‘You’re usually close to your brother?’
‘When we’re not arguing.’ Freya smiled.
They lay there for ages and then looked at the map. ‘I’m going to take the long way back,’ Zack said. ‘And go fast.’
‘I’ll take the short way and go slowly.’
They met back at their cars, all dirty and smelly and worn out from the bliss of a day away from it all.
‘Do you want to go and grab dinner?’ Zack offered.
‘No, I want to go home and shower and get changed,’ Freya said. ‘And then eat.’ She deliberately didn’t invite him this time but the very last place Freya wanted to be was back at the hotel.
She was tired of putting on the same clothes in the morning, tired of her hair smelling of the lemon ginger hotel shampoo.
It smelt fantastic on Zack, she just didn’t want it on her.
Freya liked her own things and if he didn’t want a part of them that was up to Zack.
‘Sounds good,’ Zack said. ‘I’ll see you there.’
And Freya did her very best as she got into her car, and drove off, not to look for a deeper meaning.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
FREYA LOST ZACK on the freeway and she stopped off at a store to get something more suitable for a tall, muscled male who had been riding than anything she had in her fridge, so he was already outside her place when she arrived.
Red was leaving the building as she got out of her car. ‘Been riding?’ he asked with a cheerful smile.
‘Yes.’ Freya smiled back. ‘Red, this is Zack.’
‘Hi, Red.’
Zack watched as Freya and Red chatted for a couple of moments. ‘We’re all getting together next Friday,’ Red said. ‘Are you in?’
‘I’m in.’ Freya nodded. ‘I’ll see you then.’
They walked up the stairs to her apartment and Zack was surprised when Freya opened the door and a small dog wagged her tail from the sofa and Freya went over and made a huge fuss of her.
‘You have a dog?’
‘I do,’ Freya said. ‘Her name is Cleo and she’s a very old lady.’
It really was a home, Zack thought as he looked around. It was large, open-plan and very tidy, as he might have expected from Freya, but the dog he hadn’t expected.
‘Who lets her out when you stay with me?’
‘Red or another of the neighbours...we all help out. Cleo’s too old to go to a boarding kennel now.’
‘You all get on?’
‘We do,’ Freya said. ‘We try and get together once a month and have a barbecue or something.’
She had a life, a very, very nice life.
‘I’m going first,’ Freya said. ‘Help yourself to a drink.’
‘First?’
‘I want a shower.’
And Zack got the hint that she wanted to shower alone and if he wanted a beer he’d better start liking the American stuff.
He sat out on a large balcony that looked towards the hills that they’d ridden in and it was actually nice to sit out on a balcony that didn’t have one above and one below.
Freya rinsed off a whole day of riding and used her own shampoo and conditioner and soap.
She stepped out and, even with a steamy mirror, a very self-aware Freya frowned at her reflection.
She had spent way too much time examining her body but it was for different reasons that she examined it now.
Wiping her mirror with her towel, she saw the pink of her breasts and the swell of them.
She might be getting her occasional period, Freya thought, but then glanced at the packet of pills she had been taking since the second night in his hotel room.
And then she put it out of her mind.
It was nice to be able to open a drawer and pull on some yoga pants and a top rather than scrabble on the floor for last night’s clothes.
And, she decided as she combed her hair and tied it back, if she went to the hotel again, next time she was going to bring some things.
He might choose to live out of luggage.
Not she.
‘Do you need a hand?’ Zack called as she came into the kitchen.
‘No, thanks.’
Freya grilled two steaks, one massive, one smaller, and she made a large salad. He watched her measuring everything out when he’d have just thrown it in.
Two spoons of oil, one of vinegar, a quarter of a teaspoon of salt.
And she could feel him watching her from the balcony but she wasn’t going to change her routines for him.
She carried them out and he got the massive steak and she and Cleo shared the smaller one.
‘I’m going to ache tomorrow,’ Freya said. ‘It’s been ages since I rode. I should try and get around to it more often.’
‘And me,’ Zack said. ‘It’s been great. I’m so glad I didn’t give it up.’
‘Why would you give it up?’
‘My brother was killed in a riding accident. You know how they say get back on the horse...’
‘Zack!’ Freya was appalled. ‘This must bring up some—’
‘Freya, it does and it doesn’t. I love riding; I miss that part of home. I don’t spend my life avoiding thinking about my brother. It’s there every day, the same way your eating disorder is. Sometimes it’s hard, sometimes not so much, but it’s a part of your past that has to live with the you of today.’
It was always there, a part of her past that could never be erased.
The fattest pug he had ever seen looked up at him. ‘Not a chance,’ Zack said, but cut off a piece.
‘Don’t give it to her,’ Freya said. ‘She’s already had some.’
‘How old is she?’
‘Thirteen,’ Freya said. ‘James got her for me when I came out of rehab.’
‘Did it help?’
