‘Ah, but he’d prefer...’
Zack stopped and then handed her the phone. ‘If PICU calls...’
‘Sure.’
‘Or are you going home?’
‘I’m staying tonight.’
‘You don’t usually.’
‘No.’ Freya didn’t know what to say—she was here because she wanted to be and Zack didn’t know what to say because it was actually a help to him that she was.
He didn’t like leaving his pagers with others, though he had to at times, of course.
He looked at Freya and he told her more about Paulo’s operation. ‘I thought twice I’d lost him,’ he said, and for the first time he told another person what he usually put in his reports, though he gave Freya a far less comprehensive version.
‘And if you put any of this in your press releases...’
‘I never would,’ Freya said. ‘I’ll email them to you first if you prefer.’
Zack nodded. It felt odd to be unloading thoughts that he usually kept in his head and he was grateful that Freya, when he was too tired to do so, drew a very firm line to ensure that nothing he said he could live to regret.
‘I called a colleague last night to go through the surgery I planned and also to check that it wasn’t my ego taking him to Theatre. He agreed that Paulo had a chance and that he’d proceed. It’s actually the guy Tara’s baby has gone to. I spent a year working on his team.’
‘So the baby’s in good hands.’ Freya smiled.
‘The best of hands,’ Zack said, and then continued to talk about the surgery he’d performed. ‘When I first opened him up I was just going to close him and then five hours in I actually wished that I had. I was just going through the motions for the last hours, repairing what I could, remembering all I’d been taught. When they took him off bypass and I saw that heart fill...’ The adrenaline that had kept him going through surgery and again when his father had called was still surging through his veins.
‘I can’t switch off,’ Zack admitted.
‘When are your days off?’ Freya asked.
‘I’m not going to get out of this place for the next couple of days.’
‘Do you want to come riding at the weekend?’ It just popped into her head and then she realised that it might be open to misinterpretation. ‘I meant horses.’
He grinned. ‘I got that. Do you ride?’
‘Not very well,’ Freya said, ‘but I love it when I do, it helps me to unwind... It was a part of my rehab.’
‘Really?’
Zack was about to say no but then thought about it and, yep, a few hours on horseback to look forward to sounded like a good way of staying sane during these coming days.
Freya could see, though, that he was hesitant.
‘No strings, Zack. I’m not asking you out on a date.’
She’d got his back-off message yesterday loud and clear.
‘I know,’ Zack said. ‘Are we awkward?’
‘A bit.’ Freya shrugged slightly. ‘But that’s because I’ve never done this before.’
‘Done what?’
‘Not now,’ Freya said, and shook her head. Now really wasn’t the time to explain how she was struggling with her feelings for him and the inevitable ending of them. Maybe there would never be a suitable time to tell him all he was starting to mean to her, Freya realised. ‘I’d better go.’ Only that was the problem—she didn’t want to go. She wanted to be here with him and she’d never stop wanting him.
The energy between them was undeniable.
How much easier would this all be if she could simply stand up and walk away, instead of looking down at him where he lay?
Zack broke his own ‘nowhere near work’ rule and his hand went to the back of her head to pull her down to his mouth. The long, slow kiss that evolved she wanted just as much he did. And it blew beyond proportion in a moment as her hand moved down. He put his hand over hers, though not to halt it, and then Freya moved her mouth back from the kiss and licked her lips as she had the night they had met.
She wanted to sink to her knees just as much and just as naturally as she had that first time, and he wanted ten minutes of pleasure to get out of his head.
‘Do I stay or go?’ She ran a finger along his erection.
‘I thought you said you didn’t like it?’
‘A concession?’ Freya smiled.
‘Lock the door.’
She got up and did so and as she walked over he went to check in that she was okay with this, because he had pulled back from the two of them last night, Zack knew that. ‘Freya—’
‘I get it, Zack.’
They did not need a long discussion tonight so they got back to what they were supposed to be about—sex.
Yet this was different, because Zack never brought it to work and he never just lay there and did nothing except moan with want and relief.
And he could never have known that for Freya this was very different indeed; she had never done this before. She just knelt on the floor and lavished him, loving the pressure of his hand and how he held her hair tight. She took him first with her tongue and then deeper as her hand worked his base.
‘More,’ Zack moaned, just as she did on occasion, and she took him in as deep as she could and gave him the oblivion he craved.
He sank into bliss and she knelt up higher and her thighs were pressing together at the noises they made, and on the most hellish day and at a less than romantic coupling, they were possibly the closest they had ever been.
Feeling him start to come in her mouth, hearing his shout of relief, Freya came to the salty taste of him.
He made her dizzy.
Her cheek rested on his stomach and she gathered back her breath as Zack lay there. She took it as no insult that his hand slid from her head and he was already asleep.
There was one odd talent Freya had, from too many years hiding in the bathroom, and that was performing a quick tidy up. Freya dealt with all that, she popped it all back and retied his scrubs, then slunk out of his office and sat silent in her own.
And she admitted it properly then.
