Aryn's Desire: A BOLD Security Novel (Finding Submission Book 1)

by Derrick, Zoey

  “Two reasons. One - our favorite club is closed on Mondays,” he smirks at me and continues, “And two, walking into a dungeon isn’t something you do on a whim. Oftentimes club members who bring in ‘unregistered’ guests have to make arrangements before they can do just that. Other times, depending on the club, background checks are required before a guest enters the club. Plus, once you get there you have to sign paperwork. Among other reasons, like the fact that walking into a dungeon as vanilla as you were a couple hours ago would have scared the living hell out of you.” He snorts.

  “I doubt that,” I counter.

  “Oh, believe me. Going into a dungeon for the first time, even the second and third time, can be quite overwhelming. No two nights are the same. You either have different people all together or you have various different things going on that night. Like edge play or piercing play.”

  I shiver. “What is edge play?” I ask.

  “Knives, sharp instruments, things that can push you to the brink of fearing for your life.”

  My eyes go wide.

  “No, we’re not into that. While it intrigues me, I work very hard to not leave permanent marks on Raine. Temporary ones, however, are another story.” His eyes light up as he says this.

  “You get off on this?” I ask him.

  “Come on, let’s grab a beer.”

  I nod absently as he ushers me from the room, and as he is closing the door, the lights go out. Once outside the room, I can finally breathe easier. Though I hadn’t realized I was having a hard time before, but seeing all that equipment, was…well, the ultimate rush of desire.

  SEVEN

  “YOU ASKED, DO I get off on that?” Dex says as he slides a beer across the breakfast bar to me. I nod. “Not necessarily. Or maybe rather, in a sense, yes. But the high I get from playing with Raine is more about giving her the things I know she wants. For example, Raine likes pain and a lot of it. But also with pain she likes pleasure and sensual things, like rope for example. Seeing her blossom, seeing her float, is the ultimate high, Beck. I mean, I can’t describe how it truly feels when I have her in the palm of my hands like that.”

  He lets me ponder what he said as we both drink our beers.

  I understand what he’s saying. It’s not about her being in pain, or being trapped by rope or some other restraint, it’s about the pleasure she gets in the process.

  “It’s about giving her a chance to let things go. To free her mind of the burdens of her day, to let me take it from her for just a little while. Since Addison had the twins, Raine has been running ragged, between the band’s stuff and Addison’s too. She absolutely loves it, devours it. She was made to do exactly what she does and she’s damn good at it. But one of the things that makes her good, or maybe even better, is her ability to release it all. To walk in the door of our house and know that I will take over from there.”

  “I’m not sure I quite understand that part,” I tell him, and it’s true. The bedroom or play room aspect I understand, but the lifestyle is still beyond my comprehension.

  “She has very little decisions when it comes to the house. Things like, what’s for dinner? I tell her what’s for dinner if I don’t cook it myself.”

  I scoff, “You? Cooking?”

  “Shut it,” he smirks. “Or the bills? I pay them. I maintain our accounts, handle the bills and she doesn’t have to stress about it. But having all of that taken care of makes it easier for her to relax at night. Whether we’re in the playroom or not. Now that you know, I imagine you’ll see it much more from her. I know when we have other people over it’s hard for her to let go of our dynamic, and while it is still there, in the background, she has a few less rules to follow, or a better way of putting it is that she has less things she would normally ask permission for.”

  “But isn’t that a bit controlling? To have a hand in everything she does or doesn’t do?”

  “You’d have to ask her that. I don’t see it as such, but I also know she thrives on it. Certain things that I say or do mean a little more to her, like saying thank you to her is a big one. It reminds her that she’s appreciated, that what she’s done is appreciated. Though that is usually when it comes to me and no one else.”

  “I noticed it tonight,” I tell him. “Little things that you’d say or do would make her blossom in a way that I’ve never noticed before. She glows under your praise.” I press my lips together. “It almost reminds me of a child seeking approval.”

