by K. B. Webb
“Get the fuck out of my house, right now, or I swear on everything that I love, that I will call the cops. You have at least eight active warrants, and with the bruises on my body you will get jail time. But if you leave right now, walk out that door and never bother me or Lyric again, I won’t say a word. You choose, Brian! Because right now, the idea of you spending months in jail being someone’s bitch sounds like a fucking Christmas present to me.”
It seemed like hours that Brian just laid on the floor, the only sounds were his hard breathing and Wynee’s sobs. After what was actually only minutes, he forced himself off the floor and stood up. He looked at me with murder in his eyes before turning around and walking towards the front door. Just before he reached for the doorknob, he turned back towards us. “I’ll leave, Molly. But I want to say a few things first. Is that okay with you?” Sarcasm dripped from his voice.
How was I ever friends with a guy like this? I wanted to fucking kill, but I was also so damn pissed at myself for ever being friends with him. I was pissed because I knew what he was doing to Molly, deep down I knew, even if she didn’t tell me, and I didn’t do a damn thing about it. I had failed her.
“Sure Brian, you always have to have the last word, so why the hell not. Say what you need to say and get out of my house.”
“Oh, I promise, after I say this, I will leave. You are a dumb, fat bitch. People will tell you different, Molls, but that’s the truth. Wynee is only your friend because she’s so fucking crazy no one else wants to be friends with her, so she got stuck with you. Justin only gives a damn about you because he loves that crazy bitch. He doesn’t give a shit about you either. And Logan, you’re forbidden fruit to him, Molls. Now, he can have you whenever he wants, and since you’re a fucking slut, it won’t take long for that to happen. But once he does have you, Molly, once he really gets to know you, he will leave you. Because everyone leaves you. Your own mother didn’t even stick around for you. And you know why that is, because everyone leaves you. No one fucking loves you, Molly, and no one ever will. You’re destined to die alone, because that’s what girls like you deserve.”
With those final words, Brian walked out the front door. I heard his car start and gravel flying as he sped out of the driveway. Molly just stood, stone faced, staring at the door he had just left. I couldn’t believe what he had said to her. It made me wonder what other shit he had been feeding her in the time they were together. No wonder Molly had so many issues. She was with someone who had beat her down in every sense of the word.
“Molls, you know that’s not true, right? He’s just being a dick. We all love you. And we aren’t going anywhere.” Justin was the first to approach her. He wrapped her in his arms, making sure not to squeeze too tight. “Listen, we need to talk about what went on tonight. I know that’s probably the last thing you want to do, but we have to, Molly. You can’t just avoid all of this. Why don’t you and Wynee go find you a new shirt and then meet us back out here? We can all sit down and talk, okay?”
“Okay, could y’all do me a few favors though?” We all answered her with a resounding yes. “Logan and Justin, could y’all go get Lyric for me? I just need to hold her right now. And Wynee, will you call Ricky’s and let Geo know I need tomorrow off? I just need a day to deal with all of this.”
“Of course, Molls. I’ll take the day off too, and maybe Justin and Logan could also? We could all just spend the day together. You really don’t need to be alone right now, Molls.”
After all agreeing that we would stay at Molly’s house that night and spend the next day together, Molly and Wynee headed for her room while Justin and I walked next door to pick up Lyric. Justin was right, we did all need to talk. Wynee, Justin, and I needed Molly to explain to us why she let Brian hurt her for so long and never told us about it, because right now I knew none of us understood. But as much as I needed to know, I was terrified of the things she would tell us. I needed to know what she went through, but I knew it would make me want to kill Brian even more.
“Man, this has been a crazy night, huh?” Justin kicked gravel as we walked across Molly’s driveway. I hadn’t even thought about how hard this must be for him. Brian and I were friends. Hell, Justin and I were best friends. But Brian and Justin, they were basically brothers. When we were kids, you couldn’t tear those two apart if you tried. Justin had hung around years after Brian started fucking up his life and the lives of everyone around him because he loved him like a brother and he wanted to help him. That had now changed. I could tell Justin was finally giving up on Brian and it was killing him.
