Seasons of Sugarcreek 03. Autumn's Promise

by Shelley Shepard Gray

She didn’t know anyone else whose house looked like theirs, though a few other neighbors and friends had tried. Belatedly, Lilly realized she probably should have mentioned something to Caleb about it. It wasn’t all that big, but it was beautifully decorated inside—like something out of a magazine, but with a huge batch of whimsy, too.

  She and her other girlfriends used to love having sleep-overs at Cassidy’s because staying at the home was like staying in a museum, or at least a really kitschy gift shop. Back when they were small, she’d at first been afraid she’d accidentally break something and Cassidy’s mom would get mad. But she never did.

  Funny how all those good memories had been carefully pushed away. Had she really been so afraid to look back at her past?

  Lilly watched Caleb. He was staring at his heavy-soled work boots, which appeared glaringly harsh against the array of fancy furnishings…and she wondered what such a home looked like to Caleb…what he was thinking.

  Chapter 17

  Caleb tried not to feel completely conspicuous as he followed Lilly into the fanciest room he’d ever seen.

  He tried to think of something his father always said. Everyone’s the same in God’s eyes. Caleb had always taken that to be true.

  Mrs. Leonard was a small woman—shorter than his sister Judith, with fine features and an interested, almost birdlike expression on her face. She was dressed in a faded pair of jeans, cowboy boots, and a bright turquoise sweater. Matching stones hung from her ears.

  Yes, she looked very modern and unique. But her voice and mannerisms were as comforting as his own grandmother’s hug. “We’re so glad you came for a visit, Caleb.”

  “I…I am, too.”

  “I’m so looking forward to getting to know you.” Catching his eye, Lilly gave him a quick smile. That surely signaled for him to not be worried. Too much.

  “Hey.” A guy a bit older than Caleb sauntered in. “I’m Eric.”

  “Caleb.”

  Eric held up a half-eaten apple. “You hungry?” Eating an apple felt better than sitting there like a lump on a log. “Sure.”

  “Come on in the kitchen, then. Mom, we’ll be right back.” Eric’s voice was respectful, but the look on his face was full of humor. “I don’t know how your mother is, but mine loves to tell me the same thing, over and over.”

  “I’ve gotten that treatment before.”

  “I can promise you, if we’d sat in there for an hour, my mom wouldn’t have moved from her spot on the couch—she’s been so anxious to catch up with Lilly.”

  Once in the kitchen, Eric pulled open the refrigerator’s produce drawer and extracted another juicy red apple. After Caleb took it, Eric leaned on the counter. “So why do you want to leave your family?”

  “It’s not my family I want to leave. It’s farming.” Even as he said the words, Caleb second-guessed himself. Was it just farming that he wanted to leave? He could have sworn it was far more.

  “But I thought you guys owned a store?”

  “We do, and farm a bit, too. But I don’t want to work there, either.”

  “And you’re done with school?”

  “Yes. We, um, stop formal schooling after the eighth grade.”

  Chewing on another bite, Eric shrugged. “Wow. I think it would be cool to not have to stress your whole junior and senior year about getting into college. That seems to be all I ever do.”

  Eric’s words confused him. The boys he’d met in Sugarcreek hadn’t ever talked about college—they’d been more intent on having fun. “Is that all you do with your time? Study?”

  “No. I do pretty much what most high school kids do, I guess. I play basketball. I hang out with my friends. Do homework. Oh, and then there’s my youth group.”

  He hadn’t heard of that term before. “What’s that?”

  “It’s a bunch of high school kids in my church.”

  Caleb had been so fixated on leaving the Amish faith he’d neglected to think about how other kids his age practiced their religion. “You go to church?”

  “Well, yeah. Because you were coming, we went early this morning. If you live with us, you can go if you want. There’s a ton of kids who go to the high school Sunday-school classes. And we do other stuff together. Last summer we went on a mission trip to West Virginia.”

  “Eric…” Mrs. Leonard was calling from the living room. “If you’re going to go, you better leave now. Or bring Caleb back in here.”