  He shrugs. “In some ways, I think that’s what she’s doing, whether she knows it or not, but you also need to know that she has her own reasons for doing things like that. She never got that approval and praise growing up. So I think it would only be natural that she’d want it now.” He sighs, “I understand where your concerns stand, believe me, they were mine too in the beginning of all this, but she explained it to me, explained why she wanted or felt she needed it. Again, communication is vital in this type of relationship. Without her telling me that she wanted that kind of thing from me, I’d have never known. Without her telling me when something I do or say doesn’t have the impact that it intended to have, I’d never know where to stop.”

  I run my hand over my head, feeling the prickles of my freshly buzzed head as I do. “I don’t think I’m ever going to understand all this.”

  Dex smiles, “So does that mean you want to try to understand it?”

  “The bedroom side of things? That I get. Spicing things up and adding some kinky in the bedroom is all good, but the relationship side of it, I don’t know if I’ll ever understand that.”

  He nods. “Good, because I’m still learning and understanding it myself. Things are smoother now. We’ve managed to work through the majority of our everyday life with what works and what doesn’t. So we go a lot longer between incidents of frustration or even irritation. But the bottom line is that it all comes down to communication. We talk about anything and everything. Oftentimes we spend time after dinner discussing her day and mine, things that happened, and she leaves nothing out, with the exception of names because she’s held to confidentiality outside of Addison. It’s usually at that point where I decide on the best course for the night. Sometimes it’s snuggling on the couch watching television or a movie and other times it involves the playroom, and sometimes, depending on whether she’s done something wrong or handled something in a way she shouldn’t have, punishments.”

  I shudder. “Why would you want to punish her?”

  He gives me a sad smile. “I never want to punish her, but sometimes it’s necessary. Like if she’s home, and I’m not - though rare - she has a plan for the day, things to do around the house or errands to run and if she doesn’t get them done for reasons other than work interference, that usually involves a punishment of some sort.”

  “What if you give her too much to do?”

  He smiles then answers, “Her lists are too small not to finish in the time frame I give her. Because I’m usually the one at home all day, I usually run the errands, clean up the house, so on a rare day when I’m out of the house right now, it’s simple things, like cleaning up her office.” He shudders. “That is all on her.”

  I smile and finish off my beer. “I’m sure I’ll have a thousand and one more questions about all of this.”

  “No doubt, but just remember, every relationship is different. Our relationship is the way that it is because it works for us. What works for us might not work for you, or anyone else for that matter. But let me assure you, she’s happy, we’re extremely happy and there are days that I just have to turn my Dom side off and be with her, just her. No roles, no rules, no punishments, just her and I. Though those sides of us are always on in one fashion or another, it’s freeing to let it all go too. But we both get twitchy, for lack of a better definition, if it goes on for too long.” He gives me a smile then takes our bottles and puts them in the trash. “Another?”

  I shake my head. “I’m good.”

  “Overwhelmed?” he asks.


  “Yeah, a lot.”

  He snorts. “Don’t worry. Like I said, it’s different for everyone. You may find a submissive who doesn’t like what Raine likes, or maybe doesn’t want a lifestyle relationship, but wants to play hard.” I nod and stand up as he continues. “Do some more research. Wikipedia is a good place to start.” I scoff at him. “Don’t knock it. It’s one of the rare sites that have a lot of accurate information on the lifestyle. Plus, when you’re ready, there are sites out there specifically for meeting others in the lifestyle, maybe even a submissive, or a Top?” He grins at his question.

  “Hell no. There is no way I can do what Raine did tonight,” I say with conviction.

  He looks skeptical as he says, “But you need to know, I got lucky and met Raine and we had a mutual desire for this. If you’re going in looking for someone to Top, you’re going to need training and lots of it. Depending on who you find, oftentimes you’re required to submit first, learn both sides of the dynamic before you’re able to move over to the other side.”

  A shiver slides up my spine at the idea of being a bottom. I don’t like it at all.

