Shades of Sydney (Sydney West #1)

by Brittney Coon

  I scratched my shoulder. “I don’t know. I always hope I’m not one of those girls.”

  “You’re playing with fire every time you disappear with a guy you don’t know.”

  I was about to cave in and say he was right about everything, but I stopped. Who was he to tell me? I knew deep down it was dangerous, but it was my choice.

  “You’re not my father.”

  “I’m not trying to be your father. I don’t want to see you on the damn news. I can’t tell you how many girls the police find dead in ditches or worse, torn apart and raped repeatedly.”

  I chewed on my lip. What could I say? I felt exposed and embarrassed. Not only did I reveal that Jason being close to a girl bothered me, but I almost threw myself into jeopardy to escape a simple conversation.

  Never in all my years have I acted this bizarrely. Were my hormones out of whack? Maybe there was a defect in this month’s birth control pills. There were a lot of recalls on them lately.

  As I thought over every possibility, I couldn’t place my finger on it. I felt like I was turning the same rock over and over in my hands, hoping the answer would materialize and suddenly be there.

  Could it be love? The voice inside my head queried.

  Love? No, it couldn’t be. Did love make you feel sick to your stomach and tingly all over?

  Was I, Sydney Anne West, falling in love with someone? Damn it, Cupid, what was in your poisoned arrow?

  “I have to go,” I blurted, backing away from Jason.

  He looked lost. “Why?”

  “I—I left my oven on and no one’s home to turn it off. Don’t wanna have my house explode.” With that said, I bolted out of the club and didn’t look back.

  My tires squealed as they met the asphalt. That was a lame excuse, but there was nothing else in my head to say. It was blank, like a piece of white paper.

  I turned the radio up and sang along to avoid thinking about what just happened. I needed advice. I needed to talk to my best friend.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  I found Amelia alone, sitting on the back porch, sipping tea, and taking in the mid-morning light. I lay in the lawn chair next to her. Between us was a small coffee table with a pitcher of tea, an extra cup, and freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. It was as if she was waiting for me.

  “I’m going to miss watching the sun move over the ocean when we return to Arizona,” Amelia said, sipping her drink.

  “Yeah, it’s breathtaking, isn’t it?” I said, pouring myself some tea.

  “It’s perfect,” she said, biting a cookie.

  We sat in silence for a moment, admiring the horizon. After a while, Amelia turned to me, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “What have you been up to lately? It seems like forever since we hung out with each other.”

  That’s because you’re obsessed with Hunter.

  “Nothing much. The usual,” I said.

  “What happened to Jason? I liked him.”

  What could I say about Jason? I wanted her advice, but I didn’t want her to go all, “You’re in love with him. You two should be a couple.”

  I looked down at my tea cup, studying the painted pink flowers. “It’s hard to say. We argue a lot, but other times we get along well.” The memory of falling asleep on Jason’s chest while The Lion King played swam through my mind. Perhaps I was getting too close to Jason.

  “Hmm.”

  I turned to look at her. “What?”

  She gave me a shrug, not answering my question.

  “What are you thinking about? I see the wheels in your head moving.”

  Amelia brushed crumbs off her shirt. “You’re not going to like what I have to say. You’ll just fight me.”

  I took a sip of tea and said, “Lay it on me. I won’t fight.”

  She stuck out her pinky. “You have to promise.”

  That was such an elementary thing to do. “Fine,” I said, giving her my pinky.

  “Okay.” We pinky promised. She leaned back in her chair, taking a sip of tea before starting. “I see you and Jason as a thing. I ship you two.”

  I glanced at her while grabbing a cookie. “Ship?”

  “I learned it from one of Hunter’s friends. It means wishing two people would be in a relationship together.”

  “I see, go on.” I took a bite out of the cookie. It melted in my mouth.

  “To me, it was fate that Jason and Hunter fell into our lives. I mean, we just got here and were hanging out in the ocean, and then boom.”

  “We didn’t need their help.”

  “You’re interrupting,” she said sourly.

