“That sounds fine. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me.”
He gave her a strange look, but Laura hoped that if she affirmed the actions that made her feel good, he’d continue to act accordingly. She’d hated his lack of communication, so she would do her best to acknowledge when he did tell her things. Hadn’t she heard Pastor Lassiter say something about that in church? Focusing on the bad only brought more bad, but when you focused on the good, you would get more of it.
“Would you mind getting the girls settled in? I want to discuss our next steps with Will. I’d also like to see if the doctor has arrived yet.”
Owen didn’t wait for an answer as he went back down the stairs.
She supposed there wasn’t much else to talk about, but even with the strides they’d made in their relationship, it seemed more strained than ever. Once again, Laura had to question her interpretation of the situation. Was Owen being distant, or was he just trying to do his job? Or was it both?
Sighing, Laura went downstairs to look for the girls. They were in the parlor, showing Rosabelle their dolls. Mary sat on the couch, watching them with a doting expression on her face.
“They seem to adore having a little one to play with,” Laura said, entering the room.
Mary smiled. “They do. Will keeps telling Owen he should remarry to give the girls a sibling of their own, but Owen insists that the girls are all he needs. I know a lot of men want sons, but there’s something special about the bond a father has with his daughters.”
The other woman placed her hand on her stomach with such a satisfied look that Laura once again had to force herself not to be envious. “Will says he’d like another daughter,” Mary continued. “But I know he will love a son just the same. What matters is having a happy, healthy baby, and even the happy doesn’t matter so much.”
Shaking her head, Mary gave a small chuckle. “You’ve met my nephew, Matthew. You didn’t know him as a baby, but he was the most disagreeable infant anyone had ever seen. Most of the time, he was inconsolable, and yet, my sister Rose was so loving and patient with him. Now, of course, he is an absolute delight.”
The warmth in Mary’s voice wasn’t meant to hurt Laura, and certainly Mary didn’t know of Laura’s private pain. Laura, too, would accept a disagreeable baby. An ill baby, if only to have a child of her own. Impossible.
Laura forced a smile as she gave a murmur of agreement. It wasn’t Mary’s fault that Laura was miserable.
Anna looked up from her playtime with the others and smiled at Laura.
“Papa says we get to stay here at your house.”
Anna got up and came to sit beside her. Big blue eyes that looked so much like her father’s stared up at Laura. “You must be lonely living here all by yourself. I’m glad we can keep you company.”
The little girl took Laura’s hand, and Laura nearly wept from the innocent kindness the child offered. How could her mother have abandoned her and her sister? Once more, Laura was struck with deep admiration for Owen and Lena. Not just for taking care of the children, but for how they were raising two such thoughtful girls. It was hard to hold on to her prejudice against him when he clearly had enough goodness in him to raise such children.
But in a lot of ways, that only deepened Laura’s confusion about the kind of man Owen Hamilton was. And what her feelings for him should be.
One of the men entered the room, holding a wicker basket at arm’s length. The basket was rocking violently of its own accord. Or so it seemed.
“Ma’am? What am I supposed to do with this?”
The girls jumped up. “Henry!”
They ran to the basket, but the man held firm. “Owen says we were to ask you what to do with this so as not to cause you too much inconvenience.”
“Well, let’s put that poor creature out of his misery. He must be so uncomfortable in there.” Laura took the basket from him, then turned to the girls. “You need to take the same care at my house as you did at yours with Henry. Any messes will be your responsibility, do you understand?”
Two blond heads nodded as Laura opened the basket. Henry flew out, squawking. The mess inside the basket was terrible. Laura turned to the man who’d brought the rooster in.
“I hate to trouble you, but this needs to be taken out and cleaned. Are we allowed to go outside to the yard to do it?”
He hesitated like he didn’t know the answer, but Owen walked in. “Thanks, John. I’ll take it from here.”
Owen looked like he was about to say something, but then a crash from the other side of the room took Laura’s attention away from him.
“Oh dear!” The rooster had flown into Laura’s vase and sent it crashing to the floor. Then he’d spun in Rosabelle’s direction. Though he didn’t hit her or injure her, the little girl screamed and started to cry.
“I’ll get him!” Emma chased after the bird from one direction, but her sister copied her actions, and within seconds, the two girls had bumped into each other, and the rooster was still on the loose.
Laura held out her arms, and that silly bird flew right into them as if that’s what he’d intended all along.
The force of the landing caused Laura to stumble, but as she wrapped her arms around him, she regained her footing.
As Laura smoothed the rooster’s wings into place, she noticed that her parlor was in shambles. Glass from the vase was everywhere, it seemed, and stray feathers were scattered here and there. Mary had taken her daughter into her arms and was comforting the little girl. When Laura turned back to the twins, they stared at her, wide-eyed.
“Please, Miss Laura, don’t send Henry to the stew pot,” Anna said, her lower lip trembling.
Emma nodded. “Please. He didn’t mean to make such a mess.”
The rooster cocked his head at her like he, too, was pleading for his life.
Laura closed her eyes and shook her head slowly. What kind of insanity had she embarked upon, worrying about the feelings of a rooster?
