have a girlfriend in no time.”

  “I’m not going on Tinder, and I am not pretending to be mute. My family knows that I’m not mute anyways. I’d eventually have to speak.”

  “So, what you’re saying is, that you agree that when you speak you bring your hotness level way down?”

  She smirks so wide that her eyes nearly close. It only makes my frown deepen.

  “I’m not responding to that. Listen, I’m not above begging right now. I’d even be willing to do a trade. You do something for me, and I’ll do something for you.”

  “What could you possibly have to trade me, that would be worth spending an entire week with you?”

  She raises her eyebrow at me, as I lean forward in my seat.

  I can’t believe that I’m actually about to try to make a deal with the goods.

  You know, like, the goods.

  “I’ll give you my sperm in exchange for one week of you pretending to be my girlfriend.”

  “You’ll give me your sperm?” Her eyes widen, and she pales ever so slightly.

  “What are you talking about?”

  I blow out my breath.

  “Listen, the other night when I drove you home, you were pretty drunk.”

  “Uh huh.” She pales even further.

  “You may have mentioned your, um, dilemma.”

  She swallows hard.

  “Listen, it’s cool. I’m not trying to judge you, and I understand why you’re doing this. I mean, I sort of understand. I don’t want any kids, Gabriella. I have never wanted them, and I know that I never will. I’m just not cut out to be a parent, and I sure as hell don’t want any child to have the kind of childhood that I had. But, I understand that you really want to be a mother, and that your time is running out. I can help you with that.”

  She leans back in her seat, and just stares at me with wide eyes.

  “Why would you do that? You’ve been giving me shit for weeks now about trying to steal your sperm and acting as though I was only doing it for money. Now you’re volunteering your sperm? What am I missing?”

  “Look,” I pause. “I don’t want any kids, and I want no part in this kid’s life. I’m not cut out for all of that. I do however, have quite the empire built in my name. I never plan on having kids, and neither does Carter. But, it’s not a bad idea for me to have an heir out there, you know? For like, fifty years down the road or something.”

  She snorts.

  “You are so weird.”

  “I’m not the one running around, trying to get knocked up by random guys, Gabriella. I’m trying to help you out, and at the same time, help myself.”

  Our eyes lock, and we begin a staring contest.

  “It’s not safe for you to run around, sleeping with random men, trying to get pregnant. It’s actually fucking insane, but I get it, alright? You’re desperate right now. I can help you with that. I can give you a baby. But you have to do something for me first.”

  “Conner…”

  “Just think about it, alright? We can get some documents drawn up. I know that you don’t want me involved, and I don’t want to be, either. Like I said, I have no business having kids, or at least, raising them. You do for me, Gabriella, and I will do for you. It’s a win win situation for both of us.”

  She clears her throat.

  “I need to think about this.”

  “That’s fine. Go ahead and think on it. If you decide to go for it, we leave next week, on Monday. We will return the following Sunday.”

  She nods slowly, looking very much in a daze. I excuse myself and leave her office.

  Holy shit. I can’t believe that I just made that kind of offer to her.

  I literally just offered to knock someone up. I can’t even believe myself right now.

  However, if she agrees, that means that I get to have no strings attached sex with her, for the entire next week, and, maybe even more after that.

  I can�
�t say that I’m sad about that at all.

  11

  Gabriella

  I think that I may have lost my mind. I consider my sanity repeatedly, as I pack my bag for the Hamptons.

  The Hamptons…it just sounds stuffy. Of course, I’ve seen plenty of pictures of the Hamptons, glimpses into the lifestyle that the people that live there have, but I never really imagined that I would be going there in person.

  Let alone, to stay at the vacation home of my pretend boyfriend, soon to be baby daddies’ parents.

  Good lord.

  I’m not sure which part I’m more surprised about. Agreeing to spend the week with Conner or agreeing to have sex with him.

  Both are absolutely insane.

  Of course, my vagina is on board, because even though my memory of the last time that Conner and I hooked up is fuzzy, my vagina remembers him perfectly. It’s more than willing to give him a few more go rounds.

