by K. B. Webb
“It’s nothing you did, Logan. She used to drink, a lot. She actually did a lot more than just drink. Molly didn’t inherit a lot from her mom, but she did inherit her addictive personality. Right before she got pregnant with Lyric, she realized how downhill her life was headed. So being the determined little hellion she is, she quit drinking and all of her other extracurricular activities, cold turkey. Which was a good thing, because a month later, she found out she was pregnant.”
Now Molly singing “God Gave Me You” to Lyric makes even more sense. I didn’t know Molly before, when she drank and did God knows what, but I knew her now and that was the only thing that mattered.
Molly and Justin walked back in, Molly holding a can of Diet Coke and Justin carrying three beers. He handed one to me, then Wynee, before sitting back down in the recliner and pulling Wynee back down to his lap.
Molly sat next to me and blew out a long, drawn out breath through her mouth. She seemed downright terrified of what was going to happen next. I knew enough about Molly to know that more than anything, she was embarrassed of what had transpired tonight.
“Alright, Molls, you wanna just spill everything or play twenty questions?” Wynee was never one to beat around the bush, which was something I liked about her. She seemed to be the kind of girl to just lay everything out on the table and not give a rat’s ass if you liked it or not.
“Ugh, ask me a question and we can go from there.”
“When did this all start? You know, Brian hitting you.” Justin’s jaw was clenched the whole time he was speaking, and the grip he had on his beer was deadly. I was surprised he didn’t actually break the bottle.
“A few weeks after I told him I was pregnant. He had asked me to have an abortion, and I said no. I just couldn’t do it. For a while, it was just little stuff. He would shove me when he walked by, or grip my arms tightly.”
Justin’s face was now blood red. “That’s not little stuff, Molls. That’s big stuff. Those are warning signs and you know it. So what do you consider not ‘little stuff?’” Justin placed air quotes around the words little stuff. I couldn’t blame him for being angry, I was too. I just wasn’t saying anything because the last thing Molly needed was to feel even more embarrassed than she already did.
“A few months before Lyric was born, he started punching me. Never in the face, but in the back, or my legs, or my head. He’d push me against a wall and hold my throat down with his arm until I almost passed out. He’d slap me, or throw things at me. But after Lyric was born, it got so much worse. Every time she did something he didn’t like, he would hit me. He’d punch me in the ribs or sometimes kick me. He’d drag me down the hall by my hair and tell me to make her shut the fuck up. But honestly, it wasn’t the physical that was the worst part, it was the emotional. I try to come off as a hard ass, and sometimes I am, but having him talk to me the way he did was miserable.
“The beatings hurt, but the physical pain would eventually stop and the bruises would fade. Just like these ones on my ribs. They won’t be here forever, at some point they will go away, but the words he said when he gave them to me, those stick. Hearing how terrible of a mother I am. How I’m nothing but a worthless whore and a cunt. How my own parents never loved me so why should he. That shit is what really hurts. Because those things, those fucked up, heartbreaking, soul shattering things he said to me, they bury their way in my head. They never go away.”
Wynee was full out sobbing into Justin’s shirt. Justin had a look in his eyes that could only be described as murderous. And me, well I was thinking of where I could find that piece of shit after Molly fell asleep so I could beat his ass again. This time, I was hoping he wouldn’t get up.
Then it hit me. I had already kind of known in the back of my mind that Brian hit Molly before she told us, and one particular incident kept sticking out in my head, the morning of the first day I saw her sing. The bruises on her leg that she said were due to her clumsiness.
“Molly, can you answer something for me with total honesty?” She was staring at the carpet, not crying, just blankly staring. She moved her head and it barely registered as a nod.
“That morning in your kitchen, when I saw the bruises on your leg, were those from him hitting you?”
She finally looked up making eye contact with me. Her normally shining emerald green eyes were now just a vacant dark green. “Yes. I’m sorry I lied, Logan. I’m so sorry.”
“Why did he hit you?”
