Back to You

by Hunter J. Keane

  “Guess I’m stuck with you.” I stretched up to kiss his cheek. We had reached the line for the hayrack ride. “My mom’s not going to be too thrilled about that.”

  Evan sighed. “Does she still hate me?”

  “She absolutely doesn’t hate you. In fact, she thinks you’d be the perfect boyfriend for me if I was about three years older.” I frowned, remembering the conversation I’d had with her right before leaving the house. “She’s just worried that I’m missing out on normal teenage girl experiences because of our relationship.”

  “I’m not even around most of the year. She can’t possibly think that I’m preventing you from living your life.” Evan stared glumly straight ahead.

  “It’s not even about you,” I insisted. “She doesn’t think I should be in any relationship right now. She says we’re too young to be this serious.”

  We moved forward with the line and then it was our turn to climb onto the flatbed. Evan went first and then leaned down to offer his hand. I didn’t actually need his help, but I took his hand anyway. We were the last ones to board and therefore got a prime seat on the last hay bail at the back.

  “This is kind of scary,” I said as the tractor started moving and we lurched forward. The ground was bumpy and I clutched futilely at the straw beneath me.

  Evan put his arm around me without saying anything. We sat in silence until we were deep into the woods. We had taken this same ride the previous year, but then we had been surrounded by our friends. I knew that it would take about fifteen minutes before the tractor would reach a clearing. In the open wooded area, there would be fires and s’mores and hot chocolate.

  “Do you think we should see other people?” Evan asked suddenly.

  “What?” I gaped at him as my heart raced. “No! Do you think we should?”

  “No.” He shook his head quickly. “Of course not.”

  “Then why would you ask me that?” My mind was running through all the pretty girls that went to Evan’s school. Did he secretly wish he was with one of them instead? “Are you trying to break up with me?”

  “Break up? No.” Evan glanced at me for just a second before looking quickly away. “I don’t want to be with anyone but you, Elle.”

  I had never seen Evan act this way. He seemed nervous and self-conscious. “What’s wrong, Ev? You’re not acting like yourself.”

  “Nothing is wrong. I promise.” Evan turned back to me, smiling nervously. “I love you, Noelle.”

  My heart thumped happily. We had been together two years, but we’d never used those words. Even though I’d loved Evan since the first time he smiled at me, I’d never allowed myself to admit it out loud.

  “I love you, too,” I said, the words coming out in a rush. “I think I always have.”

  “I know I always will,” Evan said with complete certainty. “I have something for you.”

  I watched as he dug a hand into his coat pocket. When he finally pulled his hand back out, it was shaking. I stared at the thin silver band in confusion. “What is that?”

  “Don’t worry, it’s not what you think it is.” Evan laughed awkwardly. “I’m not proposing to you, Elle.”

  “I didn’t think you were,” I said, feeling embarrassed. It looked a lot like a wedding band to me. “We’re fifteen.”

  “We are.” He took my right hand in his. “We might only be fifteen, but I know I love you and want to be with you forever. This ring is a reminder of that for when we aren’t together.” Evan held the ring closer to my face. “I had our initials carved into it.”

  It was too dark to make out the inscription, but I nodded. “It’s beautiful, Ev.”

  He tried to slide the ring onto my finger, by his hand was still shaking. I grabbed his hand with my left hand and held it steady while sliding my finger through the ring.

  “Whew. I’m glad it fits.” He let out a relieved laugh. “That could’ve been awkward.”

  “It’s perfect,” I said, kissing his cheek. “Thank you.”

  “It’s not perfect,” he said, smiling softly. “You’re perfect, Noelle. We’re perfect together.”

  I nodded in complete agreement. “That’s why we have to stay together forever.”

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  T he kids went to Norma’s for dinner at six. That gave me an hour to prepare for my date with Evan. It was more than enough time to take a shower and change clothes, but I found myself spending an inordinate amount of time fretting about insignificant details, like which way to part my hair and whether I should file my nails.