  “All right.” To Caleb, he said, “I told my mom I’d take you out for a drive, if you wanted to go. Want to?”

  “Sure.”

  “Don’t forget to watch the time, Eric!” reminded his mother.

  Eric shook his head at her warning. After throwing his apple core in the trash, he glanced Caleb’s way again. “If you live here, get ready to be told what to do.”

  “I’m used to that,” Caleb murmured. “Very used to that.”

  An hour later, they were back in the fancy living room. Eric had shown Caleb his school and a basketball court where he and his friends hung out. They’d met a few of his friends, but before too much time had passed, Eric mumbled that they’d better get back home.

  And Mrs. Leonard—as Eric had predicted—was still sitting on the couch across from Lilly and Cassidy.

  After refusing her offer of making Caleb something to eat, she looked at him directly. “Now, I know you’ve probably already told all this to Eric, but I want to hear it from you. What has made you decide that you want to live here, in Strongsville?”

  The direct question, combined with her searching gaze, made him feel like an animal with a target on its back. To his embarrassment, he started to sweat. “I…I…”

  “He’s kind of trying to figure out what to do with the rest of his life,” Lilly interjected.

  “But why do you need to figure that out now?” Cassidy asked. “You’re only sixteen.”

  He wondered how he was ever going to be able to describe his situation to people who were so different from him. Slowly, he said, “In my order, it’s normal for kids my age to have a rumspringa, a running-around time. It’s during this time that we investigate life outside. I have been doing things with Englischers in Sugarcreek, but it hasn’t felt enough. Soon, I’ll need to make a decision about whether I become Amish or not.”

  “You really don’t know what you want to do?” Eric asked slowly.

  “I’m conflicted. I love my family. We own a store and we have a small farm, too. Both of those jobs would be good options for my future. But neither appeals to me. At least, not in the way that I’d hoped.”

  “Perhaps you simply need more time?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  Eric leaned forward. “Do your parents know you came out here?”

  “Yes.”

  “Aren’t they mad at you?”

  Mrs. Leonard shook her head in exasperation. “Eric!”

  “Well, wouldn’t you be? Besides, it’s just a question.”

  “It’s all right,” Caleb said, realizing that questions of this sort were indeed all right.

  They weren’t anything he hadn’t asked himself already. What was even harder, though, was that he wasn’t quite sure how to answer. Caleb began to wonder if he was the only sixteen-year-old in the world who felt so confused about who he was. Most other Amish teens he knew pretty much already had their future in mind. They were merely using their running-around time as a way to take a break from constant chores.

  Or there were some who had already planned to not join their order. They planned to become Mennonite, or to live with non-Amish relatives and go to high school.

  It seemed like only he had no idea what he wanted. Nothing sounded right. Not farming…and maybe not even moving to Strongsville. “No, they weren’t mad. But I thought they were going to be.” When the others leaned forward, obviously waiting for him to tell more, Caleb tried to answer. “It’s not that I don’t like being Amish; I’m just not sure if it is who I want to be forever.” He paused. “I had alw
ays thought there were no choices for my life, how I lived. That I was either destined to farm or work at our family’s store or leave the order. But maybe there are choices I haven’t been able to imagine.”

  “And if you don’t explore options, you’re going to regret it,” Eric responded.

  “I think that’s true.”

  “Already I think you’ll fit right in with us, Caleb,” Mrs. Leonard said. “Don’t make a decision now. If you want to stay with us for a few months, we’d be happy to have you.”

  “I think you need a break,” Cassidy said. “I mean, how can you know who you want to be forever? You’re not supposed to.”

  “It’s different for Amish teenagers,” Lilly interjected gently. “There’s a lot of rules to being Amish. They give up a lot of things.”

  “Do you have to?” Cassidy asked.

  “Yes,” Caleb said.

  “But for a while they don’t,” Lilly said in a rush. “During their rumspringa—their running-around time—they get a chance to see new things for a time.”