“He thought I was flirting with the kid at the gas station.” Her voice had shrunk to just above a whisper. God, I hated that she was going through this. Hated that such a worthless fucker had made her into a scared, broken little girl. I knew deep down inside, she was a strong, confident woman. I had seen that confidence a few times before; and that woman, the one who had a take-no-shit attitude. The one who had more balls than most men I knew. The woman who consumed my every waking thought and was the only thing I could dream about. That woman was inside Molly somewhere, and I wanted that woman back. Because watching her break down made me realize how much I wanted to build her back up. It made me realize how head over heels in love I was falling with Molly Scott. It was exhilarating, exciting, and terrifying all at the same time, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
Molly had claimed me the night she met me. The night she looked into my eyes and I could read her broken soul like a book you read over and over even though you know the story by heart. She claimed me the first time I heard that amazing voice she had, singing songs that were meant for the sad and lonely. She claimed me the night she took a chance on a guy she barely knew and agreed to be my friend. Molly had claimed me with the first look, the first breath, the first word. She had set up camp in my head and my heart, and I had no plans of doing a damn thing about it. I would help Molly get over the mountain of issues she felt she had, because she was worth it; she would always be worth it. I didn’t know all about Molly’s past; there were holes in some of her stories, but I didn’t want Molly’s past; I wanted her future. And no matter how long it took, how hard I had to fight, Molly would eventually be mine. One day, I would be lucky enough to wake up next to this woman, who I was quickly realizing, I couldn’t live without.
After an hour or so of hashing out gruesome details of how my relationship with Brian had gone straight to shit, Justin, Logan, and Wynee were satisfied with the answers I had given them. No one wanted to really hear what I had to say, but they felt they needed to know. I think in a way they needed closure. My heart hurt for all of them, but Justin especially. He had been friends with Brian just as long as I had been friends with Wynee. I was not too proud to admit that I would have likely stood by Wynee no matter what terrible thing she had done. I wasn’t strong enough to walk away from Wynee. But Justin was stronger than I was, and he knew right from wrong. And what Brian had done to me was wrong.
That had taken a lot for me to realize. It took Justin flat out saying he would never speak to Brian again. It took Wynee crying and pleading with me to realize that I had not been at fault in this. And it took Logan, well, just being Logan. He didn’t really say a lot. Just sat next to me and was there, present. He alternated between holding my hand, rubbing lazy circles on my back, and gripping my knee.
The fact that Logan wasn’t repulsed by me after finding out what had happened with Brian made me really think about my situation. While I was still taking blame for the fact that I didn’t kick Brian’s ass sooner, him hurting me, physically and emotionally was his problem, not mine. I didn’t do anything to deserve what he had done to me, and while I knew it in my head, it would take my heart a little longer to catch up, but I was getting there.
Wynee and Justin headed for Brian’s old room with the promise of Justin cooking pancakes in the morning, my favorite. Wynee gave me a long, lingering hug. I winced slightly from the pressure she put on my ribs, but hid it from her. She needed this connection, and after everything she had done for me, I could handle a few moments of pain. We
didn’t say anything to each other; we didn’t have to though. That’s what happens when you’re friends with someone for 20 years; you don’t need words to convey thoughts and feelings. I was promising her I wouldn’t lie to her again, and she was telling me that she was always going to be there for me. That even if I didn’t think so, she had always been there for me. Wynee was my soul mate, and I loved her more than I could ever love myself. I heard a quote once, “Everyone has a best friend through every stage of their lives, only a lucky few have the same one.” I was a proud member of the lucky few thanks to Wynee Williams.
After Wynee finally let me out of the death-grip hug she had me in, I checked on Lyric one more time before walking back to the living room. Logan had kicked his boots off and was wearing a ratty pair of basketball shorts he had in his truck. He had taken his shirt off, and was only wearing a white t-shirt that was a little too tight. Hands behind his lead, lounging on my couch, he looked like the picture of perfection. His biceps were bulging, and the way he had his legs crossed, showed off the definition in his calves. Even when he didn’t mean to, Logan Wade oozed sex appeal. And I was all about the oozing. Part of me knew what I was about to ask him was a bad idea, but I had promised to start trying to be more honest with him. And I honestly was terrified to sleep alone.
