All to Love You

by Anna Antonia

  Once I would’ve talked him out of it. Now I was fully on his side because I felt the same.

  “I’m not giving you up, Gabriel.”

  “I’m not giving you up either, Emma.”

  I turned my head to look at him. “Promise?”

  “Promise.” He leaned in for a kiss before breaking out into laughter. “Lord, we sound as bad as a couple of angst-ridden teens.”

  “Yep,” I agreed while reaching up to scratch his head with my other hand. “Except worse.”

  “Worse?”

  “Worse because we know better.”

  “That’s true.” Gabriel rolled over and pinned me down. “What do you say, Emma? You wanna rebel with me?”

  I pitched my voice high and cooed, “What are we rebelling against, Gabriel?”

  “What do you got, baby? We can do them all, but only in the afternoon but before five. Weekends are optional. Weather permitting.”

  We laughed together loudly. It felt good to let off a little stress. Looking up into his gaze, I saw the tenderness shining in his gaze.

  It was selfless love for me and I felt blessed beyond words.

  Gabriel cupped my cheek and said, “Seriously, Emma. We have to get in front of this.”

  “I’m listening.”

  “This is our relationship, right? I love you. You love me. We’re taking ownership of it. No apologies.”

  “No apologies but plenty of compassion.”

  He considered it with a jaunty tilt of his head. “Compassion. I like that.”

  “Me too.”

  He let out a yawn. We laid down again, side by side, fingers entwined as we stared up the ceiling.

  “Look at us. We’re in a bed and not making love. I think this is how grownups act,” Gabriel mused out loud.

  “I thought we were already grownups.”

  “Sure. On some things, like work and paying bills.”

  “You pay your own bills?”

  Gabriel cast me a sheepish look. “My money pays for them.”

  “But Rick does the actual paying, doesn’t he?”

  “Maybe. Or maybe he has his assistant do it. I’m not sure.”

  I poked him in the shoulder. “You need to know those things, Gabriel.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Reaching over and pulling his snappy, saluting hand back onto the bed, I turned into his shoulder. I then threw my leg over his firm stomach. “Gabriel, tell me something about your life.”

  “What would you like to know, my sweet?”

  I didn’t have to think that hard for the first question. “Who stabbed you?”

  Gabriel’s body stiffened for a moment. “You go for the tough ones, don’t you?”

  “That’s the kind of girl I am.”

  He puffed his cheeks, gaze fixed doggedly on the ceiling. I almost didn’t expect him to answer when he said, “If I tell you, Emma, you have to promise me that you’re not going to go against my judgment.”

  That confused me. “Gabriel—”

  He turned his head and looked at me. All the boyish sweetness disappeared. “I’m not joking, Emma. No one knows outside of my family. Especially not Embry. You can’t bring this up to the authorities.”

  “Okay.”

  “Promise me. Say the words.”

  Gabriel’s insistence made me more than a little worried that I wouldn’t like the truth. “I promise.”

  “You promise what?”

  “I promise not to go against your judgment.”

  Gabriel eyed me for a bit. Finally, he seemed satisfied by my sincerity. Then he dropped the bomb.

  “Rick stabbed me.”

  TWENTY

  “What?” The sharp word shot out like a bullet. Or like the knife that sank into Gabriel’s chest all those years ago. “Your assistant? That Rick?”

  “Yes, that Rick.”

  My gaze wobbled back and forth. Strange half-spoken words came out but couldn’t be joined into anything really resembling speech. Gabriel saved me the trouble of trying to find my voice.

  “We were different people back then. I was a cocky asshole with an anger issue the size of North America and Rick was…” Gabriel’s voice dipped low before resuming a neutral cadence. “Rick was a kid who grew up in a shitty family in a shittier neighborhood and had the shittiest luck of loving a girl who ended up not being worth it.”

  No way. There was no way that I was understanding this correctly.

  “Back up. You’re telling me that Rick Mitchell, the man who keeps your life in perfect order is the same man who tried to kill you?”

  “Yes, but no. Yes, he stabbed me. No, he is not the same person. Not anymore.”

