My Naughty Little Secret

by Finnegan, Tara

  “Well, at least you still stalk even if you don’t spank,” I laughed.

  “I’d better go. Dad wants me to go home with him tonight. I think he’s afraid I’ll mope without you. He misses you too. I caught him wandering up to your office today. He forgot it was Saturday and you wouldn’t be here. I told him if it was urgent he could ring you, but he said he was just going up to say hello. You have us all hooked with your cheerfulness, Miss Brennan. He was very impressed that you got the staff to turn in.”

  “It’s a pity I wasn’t there to do the same; maybe next year I’ll have to stay home for Christmas.”

  “I’d like that. We’ll chat later. Love you.”

  “Love you too, Michael.”

  Mam was unpacking the shopping as I came out of the bedroom. “Were you talking to Michael?” she asked with interest.

  “Yes, Mam, I miss him already. I wish he was here.”

  “Well, maybe it’s as well you got a day on your own with your father first. He’s in much better humour. He has even accepted that you can share a room when Michael arrives. Up ‘til now he was saying it’d be over his dead body,” my mother pointed out, ever the optimist. “I hear you brought him surfing. He hasn’t done that in a while.”

  “Yeah, I think he really enjoyed it too. He probably needs more exercise. Since he’s given up the farming, he doesn’t get out as much.”

  “I think I’ll get him golf lessons. That takes all day, doesn’t it?” Mam quipped.

  “Mam, you’re so bold,” I giggled.

  “Messing aside, it’s good to see him smile again. You’re such a little Miss Fix-it. You jolly everyone along.”

  “What’s this, national analyse Siobhan day? First Dad, then Michael, and now you.” I piqued. “Did you get the shopping finished?”

  “Yes, except the stuff I can get in the village tomorrow,” Mam sighed with relief. “Do you need to do any shopping?”

  “God, no, Mam, after last week in Banbury’s, Christmas shopping is definitely off my to-do list. It was great fun though. The offices were quiet enough so I spent half my time in ladies’ wear mucking in. There’s this great pair of women there. They really pull the customers, suck them in. And they’re great craic too. I could watch them all day. You’d love them.”

  “What did you get Michael?” Mam asked, curiosity getting the better of her.

  “Well, he loves horse riding so I found this beautiful bronze of a wild horse jumping a fence. I hope he likes it. He’s hard to buy for; if he wants anything he just buys it.” I don’t think she wants to know about the rest of it, I thought naughtily, remembering the little surprise package I added.

  “I suppose you’ll get the watch. That comes before the ring,” Mam muttered almost to herself.

  “Mam!” I shouted, disgusted.

  “Sorry, didn’t mean to say that out loud. You know me and my sayings. Anyway, have you thought about how you will entertain a city gent in a country village for five days?” she asked, swiftly changing the subject. It wasn’t off the stones I had licked that talent!

  “Well, we’ll hire a car, do some sightseeing, some horse-riding and Dad’s going to teach him to surf.”

  “Ah, so that’s how you did it,” Mam sniggered.

  “Mam! Leave me alone. I don’t fix it.”

  I knew half the village would be in the pub that night so I decided to coax my brother Niall to come out with me and leave the books behind for an hour or two. I met up with Pauric for the first time since I got home and was really pleased to see there was no awkwardness between us since our last interlude. I didn’t want to lose him as a friend.

  “I saw you and your dad out on the water today. He’s still a class surfer, even at his age. Pity he doesn’t go out much anymore.”

  “I think he feels it’s too risky. He still loves it though. He was in great form after it. Are any of the old crowd round for Christmas?” I asked him.

  “Only a handful—the ones in Dublin or England, most of them are too far afield.”

  “That’s a pity; I would’ve liked to catch up with a few people,” I said sadly.

  The bar started filling up and I met up with a couple of surfing friends, and a few more school friends. I was happy to catch up, but at about half past eleven I got unnaturally tired. I told Niall I was heading home.

  “I’ll come with you,” Niall agreed. “I need to get up early to study. God, you must really be getting in on the English way of life, sure that place is only beginning to fill up now, what has you leaving so early?”