  “It’s just Evan,” I muttered to myself for the tenth time as I stared in the mirror. “He already knows what you look like, Noelle.”

  I heard him knock on the door and I took a deep breath. My nice dresses were on a truck somewhere, so I had to settle for jeans and a sweater. I hoped Evan wouldn’t be too disappointed. Knowing him, he probably had some extravagant date planned for us.

  “Thought you might’ve chickened out,” Evan said after I opened the door.

  “I would have, but there’s nowhere for me to hide.” I smiled when I saw that Evan was also wearing jeans and a sweater beneath his winter coat. “You look nice, Ev.”

  “You look stunning.” Evan grin adorably. “Ready?”

  I grabbed my coat from the rack by the door and Evan took it from me. As he helped me into it, his hands grazed my shoulders. “You always were old fashioned,” I said. “Being your girlfriend for so long really spoiled me.”

  “I was trying to ruin you for all other men,” he said. “Did it work?”

  “I’m 33 and still single. It didn’t not work.” I stepped outside after him and shut the door. When I turned back around, he was holding out his hand. As I reached out to take it, he flinched. “What?”

  “You still have it.” He took my hand and straightened out my fingers. “You really kept the ring?”

  “We said forever,” I reminded him. We’d made so many promises that night, back when we were two fifteen-year-olds who were blissfully in love.

  Evan cleared his throat and shifted to hold my hand normally. Seeing the ring had rattled him, but he was trying not to let it show. I hoped that I hadn’t crossed a line by wearing it. I’d thought it would be a nice gesture to show him that I’d kept something that was so important to our past. Maybe Evan preferred for it to stay in the past.

  “You drive a truck these days,” I said when he opened the passenger door for me. “You always swore you’d never own a truck.”

  “I grew up.” Evan let go of my hand and added, “You always swore we’d be together forever.” I froze, feeling like I’d just been punched in the chest. My face contorted in pain and Evan flinched. “I’m sorry, Elle. I didn’t mean that.”

  “I think you did,” I said, taking a step back. “Should we just end this now? I’m not really interested in being your punching bag all night.”

  Evan grabbed my arm. “No. Please. I promise I will be on my best behavior from this moment forward.”

  “I don’t want you to pretend with me. If you are angry with me, be angry. Just know that I’m not in a place in my life right now where I can stand here while you let that anger out.” I gave him a firm stare. “I’m already hurting enough.”

  “I’m not angry. I’m hurt, too.” Evan let go of my arm and waved a hand into the truck. “Please, let me take you on a date tonight, Elle. Maybe spending the evening together will help us both hurt a little less.”

  I hesitated for a moment longer before climbing into the truck. Evan shut the door and crossed to the other side. After he was seated, he looked at me. “Thank you. I’ve been looking forward to this since you said yes.”

  “Me too,” I replied. “Thank you for asking.”

  Evan turned the engine on and cranked up the heat. “I’d let you choose the radio station, but I remember you have terrible taste in music.”

  “That is not true,” I protested. “You always used to let me pick the music.”

 
; “You used to let me do a lot of things that you won’t let me do now,” Evan said with a smirk.

  “How do you know?” I volleyed back.

  Evan’s eyes widened in surprise. “If the kids are with Aunt Norma, we’d have the house all to ourselves for a while.”

  “Nice try, Gray.” I laughed. “Besides, you’ve got a truck now. Plenty of room.”

  It was Evan’s turn to laugh. “I also have my own place now, Elle. No more sneaking in quickies in the back of a vehicle.”

  “That’s too bad,” I said with a sigh. “We had some really good times doing that.”

  “Yes, we did.” Evan’s face grew serious. “We had some good times when we lived together, too.”

  “We also had some pretty bad times, Ev.” I turned to look out the window. Remembering those last couple of years that we were together was too hard. I didn’t like to remember us that way. “I think you’ve forgotten that our relationship wasn’t always perfect.”

  “I never said it was perfect.” Evan’s tone was guarded. “I know why you left, Elle. I never blamed you.”