  However, my brain can’t stand the guy, and imagining being stuck around his pompous and arrogant self for the next week makes me cringe.

  Plus, add in his likely stuck up family, and this is about to be the week from hell.

  Either way, I agreed, but still. I’m a bit uneasy.

  Desperate times do call for desperate measures, and my clock is running out of time. I know that if I have any shot at being a mother, I’ve got to do this now.

  And Conner is my only hope.

  “I really don’t even know what else to pack.” I glance over to Maria, who is standing in my closet, surveying the contents.

  “Well, it’s still warm there, at least during the day, so here. Pack this.” She tosses me a thin, white bathing suit cover-up.

  “These too.” She tosses me three bikinis and then begins digging through my summer dress section. She pulls out several dresses and sandals, handing them to me, before moving onto my fall wardrobe.

  She puts several outfits together, adding them to my suitcase.

  “What did you pack for lingerie?” She raises an eyebrow at me and begins rifling

  “I didn’t really pack any. I mean, I’m not trying to seduce the guy. He’s already offered to, you know.”

  “So what? You might as well have fun while you’re doing it. Plus, I hate to break it to you, but that guy is gorgeous. I’m sure that he’s been with all kinds of gorgeous women. Don’t make him regret you. Give him something to remember.”

  “So, what you’re saying is that my naked body alone won’t be worth remembering?”

  “That’s not what I said, jerk face. Stop putting words in my mouth. I’m just saying that, you still need to turn his head. You need to get all of the sperm out of him that you can, right?”

  She moves towards my dresser and begins pulling undergarments out.

  “Yes.” She grins wickedly before adding some to my bag. “Now you’re all set.”

  “Do you really think that this is a good idea? I mean, like honestly. Deep down, does this feel right?”

  “Sure.” She shrugs. “He gave you a copy of his recent STD testing. He’s clean as a whistle, beautiful to look at, and smart. He’s checked all of your baby daddy boxes. He’s the perfect fit.”

  “But he’s a jerk. He’s an arrogant, self-absorbed asshole, and he’s my boss. I just don’t know…”

  “Gabs. Snap out of it. You need some good, clean sperm, and this gorgeous man has offered his up. He checks all of the genetic boxes. The personality stuff, again, that can be changed. You aren’t going to raise your baby like that. So, suck it up. And I mean, literally. Suck it up.”

  She wiggles her eyebrows at me, and I frown.

  “You’ve got this. It’s one week anyhow. How bad can it be?”

  Famous last words.

  “This is an awfully small plane.” I bite my lower lip as I settle myself into the seat.

  “It’s average size.” Conner smirks at me, before winking.

  “That’s the only time this week that you’re going to hear me say that.”

  I bite my lip harder.

  “I’m just not used to planes this size, I guess. I’m worried that I’m going to feel every movement.”

  His eyes darken as they meet mine, and suddenly, I’m no longer worried about the airplane.

  “I promise you, that you will feel every movement. And as long as you relax, you’ll get used to the size.”

  “Are we even still talking about airplanes? Because I feel like the conversation has shifted.”

  He moves from the seat across from me, to the seat next to me.

  The air rushes out of my lungs as he licks his lips and places one hand on my thigh.

  His hand doesn’t move, but just the weight of it there, on my bare skin, is enough to send my heart into overdrive.

  “We can shift this conversation to the back room at any point. And I promise you, that I can take your mind off of the size of this plane and focus on the size of me instead.”

  “Conner!” I jerk my leg away. “I’m a nervous flyer, and you have me in this tiny little plane. There is no way that I can do that with you right now.”

  “Are you sure? Because there is a bedroom in the back, calling our names right now.”

  “I can’t even,” I mutter, jerking my leg away. “I can’t focus on anything other than staying alive right now. I did not sign up for this part, by the way. I signed up for a normal sized plane, with minimal jerking.”