  “Just remember to keep an open mind about all of it. Regardless of what you see, hear or otherwise, just because someone else is into it, doesn’t mean you have to be.”

  He hits the light switch in the kitchen and we walk into the living room and head toward the hallway where his playroom is and my bedroom. “You know I’m never going to look at that door the same way again, right?”

  He laughs, “I know, but now you know, and now you have an idea and a decision to make.” His laughter fades into a smile. “Good night, man.”

  “Night.”

  EIGHT

  “MORNING,” DEX SAYS as he slides me a cup of coffee.

  “Mornin’,” I yawn.

  “Sleep alright?” he asks and I raise my eyebrow at him. “What?” he retorts.

  “Since when do you care about how I slept?” I tease him.

  “Shut it,” he growls and rolls his eyes.

  “Yes, I slept fine. Just not long enough.” I look around for a clock. “What time is it anyway?”

  “Just after ten,” he snickers. “Late night?”

  I snort and take a sip of my coffee.

  When I’d crawled into bed last night, I wasn’t really tired and my mind was reeling from all that I learned from Dex. I couldn’t get to sleep. So what did I do? I spent almost three hours working my way around Wikipedia and their lifestyle pages on my laptop. With all the information Dex had given me, I couldn’t help but research further. It became a mission to read everything I could possibly find on the subject and while I can’t say I’m an expert by any means, I was able to learn a lot more.

  “Find anything interesting?” Dex asks.

  “On what?”

  He gives me a ‘don’t be stupid’ look. “I know you well enough to know that when you got back to your room, you cracked open your laptop and tore up the internet.”

  I give him an exasperated look. “So?”

  He bursts out laughing. “I’ve created a monster…I love it.”

  I take another sip of coffee before setting it back on the counter. “Did you expect anything less?”

  He smiles behind his coffee cup. “No, Aryn, I didn’t.”

  Dex uses my real name for the first time in a very long time. When we were on the road, I’d told him to keep it to Beck and he stuck with it. To this day I don’t think Casey or Troy know my real name. “Shit, that reminds me,” I mutter as I stand up.

  “What’s up?”

  “Ahh, I gotta call Casey,” I tell him as I walk down the hallway and into the guest room. I pull my phone off the nightstand. I click on it, sliding it open and it goes off with a couple different emails. Nothing new in my world. I pull up Casey’s number and head back into the kitchen where Dex is messing around on his phone. “Want a laugh?” I ask Dex who gives me an evil smirk. He knows what I’m up to. If I know Casey, he’s sound asleep still. Unless the boys dragged him out early.

  I put it on speaker, hit send and let it ring.

  On the fourth ring a gravely sleepy voice comes on the line. “Helllooo.”

  “Casey, where the fuck are you?” I bark into the phone.

  “Where, what? Who is this?”

  “It’s Beck, fucker. You were supposed to be here thirty minutes ago.”

  “Oh shit.” All of a sudden the sleepy is gone from his voice and there’s a shit ton of shuffling going on as Casey panics, thinking he needs to be somewhere.

  Dex and I both crack up laughing.

  “You cock-sucking-motherfucker,” Casey growls into the phone, then there is a rush of air and a plop that’s loud enough to come through the phone. “Asshole,” he mutters into the phone.

  Dex and I are still laughing as he grumbles his way awake. “What do you want, fucker?”

  “I have a job for you.”

  He groans on the other end of the line. “Yeah, when? What?”

  “World Premiere Tour, prep starts on the sixteenth, right after New York. The first stop is here in town on the twenty-fourth.”

  “Who?” he asks and this is because I know he has an extreme dislike of certain celebutantes, and country singers.

  “Alyssa Serin.”

  “Whoa! No shit?” I picture him sitting up stick straight in bed as he says this.

  “Yeah, L.A., New York, Nashville.” I wink at Dex who smirks. “London, Berlin and Sydney.”

