Saving Him

by Bry Ann

  After I was dressed I made my way to the hall where all my friends were gathered. Sam, Alexa and Logan were talking. Rex was standing against the wall with his arms crossed staring at Alexa, looking so beyond conflicted. Gunner was in his room or something, because he wasn’t there. I first made eye contact with Rex who gestured for me to join my friends. I nodded and walked up next to Sam. She gave me a side hug and Alexa immediately made eye contact with me. Oh fuck. Please don’t bring it up. Please don’t bring it up.

  “How’d it goes?” she asked smugly. Fuck, she brought it up.

  “How’d what go?” Sam asked giving me intense eye contact, which Logan soon joined in on. I was beginning to hate this whole close couple thing they had going on. It used to be me and Sam verse Logan. Now it was Logan and Sam verse me. I didn’t like it.

  “Nothing,” I mumbled.

  “Not nothing! Dana, here, went after-”

  I shot Alexa a look so fierce even she backed off.

  “Went after what?” Logan asked sternly, looking at my arms seemingly shocked by my short sleeves.

  “I guess nothing,” Alexa said sounding super frustrated. “You sure Dana?”

  “If you bring it up I swear it God I will ask about the obvious issues in your personal life!”

  Everyone shot me a surprised look. I never talked to people like that.

  “I guess that answered my question,” Alexa mumbled. “Sorry Dana.”

  “What the hell?” I heard Logan whisper under his breath.

  “” Anyway, bye Alexa.”

  I gave her a brief hug.

  “Bye Sam,” I said going in to give her a big as well. Sam stopped me before I could wrap my arms around her and held me in place.

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine!” I snapped.

  She stared at me and then Alexa.

  “Sorry Alexa.”

  “Sorry for what?” Alexa asked.

  “We’re staying a while longer.”

  “What?!” Logan, Alexa, Rex and asked at the same time.

  Sam held her hands up.

  “Geez, calm the hell down. Logan, I want Jazmine out here. We are staying for a few more days. Alexa, I can’t make you stay, but we aren’t flying back today. Dana needs us.”

  I went to open my mouth, but Sam stopped me.

  “Dana, I don’t know what the hell is going on with you, but you are like a whole different person lately. If we went home, you’d isolate. Something about this place is forcing you to face your shit. I don’t want you to fake your feelings about how this all went down alone. I understand how you feel better than you’d think so don’t fight me, I’ll win.”

  “I’ll work on getting Jazmine out here,” Logan mumbled. He looked at my arm, then me, seemingly unsure of what to say, like usual. Logan’s never really known how to deal with my issues when he couldn’t buy or love his way out. “I love you Dana.”

  Logan grabbed Rex who looked ready to pull his hair out and headed down the hall. I was left with Alex and Sam.

  “So, what the hell happened. What was Alexa talking about?”

  “I talked to Gunner,” I mumbled. “About everything.”

  “Oh,” Sam said as she attempted to keep her face neutral, “and it went bad?”

  “Not at first! I got through to him. He told me about Rex, the cabin, his parents. We kissed,” I blushed. “I fell asleep and he rubbed my hair. I felt so calm and safe. Then this morning he said he couldn’t give up his life. He’s a coward. Basically, he’s scared to feel. I told him to get help. Yeah, that was a no. He didn’t “want to be a pussy”. Asshole. I told him if that’s his choice we are better off as friends. Now he’s in his room and I’m going to mine and it’s fine.”

  Alexa sighed.

  “Wow. He’s so fucking complicated.”

  “That he is,” Sam agreed, keeping her eyes on me. “He’s driving you nuts.”

  “Yes!” I threw my hands up. “He’s driving me fucking crazy! If I knew he didn’t want me I’d get over it, but he does! He’s just being a coward. Why do I fall in love with cowards? Why? Why did all this happen?”

  Then the issue I’d been burying deepest came bubbling to the surface.

  “Why was Tanner there?” My voice cracked. “Of all fucking people. Why?”

  I wanted to throw something. Scream. Yell. But we were in a hallway. Sam stood frozen. She knew she couldn’t do anything right then. I was hysterical.

