Shades of Sydney (Sydney West #1)

by Brittney Coon

  “Care for some water? I bet your throat hurts.”

  Jason handed me a glass of ice water. That was why he left. I didn’t want him to take care of me, but I was thirsty. I sat up and gave him a sideways glance before taking the glass in my hands. After a few long sips, I fell back to the fluffy pillows. Jason took the glass, placing it on the desk.

  “I changed your trash bag so it’s clean and ready in case you feel sick again. I’ll set it over here by your head, okay?”

  I looked over my shoulder, nodding to show I understood. Why was he being gentle and kind? He had his fun with me. What was with Hunter and Jason being such gentlemen? If they were in fact knights in shining amour, I wasn’t capable of handling it. I was no fucking Guinevere. Never in my life have I had a real boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, and I never planned on having one.

  Jason was still in my room. I could feel him there. I wanted to kick him out, but my body wouldn’t move. I wanted to yell at him, but my words were lost. Dreams took me over. I gave into them. No point in fighting.

  ***

  A rock was trying to crack my skull, I knew it. It wasn’t visible, but it was heavy and determined to be the end of me. My eyes were going to burst in their sockets. My whole being was about to explode. I loathed hangovers. They were hell. I used my fingers to rub circles into my temples, trying to ease the pain. A snore to my left broke the thoughts about myself. Who the fuck was in my room?

  I sat up, regretting it the instant I did. A whoosh went through my ears. My heart was pounding too damn loudly. The room was in shadows. Faint light streamed through my curtains. A groan came from my parted lips. It was followed by another snore.

  “Who’s in my room?” I asked aloud.

  No response.

  Swallowing my fear, I spoke louder. “Who the hell is in my room?”

  I saw a figure move out of the corner of my eye. I wasn’t deranged. Someone was in my room.

  My heart leaped into my throat. “Amelia? Is that you?” I asked softly.

  A moan drifted through the air. It sounded masculine. Fear froze my body, forcing my heart into overdrive.

  “Sydney?” a voice asked.

  “Yes?” I breathed, afraid to move.

  The man yawned and asked, “What time is it?”

  I clenched my fists, wishing I kept a pocket knife by my bed. “Umm…I don’t know. Who the fuck are you?”

  He laughed. “You don’t remember last night, do you?”

  “No…”

  Wait, I did. I got wasted and couldn’t walk straight. Jason brought me home. I got sick, and it was Jason who nursed me at my bedside. Jason had stayed over in my room without having sex with me. What the fuck was going on?

  “I remember now. Why are you still here?”

  “Nice way to thank someone for watching your back.”

  He groaned while stretching his arms. I could see him now. He was in the corner of my room in the office chair that belonged to the desk. I never sat there because it was too painful for my lower back. I wondered how much Jason’s back hurt this morning. Maybe I could rub oil on his naked body and take away his agony. Why did my mind always go somewhere dirty?

  I bowed my head and stared at my blanket. “I’m sorry. I’ve never woken up to—”

  “The way you left after we had sex, I’m guessing you never stay to morning.”

  His words tasted bitter, like vinegar.

  He couldn’t know the truth about me. I bit my lip, searching for the right thing to say. I gave up on perfect and said, “I was going to say I’m not used to people in my room. No one is allowed in my room.”

  His eyebrows knitted together. Those silver eyes pierced me, like storm clouds about to burst with rain. I forced my gaze to the curtains, glowing with morning light. “What do you mean?” he asked.

  Great, he wanted to chat, just what I wanted to do with a hangover.

  I looked at him, willing him to go with my eyes. He misunderstood my message and came to sit at the edge of my bed. If he got any closer, all bets were off. I was going to touch him. I knew it down to my bones. Jason was like a first hit of a powerful drug, leaving its user to crave more.

  His eyes pulled me in, trying to drown me in emotions. I dropped my eyes to my lap. “I’m the only one who enters my room. Amelia comes in to bother me, but she doesn’t stay. I never have sleepovers here.”

  Jason looked even more confused. He tilted his head like a lost puppy. “Sleepovers?”