  “I‘m wrecked, I suppose it’s the fresh air and travelling. I wouldn’t mind, but I slept late today too. I must be getting old.”

  “It’ll be the free bus pass soon!” he teased.

  “How is the study going anyway? The last year is always hard,” I sympathised.

  “Ah, the course is fine; it’s just there aren’t many jobs out there. I want to try to graduate top of the class just for the kudos it will bring in interviews,” he explained.

  “From my experience, employers look for a work-life balance as well as good results. You have to keep your other interests going too. You have to be seen to be versatile and motivated,” I advised.

  “Yes, Mammy. Seriously, Shiv, I have lots of other stuff I enjoy, but just this year it’s on the back burner. I can’t wait to get my life back.”

  When we arrived home, mercifully everyone was gone to bed so I was able to head straight there too. Within minutes of my head touching the pillow, I was out like a light, aware of nothing until morning.

  “Christmas Eve, time to hang up our stockings, yeah hurray!” chanted Aislinn at 8:00 a.m. I woke up very reluctantly.

  “God, what age are you, Aislinn?” I laughed. “Did nobody tell you Santa doesn’t exist?”

  She poked out her tongue at me.

  “Killjoy! The stockings are the best bit. I still love them, old and all as I am.”

  “Yeah, me too,” I agreed, secretly revelling in my sister’s childish behaviour and the seasonal enthusiasm.

  Even after we children were too old to believe in Santa, Mam had kept the tradition of the Christmas stocking alive, to try to keep a bit of the Christmas magic in the house. She always filled the stockings with all sorts of little luxuries and frivolities that we wouldn’t buy for ourselves and we loved opening them on Christmas morning.

  “Do you remember when we were small we used to plague Mammy and Daddy to let us open some presents on Christmas Eve?” added Keeva, joining in the excitement.

  “All day long from when we would get up in the morning, ‘til they eventually agreed to just one, after Midnight Mass. You’d think we’d learn, but we did the same thing year after year and we never got to open one ‘til after mass. God, kids are such annoying brats really,” she laughed. “Remind me never to have any.”

  “Jaysus, you’re an even bigger misery-guts than Shiv, why would you never want kids? Look at all the fun they can be,” Aislinn complained.

  “Snotty noses, dirty nappies, no nights out, no leaving the house without a military operation. No, thanks.” said Keeva, shuddering at the memory of the summer job she had last year as au pair in Dublin.

  “You’ll change your tune in time, mark my words,” Mam prophesised.

  We had a very noisy traditional Irish breakfast of rashers, sausages, black pudding, fried eggs, and potato bread. Then we got down to the serious business of wrapping gifts and pre-preparing what food we could for Christmas Day.

  Niall and Dad were put on potato and vegetable peeling duty. The giblet soup was my department, which we would have today with sandwiches and then again tomorrow before dinner. Keeva was in charge of parboiling the ham and glazing it. Aislinn was to keep clearing up after everyone so the kitchen didn’t get out of hand. Mam would collect the turkey and ham from the Flynn’s, the butchers and get the last minute supplies of milk, cream, and bread rolls. She would do the smoked salmon salad tomorrow.

  “Janey Mack,” she
said when she got back, “you’d think the shops are going to be shut for a month. The world and its mother are in the village. There are tailbacks on the main street.”

  “Tailbacks in Easkey, Mam,” snorted Aislinn with derision, “will you stop exaggerating. There were probably five cars on the road, and that’s a tailback here.”

  “Or cows going in for milking, that’s a tailback round here! Will we go to the pub later?” added Keeva hopefully; she knew some of her school friends were being allowed out tonight on account of Christmas. Mam and Dad never permitted her go to the pub, but she was hopeful they’d make an exception since I was home.

  “Pub, my backside,” said Dad crossly, ruining the jollity, “we’ll all be going to Midnight Mass as usual, and you’ll not be going smelling of drink.”

  “Dad, Midnight Mass is now the Christmas Vigil, it’s from nine to ten and I am planning to go to the pub after it for a couple of drinks if that’s ok. Maybe I can bring Keeva? I’ll keep an eye on her,” I reminded him, winking at Keeva.