  “Let’s get to a room,” Alexa suggested. They both somehow got me in Alexa’s room, which was right next door.

  The second we got in there I grabbed a glass off the counter and threw it across the room. I took a lamp and a second one and sent them crashing to the floor. I didn’t care. Logan will would to pay for it, and my emotions were so high wire that didn’t bother me. Who freaking cared! Then I took the pillows and chucked them across the room while Alexa and Sam just watched me. Helpless.

  “I hate him. I hate everyone. I hate being alone! I hate that Logan has always been too famous for me. I hate that parents hate me, and Logan lost them because of me. I hate therapy. I hate myself! I hate my pathetic, stupid life.”

  Then I crashed to the floor and cried. Sam rushed over and held me. I felt Sam lift her head, probably to tell Alexa something. Whatever. Sam rocked me, and I tried to push her away, but she didn’t budge. A few seconds later I heard Logan enter the room.

  “Dana,” he yelled running over to me and I heard the door shut. He didn’t seem to care I’d destroyed the room. He pulled me gently from Sam and thanked her. He held me tight, but my brain went elsewhere. I was gone.

  I was behind the restaurant by an old dumpster. It smelled, and the ground was still somewhat wet from where they’d pushed me down roughly. I tried to stand but a fist came flying into my face before I could see who did it. My hands stopped my fall, but it just took a nudge for me to land with a grunt on the ground. It was at this point my body and mind separated. It was like I was watching myself. I didn’t feel anything. I had no idea who participated in my rape. Did they both? Did Damon? Did my boyfriend rape me? Did his cousin?

  I froze. I let that happen. I knew in the car. I KNEW, and I didn’t move. Just like in the hotel room. Just like in the cabin.

  “Help me,” I whispered spiraling out of my flashback. “Help.”

  Soon a body was by my side. I was in the same destroyed room, but I was leaning against the wall now.

  “You’re safe.”

  I turned to see Gunner, looking pained. He was right next to me, but not touching me.

  “Why are you here? I don’t want you here! I’m mad at you.”

  I grabbed a piece of broken plastic and threw it at him.

  “Careful,” he warned. “That’s dangerous.”

  “So, what?” I whispered, exhausted.

  “You’d be upset if you hurt me.”

  I tucked my head into my knees.

  “Fine. What happened?”

  “I don’t know Dana. That is what I need you to tell me. I was in my room all the way down the hall and Sam came running into my room, totally desperate. Said you were freaking out. You needed help. Logan was holding you, trying to get you to come back. You just kept rocking and mumbling stuff about you how you froze, I won’t repeat the rest. Logan nodded at me and everyone left. I pulled you to the wall, you fought so it was as far as I could get you. I stayed until you calmed down. You seemed less manic once everyone left.”

  “Why Tanner?” I whispered. “Why did he have to be there? I’ve worked so hard to let him go. I hate him so much. Why can’t you just give up your shit? Why am I not worth it? Why did my parents hate me? Just why, why, why.”

  I still felt slightly insane. Maybe not lamp throwing crazy, but mind was still spinning. Gunner was silent for a long time. A very long time.

  “You are worth it Dana. One hundred percent worth it. I’m just scared shitless of hurting you.”

  I laughed an evil laugh and stood up. Gunner i
nstantly followed, watching me carefully.

  “Hurting me? Ha! That’s funny. What the fuck is there left to hurt! I’m broken. Just like all the shit on the floor. You can’t break a broken heart Gunner. Don’t kid yourself.”

  “None of what’s happened to you is your fault. You kept saying how you froze, how it was your fault. You just kept repeating it Dana. Even I didn’t know you were hurting this badly.”

  “My therapist does, because, that’s right, I see one! I work on myself. Imagine how bedsit crazy I’d be if I didn’t. Maybe I’d be you!”

  I turned away from him. That was a low blow. I heard him take a deep breath and he stepped behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist.

  “I’ll get help,” he whispered. “For you.”

  I spun in his arms. “You will?”