  “Jesus Christ, that’s a lot of fucking frequent flyer miles. Who’s got point?”

  “I do.”

  “No shit? Mills is finally letting you off your leash.”

  “Fuck off, asswipe. You in or not?”

  “Fuck yeah,” he says excitedly.

  “Nice, now go back to bed.”

  “I can’t now, fucktard,” he grumbles.

  Dex and I laugh. “I’ll be in touch,” I tell him and hang up.

  “That was fucking cruel as fuck,” Dex says.

  “But funnier than hell.”

  We both carry on laughing for a good five minutes before he shoos me off to go get dressed. Raine is at Talon’s and Dex wants to go over there, see her, say hi to the guys and visit the twins. I imagine if Dex is going, Mouse and Peacock won’t be too far behind. Which means Casey will try and kick my ass in person for his wake up call this morning.

  Raine answers the door, holding Logan in a bit of a football hold.

  “I could get used to that,” Dex teases her and she lights up at his suggestion.

  I, on the other hand, look at him from the corner of my eye. He’s joking, right? Mr. ‘I’ll never have kids’ wants kids? Jesus, being with the right woman can really change a man.

  “Not yet, you can’t.” She winks at him in some secret kind of way. “Hi, Beck.” She smiles sweetly at me and coming down the stairs behind her is Talon holding Emily in a similar fashion.

  “Hey guys,” he says with a smile. The twins are just over a month old, but they’ve grown so much since I last saw them about two weeks ago. That was the first time Addison felt like having a house full of people, despite all of us popping in at random times. I’d come over to help Mills out when Rusty wasn’t available, but since then, Rusty and Tori have managed it all. Mills did a complete security re-work of the house before they moved in a couple months back and he has an apartment on the property that is attached to the security center.

  All of which was much to Talon’s dismay, but I guess there have been a couple of times it’s come in handy and now Talon praises it. “Where’s Kyle and Addison?”

  “Kyle ran to the store, Mills is around here somewhere and Addison is sleeping. The twins were up quite a bit last night.” He coos at Emily and talks to her sweetly. Definitely not a side I ever expected to see from him.

  “Let me have him,” Dex says as he takes Logan from Raine and goes to sit down on the couch. I guess his statement shouldn’t have come as that much of a surprise. He
’s become the best non-uncle-uncle ever. I watch Raine as she watches Dex with Logan. There is a sparkle in her eye as she does. I’m assuming there is something brewing here between them with kids, but I haven’t a clue what it is. Seeing this just reinforces my loneliness a little more and it is starting to drive me crazy.

  “Beck,” Mills commands in his own little way and suddenly Casey’s leash comment makes sense.

  “Yes, sir,” I answer. Raine snickers and Dex glares at her. She sobers quickly. I guess since the secret is out, at least with me, Raine couldn’t hold it back anymore.

  “Want to help me with something?”

  “Sure,” I say automatically and I follow him out of the back side of the house, through the kitchen. He leads me out on to the grounds, around the pool and into his building. “What’s up, boss?” I ask him as we enter his living room.

  “I need to reposition a couple of cameras. Mind helping me out?”

  “Nah, not at all.”

  Part of me wonders if Mills is doing this on purpose, pulling me out of the house. While he knows Dex and I are friends, he keeps us separated when possible. I understand his reasoning. When the shit hits the fan, personal ties don’t matter anymore. It’s all about the safety of those we protect, regardless of who they are and what they are to us.

  Sometime later, Dex comes to me and says that he and Raine are leaving. Immediately I understand why he had me drive. He can go home with her, and I can go home from here. “No problem. Let me know what time we’re taking off on Friday.”

  “Why don’t you just come stay at the house Thursday night? You can leave your car there, in the garage, instead of on the street at your house. Our flight is leaving Burbank at like, seven Friday morning.”

  “Alright, I’ll let you know when I’m on my way over. Might be kind of late. I have a couple things to do before we leave to get ready for the tour.”