  I rubbed my forehead. “That’s code for sex. I never have sex in my bed.”

  His silver eyes felt like hot metal trying to scorch me. “What? Why?”

  “Personal reasons,” I said, trying to be vague.

  “Oh—oh. I get it now,” he said dryly.

  His tone threw me. I rubbed my pounding temple and asked, “You get what?”

  Jason stood and paced in front of me, waving his arms in the air as he talked. “You don’t have sex here because you can’t escape.”

  I felt my face fall. Was I that easily readable? “Something like that, I guess.”

  He stopped and gave me a cold look, but his mouth pulled down into a pout, like someone stabbed him in the heart. “No, that’s it. You’re into one-night stands.”

  I tried to wave him off. No need to dig into my baggage. “Doesn’t matter. Right now I want to take some pain pills and loathe life.”

  He went to the window, but continued facing me. “Why?”

  “Hangover. When I feel better, I’ll drink wine and start planning my next move.” Why was I explaining myself?

  Jason ran his hand down his face, pulling down his left eye for a second. “You’re strange.”

  I arched my back, stretching my bones. “You have no idea.”

  “When are we going to talk?” he asked, looking down at his hands. He was a man who towered over me, but this moment he seemed like a little boy who wanted his mother to repeat for the hundredth time she loved him.

  “About what?” I dreaded the answer.

  “Us…”

  My mouth went dry. “There’s an ‘us’?”

  He ran his fingers through his hair and pulled at the ends. “I…err…never mind.”

  Before I could form a sentence, he was gone. I was alone in my room and felt like I’d done something horribly wrong.

  I wanted it all to be a dream that I’d wake up from soon. The desire to make Jason fiction was so strong, my migraine caused my head to thrash with new torment. I needed pain pills or I was going to lose my mind.

  Passing Amelia’s room, I opened the door, finding it vacant. She was gone, probably with her beloved Hunter.

  I thought Jason had left, but I could see his Jeep from the arched window in the hallway. He was still in my house, somewhere.

  After taking a deep breath, I went into the bathroom. My reflection revealed what a wild night I had. Hair in tangles, makeup smudged, and bloodshot eyes. Ignoring the mirror, I opened the machine cabinet and grabbed the Advil bottle. I opened the bottle, poured three pills into my palm, and tossed them into my mouth. I washed them down with a glass of water from the tap.

  Looking down at myself, I noticed I was still in the same clothes from last night. I straightened my top before closing the medicine cabinet. Jason had already seen me like this, so I wasn’t going to make myself pretty. I wanted him to leave. Maybe I could scare him away.

  My legs carried me down the stairs without issue. I turned into the kitchen and found Jason. He was seated at my kitchen table, staring at his cup of steaming coffee.

  “What are you doing?” I walked to the cabinet to grab a mug.

  “Drinking coffee,” he said matter of fact.

  The cabinet was open a little. I nudged it more and grabbed a mug. “Why does it look like you’re trying to figure out if the chicken came before the egg or vice versa?” I closed the cabinet and moved toward the coffee pot.

  “Don’t know.” He sounded like a boy who’d lost his best friend.
/>   I poured myself a cup of delicious coffee and turned around to face him. “You sound like someone disemboweled your cat.”

  Jason’s mouth twitched as he grabbed his mug, picking it up. “You feeling any better?” He looked at me while taking a sip of coffee.

  He avoided my statement. It wasn’t important anyway. I was just trying to fill in the silence between us.

  I looked down at the black coffee, watching the steam raise. “Not this very moment, but soon. Just took some Advil.”

  He nodded. I sat down across from him, studying his face. His jaw was clenched tight, but his eyes searched his coffee as if he was looking for an answer. I didn’t know what to do with him in my kitchen. It wasn’t like we were a couple. Hell, we weren’t even friends.

  “So…” I said, letting the word hang in the air.

  His fingers drummed on the table and stopped as soon as they started. “I know you don’t want me here, but I need some answers first.”

  I took a gulp of my coffee, letting it burn its way down. “What kind of answers?”

  He met my eyes. Those silver orbs were like glass, fragile and elegant. “You really feel nothing for me?”