  “Yeah,” he pulled me closer, “I’m in love with you Dana. I always have been. I mean why else would I have gone and broken all my rules. Your friendship, your company means the world to me. You bring me peace.”

  “You love me? No going back now. Mean it if you say it!”

  Gunner grabbed my face and kissed me so aggressively there was no way deny the truth in his words. I felt a burn between my legs. Years of love and sexual chemistry came bubbling to the surface. I pushed my body against his and he groaned, which sent shocks down my body. He pushed me backwards and we landed on the bed. I moaned as he kissed down my neck.

  “I love you. I’m fucking crazy about you. I’d die if anything happened to you.”

  He grabbed my hands and kissed them. I looked at them and realized they were all bloody.

  “Holy shit, what happened?”

  “When you threw the lamp it cut you,” Gunner said, his voice sounding strained. “I’m having trouble holding back here Day. You’re so gorgeous.”

  I laughed, feeling flattered. He’s so hot and he wanted me.

  “I mean, I’m open to a little...”

  “You sure? You just-”

  “Shh… this is different. The door locked?”

  “Yeah.”

  He grabbed the edge of my shirt and pulled it over my head. I blushed. I felt super vulnerable but wanted all at the same time.

  “You’re beautiful,” he said reading my thoughts. “Don’t be shy, not with me.”

  I nodded.

  “If you think I’m pretty then...”

  He moved his face up to hover above mine.

  “I think you’re fucking hot. Don’t sell yourself short.” I laughed and kissed him. “You tell me when to stop okay?”

  “Anything but no sex… of any kind. I’m not ready for that.”

  “But anything else?” he said gruffly. I laughed.

  “That’s what you would get out of that. Yes, anything else. Show me what the hype is all about mister.”

  “Oh, I will.”

  He sounded so damn smug.

  “Shit, I’m scared,” I mumbled.

  “You’re in control here Day. The second you say stop we are done. If there’s something else, you need you tell me.”

  “Okay.”

  I bit my lip. He smiled and took off his shirt. Holy shit, muscles. I felt myself grow more wet, more desperate. He removed his pants, leaving just his boxers and the heat of his body hovering over me. I groaned. He smirked and pulled at the bottom of my pants removing them effortlessly. I was left in my lace bra and cotton panties.

  “Fuck Dana,” Gunner mumbled.

  He kissed my mouth and then made his way down my body. When he got to my lower abdomen I felt my legs start to quiver and my breathing start to pick up. He ran his hands down my chest and landed on my breasts. He slid his hands inside my bra and I started to squirm underneath, making him laugh.

  “You good under there?” he joked.

  “Asshole,” I mumbled back.

  He laughed under his breath and began to massage my breasts. I heard a moan escape my lips and I closed my eyes wanting to avoid Gunner’s gaze. I didn’t want to be embarrassed again. I just wanted to enjoy this while I still was. I knew soon panic would take over and this would all be over.

  “You okay?” Gunner whispered in my ear while he massaged me. He slipped his hands out from under my bra and kissed me.

  “Yeah, I’m just… embarrassed.”

  “No need. You’re hot.”

  I opened my eyes and smiled. Him checking in made this interaction feel somewhat familiar, like we were in one of our deep talks. He knew it too. When I opened my eyes, he traced his hands down my abdomen again and slid his hand into my underwear, watching me carefully. My breathing stopped temporarily and then as he began to stroke my clit gently. I felt him pick up the pace at an alarming rate.

  I let out a loud moan and my hips involuntarily jerked towards his hand. I wanted to close my eyes, again out of embarrassment, but I saw Gunner bite back a smirk and get super close to my face, so I could feel his heavy breath on my face. He kissed me and began to stroke harder, eventually slipping a finger inside me. I almost panicked, but he pulled his finger out the second he felt me shake. Then he slid my underwear pack in place and we made out for a while. When we were done he pulled me into his side and I put my head on his chest as he stroked my hair. We were quiet for a while, just enjoying the peace.

  “You’re not going to run this time?” I asked after a long silence.

  “No, I can’t run from you anymore.”

  “And you’ll get help?”