  “No more than two drinks for her,” Dad warned grumpily. Bah humbug. He needed a visit from the ghost of Christmas past to remind him what it was like to be young.

  Keeva waited until Dad left the room. “Thanks, Shiv, I owe you one. You could always wrap him around your finger.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Christmas Day dawned bright and frosty. Everyone was up early, nearly as bad as when we were kids.

  “What’d you get in your stocking?” Aislinn bounded into the room where I was still sleeping.

  “Dunno, Ash, haven’t woken up properly yet.” She grabbed my stocking and jumped into bed beside me.

  “Have a look, Shiv,” she entreated. “I got that new Lancôme perfume I like and make-up and truffles and phone credit and a few fancy soaps and things.”

  It looked like I had no choice but to get caught in the moment and see what Santa brought. Satisfied that I had been looked after as well as she had by Santa, Aislinn loped off to give the others the benefit of her enthusiasm. I decided that while it was quiet I would open the parcel Michael gave me. It was about the size of a shoebox, and beautifully packaged. It felt strangely light for such a large container. He had warned me to make sure I was alone when I opened it, so I was expecting something naughty, maybe lingerie.

  When I opened it, I was greeted by another box and a note which simply said keep going.

  This was repeated six times, then I got to a note saying, “my love runs even deeper than that” and a small little box. Opening the box, I gasped as I saw a beautiful emerald and diamond ring. My immediate reaction was to shake my head in denial, but then I noticed the letter tucked into the lid. I read it greedily.

  My Dearest Siobhan,

  When I saw this emerald in its uncut form, the rich green stone reminded me of your eyes, with the yellow fire in the centre. The jeweller tells me the yellow is considered a “flaw” in the stone. I don’t think it’s a flaw; I think it’s like you, just perfect. I had hoped to be able to give it to you as an engagement ring, but I couldn’t wait. I wanted you to have it now, so consider it a “stalkers ring.”

  You can wear it on your right hand, and then when you are ready, you can switch it over. I will watch every day for that switch, hoping it will come soon, but then I can stop annoying you by asking you to marry me so often. Know I am yours when you are ready for me.

  I wish I could be there with you for our first Christmas, but maybe it’s as well the sea is between us as you read this.

  Your loving stalker,

  Michael

  My eyes filled with tears. He was such a dear sweet man. I really wished I could commit, just to give him the sheer joy that he brought to me constantly. I knew my biggest enemy was my own insecurity. I slipped the ring on my wedding finger and looked at it. It really was beautiful. I knew now why he insisted I wait until Christmas day to open it. He wanted me to be far away. I swapped it over to the other hand and sent him off a text.

  “Are U up yet?

  My phone rang almost instantly.

  “I’m always up for you, especially when I get toys like that,” he chortled at his own dirty joke. So he’d obviously opened the naughty present, the remote-controlled “Love Egg.”

  “Michael, the ring is beautiful, thank you. My own dear stalker. It fits both hands perfectly. And your letter made me cry. It’s too much.”

  “I’m glad you like it. I miss you,” he said gently, “and thank you for the horse, it’s stunning. It’s evocative of my childhood.”

  “I wish you were coming sooner. I don’t want to wait another four days to see you.”

  “Me too, I know when we made the arrangements a week apart didn’t seem long, but now it feels like forever,” he agreed.

  “I love you, Michael.”

  “And I you. Enjoy your day, I’ll ring you later.”

  “Ok, you too.”

  Neither of us wanted to hang up and there was silence on the line as we each waited for the other to terminate the call. Eventually someone had to break the deadlock, so I said:

  “Ok, I’ll hang up. Talk to you later. Wish James and Catherine a happy Christmas from me. Oh, and don’t forget to give them my gift.”

  “It’s under the tree already, Miss Bossy-boots. Bye for now.”

  I grinned down the line at the master of bossiness and hit the end button. The entire family seemed to be talking at once when I came down to breakfast. I was glad I had switched the ring onto my right hand as I wasn’t even settled in my seat before my mother spotted it.