  I swallowed down a lump of emotion that was rising to the surface. “I’ve blamed myself for twelve years.” I continued to stare out the window, slowly understanding where Even was taking me. “Are we going to the Eagle’s Nest?” I said with a laugh.

  “It’s Saturday night in Starlight. Where else would we go?” Evan shot me a smile.

  “This will be the first time I’ll legally be old enough to get served there,” I said. “I had my first drink there.”

  “You and me both.” Evan turned into the parking lot and rolled the truck to a stop. “Not much has changed except they are a little stricter about IDs these days.”

  “Good. Hopefully Maddy won’t see the inside of this place until she’s well into her twenties.” I frowned a little. Just the thought of my niece growing up and doing some of the same things I’d done in my teens made my stomach queasy.

  Evan shook his head. “I’m sorry, Elle, but it’s really strange seeing you as a parental figure. Especially of an almost-teenager.”

  “You think it’s strange observing it from the outside? Try being me.” I sighed. “Just one year ago I was planning a trip to the Bahamas to drink on a beach for a week with my boyfriend and working 80 hours a week at my soulless job. Now, I’ve got two kids, I’m newly single, and I’m out of a job.”

  “Newly single?” Evan said.

  “You caught that, huh?” I put my hand on the door handle. “Let’s continue this conversation inside, preferably over a strong drink.”

  Entering the Eagle’s Nest, I was overwhelmed by a rush of nostalgia. It was so strong that I actually rocked back on my feet. Evan was there with a steadying hand on my lower back. “You okay?” he asked.

  “Yeah.” I took a deep breath. “Let’s just find a table.”

  “Looks like our usual table is open.” Evan took my hand and started toward the corner of the room.

  The Eagle’s Nest was a local favorite. They had lots of tables, a well-stocked bar, and served the best burgers in town. Aside from the bar area, there was a room with shuffleboard, pool, and air hockey and another room for dancing. When we were still in high school, the owners had looked the other way when we’d come in on the weekends for cheap food and to kill time playing games. Some of us had also sneaked a few drinks in between rounds of pool.

  Evan pulled out a chair for me, just as he always had, and we waited for the waitress to come take our orders. Evan was studying me closely and it made me squirm.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?” I said finally.

  “Looking at you right now, I feel like I stepped back in time about fifteen years,” he said with a bewildered shake of his head. “Only you’re even more beautiful now.”

  I felt myself blushing and I was glad that the waitress chose the moment to approach. I ordered a scotch while Evan went with a beer. After she walked away, I said, “That’s not your usual order.”

  “It has been for the last twelve years.” Evan looked me right in the eye as he said, “I know my drinking was a problem. It was a big part of the reason you left me.”

  “It wasn’t the biggest issue we had,” I said.

  “No, it wasn’t, but I didn’t like who I was those last few month we were together. I was drinking too much and I wasn’t always kind to you, Elle. I’m really sorry about that.” He frowned and studied my face for a reaction. “I should’ve loved you better.”

  “You loved me fine,” I said, not sure if it was true. Evan wasn’t wrong. He’d spiraled badly in our last few months together. It had been hard to love him in those days, but I still had loved him. “We both made mistakes, Evan.”

  He waited for the waitress to leave after bringing our drinks. “I never thought I would be that kind of man.”

  “You couldn’t have known what was going to happen. We both had a hard time adjusting.” I had no idea what to say to Evan. I’d made my peace with our break up a long time ago, but I don’t know that Evan ever did. “We both thought you were going to play professional hockey. We both thought we were going to have that baby and get married and live happily-ever-after. Life had other plans for us.”

  An old pain flashed in Evan’s eyes. He blinked a few times and chased it away. “Tell me about your life for the past twelve years. What have you been up to?”

  “I moved to New Orleans for grad school. Got a job with a large bank. Spent most of my life working. Did some travel, dated some guys.” I shrugged. “And then all of that was erased when David and Stephanie were killed in a car accident last year.”