The life goals she’d had just a short while ago had all shifted.
She was thirty-one years old and, for the first time in her life, Freya was wondering if she was falling in love. Never could she imagine she’d have done what she just had. Zack had no idea that the thought had always made her feel ill.
Not now.
Was this love?
Very possibly, because the thought of him leaving, hurt enough for it to be.
CHAPTER TEN
‘THE DONATIONS ARE pouring in,’ Freya said to James early on the Saturday after a meeting about Paulo.
It was a reluctant meeting on both their parts.
James had been ‘too busy’ during the week to touch base, but given the publicity surrounding Paulo, James slotted in a brief catch-up.
Freya didn’t want to be there either. It had been a very busy week with work, and Zack aside, the only place Freya now wanted to be was on the back of a horse and letting go some of the tension that she was carrying.
‘Donations for the Bright Hope Clinic have started to take off,’ Freya said. ‘And the general feedback regarding The Hills is positive.’
‘General feedback?’ James checked.
‘As to whether or not the charitable side will be maintained.’ Freya pulled no punches. ‘The Hills is high-end luxury and people are waiting to see if it’s a gimmick.’
‘We’d play with a five-year-old’s life as a gimmick?’
‘I’ve pretty much responded with that,’ Freya said. ‘Still, given that it was such a risky procedure, had it not paid off some people are asking if that would have been it for your foray into charitable work.’
‘Well, they don’t know me,’ James said. ‘Still, hopefully not every case will be as complicated. Maria has given her consent to Paulo being photographed, if you could get onto that now.’
‘Sure. Will you be in one of the photos?’
‘He’s not my patient.’
‘No, but I’m not going to get Zack to agree. I am working on another angle for him, though. I’m trying to get in touch with an older patient of his—perhaps he’ll agree to that—but for now we’ll just make it about what’s so far been achieved and that’s thanks to The Hills partnering with Bright Hope.’
Yes, Freya was tense.
In the absence of Zack, the best photo would be both Mila and James with Paulo, but Freya wasn’t game to suggest that!
Things weren’t great between them and she guessed now wasn’t the time to be asking James about her starting to see her own clients, so instead they finished things up.
‘Freya?’ James said as she folded up her laptop.
‘Yes?’
‘I’m still angry.’
‘I get that,’ Freya snapped, ‘but surely you can see that both sides benefit and I happen to care about both sides.’
‘I’m not discussing that now,’ James said. ‘I’m just saying that, even though I’m angry, I’m still your brother and if there’s a problem...’
‘Problem?’ Freya frowned.
‘Stephanie said the other that day that you went dizzy.’
‘And?’ Freya rolled her eyes. ‘I knew that she’d make a deal out of it. James, I’d been out all night for New Years Eve. I don’t need your concern.’
‘Well, like it or not, you’ve got it.’
‘It’s not necessary, James. I was ill a long time ago.’ She had been seventeen! James still looked out for her, was still way too overprotective. ‘Don’t worry, if I need to see someone I’ll be sure to ask for a referral.’
So much for leaving it! But that was Freya—once her mind was made up she could not just sit by.
He stared back at her and Freya wondered if he’d got the point she was making so she spelt it out.
‘Why don’t you have an eating disorder unit here?’ Freya asked.
‘We can’t have everything.’
‘Please!’ Freya said. ‘That’s the whole point of The Hills, the patients have everything! Given that the majority of your clientele are in the public eye I’d say an eating disorder unit might be a necessity rather than a luxury. Yet you refer them elsewhere.’
‘I’m trying to...’ James started, but then he halted and it incensed Freya.
‘Trying to watch out for me, trying to avoid hurts, trying to pretend it doesn’t exist.’
‘You’re better now,’ James said. ‘Do you really need constant reminders?’
They were getting nowhere.
‘I need to get on,’ Freya said. ‘I’ll see you up there.’ She walked out, collected her camera from her office and headed up to the cardiac unit, where Paulo was now being cared for.
He looked amazing.
The dusky colour of his skin on admission was now a gorgeous coffee colour and his lips were pink and he was sucking on an ice stick.
And then Zack came in with a colleague he was handing Paulo over to, to check on the boy before he headed off on a well-deserved weekend break.
‘I thought you were off for the weekend!’ Maria exclaimed.
‘In an hour I shall be,’ Zack said, and then looked at Paulo. ‘I don’t have to ask how you are, do I?’ He glanced over and nodded to James and saw Freya and her damned camera. ‘Is Maria okay with this?’
‘Maria is,’ Freya said.
‘I’m delighted to have our picture taken if it will do some good.’ Maria nodded. ‘Will you be in it?’
‘No, thanks.’ Zack shook his head. ‘I keep it up here, Maria.’
‘Come on, Zack.’ Maria was the one who pushed for him to join in the happy shot.
‘Seriously.’ Zack shook his head. ‘Maria, I’ve got to go and see another patient now.’ He was honest. ‘They don’t need my smiling thumbs up if it doesn’t go well for them.’