  “Sorry.” I stuffed the rest of my cookie into my mouth to keep from saying more.

  “Like I said, they came to us. Hunter and I hit it off like a spark to gas, but you and Jason are more like a match to a firework. It takes longer for the flame to arrive.”

  All I could do was look at her.

  “What I mean is, you belong with Jason, but your disbelief in love is getting in the way, making it harder for things to fall into place.”

  I swirled my tea in its cup. “So, what do you suggest? That I drop all my walls and let him in?”

  She put her tea cup on the table and wiped her mouth with a napkin. “No, you could never do that. You always have some kind of wall up, shielding something. All I’m saying is you need to give the poor guy a chance to redeem himself. If you keep shooting him down before he can even show you what a gentleman is like, you’re going to run out of summer.”

  Amelia had a point. The summer was slipping away whether I liked it or not, but I didn’t want to get hurt. My heart couldn’t take any more damage. A heart could mostly survive one major hit, but if the hammer kept on hitting, no matter the amount of time between whacks, the heart would shatter into a million pieces and would never be salvageable.

  “So I should give him a chance?” I wanted to make sure I heard her right.

  “Yeah, go on a date or do something romantic. Switch it up a bit. Maybe get to know him better.” She grabbed another cookie and bit it.

  “I’ll think about it,” I said and took a sip of tea.

  “That’s all I ask. I want you to be happy. Meaningless one-night stands with strangers can’t satisfy you forever.”

  Oddly enough, it used to. Never before had my one-night stands bothered me. I returned home to Arizona happy, renewed. This year was different. I wanted more than casual hookups. Jason and I had something different, dare I say, special, even.

  When Hunter looked at Amelia, she lit up like New York City. Part of me thought it would be nice to be seen and cared for by someone, but my heart was too afraid of being broken to let anyone in.

  Amelia and Jason were doing something to me. They were joining forces. They were trying to do the impossible—make me believe love existed.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Try. That was the three letter word I feared while strolling into Club Black, a nightclub downtown. The place was unique. It had four different clubs within one building. One was the rock ‘n’ roll room. It had metal music pounding and a dance floor. There was another room that was for country fans and then a techno one with intense neon lights that made you sick.

  My favorite was The Pit. It had the longest bar and had cages to dance in. There were stages with stripper poles and, in a select few cages, was a sprinkler system, making it rain on the dancers below.

  Emilie Autumn’s song “Dead is the New Alive” hit the speakers, making me smile. Walking into a club with my favorite artist singing had to be a good sign. My hips swayed to the tempo.

  Amelia and I made a deal. If I met with Jason and gave him a chance, she’d leave me alone about dating and love. The catch was I had to prove I tried with Jason. If it appeared genuine, then I was off the hook.

  I texted Jason and asked him to meet me at the end of the bar in The Pit. My insides were shaking the closer I got to the bar. A few catcalls were thrown my way as I pushed through the unruly crowd. T
hose guys were crude and unworthy of my attention.

  My heels carried me to Jason. He had his back to me. I sat next to him, inhaling a spicy cologne scent radiating off his skin. His clothing was almost too dressy for the club. He had on blue jeans that appeared pressed and a crisp black shirt. It was like he was dressing to impress. I wonder if Amelia got to him, making him throw out all his tricks to try to catch me, a wild butterfly.

  I adjusted my top, keeping it from falling too low before he noticed me. I was wearing a strapless lavender dress with black pumps. Sweeping my hair over my shoulder, I straightened my spine and tapped Jason’s right shoulder.

  “I told you I’m waiting for—hey, Syd.”

  A smirk stole my lips. “You told who what?”

  He turned his body toward me. “Nothing, there was this chick who was trying to hang all over me.”

  “Really? What a stud you must be,” I said, resting my arms on the bar.

  He scratched his head. “What would you like to drink?” He gestured for the bartender.

  “A Sex on the Beach, please.”

  The bartender nodded. Jason took a sip of his drink. “Have you ever had sex on the beach?”

  I gave him a heated look. “Why? You wanna try?”