  Cassidy leaned forward, obviously struggling to understand. “So you haven’t gotten to do that?”

  “My rumspringa started…but lately it hasn’t felt like enough,” Caleb explained.

  “Then what will be?”

  “I don’t know.” Feeling a little deflated, Caleb sank back deeper into the down-filled cushions. “I thought I knew, but now I’m not so sure.”

  Mrs. Leonard took control. “I’m sorry. Some hosts we are. All we’ve done since you’ve gotten here is pester you with questions.” Turning to her left, she smiled in Lilly’s direction. “For the last hour, all Cassidy and I have been doing is filling you in on all of your friends. Why don’t you fill us in on everything that’s been going on with you since you’ve moved.”

  “Oh. Well. I got a job.”

  “Cassidy told me that. You’re a waitress, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “I thought you were going to go to college? You were such a good student, Lilly. What happened?”

  Caleb watched his neighbor turn pale. Though he ached to help her out, he knew that this was a time for her to explain herself—just like he had done.

  “Oh, well…”

  She was going to lie. He felt it. Caleb squished back into the cushions and prepared to keep his expression as neutral as possible while she lied to them.

  Mrs. Leonard chuckled. “Come on, Lilly. Now you’ve got me really intrigued. Don’t keep us in suspense!”

  “Well, I was pregnant, but I lost the baby. I miscarried it.”

  “What?” Cassidy shouted.

  Even Mrs. Leonard looked startled.

  “We moved because I was pregnant.”

  “With Alec’s baby?” asked Cassidy.

  “Yep. He wasn’t interested in being a father. Which was okay. We weren’t a match made in heaven, you know?”

  “I can’t believe you never told me.”

  “My parents didn’t want anyone to know…”

  “But that’s no reason to not tell me,” insisted Cassidy.

  “Okay. How about I didn’t want to see you look at me the way you are right now? Is that good enough?”

  Caleb’s stomach fluttered as Cassidy’s eyes filled with tears.

  “And how is that?” protested Cassidy.

  “Like there’s something wrong with me.”

  “There is. You’re a liar.”

  “Cassidy—”

  “Lilly, I can’t believe you. When I think about all the stuff I told you, all the secrets I told you…you always said we were close. But maybe we really weren’t.”

  “Don’t say that.”

  “Lilly, you left Strongsville without telling me a thing.”

  “It was too hard to talk about.”

  “I could have helped.”

  “Look, a lot of things that happened were out of my control,” Lilly said. “Alec broke up with me, and then my parents insisted we move. Then, they kept saying that if I just kept moving forward, in less than a year, I could go to college and no one would know what happened.”

  “And you believed them?”

  “I wanted to. But then it all got confused. And then I lost the baby. And then I didn’t know how to tell you everything.”

  “Except now. When you want something.”

  “Wow,” Lilly murmured. “I knew we’d drifted apart, but I guess I didn’t realize just how much.”

  Caleb looked at his hands. This was the worst visit ever. Now all three of the Leonards looked like they’d rather be doing anything but have him and Lilly there.

  At the moment, Caleb felt the same way.

  Chapter 18

  It took an hour for Robert to drive his courting buggy to get to Lilly’s home. Fifteen minutes to get his horse settled and summon the nerve to walk to her front door.

  But only one second to learn that she wasn’t home.

  “She’s actually in Cleveland today. She decided to visit some friends,” her mother said when she answered the door. As she looked him over, Mrs. Allen didn’t even try to conceal her curiosity. “I don’t expect her to be back until after dark.”

  “I see.”

  “But I’ll tell her you stopped by. I’m sure she’ll be happy you did.”

  Well, now he felt silly and conspicuous, standing there at her front door like he’d been invited. Like he knew her well enough to come over without notice.

  And even more at a loss when he suddenly recalled Abe’s rant about Lilly taking Caleb to the Englischers. He should have remembered that.

  “I…uh, thank you.” Because there was little else to say, he turned and started down the steps.