“You know, you aren’t at fault for any of this, right? And neither is Wynee, even though she’s going to think she is. Brian’s the only one at fault for this, no one else.” I needed him to understand that he couldn’t place any of this blame on himself.
“You know, man, I wanna believe that so bad, I do, but it’s just hard right now. I’ve known him for so damn long, Logan. I know him better than anyone, and I knew in my heart that something was going on, but I was too chicken shit to act on it. I may not have made Brian put his hands on Molly, but I damn sure didn’t try to stop it.” He stopped a few steps short of Wynee’s mom’s front door and just looked off for a few seconds before continuing. “Let’s just get Molly through tonight, man. That’s all that really matters right now. We can deal with the rest later.” I just nodded at him. He couldn’t have been more right, because at the moment, making sure Molly was okay was the only thing I cared about.
“Wynee, you have to quit crying. I know this is bad, I do, and I promise I will do my best to answer whatever questions y’all have, but you have to quit crying.” Wynee wiped under her eyes smearing her mascara even more. I had sent Logan and Justin over to Becky’s house to pick up Lyric for two reasons: I needed to see my little angel, and I needed a few minutes with Wynee. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how hard this was on her. We were best friends, soul sisters, and when one of us hurt, the other hurt even more. It was just the way we were.
“I’m sorry, Molls. I just hate that you went through this for God knows how long and you felt like you couldn’t come to me. We’ve always told each other everything, even the ugly things we don’t want anyone else to know. How could you not tell me? How?” Wynee honestly looked beyond hurt that I had kept the abuse a secret from her, and that was the last thing I wanted. I didn’t say anything to her to protect her from dealing with more of my drama. Wynee had been walking a step behind me picking up my pieces for as long as I could remember, and I didn’t want that for her anymore.
“I thought keeping it to myself was the best for everyone. I guess I was wrong.”
“Did you think about what would be best for you, Molls?” I sat down on my bed and folded my hands together. Of course, I didn’t think about what was best for me. I never did. I didn’t even have to reply to Wynee; she knew the answer before she asked the question.
“Molls, look at me.” I stared at my beautiful friend. Her blond hair was shiny as always, and she looked picture perfect even with her mascara running down her face.
“You can’t keep secrets from me anymore, okay? And not just me, Justin and Logan too. Those boys love you, Molls, and they are just as hurt as I am that you didn’t feel like you could come to us with this. When they get back, we’re all having a big sit down and there will be no more secrets. Understand?” I knew what she meant by secrets; she wasn’t just referring to keeping what had happened with Brian from them, she meant telling Logan about Colt.
“No, Wynee, no. I will not tell him everything tonight. Look, I know I need to, and I will sooner rather than later, I promise, but just not tonight. It’s going to be hard enough tell y’all about life with Brian. I can’t handle talking about Colt right now too. Please, Wynee, please don’t make me do this.” I was pleading. Hell, if I thought it would have worked, I would have been on my knees begging. I was at Wynee’s mercy right now. If she thought Logan deserved to know, she could just tell him her damn s
elf. And while I prayed Wynee would never do that, if she thought it would have been for the best, she would have.
“Okay, you don’t have to tell him tonight, but soon, Molly. Soon. You can deny it all you want, but that boy feels something for you, and I know you feel something for him too. With all the shit you’ve got going on, the last thing you need is him finding out you kept another secret from him.” I knew she was right. Damn, Wynee and her infinite wisdom. She had always been the person who could pull me back from my crazy ledge and talk sense into me when I couldn’t see straight anymore. She really was the most amazing best friend a girl could ask for, and it broke my heart that she was hurting because of my actions.