‘Very much,’ Freya said. ‘I didn’t have Red and a group of neighbours then and dogs don’t forget mealtimes...’ She looked at Cleo and she could hear her heavy breathing. ‘I don’t think I’ll have her for much longer. Still, the vet says that if she loses some weight it will help with her joints. I can’t imagine my life without her.’ And then she shook her head. ‘Sorry.’
‘For what?’
‘We’ve been talking about you losing a brother...’
‘Freya,’ Zack said. ‘Losing Cleo will hurt.’
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘James thinks I should get another puppy before she dies.’ She rolled her eyes.
‘Are you going to tell me what’s going on between you and James?’
‘I told you.’
‘You two haven’t been talking since before this morning.’
She looked at Zack and Freya was confused. She was handing over more and more of her life, yet she wanted to.
Freya trusted him, she knew nothing would go further than them.
‘When we were growing up, as dysfunctional as it was, my parents were involved in a lot of overseas charities. They’d take James and me along for photoshoots and things but a lot of good was done. James pours everything into The Hills and it annoyed me that there was no charitable side to it. He avoids that sort of thing.’
‘A lot of people do.’
‘Not James,’ Freya said. ‘And last year we had a discussion and he said if I found the right charity and handled all the PR side of it, he’d implement it. Anyway, I didn’t have to look far. I already knew about Bright Hope. My good friend Mila runs it.’
‘I met her when I saw Paulo,’ Zack said. ‘Actually, there’s another patient she wants me to review. She seems nice. Very dedicated.’
‘She’s James’s ex,’ Freya said.
‘Oh! I see.’
‘Believe me, you don’t. She and I have rema
ined friends. I just told James that Mila’s the founder of Bright Hope.’
‘How could he not have known?’
‘Because the reason he avoids anything that combines medicine and aid work is because Mila is so heavily involved in it. She works overseas but she came back and started the foundation...’
‘Was it a bad break-up?’
‘The worst,’ Freya said. ‘He jilted her on their wedding day.’
Oh, there were so many reasons Freya didn’t trust people.
She loved her brother very much but still had no idea how he could have done that to Mila, or why.
‘Families!’ Zack said.
‘We all have them.’ Freya shrugged. ‘Even if we choose not to deal with them.’
He heard the slight dig.
‘I’m going back in April,’ Zack reminded her.
‘I know. How’s the baby doing?’ she asked.
‘He collapsed in the ambulance on the way to Brisbane. Cale said that they got to him just in time. But he’s doing okay. He’ll need more surgery when he’s older, but fairly minor.’
‘What does your dad say?’
‘We haven’t spoken about it.’
‘You haven’t spoken about it?’
‘Freya...’ He went to get another beer. ‘Do you want one?’
‘No, I just keep them there for Red if he comes to keep Cleo company.’
‘Do you want—?’
‘Nothing,’ she said. She was actually incredibly tired but curious about Zack. ‘Do you help out when you go back?’
‘Help out?’
‘With your father’s practice.’
‘I don’t stay there long enough for that,’ Zack admitted. ‘You know how you said you couldn’t stand everyone knowing your business—that’s what home’s like,’ he explained. ‘Everyone knows everything and it’s great for some, but not for me. I swear I could not get out of that place fast enough. I used to come back in my breaks but it just got harder and harder to after Toby died. He’d worked in the family practice so his dying left a big hole, not just for his family.’
‘On the community?’
Zack nodded.
‘One they think you should fill?’
‘They can’t get another doctor, it all falls on my dad. As well as the fact I don’t want to settle down and give them grandchildren. Toby was married and Alice wanted babies, and by now...’
‘So if your brother had lived?’
‘He didn’t, though,’ Zack said. ‘But, yes, they seem to think that had he lived...’ Zack didn’t tell her the rest. ‘Anyway, it’s not the life for me.’
‘What is?’
‘What I’ve got,’ Zack said. ‘A few weeks here, a few months there.’
‘Why can’t a few months be there to give your father a break?’
Zack didn’t answer.
‘I still don’t get why you’d choose a hotel over an apartment.’
‘It suits me.’ Zack said.
‘Company on tap,’ Freya said, and was cross with herself for the jealous note to her voice. She couldn’t knock it as that was how they’d met after all.
Zack said nothing and Freya got up and sorted out the plates, which had Cleo wake up, suddenly interested. Freya knew why—he had saved some steak and thought she didn’t notice when he sneaked it to Cleo.
‘I’m going to take her for her little walk,’ Freya said.
‘I’ll clear up.’
She was suddenly unsettled.
Freya carried Cleo down the stairs and took her for her little nightly outing and was, despite a wonderful day and one of the nicest evenings, very, very close to tears.
He didn’t deny that his life was the life for him.
Zack didn’t make excuses about his ways with women.
She wished, in some ways, that it had stayed at one night.
One amazing night instead of a very intense glimpse of a future that Freya now wanted but could never have.
She’d been snarky.