  His cheeks turned a bright shade of scarlet.

  I waved the comment off. “No, I haven’t. It sounds too uncomfortable. Plus, I don’t want sand in certain places.”

  “Ahh, yeah, that wouldn’t be pleasant.” He ran his hand through his hair.

  “Mmm-hmm.” The bartender sat my drink before me. I took it and removed the tiny pink umbrella before taking a sip. “I love these stupid little umbrellas. That’s pathetic, isn’t it?”

  “No, it’s a good thing.”

  I sat the umbrella on the bar. “Why?”

  He looked down at his glass. “It’s a quirk in you, I guess.”

  “I suppose.”

  We sat together without talking. An awkward feeling crept over me. Who was I kidding? Jason and I weren’t meant to be together. It was ridiculous to try. I’d stay only to tell Amelia I stayed longer than a minute and then she’d be off my back.

  Jason finished his drink and slammed it on the bar, making me flinch. “Wanna dance?”

  I scanned the floor. The crowd wasn’t too wild and the music fit the mood. “Sure.” I mirrored him, finishing my drink and slamming it on the counter.

  He took my hand and led the way to the floor. We found a spot and our bodies moved to the beat. There was distance between us, as if something kept us apart. Maybe I was wrong about Jason. Perhaps being with him didn’t have anything to do with love. It was a coincidence he appeared almost everywhere I went.

  A couple drifted by us. They were all goo-goo-eyed and seemed to be worlds away. I turned back to Jason. He gave me a ghost of his smile. What was with him?

  Before I could ask, a guy elbowed me hard in the ribs. “Watch where you’re going, asshole,” I called after him.

  The guy raised his head. His eyes were black as caves. “Shut up, you fucking whore.”

  I took in the guy. He was tall and had a body I approved of. Looking closer, I realized I had dominated that body before. He was the hot guy from Club Purple, the one I screwed in the bathroom. What was his name? Mike, I think.

  There was no need for a mirror. I felt my face fall.

  He came closer. The anger in those dead eyes gave me chills. “What’s wrong, whore? Didn’t think you’d see me again?”

  I took a step back, bumping into Jason’s chest. “What the hell is your problem?”

  “You stole from me!”

  I gaped at him. “What? I did no such thing.”

  He made a scary sound deep in his throat that I think was supposed to be a laugh. “Right, my money just walked away.”

  I placed my hands on my hips and gave him a death glare. “I didn’t steal any fucking money. My only crime was having sex with you.”

  Mike’s face turned violet and his fists clenched. He was officially pissed off. “You think you’re too good for me?” His eyes flicked to Jason. “Is this the new guy you’re trying to fuck and rob?”

  Jason pushed me behind him. He stood tall and cracked his knuckles, as if ready to fight. “Leave her alone, man.” He paused and nodded toward the exit. “Just walk away.”

  My skin felt like it was burning. I looked around only to find every eye on us. Lovely, we had an audience.

  “You don’t need to get involved,” Mike growled, taking a step forward.

  I tried to get between them, but Jason body blocked me.

  “Syd, you don’t always have to stand your ground. Sometimes you should let others help you,” he said, pushing me behind him again.

  Mike gave me a dirty look. “Dude, she’s a common whore, a cheap trick.”

  “I’m not a hooker!” I went for him, but Jason grabbed my arm.

  He gave me a sick grin, looking down at me like a bug he wanted to step on. “I wouldn’t put it past her that she has some kind of disease.”

  His words made my blood run cold. “I must’ve been extremely messed up to have fucked you.” I locked eyes with him, staring into the monster, unafraid. “By the way, I’d get your penis looked at. It’s the size of my pinky. That’s not natural.”

  The vein above his eye bulged out of his skin. Around us, the crowd chanted, “Fight! Fight! Fight!” Jason and I were in hot water.

  I fell into battle mode, bending my knees and raising my fists. At least I was until Jason yanked me away, shoving his way through the excited crowd. They were booing us, unhappy we weren’t going to fight that dumbass.

