One Final Step

by Stephanie Doyle

“I have everything to be ashamed of!”

  Some of the customers at the tables around them turned their heads at her raised voice. He could see them looking over at her, and watched as she practically shrunk in on herself, turning her face away from all of them.

  Away from him.

  This couldn’t be his Madeleine. Not the brilliant strategist or the woman who fought to the death over Monopoly or could bring him low with one raised eyebrow.

  This woman was cowering.

  “You made a mistake,” Michael said, reaching across the table and taking her hand before she could pull it away. He forced her to look at him. Willed her to fight back against what she was feeling. “You think you’re the only one in politics who ever did that? You think you’re the only one who ever slept with someone they shouldn’t have? You have a talent, Madeleine. A brain like nothing I’ve ever seen before.”

  “I don’t need to go back to D.C. to use it,” she said dully. “It works fine here and in Philadelphia.”

  “What if I said I need you there?” It was a bold move on his part. Because if she told him that didn’t matter to her, then he might have to realize he didn’t matter to her. At least not enough.

  “No,” she said. “This isn’t about you or your car or the committee. You said it. This is the next step. This is some milestone you think I need to reach before I can be ready for you, and I’m telling you that’s not the case. What I feel for you isn’t going to change because of this. I promise you that. But hear this very clearly, nothing…no one…can ever make me go back there.”

  “Madeleine…” Michael’s phone buzzed in his pocket, interrupting him. Normally he would have ignored it, but on the off-chance it was Blakely calling with news, he didn’t want to dismiss it outright. “Hold on. This argument isn’t over.”

  “Wrong. This argument is completely over,” she said tightly.

  Michael glanced at the phone and saw Archie’s name. “Give me a minute, all right? It’s Archie and he never calls.”

  Madeleine said nothing and turned her face to the window.

  “Hey, Archie, what’s the matter?”

  “Mickey, I wouldn’t call, you know that, right, but I think there might be trouble. I think I might have said something wrong.”

  “Talk to me.”

  “It’s my new guy. You know, Nooky.”

  The name sent a shudder through Michael. With everything happening, he hadn’t thought to follow up to make sure the man had left as instructed. It had been weeks since the marathon. The little shit should have been long gone by now.

  “What about him?”

  “Well, he took off. Haven’t seen him in a couple of days.”

  Which could mean Michael’s problem was solved. “So he took off. It happens to you. You know that. You can’t save them all, Archie.”

  “Yeah, but now this guy called and I think…oh, shoot, Mickey, I don’t know how to say this, but I told Nooky about you and Maddy. I didn’t think anything of it. Just bragging, you know how I do about you. Saying how lucky you are to get such a nice girl and all. But then he puts it together, you know, about her and the president…”

  “So?” Michael snapped, not really understanding where Archie was going with this.

  “I got a call this morning from some guy.”

  “What guy? What are you talking about?”

  Madeleine turned to him then, her face disapproving. She was obviously not happy with the tone he was taking with his friend. Leave it to her to defend Archie in this situation.

  “He said he was a journalist or something. I didn’t buy that. But he says Nooky talked to him about maybe getting paid for some pictures. The man wanted to know about you and Maddy. Where you liked to hang out and stuff. I didn’t tell him nothing. But he knows where you live. He said it wouldn’t be hard to find you there. Anyway, I hung up. But I didn’t like him…you know what I mean. He said some bad things about Maddy and I didn’t like that, either.”

  “Okay, Archie. Thanks for telling me.”

  “We’re still okay, kid?”

  “Yeah, yeah, we’re good. I’ll talk to you soon.”

  Michael ended the call and sat slowly back in his chair, his mind racing with possibilities. Nooky knew about him and Madeleine. He knew who Madeleine was and now someone claiming to be a journalist was interested in pictures. Pictures of him and Madeleine together.

  This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be. He should have paid the weasel off. Instead Nooky had found another way to make a buck.

  Damn it! His past was coming back to hurt her. It was untenable. It was his worst nightmare come true.

  No, it was her worst nightmare coming true.

  Michael reached across the table and grabbed her hand. Grosse Pointe wasn’t a big town and anybody asking where Michael Langdon liked to hang out on Sunday mornings might easily be led to this place. He needed to get her back to his house. Fast.

  “Madeleine, listen to me. We need to leave.”

  “Agreed,” she said, obviously still angry with him.

  It happened so quickly. A flash, a blink. He could almost imagine he was hearing the sound, the soft click-click of a camera. But his brain couldn’t catch up with the fact that this was actually happening.

  Not until he saw the look of horror on Madeleine’s face as she stared out the window of the restaurant.

  There, on the sidewalk, was a man with a camera that had a zoom lens snapping shot after shot of them. He was actually waving at them as if they might pose for him.

  Instantly Michael was on his feet. The abruptness of the movement toppled his chair and in seconds he was outside chasing down the cameraman, who quickly figured out the couple was not happy about having their picture taken. He’d almost caught up to him, but then the guy hopped into the backseat of a cab that appeared to be waiting for him.

  As they sped away, Michael considered getting in his car and giving them a chase, but as soon as the cab took the first turn he knew it was hopeless.