  No wonder Gabriel needed to get that promise out of me. Fury frothed. I thought back to the handful of times I met Rick. He seemed so calm and trustworthy, completely devoted to Gabriel and his job.

  The perfect assistant.

  How could Rick do that to Gabriel? And why wasn’t he in jail?

  I asked him and he said, “People make mistakes, Emma.”

  “Attempted murder isn’t exactly a mistake.”

  Sadness crossed his expressive face. “This time it was.” He eyed me and asked with false cheer, “Do you want to hear a story, Emma?”

  I was beyond wary of this story but I wanted to know the truth. “Sure. Tell me a story.”

  “I have to warn you—I don’t come off well in it at all.” He only began after I nodded. “Once upon a time there was a young asshole, that would be me, who hung out in the bad part of the big city because running around with spoiled rich boys wasn’t dangerous enough. He went off to college and found it a tremendous bore but absolutely lived for the weekends.

  “On the weekends he could be someone other than who he was, someone closer to who he always believed he was. Anonymous, unwanted, unnecessary.”

  I took great pains not to let my wince cross my face. My heartbeat quickened but my breathing remained the same. “You’re wrong about that young asshole. He was absolutely wanted.”

  “That’s sweet but no interruptions.” Gabriel zipped my lips shut. “Now Y.A., young asshole to you and me, drank, smoke, and did more than his fair share of hard drugs. He got into fights for the fun of it. He won most of them and lost a couple of others. Those were the most fun. Face all beat up, bruises the size of softballs all over his chest and back, and it almost felt like home. Nostalgia at its finest.”

  That part hurt. Regardless of Lucas and Marie, Gabriel was still Ryan’s nephew. He shouldn’t have treated him like that. I blinked away my tears but a few escaped anyways.

  “Life was cut right down the middle. Decent. Indecent. College boy. Common thug. Still, Y.A. met some good eggs in that pack of rotten ones. Some triplets and then this one guy. His name was Rick Mitchell. He was only a few years older than Y.A. but a hard life had already aged him. Now if you think Y.A.’s story was bad, you’d bawl your eyes out hearing his.

  “Y.A. heard it and knew it for his own. Rick was someone he could finally relate to, to have a connection that wasn’t about sex or money. It was real. They became like brothers. It was good.

  “And then Y.A. fucked it up. Rick had this girl he loved like he’d never loved before. Y.A. got jealous. Rick had something that Y.A. wanted but couldn’t have.”

  Gabriel moved up until he sat back against the headboard. I sat up as well, tucking my legs to the side and resting on the palm of one hand. Knowing the end of the story and now knowing that Rick had been the one to stab him, I’d already put the pieces together.

  “Worse, Y.A. knew the girl didn’t feel the same way about Rick and tried his best to let him know. Rick didn’t believe Y.A. He just punched him in the arm and told him ‘Bro, it’ll happen to you too one day. Once you lay off those bitches you keep fucking.’”

  Gabriel tipped his head in apology. “Told you Y.A. was a young asshole.”

  I shrugged, already knowing Gabriel had a list of lengthy partners. He wanted connection. I wanted
control. We pursued our vices the best way we knew how.

  “It’s okay. Go on.”

  “I have to, don’t I?” Gabriel’s expression turned distant, haunted even. “Y.A. decided to prove to Rick that he was wasting his time on something as stupid as love. Y.A. had done it and looked where it had got him?

  “So Y.A. set out to woo this delicate, lying flower and it was easy. Too damned easy. Crazily he thought that Rick would appreciate it knowing he’d saved him. Y.A. never considered it wasn’t his place to interfere. He really thought he was doing Rick a favor.

  “Although he’d slept with Rick’s lying flower, he’d truly done it out of love for Rick. That was Y.A.’s barometer for love—it wasn’t sweet and natural. It was pain, ugliness, and even if it had once seemed like it could be something different, experience had taught him that there were no happy endings when it came to love.”

  There was no doubt that Gabriel was talking about me. I also knew it wasn’t said to be hurtful or hateful. It was just fact.