  Mike yelled, “Yeah, you better run, pussy. Watch out for your wallet!”

  Jason held my arm tightly and pulled me outside the club, into the cool fresh air outside.

  “Are you all right?” he asked, placing strong hands on the tops of my arms as he searched my face.

  “Yeah,” I lied, waving him off and looking down at my heels.

  “Tell me the truth.” His voice was soft. I wanted to curl myself in it and fall asleep.

  “I’ll be fine,” I said, turning my head and watching a group of people walk by.

  He lifted my chin gently with his fingers, making me meet his dazzling silver eyes. “Don’t let that asshole inside your head. You’re a wonderful person, Syd. Everyone makes mistakes.”

  My stomach felt like acid was eating it. “He’s one of my biggest.”

  “I wish I knew why you sell yourself short. You deserve someone who’d cherish having you in bed with them, not some pig who’d pick up on anything with a pulse.”

  Tears were on the edge of falling down my cheeks. “I know, it’s just…”

  “You can talk to me.”

  I closed my eyes before taking a ragged breath. “Trust is hard to earn and easy to break.”

  He kicked a small rock. “What will I have to do to prove I would move heaven and earth for you?”

  I looked him dead in the eye. “Do you mean that?”

  He closed the gap between us. We were chest to chest. “Yes.” He brushed my lips with his fingertips. “There’s something about you that makes me want to protect you, makes me want to save you.”

  My bottom lip quivered. “What if there’s nothing—”

  “Shh.” His fingers kept my words trapped inside. “Why must you fight everything?”

  Before I could answer, his fingertips were replaced with his lips. I pushed him away. “I can’t do this. You can’t save me.”

  “I’m not trying to save you right now. I want you to know you’re not broken.”

  “Can we…” I trailed off. Honestly I didn’t know what I wanted.

  Jason took my hand, guiding me to the curb. We sat down and admired the stars above.

  After what seemed like hours, Jason broke the silence. “Do you want to go back inside? I bet that asshole is gone by now.”

  I nodded. Jason helped me stand and led the way to the club. He was right,
Mike was nowhere in sight. The club had gone back to its loud and insane ways, as if nothing happened.

  Jason got me a whiskey neat, as if he knew I needed it. We drank and returned to the dance floor. To make me smile, Jason did the robot in slow motion. A laugh bubbled out of me. I didn’t stop until my stomach was sore.

  “Wanna do something crazy?” Jason whispered into my ear.

  “What?” I asked, searching his eyes, but they gave nothing away.

  “Come with me.” He let me go and walked through the mass of bodies.

  I was nervous, but followed behind him. Perhaps Jason finally earned my trust.

  Jason got into a cage, offering me his hand. I shook my head. “No.”

  “Come on, don’t you trust me?”

  I did, but I was wondering if that was a mistake. “Fine,” I said and he pulled me inside.

  The song “Die Young” by Kesha washed over us. My body began to sway. Jason pulled me in close. I wrapped arms around his waist. He smelled musty. Inhaling his scent and having him close made my heart rattle my ribcage.

  A thunder clap rang from the speakers above. I realized what it meant a second too late. Cold water poured over us. We were in the cage with a sprinkler system. As it rained down, Jason pressed me into the bars of the cage.

  His lips met mine, kissing gently. I opened my mouth and allowed him inside. In that moment, as we were being soaked to the bone, I needed to drink Jason in. I wanted him inside me. I wanted to make us one.

  Hands trailed down my back, cupping my ass cheeks. I dug my fingernails into his back, making him gasp. He pressed me harder into the bars. I’d have bruises in the morning, but at the time, I didn’t have a care in the world.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Jason had taken a cement wall down in me that night. I felt giddy. I felt happy. He did it with a simple kiss. It was true both our bodies craved more, but we didn’t need it. I could feed off his kiss like it was nourishment. All I needed, all I wanted, was him.

  To clear my head, I took a jog on the beach. There was something about an empty beach at sunrise that made me feel at ease. The waves crashed against the shoreline and the cry of the seagulls helped clear my mind.