“Hey, Logan, the guest room’s ready whenever you want to go to bed.” I was wringing my hands and balancing on the balls of my feet.
“Cookie, you okay? You look, I don’t know, nervous.” Fuck it, here goes nothing.
“Um, actually, I … well, I was wondering if you’d sleep in my room with me and Lyric. I’m just kind of scared to sleep alone. You can totally say no though. No pressure. I promise.” Great Molly, fucking fumbling over every other word, real smooth, Casanova.
“You, you want me to sleep with you?” He raised his eyebrows and had a bit of a smirk playing on his lips. Asshole. Why did he have to be so damn adorable?
“Yeah, I do. Nothing will happen, I swear. I just kind of want someone with me and Lyric just in case Brian tries to come back. And, well, I just don’t want to be alone tonight.” I knew I likely sounded absolutely defeated when I told him this, but in all honesty, I was. I was in a losing battle against my feelings for Logan. I meant what I said, nothing was going to happen. But the idea of having Logan sleeping next me to made the butterflies I always had in my stomach when he was around start dancing more than usual.
“Of course I’ll stay with you, Cookie. You wanna cuddle?” He had walked across the living room and stood in front of me. I shoved him in the chest and he laughed before pulling me into a hug, wrapping both arms protectively around my shoulders while I wrapped mine around his middle. I felt safe with Logan. Something inside told me he would protect me from anything and anyone. I knew I was falling in love with Logan, but I knew there was nothing I could do about it. Hiding my feelings was easier than trying to fight them.
“I’m kidding, Cookie! Unless you want to cuddle. Because if you do, I am totally down. Let’s get to bed. I know Lyric’s going to wake up early and we both could use some serious sleep after today.”
He grabbed my hand and led me towards my room turning off the lights in the living room and the hallway as he passed the switches. We walked into my dark room; the only light was Lyric’s turtle that shined green star patterns on the ceiling. We didn’t say a word to each other once we were inside. Logan closed the door quietly and walked to Lyric’s crib. He leaned down and placed a light kiss on her forehead and told her good night.
We crawled under my covers and both laid on our backs, not touching at all. I couldn’t figure out if he was avoiding touching me because of my ribs or just because of me.
“Tell me something you’ve always wanted to do, Cookie. Something you think you missed out on, but you want.” Where the fuck did that question come from? I rolled to my side at the same time he did. There were only inches between us and I could feel his hot breath on my face. I could barely make out his features in the dim light, but I could tell he was breathing a little harder, just like I was. I wanted so badly to reach out and pull his head to mine and kiss him the way I had dreamed about so many times. But that would never happen. Logan and I would always be just friends, and as much as I wanted more, I was willing to sacrifice to have him in my life. I realized minutes had passed without me answering his question.
“Um, something I’ve always wanted to do. I don’t know if this counts, but I’ve always wanted a dog. My grandfather wasn’t really a dog person, so he would never let me get one. And I just never got one for myself. I’ve always wanted one though. I feel like that’s an experience a kid should have. Having a dog.”
“What kind of puppy would you want?”
“I don’t want a puppy, I want a dog. Probably a shelter dog. One that is kind of lost but has potential. The kind that just wants to love and be loved in return.”
“Kind of like you?” I opened my mouth to argue but then I thought about what I had just said. I guess he was right; I wanted the dog version of me. A little rough around the edges but with a good heart who just wanted to be loved for the way he was. I wanted a doggy Molly.
“Yeah, I guess so. What about you, Logan, what’s something you’ve always wanted to do?”
“Slow dance with a girl.” I tried unsuccessfully to suppress the giggle that bubbled up in my throat.
“You’ve never slow danced? What about homecomings, prom? Hell, have you never been to a bar or a party in your life?”
“Ha ha, smartass. I didn’t go to any homecomings or proms; it just wasn’t my thing. And I have danced with plenty of girls, but never slow danced. I think I’m scared I would fuck it all up and step on my dance partner’s toes. I’m not the most coordinated guy around.”