  He sighed.

  “I said I would so… yes, I will.”

  I leaned over and kissed him.

  “Thank you. For everything, your patience just now. I… it means a lot to me. I never thought I’d get to experience anything like that.”

  “You’re my best friend Dana. I love you a lot. I'm scared of how I feel for you. Really fucking scared. If you promise to have patience with me in the whole feelings, relationship department I promise to do everything I can to make you feel better on an intimate level.”

  I smiled and placed my hand in his.

  “Deal.”

  This is why we worked. He was a criminal and on the outside our relationship made no sense, but we got each other. Even in the most fucked up sense.

  Gunner helped me out of bed. He was still in his boxers and I was still in my bra and panties. I threw on my purple t-shirt quickly as he dragged me to the bathroom.

  “What are we doing?”

  “Cleaning your hand. I should have done that right away but… well, I got distracted.”

  A smug smile played on his lips and I laughed. He set me on the edge of the bath and crouched in front of me as he took a wet towel and wiped my hand. I stared at him in awe. He was being so gentle. That side of him was always there, I guess I just never wanted to notice. We both showered, got dressed and then Gunner wrapped my hand in gauze that was in a first aid kit under the hotel sink. Once it was wrapped I stood there awkwardly.

  “We have to get your friends. They are probably flipping their shits.”

  “Oh yeah!” I had completely forgotten. I looked around the room. “Oh, Logan’s just going to kill me.”

  I put my face in my hands and Gunner pulled them away and looked me in the eye.

  “He will just be happy you’re okay. Logan Prescott isn’t worried about the money. He can go promote a t-shirt company and then buy this hotel.”

  I laughed. True.

  “I’ll get them. You just… prepare for that.”

  He walked out. I felt so embarrassed. I had a total meltdown. Several minutes later Logan came in the room. He was alone.

  “Where is everyone?”

  I twiddled my thumbs. I did not want to be alone with him right then.

  “They are in the hall. They’ll be in in a second. I want to talk first, alone.”

  “But Sam is worried… a..and Alexa and…”

  “You’re my sister. For years it’s been just us. I love all of them, but right now I need to talk to my sister alone because my sister has pushed me a
way and I won’t allow it.”

  “You’re so bossy,” I grumbled.

  “You seem to like that.” Logan sat down next to me. “So, you and Gunner?”

  I threw my hands over my ears.

  “We are friends! Stay out.”

  “Yeah that’s bullshit, but okay. Just know I’ll kill him if he hurts you.”

  “First, you couldn’t kill him even if you tried. Second, he is scared enough of hurting me without you barging in so don’t you dare threaten him and push him away even further!”

  “First, I couldn’t kill him, but I have the resources to get rid of him. Second, Gunner is a man. If you two are together I’m part of the deal and he’ll have to live with it.”

  “Is this what you came in here to do, inquire about my relationship with Gunner.”

  He laughed. “No, that’s not why.”

  “Then get to it.”

  “You’re so different,” Logan said quietly. “It’s hard for me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I don’t know. You used to be so shy. You aren’t like that anymore. You were such a sweetheart, you still are, you’re just… I don’t know.”

  “I’m growing up Logan. I don’t want people casting me aside anymore. I’m still me.”

  “I know.”

  He gently nudged my side.

  “So, you and Sam?” I grinned.

  Logan lit up.

  “Yep. She’s gonna marry me. Can you believe it? She struggled with it, but I know she’s happy. It’s just hard for her.”

  “Actually, no I can’t believe it,” I laughed. “Life’s crazy.”

  “Speaking of life being crazy,” Logan winced and looked around the room. “Are you okay?”

  “I lost it.”

  “I know. I haven’t seen you that far gone since… the bathroom.”

  “I know. I’m so sorry. I couldn’t see straight. I’m a little lost. I’ll figure it out.”

  Logan grabbed my arm and traced his thumb over the gash on my bicep.

  “This is new.”

  “It’s not what you think. It’s from the cabin. It was a distraction, so Gunner could fight the guys off.”

  Logan let go of my arm and nodded solemnly.