  It didn’t matter how fast he could drive if he didn’t know where the other car was going.

  “Damn it!” Michael shouted to an empty street. But he couldn’t deal with that now. He had more important damage control to do.

  When he entered the restaurant, he apologized to the rattled hostess. At the table, Madeleine was signing the credit-card slip and handing the check back to the waitress.

  Her hands were shaking.

  “Madeleine…”

  “Please don’t say anything. Just get me out of here.”

  Having made enough of a spectacle, he decided it was better for them to be alone. He escorted her back to his car, but found that as soon as they were alone together he didn’t have a clue what to say.

  “I’m sorry.” It seemed the best place to start.

  “It’s not your fault.”

  “I wish I could say it wasn’t. This guy, Nooky, is an ex-con I did time with. I don’t know if you remember Archie talking about him. It was his new project down at the shop.” Michael took a deep breath. “He was the guy from the park that day at the marathon.”

  “Why would he track you down at the park?”

  “He was trying to shake me down for some money. He knew what I’d done to Ricca and thought I might be worried if that got out. He was blackmailing me, but I told him to get lost. Obviously, not successfully. I should have paid him. I don’t know why I didn’t. That’s why Archie was calling me. He was trying to warn me. God, I’m sorry, Madeleine.”

  “You should have told me.”

  “I didn’t tell you about him because I didn’t want you to have anything to do with that garbage. I thought I was doing the right thing by standing up to him. I could have spared us all of this. Could have spared you.”

  “It doesn’t matter,” she said tightly.

  “It does matter. I know you’re upset. Look, I’ll go land on Nooky like a ton of bricks. He’ll give me the name of the photographer. Then all I have to do is buy t
he pictures back.”

  She choked out a sound. “You can’t get the pictures back. They’re already sold. Trust me. I have a little experience with this. My brother is probably going to see it. He’s going to think it’s starting again.”

  “Your brother? You mean the one who wasn’t there for you when you needed him? Screw your brother.”

  “You don’t understand.”

  No, he didn’t. He didn’t get why any of this was so damn important to her. Michael wanted to slam his fist through the steering wheel. This wasn’t happening. Not when they were making progress. Or were they really making progress? He didn’t know if he would ever get over the way her face looked after he’d asked her to come with him to D.C.

  Still, he had to try to offer her something. “Okay, let’s look at it this way. What happened was your worst nightmare, but how bad can it be? They got a picture of us together. We weren’t doing anything illicit. We were having brunch. It shows up in a few gossip rags as some B-line story and then it’s gone. That’s the end of it.”

  “Or the beginning.”

  “You don’t know that. For all you know, it was one and done. Hell, the picture might not even sell. You’re an old scandal nobody cares about anymore.”

  He could see her physically react to his words.

  Michael winced. “Babe, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. I only meant…”

  She didn’t respond and he had no other words to offer. He pulled into the garage of his home and without a word she shot out of the car. Once inside she immediately headed upstairs to their room. He thought about breaking something as a way to release his fury but nothing was going to change what had happened.

  Time. She needed time. Time to think and calm down. Time to put what had happened in perspective. He would give her some space. While he didn’t have a lot of experience in the boyfriend role, he was fairly certain it was the sensible approach when dealing with one very pissed-off female.

  Michael looked at his watch. They had a couple of hours still until Peg showed up with the crew to start filming. By then they both would have recovered their equilibrium. Everything was going to be okay, he thought as he paced back and forth in his living room.

  It had to be okay.

  It wasn’t until twenty minutes later when she came downstairs carrying her suitcase and he was still pacing that he started to feel like maybe space and time had been the absolute wrong things to give her.

  He thought the words before she said them. Thought them in his head because they were the words he was most afraid of hearing.

  “I’m leaving.”

  It was as if someone had given him an electric jolt to the chest. Panic started to threaten at the edges but he shut it down. He needed to be calm and rational because she obviously wasn’t.

  “I’ve already booked my flight home. I’ve called a cab to pick me up here. I’ll be gone before Peg gets here, and if I were you I would make sure any signs of my living here for the past week have been completely erased.”

  Completely erased. Having her here in his home, in his bed, made this the best week of his life, and she wanted to completely erase it.

  “The picture will probably come out before the interview. If anything, it might generate more interest in you, which should help the ratings. But after that you’ll want to quickly distance yourself from me. Any questions can be answered with minimal details. I was working for you on a consulting basis. We were having a meal together to say goodbye and end our association. Unfortunately, I don’t know what the picture will actually look like. I believe you were holding my hand at the time, but who knows what he caught. It might look as if you were reaching for the bread dish. Anything can be explained away.”

  “You’ve worked all this out in twenty minutes?” It felt like ice water was flowing throughout his body, numbing him from the inside. Did it feel the same way for her?

  “Worked it out and packed. I’m efficient.”

  “Why are you doing this? Because you’re mad at me. You blame me because of Nooky. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about him. I really didn’t imagine he could come up with something like this.”