He laughed at himself. I loved that about Logan; he wasn’t ashamed to laugh at himself. I was the kind of person who was the first to make a joke about myself, so I related to him on that level.
We talked for another hour about nothing and everything. Favorite movies, music, foods. We had a lot more in common that I thought we would. We had talked a lot over the last few months, but somehow we had never had this kind of conversation. We both loved ‘GoodFellas’ and ‘The Breakfast Club’ and anything directed by Tim Burton. We both agreed that music now was not like it was in the 90s, but we still liked some stuff that was current. We both had a passion for country and the classics, like Frank Sinatra. He loved lettuce, which I hated, but we both agreed on always having black olives on our pizza.
I yawned and a few seconds later Logan followed suit.
“Well, Cookie, I think we need to really get some rest. I know today was hard for you.” He cleared his throat and moved back an inch or so. “I know you say you hate Brian, Cookie, and I believe you, but I want you to know no matter what you think you feel for him, it’s okay to still mourn the loss of y’all’s relationship. You are allowed to miss him and the good times y’all had together. It doesn’t make you any less of a person, and it doesn’t mean you think everything he did to you was okay.” I had needed to hear someone say that. I had wanted Brian gone for so long, the largest part of me hated him, honestly fucking hated him, but there was also a small part of me that wondered what might have been. I missed the nights we spent staying up talking and laughing while watching idiotic Will Ferrell movies. I missed that part of Brian, but I had lost that side of him a long time ago.
I didn’t realize I was crying till I opened my mouth to speak and tasted the saltiness of my tears. Son of a bitch, was I ever going to stop crying!
“Thanks for that, Logan. I really needed to hear that. I just miss the guy he was, but that guy has been gone for a long time.” I wiped my face and drew in a shaky breath. “I’m sorry I keep crying. I swear tomorrow I won’t be like this.” I tried to hold in it, but a low sob escaped my throat.
Logan grabbed my body and pulled me into him. He turned so he was on his back and my head was on his chest. I wrapped one arm around
his stomach and pulled the other one into my side so it was positioned between our bodies. I cried quiet sobs while Logan rubbed my back. After I calmed myself down and quit crying, I started to roll away from him. It couldn’t be fun for him to have some girl holding on to him crying for the second time today.
“Cookie, just lay with me tonight. I think you need it as much as I do. Please.”
I laid my head back down on his chest, grabbed a handful of his shirt, and snuggled into him. I took a deep breath and inhaled the scent that was so distinctly Logan. It instantly calmed the nerves I still had on end, and the sound of his heart started to lull me to sleep. He brushed the hair off my face and kissed my forehead. Before I fell asleep, I swear I thought I heard him say ‘you’re safe now, Cookie’, but sleep was already taking over and my exhausted body couldn’t fight it, so I gave in. I went to sleep that night dreaming of blue eyes staring at me while full lips told me they loved me.
Waking up with Molly in my arms was more amazing that I could have ever imagined. Her hair hung over her shoulder and her beautiful face rested on my chest. Our legs were tangled together and her left arm was wrapped around my torso. I stayed still for a few moments just taking her all in. She smelled like she always did coconuts and menthol. A mix so distinctly Molly, I loved it. Her lashes rested beautifully against her cheeks. Her mouth was partially open and she made the most adorable snore like sound I had ever heard.
In the light of day, the severity of her situation with Brian was still weighing heavily on me. The previous night, Molly had laid herself out emotionally bare, and I knew that was a huge step for her. This was the same girl who I had to virtually beg to be my friend, yet she had not only admitted the pain Brian had put her through, but she had also point blank asked me to sleep with her. The Molly I was used to would have never done that. That Molly was fearful of let downs and rejection. I guess after laying her emotional burden out in the open, she had gained some strength. And right then, with the girl of my dreams cuddled into my side, feeling the warmth of her body next to mine, I was so very grateful of the strength she had gained. But, I also knew that there was no way I was going to let it be the last night I slept with Molly in her bed.