  I’m so sorry that I hurt you so much, Gabriel.

  “Y.A. planned on telling Rick first, naïve for all his supposed worldliness. He didn’t expect the lying flower to come clean first. He also didn’t expect her to tell Rick she now loved Y.A. and wanted to be his girl.”

  I swallowed down my growing dread. I reminded myself yet again that I already knew the end of this story. Gabriel survived. He was okay.

  “Y.A. should’ve seen it coming but he didn’t. Blindly, he followed Rick into the alley, the one where they always drank and smoke and just talked about life. Rick stood there and asked, ‘One question. Did you do it?’”

  Gabriel banged his head against the headboard once. I could see clearly that even after all these years he was still disgusted with himself. He kept his voice soft and continued.

  “Y.A., being the arrogant young asshole that he was broke out with ‘Dude, you’re going to be so much better off without her. She would’ve just weighed you down.’ Y.A. wasn’t very smart as you can tell. He never even apologized. Rick looked at him and said, ‘You were my brother. I loved her. I loved you.’ And then it was done. Y.A. had a big knife in his chest and was going to bleed to death on the dirty ground in an alley.

  “Y.A. thought of his mama, feeling a regret that she’d never forgive herself for her only child dying like a criminal in the streets. Y.A. thought of his father and knew he wouldn’t mourn Y.A.’s death but wishing he would. Then Y.A. thought of that one girl, the one who’d he still loved so much. Y.A. hoped she’d at least cry a little bit.”

  I was crying more than a little bit. Sobs pressed hard against my lips. I covered my mouth and tried to apologize through my gasps.

  Gabriel pulled me into the space between his legs. “Baby, it’s okay. I survived, remember?”

  “I k-know. It’s just…the thought of you dying like that…I should’ve never rejected you. I should’ve been…braver…and then it wouldn’t have happened.”

  “Ssh, Emma.” He held me close and smoothed my hair in long, soothing strokes. “It had to happen that way. If I hadn’t been stabbed I would’ve never changed. I would’ve spent my life bitter and angry as hell about the unfairness of the world.

  “I wouldn’t have been forced to change and I definitely wouldn’t have been good enough for you. Even if you somehow did give me another chance, I would’ve wrecked it.”

  His confidence did little to end my tears. I believed Gabriel was probably right, but it still hurt too much to know what he’d gone through. I was done with story time but I had to hear the rest so I could understand his decision.

  “So what happened next?”

  “Y.A. lay there dying and Rick wouldn’t leave him. He started apologizing. ‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.’ But it was too late for them both. Y.A. realized he should’ve never slept with the dirty flower and Rick realized he didn’t hate enough to kill.

  “Y.A. couldn’t take back what he’d done but he could stop Rick from having to pay for it. He still had the breath to talk. ‘Take my phone. Call the ambulance.’ Rick looked scared but didn’t fight. Y.A. then told him not to admit anything. ‘You’re my friend. That’s what you’ll tell them. You found me here. Your prints are on the knife because you were going to pull it out but I stopped you. Don’t be stupid and go to jail over this, Rick.’

  “So that’s what he did. He stayed with me the whole time. In the ambulance. At the hospital. Y.A. survived and the police never found out. Later, I got out and found Rick. I offered him a choice—a different life or jail. ‘I didn’t save you from jail just to send you back into it so you better choose right.’ Rick listened and chose me. The rest is history.”

  I squeezed his thigh once. “How could you trust him after all that?”

  “How could I not? Yes, he tried to kill me. But he immediately regretted it. He was ready to go to jail for it. He didn’t try to run away. He owned up to it. I wasn’t okay with sending Rick away, possibly for the rest of his life, for one mistake.”

  “But it was a big one.”

  “Yes, it was. Still, that could’ve easily been me. I was doing so much bad shit during that time, Emma. I drove even though I was half-drunk. I could’ve easily killed someone time and time again. I just got lucky that I didn’t. I got into too many fights. What if I had hit someone in the wrong spot and killed them? It was luck, Emma. I had the good luck to get away with bad choices and he had the bad luck of meeting me.