It was who he was, Freya thought.
Private.
And she wanted in, though she was doing her best to hold back.
Zack went and wrote up his notes and his instructions for Paulo and his other patients while he was away.
He had a small baby on NICU that had already had more tests and procedures done than most people had in a lifetime but he had to go back up there now and order some more before he made a decision next week as to whether or not to operate.
‘Hey,’ Zack said, when Freya came out from the photo shoot. ‘Are we still on for riding?’
‘We’re at work!’ she reminded him.
‘Sorry.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘I’ve got cabin fever. I’ve been here since Tuesday.’
‘I’ve booked us for midday,’ Freya said. ‘We can meet there.’ She gave him the address and Zack nodded.
She had meant what she’d said, Zack thought, about today having no strings attached.
Their paths had only crossed briefly since the other night.
For Zack it still felt like it had been a bit of a dream. Even when she had come in to wake him up when PICU had paged him a couple of hours later, Freya had made no reference to what had taken place.
He had brought them to work and the trouble for Zack was that he wasn’t adequately troubled by it.
Even now he had asked her about riding, and there were people around.
He needed to reel things back, but it was very hard to do so when you were walking through stables and another person had come up with the very thing you needed.
It felt so good to get away and be doing something he probably wouldn’t have made the time for today.
‘I didn’t know how experienced you were,’ Freya said when he arrived. ‘I said intermediate...’
Oh, no, he wasn’t.
It didn’t take long to establish that Zack knew his way around horses and he was given Bullet, who, Zack was assured, lived up to his name.
Freya had Camp, her usual horse, who was patient and steady and everything that she was not.
And they were off.
Together but separate and it suited Freya today. Half an hour in, Zack found a lovely flat length and went for a gallop as Freya just plodded along and looked at the stunning view, past the city and out to the Pacific Ocean.
Then she heard Zack coming back and he was all breathless and Bullet wasn’t even sweating.
‘I needed that,’ Zack said, falling into pace with her.
‘And I needed this,’ Freya sighed.
After a while they stopped to eat the lunch Freya had made. It was nice to breathe in fresh air and eat but Freya was distracted. Her mind kept going over that morning and her conversation with James.
‘You okay?’ Zack checked.
‘I will be,’ Freya said. ‘I had words with James.’
And they weren’t anonymous strangers any more and this wasn’t about Mila and James so she told him the part she felt she wanted to, even if it was rare that she spoke about it.
‘James took on a lot when I was ill and now we can hardly talk about it.’ She told him how he’d come and hauled her out of a nightclub and that she’d collapsed. How James had found a rehab place for her that was a bit alternative but which had suited her.
‘How long were you there for?’ Zack asked.
‘Six months. Two of those were spent fighting.’
‘Fighting?’
‘Well, pretending I agreed with them while waiting for an opportunity to do another hundred sit-ups... And I loathed group discussions. Anyway, finally I saw the damage I was doing to myself, that
I’d already done, and I decide to work on getting well. They didn’t believe me at first. They thought I was just going through the motions to get out.’
‘I’m not with you.’
‘Well, I just made a decision without all the drama and crying and pouring out my fears. I just set a goal—to get well. So, yes, two months fighting, four months starting to get well and then a lifetime of keeping to it.’
‘Is it a fight every day?’ He was curious.
‘Some days,’ Freya said. ‘James wants it cured, fixed, healed, and in many ways it is. I’ll never go back to how I was.’ Freya was sure of it. ‘I know that. I just need healthier ways of dealing with tension. My parents said I was attention-seeking...’
‘Were you?’
‘Not at first,’ Freya said. ‘I was actually trying to get away from attention. My parents’ divorce was everywhere, all their lovers were speaking out, and it was horrific. I know you think I’ll go to any lengths for publicity but I’m nowhere close to them. They spoke not just about the rows and the money but about their sex lives, and their lovers did too.’
He said nothing and she was so glad.
‘It was excruciating,’ Freya admitted. ‘I turned to food.’ She told him about the reports about her being only a little younger and a whole lot larger than her father’s latest girlfriend. ‘I was a teenager and there were pictures of my stomach and thighs everywhere. I lost some weight and I lost it quickly, but instead of stopping I carried on, and then maybe I did get some attention from my mother...’
Freya thought back. ‘Not for long, though. And so I’d go to clubs and drink and get into trouble and then sit at home and watch an interview my mother might be having about how hard it was to have a troubled teenager. And then I had my father, when I collapsed, on the one hand asking the press to respect the family’s privacy while on the other getting off with some nineteen-year-old, knowing the press would erupt.’ She still could not stand the memories. ‘Everyone knew my business, or thought they did,’ Freya said, ‘but I had a bigger secret and I was on a mission by then—to get below a hundred pounds.’
‘You met that goal?’
‘I knocked that goal into the ground and kept going,’ Freya sighed. ‘James was beside himself. I think he was the only one in my family with any sense at that time.’
Seduced by the Heart Surgeon Page 9