  “Wait.” When he paused, she stepped out onto the porch. “Would you like to come in for a few minutes?”

  He wasn’t sure what the right thing to do was. “Well…I.”

  She looked him over, making him feel even more conspicuous. But then, to his surprise, she smiled and held out her hands. “I promise I won’t grill you like we did the other night.”

  “Well…” He’d never been good at these English social customs. He shook her hand quickly, taking care not to clasp her hand too hard.

  She craned her neck behind him, like she noticed his buggy and horse for the first time. “How about you come in just to get something to drink?”

  Now he felt flustered. Mrs. Allen looked like she was wanting something, but he just wasn’t sure what it was. “No. I mean, Danke. I mean. No, thank you. I’ll be fine.”

  Again, she stilled him with her chatty conversation. “You know, I’ve ridden in our neighbor’s buggy once. It’s a long journey to get out here.” She crossed her arms over her chest. Surveying him with something that almost looked like amusement. “Perhaps your horse might like a break?”

  “He would. If you’re sure it’s all right…”

  Her eyes lit up. “It’s more than all right. I’m delighted.” Before he could attempt to say anything else, she turned and bustled inside.

  Hastily, he stepped in and carefully closed the door behind him.

  When he’d visited before, he’d been so aware of Lilly, and so inundated with questions, he hadn’t taken the time to really look at the home.

  Now that he had the opportunity, he was surprised to find the house to his liking. It wasn’t terribly fancy like other English homes he’d been in. Some had so much stuff around that he worried about turning around.

  Here, though, the furniture was solid oak and not too frilly. Some of it he recognized as Amish craftsmanship, too. That made him feel more at ease, though he didn’t know why.

  As he looked around, he was drawn to the many photographs decorating every surface.

  His feet slowed as he looked closer and closer. Lots were of Lilly. Happy pictures of her and her brothers. He couldn’t help but smile at one with her wearing thick glasses.

  Though he’d never been one to gaze at photographs all that much—his people didn’t subscribe to pictu
re taking, of course—Robert found himself unable to look away from the images of Lilly.

  In each one, he tried to study the nuances in her expression.

  “Robert? I’m back here,” Mrs. Allen called out from the kitchen.

  He hurried in to meet her. “Take a stool and I’ll pour you some iced tea.”

  Just as he was about to sit, Midnight appeared from around a corner, meowing a merry hello.

  He picked her up and held her at eye level. Like a dancer, she balanced in his large palm and gazed right back at him. Then, just as suddenly, she arched her back a bit and swiped a tiny pink paw across his thumb.

  Robert chuckled. “Ach, but you are a fierce one, ain’t ya? Don’t worry none. I mean you no harm.”

  The little cat meowed again and squirmed. Amused, Robert set her down and watched the kitten scamper after a band of light shining in through the window.

  Next to him, Mrs. Allen watched the cat pounce and spring, and she laughed. “I’m not sure what we did before Midnight came into our life. Since she’s arrived, I’ve laughed more than I can remember.”

  “Laughter is always welcome. I take it Lilly is enjoying the kitten? Midnight?”

  “Oh, yes. Actually, we all are.” She grinned as the kitten jumped on the beam of light and then scampered away…with one of Ty’s socks in her mouth. “That cat. She takes all kinds of little odds and ends. Half the time, I don’t even know where she stashes them! She’s as dark as midnight, so I guess it’s a fitting name. You know, Robert, I should really be giving you a talking-to about giving my daughter gifts.”

  “You don’t like me doing things for her?”

  “It’s not that…you’ve made her very happy.” She placed a tall glass of iced tea in front of him. “However, as her mother, I worry about her staying happy.”

  “Staying?”

  “Robert, Lilly has already been in a relationship once that wasn’t suitable. I don’t know if what you two have can go anywhere.” She stretched a bit, revealing a belly that was starting to swell. The unmistakable look of pregnancy. Remembering just how upset Lilly had been when she’d stopped in his parking lot, he looked away.