“I’m sorry. We’ll pay for any damages. I just...after what he did, and with the way the girls begged, I couldn’t leave him behind.” Owen sounded truly sorrowful as he spoke. He, too, seemed unable to resist the rooster’s charms.
Stroking the silky feathers that she’d found comfort in at the ranch, Laura opened her eyes and looked at them.
“There is no way I could ever eat this rooster. Or let anyone else, for that matter. However, I will hold you to your promise of cleaning the mess.”
Then Laura looked around the room. “As for paying for damages, my parlor is highly unsuitable to have animals or children playing in it. I should have considered that sooner. Owen, you will take the children, the rooster and the basket outside to get that cleaned up. Mary, if you and Rosabelle could find me a box to put my breakable items in, I’ll get those stored away so nothing else is damaged. I will find a broom so I can get the glass swept up. While it is the children’s responsibility to clean up after themselves, in this case, it’s best if an adult handles the glass.”
Owen looked at her with an expression of...was that respect she saw gleaming in his eyes?
“That sounds like a good plan. There’s an empty crate in the back of the wagon we can use for your things so Mary needn’t trouble herself,” Owen said.
Mary smiled, still rubbing her daughter’s back. “I think Rosabelle is past due for her nap. You won’t mind if I take her home, will you?”
“Not at all,” Laura said. “I think we have things well in hand here, but I greatly appreciate your assistance.”
Owen came over to Laura and took Henry out of her arms. “Come on, fella. Let’s get some fresh air.”
He and the girls left the room, and Mary stood, adjusting Rosabelle on her hip. “You’re letting them keep a pet rooster? In your house?”
Laura sighed. Explaining the situation seemed to be far mor
e effort than it was worth. Especially since Mary’s little one was still fussing slightly. The child needed a nap, not another delay.
“It will be fine,” Laura said instead.
As Mary passed her, she patted Laura gently on the arm. “I hope so. But since you have no children of your own, you may not realize that you don’t always have to do what the children want. Saying yes at the time might keep them happy temporarily, but children also need to learn how to accept being told no gracefully.”
The twist of Mary’s words in Laura’s heart was almost too painful to bear. Though she meant them without malice, particularly since Laura had not shared her deepest longing with the other woman, it was hard to hear the cold truth thrown in her face.
“Thank you,” Laura said, trying to keep her voice steady.
“Of course.” Mary smiled and gave her another pat on the arm. “I know you’re not used to being around children, and with Owen busy and Lena incapacitated, I’m more than happy to help anytime. When they lived in town and Lena needed a break while Owen worked, I often looked after the girls. I know Will wants me to rest, but I feel terrible leaving you alone to such a task.”
Laura took a deep breath. “I’ll be fine. I frequently spend time with my friend Nellie Jeffries and her children, and I’m sure everything will work out.”
Nodding, Mary said, “That’s right. I’d forgotten you and Nellie were friends. Nellie is an excellent mother. I’m sure she’d be delighted to assist you, as well. You know her husband bought Owen’s old house, right? Perhaps you could take the children for a visit if Owen thinks it safe. I’m sure the girls would love to see their former home.”
Clearly Mary had no idea how hard Laura was struggling to keep her emotions in check. She spoke of mothering and visiting as though they were the same thing and easily accomplished. Even the casual mention of their friend Nellie was another knife in her heart. Nellie, too, was barren, but she’d managed to marry a man who had children and had become a mother to them.
Could Laura marry a man and care for his children? Perhaps, but she wasn’t willing to do as Nellie had done and become a mail-order bride, marrying a man she barely knew. True, it had worked out for Nellie, but Laura wasn’t so sure she could find happiness the same way. She’d thought she’d known James, and he’d turned out to be a monster. She’d thought she’d loved James. Big mistake. And then there was Owen, who she’d thought she had grown to care for, but she’d misinterpreted all of his actions.
How could she trust herself to know if she’d found love for real in the future?
Perhaps Nellie would be a good person to talk to. Mary seemed to lead such a charmed life, with a respectable family and a wonderful husband. Nellie at least knew what it was like to be married to a horrible man, then find love again.
“I’ll discuss visiting Nellie with Owen. Now I insist you and Rosabelle go get some rest. I’d hate for Will to be cross with us all.” Laura’s smile hurt almost more than she could bear. But she couldn’t let the other woman know how deeply wounded she was.
Fortunately, Mary didn’t seem to notice as she shook her head. “He is so overprotective. But I love him, and I know he means well, so I’ll do just that.”
Was that what love was? Knowing the other person was being overprotective and overzealous but choosing to obey anyway? Like the girls in the root cellar, irritated with their father, but knowing his orders came from love. James used to tell Laura that her marriage vows said she must obey him no matter what, and though Laura had tried, she’d felt smothered and stifled by that command. Did true love take one to a place where obedience wasn’t a chore? And would her childless state ever stop hurting?
As the door closed behind Mary, Laura sank into her favorite spot on the sofa and surveyed the room once more. The mess in what was once her refuge seemed to reflect the mess in her heart. And then, because she couldn’t hold it in any longer, she began to sob.