  I bit my lip. A guy never questioned me before. They didn’t care I left before dawn. We were both satisfied and didn’t have to do the morning dance of awkwardness. Neither of us wanted to lie and say we’d call. We knew it was a one-time deal. Why was Jason making it hard?

  “I find you attractive. Does that mean anything?” His words were soft, as if they were difficult to say.

  All I could do was chew on my bottom lip and avoid his searching gaze.

  He continued on, adding heat to his words. “Do you have empty sex with all types of guys, like some kind of…?”

  “Like some kind of what?” I snapped, crossing my arms over my chest. I didn’t want to hear the word, but my anger was getting out of hand. When that happened, I didn’t know what was going to come out of my mouth.

  “Never mind. I’ve never met a girl who was so cold.”

  “I’m a winter-hearted bitch. Who gives a damn?” I placed my elbows on the table and rubbed my temples. Pain meds sucked. “I learned how to deal with the punches.” Words were falling out.

  Jason sat up and blinked a few times. “What?”

  I downed the rest of my coffee and got up, putting the mug in the sink. “Never mind. I don’t have to explain my life story to you,” I said, keeping my back to him.

  “You probably have daddy issues,” he said under his breath.

  It felt like he slapped me across the face. I spun around and glared at him. “Excuse me? Are you my therapist?”

  Jason’s eyes widened. He held up his palms. “No…It’s just—”

  I put my hand out like a stop sign. I’d heard enough. “Get out. Get the fuck out of my house.”

  He sat his mug on the counter and tried to close the distance between us. I think he wanted to prove he wanted peace, but I craved war.

  “Don’t touch me.” I brushed past him. “I have nothing left to say.”

  Jason stood there for a heartbeat. Maybe he thought I’d calm down and retreat back to him. I would, once hell froze over. Until then, I stormed up the stairs to my room. For a moment, I paused, looking over my shoulder. Jason looked dumbstruck. He ran his fingers through his hair as he went for the door.

  “For what it’s worth, thanks for helping me during my drunken haze.”

  With that said, I raced away before he could reply. I was a bitch, but I wasn’t made of ice. Not all of me, just my heart.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Syd, do you wanna hang out tonight?” Amelia asked, braiding her hair in my doorway.

  I was texting Nikki from Dark Temptress. With the message sent, I sat the phone down to look at my friend. “Sure, we can go to The Heart—”

  She twisted a pony at the end of her braid and tossed it behind her. “I should’ve been clear. Hunter and I are going out to eat. Do you want to come too?”

  My heart sank into my stomach. I didn’t want to eat as those love birds giggled and whispered to each other. “I’ll pass, but thanks.”

  “Hunter said Jason will probably come.” She wiggled her eyebrows, as if I was a dog and Jason was a juicy bone.

  My cell phone pinged. I read the new message.

  Nikki: We should hang 2nght.

  An evil plan came to mind. Nikki came back from tour last night and wanted to go out with me. I could take him to the restaurant and make Jason leave me alone.

  “Can I bring a friend?”

  She exhaled and gave me a disappointed look. “If you must,” she said bitterly and walked down the hall toward her room.

  I texted Nikki back and hoped he’d come even though he wouldn’t know what game I was playing.

  Me: My friends & I r going out 2 eat. U wanna join us? It’ll be fun.

  Nikki: Sure…if we can be alone after.

  I licked my lips and thought about adding another rocker to my list of summer boys. That sounded like I was a groupie and I didn’t even need to attend a concert.

  Me: Deal. I’ll get the details & let u know the where & when.

  Nikki: Looking forward 2 it.

  ***

  Nikki met us at the front door of Italian Garden. I wrapped my arms around him. He grabbed my ass and kissed me hard. His stubble scratched my face. As the five of us waited for a table, I sat on Nikki’s lap and laughed as he told me something about what his guitar player did to a hotel room.

  I wasn’t paying much attention because I kept looking at Jason. He stood alone by a painting of grapes. He crossed his arms over his chest, making his muscles bulge and strain the sleeves of his t-shirt. Jason didn’t look at anyone. He kept his head back and eyes closed. I watched him swallow and envisioned my lips kissing his chest again.