  “I couldn’t judge Rick because I’d struck out at him first. I killed his belief in the one woman he ever allowed himself to trust. I’d also taken away the only woman he ever loved. It was beyond cruel, especially because I knew about his home life.”

  “You felt guilty and responsible for his choice.”

  “Sure I did.”

  “But he made that choice.”

  “That’s true. He’s also taken the chance to make a different life and to atone for that night. Rick is a good man, Emma, in spite of those three seconds.”

  I didn’t know what to say so instead I asked, “Your uncle and mom know, don’t they?”

  “They found out later only because Rick confessed.”

  Thinking to how devoted Rick was to Gabriel, I wondered if guilt was still dictating his actions. “How did you keep them from pressing charges against Rick anyways?”

  “They’re very good at keeping secrets,” Gabriel replied rather dryly. “Lucas doesn’t fully trust Rick but my mom was eventually convinced.”

  I pulled back to look up at Gabriel. “This all seems a little farfetched.”

  One perfect brow rose in question. “How so?”

  “They’d let the man who nearly killed you not only stay out of jail, but then work for you? I just don’t see Lucas as being okay with that. At all. I’m guilty of the crime of loving you and Lucas is doing everything he can to make me go away. And again that’s just for me loving you.”

  “I know. It’s insane. I told you my family’s messed up. Lucas has a videotaped confession from Rick in his safe. A signed confession too. He’s comfortable that he can pull the trigger on Rick anytime he wants. If Rick flipped his lid and harmed me, he’d end up in prison for sure.”

  “And Rick is okay with this?”

  “Rick feels that he owes me his life. A life for a life. He’s loyal to a fault, Emma. Trust me—he never forgets for one second what he’d done. He’s never let himself get attached to another woman since that night either. I know Rick’s afraid of who he’ll be if he ever lets himself love again.”

  Incredible sadness filled Gabriel’s gaze. Suddenly, he looked far older than his age and just as tired. “I did that to him. I took that love away from him. I owe him a life too, Emma, just as much as he owes me.”

  My mind spun, going through the extremes of wanting to take a knife to Rick myself and feeling so much pity for a man who’d been betrayed by someone he loved as a brother.

  By Gabriel.

  I was exhausted but there was
more still. “So when will Rick consider his debt to you paid in full?”

  “I don’t know. I hope immediately considering I’ve resigned from my position.”

  “You what?” I yelled out in shock.

  Gabriel’s lips twitched with humor but he kept his tone even in cadence. “I handed my resignation to Lucas this morning. With me out of Gordon Industries, Rick can get to start his own life. I think he’s always wanted to go into the hospitality industry. Open up his own hotel somewhere tropical. Now he can.

  “I’ve already gotten the tape and paperwork out of Lucas’s safe. My uncle doesn’t even know it’s gone or that it’s already been destroyed.”

  “And it’s a done deal. Just like that?”

  “Just like that.”

  I rolled off the bed and walked over to the bureau. “Gabriel, are you sure this is what you want?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “No regrets about leaving the company?”

  Gabriel got up off the bed and stood behind me. “Will I miss the work? Sure.” He turned me around. “But I’m not walking out destitute. I have more than enough money to last me several lifetimes—especially since you won’t let me spoil you properly.”

  I tried to smile but failed.

  He turned me around and fixed a pout on his incredibly kissable lips. “I won’t be a billionaire anymore. Just a straight-up millionaire. Do you think you can live with that?”

  Now that made me laugh. “I think I can manage as long as you can.”

  “Maybe you can teach me how to clip coupons or something. What do you think?”

  His earnest expression coaxed another giggle. “Sure. I can teach you that. It’ll keep you busy when I’m away at work.”

  Gabriel’s brows snapped into a haughty expression of distaste. “I’m not going to retire. I’ll clip coupons for fun.”

  “Fun?”

  “Fun.” He brushed his fingertips across my cheek. “I’m going to start another company when I’m ready. Until then, I’ll invest and continue working with my favorite non-profits. So don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. More than fine.”