* * *
The other men had found some rope to create another leash for the rooster, so it could roam around the bit of grass in Laura’s backyard. With so many deputies in the area, Owen felt safe letting the girls play outside. Will hadn’t had many men to spare, but as word spread among their acquaintances that Owen needed help, several men had volunteered to take turns guarding the family.
Owen bent to pick up the basket for the unpleasant task of cleaning it out, then realized he’d forgotten it in the parlor. He shook his head. It was good of Laura to be so accepting of the rooster, especially in light of the mess it had made. Lena would have thrown a fit if that thing had done that kind of damage in their house. The rooster would definitely have been back in the barnyard, if not on their supper table.
She might be a pampered city girl, but Owen appreciated how Laura was so quick to take to their ways and learn new things. He’d underestimated her.
When he got to the parlor, he saw Laura crying.
Owen squeezed his eyes shut. He should have known that everything was not as wonderful as it seemed. Why couldn’t she have just told him to begin with? The sound of the girls’ laughter hit his ears. Of course. She’d gone out of her way to be kind to his daughters. Whatever faults Laura had, he was willing to overlook them because of how good she was to his girls.
And he was going to have to eat his pride to make right whatever had this woman crying like her heart was breaking. She hadn’t even cried like this through her first ordeal with James. She’d stoically accepted the situation, and the only deep emotion she’d shown was in the nightmares that terrorized her in her sleep.
He took a deep breath, entered the room and knelt before her. “I’m so sorry, Laura. Please don’t cry.”
Though it wasn’t proper, he couldn’t help but put his hands on her knees in a gesture of comfort.
She looked up at him, her face red with tears and pain. “I’ll be fine. Please. I just need a moment.”
“You don’t have to pretend to be brave.” He looked at her, hoping she understood the compassion he was offering her. “I wish I could take back the horrible things I said to you in the barn. James is out there trying to hurt you, and I lost control and hurt you with my words. I know we talked, and you forgave me, but clearly, you’re deeply wounded.”
Laura shook her head. “It’s not that. Please. Leave me.”
If not him, then... Owen looked around the room.
“I’m sorry about the rooster. I’ll see if one of the men can take him for the time being. Surely someone has a shed or a chicken coop of their own.”
“The rooster isn’t a problem.” Her whole body shuddered from the effort of taking a breath. “I...just...need...to be left alone.”
More tears streamed down her face, and Owen couldn’t help but take her in his arms. He’d seen many a sobbing woman before, but none had affected him so. All he wanted to do was hold Laura and make whatever it was that had her so upset better.
As he held her, she clung to him tighter, her tears soaking his shirt.
Was it wrong of him to think of how her hair smelled like sunshine? The sun would be going down soon, and the picnic they’d shared earlier in the day seemed like it had been weeks ago. How he wished he could change the events that had put a wedge between them.
“I’m not going to leave you,” Owen whispered. “I’m here for you. I’ll protect you.”
He’d given her that promise of protection once before, which was why they were all here. But this wasn’t about his duty to a badge he’d given up months ago. No, today’s promise was something more.
Losing Sadie had been devastating. He’d given her his heart, but in the end, it hadn’t been enough. Yet as he held Laura, who’d been trying so hard to be strong in the face of so many difficulties, he couldn’t justify withholding his heart any longer.
When she found her footing and no longer needed him, Laura would leave him just as Sadie had. Just
as his mother had before her. But maybe that’s who God created him to be. The man who gave his heart to save a woman who couldn’t love him back. Somehow, in that, he had to trust that God knew what he was doing.
Laura’s sobs had finally subsided. Owen stroked her hair, then pressed a quick kiss to the top her head. She looked up at him, then he got up and sat next to her on the sofa.
“Now,” he said, “tell me what has you so upset.”
“I’ll never be a mother,” she said slowly. “I’d accepted it, and I thought I could bear it, but it suddenly became too much. I don’t begrudge Mary her happiness, but it’s hard to see someone who has everything you ever wanted, and to hear her give advice because you’re not a mother and she is.”
Owen’s chest tightened as he remembered how Laura’s biggest emotional reaction to James’s betrayal had been finding out that the reason he’d murdered his mistress was that she’d been carrying his child. On nights when she’d been most melancholy, she’d talked about how she’d wanted children, and that was a dream now denied her.
How could he have forgotten?
And how could he have been so insensitive as to ask her to spend time with his daughters?
“I’m sorry,” Owen said, looking her in the eye. “I just realized how difficult it must be for you, with the girls and all that.”
Laura nodded. “How could their mother have not wanted them?”
Tears began to flow again, and Owen held her tight. He’d asked himself that same question hundreds of times over the years, and he hated that he could not find a single reasonable answer in his heart.
“I would have given anything...” Then Laura closed her eyes again and lay her head on his chest as though she was exhausted from letting out all those pent-up emotions.
Why had he married and had children with a woman who’d never expressed such a deep desire to be a mother? If he could have chosen a mother for his daughters, it would have been someone like Laura. Not just because the thought of not being a mother brought her to such a state of despair. But because she treated his children with such care and love. It was a rare woman who would be so understanding about a rooster in the house. Especially a rooster who destroyed her parlor.
Honor-Bound Lawman Page 15