  Nikki squeezed my knee, bringing me back to reality. “Our table is ready,” he said.

  I nodded and stood up. We followed the blonde hostess to a table in a corner of the restaurant. The waiter gave us samples of some red wine to taste and left so we could figure out our order.

  “Nikki,” I cooed. Jason cringed at my tone, making me smile inside.

  “What, baby?” he breathed onto my neck. His fingers kept going up and down my inner right thigh. Nikki could make me wet, but he didn’t make my heart burst.

  “Would you like to share some chicken fettuccine with me?” I batted my eyelashes at him, and Amelia kicked me under the table with her heels.

  I glared at her. She flicked her eyes to an upset Jason and mouthed, “Stop it.”

  She was no fun. I downed my wine, Amelia’s, and Nikki’s. None of them were a fan, and I was helping them out. Why waste good wine?

  The waiter took our orders and came back with drinks and breadsticks. I took a swig of my soda and placed a breadstick on my plate before they were all taken. Amelia and Hunter were talking about going to the beach. Jason stared down at his plate as he ripped a breadstick into confetti. It was time to make my move.

  I dug my nails into Nikki’s spiked hair and pulled him in for a kiss. He tasted like the bread. We kissed deeply, almost sloppily. He liked to force his tongue as far as it could go down my throat. I wanted to gag, but Jason was watching. I slid my hand down his arm, and laid it on his knee. His fingers were more adventurous and were going under my skirt.

  Amelia kept sighing, trying to hint I should stop. I ignored her and kept making out.

  “Excuse me.” I broke away from Nikki and looked up at the stern faced waitress. Her long brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail. “This is a family restaurant. Please wait until after your visit to do such things. Thank you,” she said and walked away with a few empty wine glasses.

  I leaned back against the chair and broke my piece of bread in two. It was cold, so it wasn’t going to taste as good. After taking a bite, I stole a glance at Jason.

  His eyes burned my flesh, like melting a marshmallow held low to the flame. He didn’t appr
ove of how I lived my life. It was written all over his face.

  I didn’t see the point in settling for one person. If you gave them your heart, you were giving them power to break you. They can either crush you or die on you. I didn’t want to deal with that. My solution was better, but it didn’t hold the seal of approval by today’s society.

  When my bread was gone, our dinners were served with more bread. I took a warm piece and bit into it. So much better than the first.

  The noodles that came with the chicken fettuccine were long. I got Nikki to play along with me. He ate one end and I ate the other until we met in the middle and kissed.

  I giggled and pat my lips with a napkin. Amelia shook her head. Hunter looked at his plate like it was a math problem he needed to solve. Jason threw money onto the table and left.

  My whole being went numb. I went too far. Why did I keep pushing him to the breaking point?

  Nikki wanted to do the noodle trick again, but I waved him off. The rest of dinner was awkward and too quiet.

  After dinner, Nikki walked me to the car. We kissed before getting in. I looked at Amelia as she got into Hunter’s truck and watched him open the door for her. They acted like they’ve been dating for years.

  How Amelia hung all over Hunter still puzzled me. To settle for one guy was bizarre. The worst part was she hadn’t known him long. Love at first sight was a myth, made up to fool the simple-minded. I wasn’t going to drink the Kool-Aid. I knew how the world functioned. It didn’t give a damn.

  In Nikki’s BMW, he squeezed my left thigh and backed out of the parking lot. He was on the fast track to his condo so we could have ‘dessert.’

  We fucked around on his velvet sheets in a California king-sized bed. Nikki was a pleasant lover. He liked to be handcuffed to the bed and lick whipped cream off my breasts. When playtime ended, he rolled over to go to sleep. That was my queue to get dressed and call a cab.

  As I stood on the corner waiting for a yellow taxi to take me home, Jason came to mind. My plan with Nikki worked, but it was over the line. Hell, I couldn’t see that damn line anymore. I chased Jason away and for some reason my heart felt like thorns were hugging it, cutting deep wounds that would leave scars forever.