Right before I was about to have a full on breakdown again due to thinking of the shit I had put Wynee through, I heard the screen door open and close and the sound of adorable baby laughter coming from my kitchen. Lyric should have been asleep long ago, but Logan was around so that wouldn’t be happening anytime soon. The last few months, she would fight sleep just to play with him. I knew I should have been the responsible mom and put her to bed, but seeing Logan give her the kind of attention she wasn’t receiving from her father melted my heart. Whenever Logan would speak, laugh, or just plain breathe, Lyric would watch him like a hawk. She couldn’t take her eyes off him. Even at only three-months-old, she was enamored by him. It was obvious that no woman was immune to Logan Wade’s charms, including my own daughter. I couldn’t blame her though. He was more than just a handsome, rugged, downright beautiful man; Logan had a beautiful soul, the heart of a fighter, and was one of the most loyal people I had ever known.
Wynee looked at my open bedroom door and then back at me. “You ready?” No. I wasn’t ready. This was embarrassing for me. I was ashamed of the fact that I had let Brian treat me the way he did, but I was also ashamed of how I hadn’t told everyone. Ripping my shirt off was not the best idea, but at that moment, I was running on pure emotion.
Seeing Logan attack Brian the way he did should have made me question his temper. It should have scared me, but honestly, it didn’t do either of those things. In all honesty, it made me fall for him a little more and made my heart swell in a way I didn’t know it could. Logan proved in that moment that Brian or no Brian, he cared about me. Fighting your childhood best friend over a girl you have only known for a few months was not something guys did lightly. So to me, the fact that Logan had fought Brian over me meant something. I wasn’t really sure what that something was, but for the first time, I honestly thought that Logan may feel more than just friendship towards me.
I walked down my hallway, heading towards my living room, trying to prepare myself for what was going to happen next. The question-answer round that was ahead of me was not something I was looking forward to. I would have rather had both of my nipples pierced with a rusty fork than answer questions about Brian, but I had gotten myself into the fuckup of all messes, and I was lucky enough to have friends who were going to stand by me through it after they got the answers they needed.
I saw Logan sitting on my couch looking picture perfect holding Lyric. She was in pink footie pajamas that had ladybugs all over them. She was wearing the biggest grin across her face. He was bouncing her up and down and she was laughing.
I hadn’t intended to fight Logan for Lyric, because I knew I would probably lose. She was on him like a duck on a June bug when he was around, but when I sat down next to Logan, she looked at me and reached her arms toward me. My heart swelled because Lyric knew. In her little baby mind, she knew that I needed her. I fought back another round of tears and pulled her towards me. She snugged into my shirt and gripped my hair with both fists. This little angel had stolen my heart the moment I laid eyes on her, and as long as she was with me at the end of the day, I could make it through anything.
After a few minutes of rubbing small circles on her back, I felt her grip on my hair loosen and her body went slack. Just like that, she was out like a light. “Let me put her to bed and then we can all talk. Is that alright?”
Logan reached over and placed his hand on my leg just like he had on the ride home. “Of course it is, Cookie. We’re in no hurry. I took off work tomorrow and so did Justin, so just take your time.” Part of me was excited that I would have a full day to spend with my two best friends and the man who had stolen my heart, but part of me was also terrified about what could come out in that full day. There were some secrets I just wasn’t ready to share yet. For the third time that evening, I had no words, so I just nodded.
I got up and walked back to Lyric’s room. I swayed from side to side just staring at the beautiful little creature in my arms. My angel. My little girl. My everything. Then, I did what I did every night, I put Lyric to bed, and I sang to her. “God Gave Me You” was my favorite song to sing to her. It described how I felt about her perfectly. God have given me Lyric for my ups, my downs, my days of doubt, and for when I lost my way. Lyric had saved me in more ways than one. I realized in that moment that I wasn’t being the kind of mom she deserved. I had put her in a situation she should have never been in because I didn’t have enough balls to leave or tell someone what was going on. I had really thought that what I was doing was best for everyone, but I was realizing how wrong that thought was. I had hurt the people I cared most about, including my sweet angel.