It had been but a few weeks and already she was counting down the days left to her, or biting her tongue to stop herself from suggesting he ditch the hotel and stay with her instead.
He’d decline, Freya knew.
And that was just as well because imagine having three months of bliss and...
Two months.
January would be over soon.
‘I’m going to be without both of you soon, aren’t I?’ In the darkness all she could see was Cleo’s pink tongue and her fur baby was out of breath from the shortest walk. ‘You’d better be here when he goes,’ Freya warned Cleo. ‘I’m going to need you so much.’ And then she picked Cleo up and buried her face in her fur. ‘I’m so selfish...’ Freya said, but she had to tell her friend. ‘Cleo, I think I’m pregnant.’
Cleo just carried on breathing. Just kissed her face and cuddled in till Freya’s panic subsided.
‘I can’t be,’ Freya said to Cleo, who really didn’t care if she was or not.
She just loved her back.
Freya carried Cleo back up the stairs and put her on the sofa with her toy. The kitchen was tidy and Freya could hear Zack in the shower and it hurt that it felt so nice to turn off the lights and get into bed and know that he’d join her.
Zack wasn’t sure that he would.
Here was everything he had always avoided and possibly with good reason because it made him want more.
He should get dressed and go, Zack thought.
Cleo had got off the sofa and was crying at the bedroom door, and Zack grinned when he came out.
‘I’m sleeping in her bed.’
‘Yes, and she’ll hate you for it, even if you did sneak her some steak. Did you have pets?’
‘A few,’ Zack said, and got into bed and tried not to think of home.
‘I’m going to start seeing clients,’ Freya said. ‘I haven’t told James yet, but I’m going to.’
‘Good.’
‘I was thinking about it while we were riding.’
‘I was thinking too,’ Zack said.
‘About?’
He didn’t answer. Zack just lay there thinking about plans that had been made and might be broken. He was tired, not physically, though. For the first time he was tired of hotels and starting over, of borrowing a horse, leasing a car, starting out, over and over again...
He wanted this but did not want it, just as he wanted home but not to be there.
Life was easier with no names.
Except she had one and, lying in the dark, he told Freya what he hadn’t been able to over dinner.
‘I stay away because I’m worried that I might end up telling them that Toby wasn’t happy when he died,’ Zack said.
He’d told no one.
Ever.
‘We’d gone camping for a weekend,’ Zack said. ‘I was surprised when he suggested it but we just went out into the bush. It was great...’
Actually, no, it hadn’t been. It had been revealing.
‘He told me how unhappy he was,’ Zack said, and Freya looked at him.
‘He’d been going out with Alice since they were teenagers and she’d stuck by him while he’d gone off and studied medicine. He said that he’d had enough and wanted to move to the city. So when I am home I get to hear how happy Toby was, what a great son, husband, doctor, and how happy he’d been there and how he’d hate how I’ve let them down. I dread that one day I’ll tell the truth: that he was planning on getting out...’
‘He was going to leave his wife?’
Zack nodded.
What a terrible secret to carry, Freya thought, to be the only one to know and be able to say nothing.
‘That was why he’d asked
me to go camping with him. He wanted my take on things.’
‘And that was?’
‘I had lots of takes on it,’ Zack said, and he told her about that last night. ‘Never knowing that the next day he’d be dead.’
‘Was he killed outright?’
‘No. At first I didn’t think it was that serious,’ Zack said, but then he shook his head. ‘Actually, I think I did know because I activated the locator beacon and you only do that if things are dire. And then it was a matter of waiting.’ The longest wait ever. ‘I love the outback,’ Zack said. ‘You have never seen anywhere more beautiful and the remoteness is hard to comprehend, but it’s a long wait if someone you love is dying.’
‘How long?’
‘Four hours,’ Zack said. ‘Well, three spent dying, one hour with him dead. I told him I’d live for both of us...’
And he had.
Zack crammed everything in.
Then he corrected himself in his head.
He had crammed everything in bar a relationship.
CHAPTER TWELVE
FREYA SLEPT WITH the windows open.
For everything Zack liked about hotels, windows that didn’t open were one of the things that he didn’t like. It was a cool night and the sound of rain was lulling.
Not for Freya.
She lay listening to the sound of night-time from her bed but with Zack by her side, and all in her world was shaken.
Beautifully so but scarily so.
And how could you let yourself simply enjoy something when you’d been told it couldn’t last?
And what if what she had discussed earlier with Cleo turned out to be right?
‘What’s wrong?’ Zack asked, as Freya turned to get comfortable again.
‘Nothing,’ she said.
‘Liar.’ He gave her a kiss. ‘But that’s okay.’
Side on they faced each other and Freya found that she was smiling. ‘You smell of my soap.’
‘I taste of your soap,’ Zack said. ‘If you need to check.’ His leg hooked her in closer and he made her feel all shivery as his hand played with one tender breast. ‘For someone who doesn’t like it...’
Seduced by the Heart Surgeon Page 10