  “That must have been devastating,” Evan said. “I know how close you were with both of them.”

  “They were my family.” I didn’t have to tell Evan anything more. We had been together when my parents were killed, also in a car accident. Evan knew that I’d lived with David and Stephanie for my last two years of high school. “The kids moved into my two-bedroom condo in the city, but that was never going to be a long-term solution.”

  “You said that you’re newly single. I assume your lifestyle change had something to do with that?” Evan’s eyes had narrowed slightly as he took a sip from his beer.

  I lifted my own glass to my lips, quickly composing my answer. “Chris and I were together for not quite a year at the time of the accident. He tried to be supportive, but he never wanted kids. Staying with him wouldn’t have been fair to anyone. I broke it off shortly after I decided to move to Starlight.”

  “That sucks, Elle. I’m sorry.” Evan sounded like he actually meant it.

  “But not too sorry, right?” I joked, trying to lighten the mood.

  “I’m not sorry that you are single, but I am sorry that your life has been so hard lately.” Evan grimaced. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make this such a gloomy date.”

  “It’s not your fault my life is so tragic.” I took another sip of my drink. “Your turn. Tell me all about the girls you’ve dated for the last twelve years.”

  Evan laughed. “I only made you talk about one of your relationships. This isn’t fair.”

  “Fine. Pick one.” I grinned. “But make it a good one.”

  “That would be Suzanne. She set my apartment on fire.” Evan laughed at the expression on my face. “You should be glad. This means you can never be my craziest ex-girlfriend.”

  “Is that a challenge?” I teased. “I could still get drunk, dance on the bar, make out with our waitress, and start a bar fight.”

  “You shouldn’t tease me like that,” Evan said with a sparkle in his eyes.

  We spent the next hour telling more stories and eating burgers. When the waitress brought the check, Evan snatched it up.

  “At least let me split it,” I said.

  “Not a chance.” Evan grinned at me. “I’m sure you’ll think of some way to pay me back.”

  “Dirty,” I said with mock disgust.

  Evan threw some cash on the table a
nd stood, holding out his hand. “Come on, Dirty Girl. Let’s see if you’re still terrible at pool.”

  “Please, don’t ever call me Dirty Girl again.” I let him pull me to my feet. We were only inches apart and I found myself looking at his lips, remembering how they used to feel against my skin. “I should probably check in on the kids. Make sure they aren’t driving Norma crazy.”

  “I’m sure the kids are fine. If anything, Aunt Norma is probably driving them crazy.” Evan was in no hurry to move. “I have a confession to make, Sutton.”

  “You’re the one that set Suzanne’s apartment on fire?” I guessed with a smile.

  “No.” He laughed and shook his head. “This is the best date I’ve had in twelve years.”

  As I looked into his eyes, a warm feeling spread through my body. I had no idea how I’d made it twelve years without being able to look in those eyes. “Well, the date isn’t over yet, Gray. Give me a chance to make it even better.”

  It was still early enough that a lot of people were finishing their dinners and the post-dinner drinking crowd hadn’t made an appearance in the game room yet. We were able to score the best pool table in the place and I watched as Evan racked the balls.

  “Remember when you used to bring me here just to show off your pool skills?” I said, enjoying the view as Evan bent over to make sure everything was lined up appropriately.

  “Remember when you used to be easily impressed by things like my pool skills?” Evan straightened and came over to hand me a cue. “I have a feeling you’re going to make me work a lot harder for your affection this time.”

  I shrugged a little and glanced at the table. “Let’s see how well you can break.”

  Evan gave me a coy look before lining up his shot. His break was clean and he knocked in two stripes. He knocked in two more balls before it was my turn. “Impressed yet?”

  “Not even a little bit.” I studied the table closely and lined up a shot. As I was bending over, I noticed a small smile turn up Evan’s lips. “What’s wrong with you?”

  “Nothing.” His smile grew. “You still shake your ass when you’re about to make your shot.”