  “Jesus, Siobhan, that’s beautiful, is that your Christmas present?” I blushed slightly as I passed it over to be admired by all of the womenfolk. I knew it probably seemed ridiculously extravagant to my mother, but I didn’t want to tell her the story behind it yet anyway. Mam seemed extremely anxious that I shouldn’t commit too soon and I didn’t want her to worry on Christmas day.

  My tummy opted for a bowl of milky porridge for breakfast rather than the traditional fry-up, which I just couldn’t face into. A comforting winter breakfast, just what I needed. We exchanged gifts after breakfast as we always did. I gave my parents flight tickets and a voucher for a London hotel.

  “Aunt Mary says it’s far too long since you came to see her, and I can spend time with you too,” I justified before they had the chance to object to the expense.

  “Thanks, Love, that’ll be great,” Dad said, kissing me. We must have both spotted Mam about to object at the same time, because he was in there just before her.

  I had bought clothes for Aislinn and Keeva, and for Niall, there were two tickets for a Lily Allen concert. I knew my gifts were a bit overgenerous, but with my recent pay rise, I wanted to share my good fortune. I had more money than I knew what to do with these days. And surely I could treat my family without fear of embarrassment.

  “I want to make sure you take at least one night off before you finish college,” I told him as his eyes lit with excitement. He was one of her biggest fans.

  Mam and Dad had bought me a new wetsuit, and the other three had clubbed together to buy me a new surfboard to replace the one I’d damaged in November.

  The traditional Christmas dinner was as decadent and delicious as usual and the feasting ritual lasted about two hours, culminating in the lighting of the Christmas pudding. Even at twenty-five, I still loved the blue flame of the poteen burning on the plate as the fire licked the sides of the pudding, dancing a mystical jig. After dinner there was the annual game of poker, and again Aislinn wiped the board, cleaning out the rest of us.

  “It’s a good job we only play for Monopoly money,” laughed Mam when she saw just how sharkish Aislinn could be.

  We were delighted to see Gone with the Wind was on one of the satellite channels. It had once been a family ritual to watch it on RTE every Christmas Day, but in recent years that channel had had the cheek to remove it from the Christmas Day listings without consulting the Brennan family! After Gone with th
e Wind, we split up to head in our own directions: the younger three to a night club, my parents and I were for bed, and my grandparents to their own home.

  “Are you sure you won’t come clubbing?” Aislinn asked, disappointed that the first time she had permission to go was also the first time I had decided to take a rain-check.

  “Oh, come on, it’ll be a right laugh,” said Keeva, adding her voice to Aislinn’s.

  “No, I’m exhausted and anyway, I won’t know anyone there. You lot will have your friends and I’ll be the old maid in the corner,” I protested.

  When Mam was dropping the younger three to the bus and my grandparents’ home, Dad took the opportunity to comment on the ring for the first time.

  “So, are you going to accept him or keep him hanging on for longer?” he said, nodding at my hand. I was surprised by his perception. It wasn’t a traditional engagement ring and I deliberately hadn’t worn it as one.

  “I’m seriously considering it, Dad, I really do love him,” I answered as honestly as I could. I could see the grave look in his eyes, but Dad had a talent for not interfering too much in our lives and in this he was no different.

  “It’s a big decision, Siobhan, but I know you’ll make the right one. I just hope he deserves you.”

  He seemed a little appeased that Michael at least appreciated I was worth holding on to. But I knew his heart was breaking because he knew not only had he lost his little girl, but I wouldn’t be coming home to Ireland.

  Once Dad had gone to bed, I decided I’d try giving Michael a call. I’d really missed him all day and the thought of another few days without him was starting to get to me now that the novelty of being with my family was starting to wear off. I was surprised he hadn’t called me already, like he said he would.

  “Hi, how was your day?” I asked

  “Hi yourself. Good but lonely; I finally saw that shrink today and talked about my stalking problem.”

  “Oh, did you, what did he say?” I couldn’t help smile. Sometimes I liked his stalking problem and now was one of those times.