  “Gabs.” He smirks. “You’re far safer in this plane than you would be on a commercial airline. This is a top of the line aircraft, with the best pilot that money can buy. You don’t have to worry about being stuck next to anyone annoying, and crashing is the last thing that you need to worry about. You’re perfectly safe here.”

  “I can’t imagine anyone more annoying than you, so, your statement is completely false.”

  He ignores my comment.

  “Let me take your mind off of flying. Let me help you relax.”

  His eyes darken as they meet mine, and as he sinks to his knees in front of me and places both of his hands on my thighs, I almost pass out.

  “Conner! What are you doing? I told you that I was not going to do that in an airplane!”

  “You insinuated that you did not want to fuck, which I get. But you need to relax, and what better way to relax than by getting off?”

  I shift uncomfortably in my seat, and my heart about races out of my chest as he leans towards me. His hands travel up my thighs, and his face moves just inches from mine.

  “I’m not ovulating right now. I can’t get pregnant until Friday. Having sex would be useless,” I force out, but my words barely make a sound.

  “Useless? I don’t know about that. The way that I see things, we have a full week to do whatever we want to with each other. That gives me a full week to learn my way around your body. What makes your toes curl, what things that you don’t like, all of that. That way, when it’s time, you’ll be ready for me. You’ll be begging for me. Don’t you think that will help things along?”

  “I will never be begging for you.” I glare at him even though I’m pretty sure that’s a complete lie.

  Because as he moves closer to me, and his hands stop right at my panty line, I have to force myself to remain seated and not to buck against him.

  “I’m going to do for you right now, baby.” His lips brush ever so softly against mine, right before they begin to move down my neck. “I’m going to put you at ease, but I’m not going to fuck you, because that’s not what you want.”

  It’s not what I want, right? Because suddenly, I’m not so sure.

  In the next second, his hand dips below my panties, tracing my folds quickly before dipping inside of me.

  I cry out instantly, grabbing onto his shoulders.

  He just smirks.

  My mind is a complete blur, but I do clearly hear the alarm bells that are clanging inside of my head.

  I cannot do this with him right now.

  There is no way that I can let h
im touch me, in an airplane, and then hop right off and meet his family.

  This may be a pure sex agreement that we have going on here, but still.

  I at least have a tiny shred of dignity left in me.

  “Stop,” I hiss, clamping my legs together. “I want you to stop.”

  “Wait, what?” He blinks, looking up at me in confusion.

  “Not here, Conner, and not like this. I don’t want to do this with you right now.”

  “Alright.” He pulls his hand back and rises to his feet.

  “Ok. Ok. I’ll stop.” He flashes me a mischievous grin as he takes the seat once again across from me.

  “For now, that is. But very soon, we will be doing all of that. And I promise that after I get started, you won’t be able to tell me to stop.”

  Great.

  Our flight is terrifying, but I manage to keep my cool.

  I mean, at least somewhat. I squealed a few times as the wind hit our little plane, and I gripped my hands together so hard that I think my fingernails broke the skin in a few spots, but, I made it.

  As the plane’s engine turns off, and the door opens, I manage to pull myself together enough to follow Conner off of the plane.

  I’m not sure what is more terrifying right now;

  the fact that I have to be back on this plane in one week, or the fact that I have to spend the next week very close to Conner.

  I try to fight the way that my eyes travel up and down his body, but it’s so damn hard.

  The man is gorgeous. On the outside, he is every damn thing that most any woman would want.

  Of course, once he opens his mouth, it all goes downhill, but when he’s quiet, and my eyes get to feast on him, I have to admit,

  Conner Andrews is sex on a fucking stick.

  He’s dressed more casually than I’m used to seeing him; in a pair of tan chino shorts, a navy-blue Ralph Lauren sweater that zips from the chest to his neck, and a pair of Sperry boat shoes.

  Of course, he’s way too preppy and pretty to be my type, but I have to give it to the man.

  He rocks his look quite well.

  I trail along behind him, taking my time as I gather my things and make my way towards the exit.