  She closed her eyes as if in some type of despair. “I’m not mad at you, Michael. I just can’t do this. I thought I could, but I can’t. I know you think it’s because I can’t trust you, but it’s not. I trust you more than I’ve ever trusted anyone, but I can’t do this with you. I want to go home. And it’s not about the stupid picture. It’s you and what you want me to be. I’m not that person. So I can’t…”

  “Can’t what? I want to hear you say it.” Maybe if she said it and he actually believed it, he would accept it and move on with his life.

  “Can’t be with you,” she whispered.

  “With me? You mean love me. Because if you loved me, there wouldn’t be anything you couldn’t do, right? I mean, if you loved me you would do whatever it took to be with me. You would be strong enough to overcome any fear or fight off any lingering guilt you have because of some stupid thing you did seven years ago.”

  “No, Michael, what I feel for you is so strong, but I’m not capable of doing what you ask. I can’t let go of the past.”

  “Because you don’t love me. Not enough. Say it. Please. I think I need to hear you say those words.”

  He watched her open her mouth, that mouth he’d kissed so many times. He waited for her to end it between them with one clean cut.

  “I’m sorry,” she said instead. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be a better person for you. You knew about me all this time…but I didn’t. I didn’t know until this very moment how broken I am.”

  “Broken things get fixed. All the time. Look at me.”

  Her mouth trembled and he waited. Waited for her to say she would at least try. But a horn blared outside and that had her turning her head to the door.

  “I’m sorry” was all she said.

  “Me, too. Go back into hiding, Madeleine. I guess that’s really where you want to be.”

  She didn’t say anything. Simply took her bags and left, shutting the door behind her. He wasn’t sure how long he stood there and looked at the closed door; he only knew she hadn’t done the one thing he’d asked.

  She hadn’t told him that she did not love him.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  MICHAEL WALKED INTO Archie’s shop to find Archie working alone. The old man was doing paperwork in his office while the two cars he’d prepped for oil changes sat untouched.

  Michael couldn’t say if he was relieved or disappointed. While he knew it was improbable Nooky would come back, Michael would have liked the chance to confront him directly. Most likely, he would have pummeled the rat, but beating people up wasn’t something he did anymore.

  Still, the ex-con had cost him everything. And if that wasn’t worth a fist in the face Michael wasn’t sure what was.

  “Hey, Mickey,” Archie said, coming out of his office. “So what happened? Nothing, right? Tell me that guy didn’t find you. I’m so mad. I mean, what kind of crummy thing is that? I go out of my way to help an ex-con get back on his feet and he does this.”

  “It’s pretty crummy,” Michael said, not bothering to tell Archie the photographer had found them. It would only upset him and there was no point. It wasn’t Archie’s fault Madeleine had left him. Hell, it wasn’t even Nooky’s.

  Michael walked to where the worn overalls hung on the wall. He was fairly certain they were still the same ones he used to wear when he worked here. Maybe he could get Archie some new overalls. The old man would have to accept them, wouldn’t he?

  “What are you doing?” Archie asked.

  “What does it look like I’m doing?” Michael asked as he stepped into one leg. “I’m going to help you with what you got lined up.”

  “You can’t do that. You’re a big shot now. Big shots don’t change oil.”

  “This big shot does. Besides, you’re shorthanded.” Because of him. Because he wouldn’t give Nook
y what he wanted. If he had, maybe Madeleine would still be with him.

  Don’t think about her. It hurts too much.

  “Hey, what’s the matter with you?”

  Michael zipped up his overalls and found a clean rag that he tucked into the pocket. “Nothing.” Everything.

  “It’s not nothing. I can tell. Talk to me. What is it? Maybe Maddy wasn’t happy about the picture guy knowing about you two. I hope she isn’t mad at me, you know. I really like that girl for you.”

  “Madeleine’s not my girl, Archie. In fact, she’s gone. Back to Philadelphia. Things…weren’t working out. Nobody’s fault.”

  It helped to say the words. It reminded him of the reality of the situation. She was gone. She wasn’t coming back. Eventually he would get over it.

  Right? This hollow, empty pain wouldn’t last forever, would it?

  Sure, he’d heard the songs, read the stories and seen the movies. He understood conceptually that it wasn’t fun when love ended. But having never been in love before, he wasn’t prepared for this. The grief was stunning.

  “Oh, no, you can’t let her go.”

  “I didn’t have a choice, Archie. She left and I couldn’t stop her.”

  “Then you gotta go get her back. Right now.”

  Michael could see the old man was agitated, probably because he blamed himself. But it was too late. “Archie, it’s done. It’s over.”

  “It can’t be over. Not yet. Maybe you had a fight and now you say you’re sorry. Then you bring her some flowers. Girls like flowers.”

  Irritated that Archie was making it worse, Michael snapped, “What do you know about it?”

  “I know you were happy with her! Really happy. I saw it when you were with her. She’s the one. And you don’t get something like that every day.”

  That was an understatement. He was thirty-seven years old and he had just experienced love for the first time. And as much as the logical side of his brain told him he might find it again someday—especially now that he was normal—he just couldn’t see it.

  “She left me, Archie. I can’t go after her and drag her back by her hair. If she wants me, then she has to come back on her own.”