After singing to her, I decided to make her a promise that I knew I would keep for the rest of her life. “I promise you, Lyric, that mommy will never, ever lose sight of what’s important again. You are the most important thing to me, and I’ve been a selfish mom. Putting you second to my own fear of embarrassment. But I swear to you, angel, I swear I will never do that again. I’m going to be the kind of mommy you deserve, the kind I never got. I’m going to do better, Lyric, I promise.” I kissed her and took in her sweet baby scent. “I love you to the moon and back, my sweet angel, now and forever.” I was a completely crying mess by the time I laid her down in her crib. How could I have been so fucking blind and selfish? How could I have let her witness Brian treating me the way he did? Would she remember? No, but I would. I had hurt the people I swore I was protecting, and I felt like total shit about it.
I was holding on to the side of Lyric’s crib when I felt a strong arm wrap around my waist and spin me around. Logan was staring back at me.
“How long have you been in here?”
“I was standing by the door. I heard everything. Cookie, you are an amazing mother. Please don’t doubt that. Lyric isn’t just lucky to have you, she’s down right blessed. You made a mistake, Cookie, but none of this is your fault. One day, I’ll explain my childhood to you, but let me just say that I understand why you didn’t say anything. Lyric won’t remember what Brian did to you, but if she ever finds out, she will understand. She will always know that your decisions, no matter how flawed some of them are, were made with her best interests at heart. You’re never going to be the perfect mother, Cookie, but you’re the best damn one I know.”
Immediately, I was full-fledged breaking down. Ugh! I hated crying. I rarely did it, but I couldn’t stop. I was like all my emotions were on high and they had opened the fucking floodgates. Logan pulled me into him and wrapped both arms around me. He held me for a few minutes while I cried into his shirt, rubbing his hands on my back and telling me that everything was going to be okay. And for the first time in such a long time, I knew he was right.
My momma taught me not to hate people. You could dislike someone, disagree with them, or just downright not stand them, but hate was a word my mom only used to describe the devil and Alabama football. But, I had used the word hate to describe my feelings for Brian more than once today. I fucking hated him. Molly wasn’t a crier and I knew it, but seeing her in tears for the third time in one night was enough to send me into a rage. With every tear she shed, the fucking fury inside me, directed toward Brian, grew a little more. I wanted to believe that if I knew where he was, I would go break his damn face open, but I knew that wasn’t true. I cou
ldn’t leave Molly. Especially when she was about to lay it out for all of us. I needed answers. I couldn’t begin to fathom the pain she had been going through alone. But I knew the fury I had inside me was going to grow.
After Molly cried her last tear, I followed her into the living room. Justin and Wynee were sitting in the recliner together, so I took a seat on the couch next to Molly.
“Beer anyone?” Justin moved Wynee off his lap and stood, turning to walk toward the kitchen. Wynee and I both said yes, but Molly didn’t answer. That’s when I had a moment of realization. I had never seen Molly drink. All the nights at the bar, the nights in her own house, I had never once seen her drink. What kind of 22-year-old girl doesn’t drink?
“Hey, Cookie, you want one?”
“Um, no. I … well I don’t really drink anymore.”
“Anymore?” So that meant she had drank at one point in time, I had just never seen it.
“Yeah, anymore. I quit when I got pregnant with Lyric and just never picked it back up.”
“Any reason why?”
“Let’s just say that some people shouldn’t drink, and I happen to be one of those people.” Molly huffed out a breath and pushed herself off the couch before turning her back to me without a second glance and walking into the kitchen. That was Molly’s way of saying conversation over.
What the fuck had I done now? It was honestly just a question. I didn’t understand why she didn’t drink. I was just trying to figure it out. I felt like every time I took a step forward with Molly, I ended up taking two Shaq-sized steps back. I looked at Wynee with what I’m sure was a slight pleading look in my eyes. Wynee was the only person I knew who could decode the Molly code.
