Saving Him

by Bry Ann

  Rex was a football coach for a local high school. Apparently, he got asked to coach a college team, but he liked working with his boys. Rex left for work at 6AM so at around 8AM I woke up and stretched my arms over my head. My body felt heavy. I was stressed about everything. My phone had about fifty missed calls, most of them coming from Sam, which hurt. The two people I was most angry at had only called me twice and that was right as I was driving away. I flipped over and put the pillow over my head and screamed. It wasn’t loud, just enough to get some of the tension and anger coursing through my body out. After I was done screaming I sunk back into the bed, relishing in the silence. I heard the door open and close. It rang through the room like an alarm. Rex wasn’t supposed to be home yet. I immediately sprung out of bed and turned to face the doorway. In front of me was Gunner in an army green t-shirt and cargo pants with his arms crossed over his chest. He was blocking the door with his massive body. I immediately looked out the window which annoyed Gunner immensely.

  “You are several stories high Dana. You can’t escape through the window. We are going to talk.”

  “There’s nothing to talk about! You were selling drugs behind my back. Logan was paying my parents behind my back. My parents are still assholes and you two took me there anyway. You need to leave. Now. Tell Logan he has to go too. I assume he’s in the hallway.”

  A small smile played on his lips.

  “Not Logan.”

  “Well regardless. I can’t…”

  Gunner came over and sat on the bed. I followed suit but scooted all the way to the back and tucked my knees into my chest.

  “You broke my heart. I trusted you and you went behind my back and lied to me. Then my brother too. I can’t do this Gunner. I’m sorry. I love you, but I have to protect what little of me is left.”

  “I don’t know what to say Dana, but I can’t lose you. I fucked up really bad. I got a few calls from people willing to work with me individually and I thought what harm could come from that if I didn’t get involved any shady shit.”

  “Drugs is shady shit!” I shrieked. “The sick thing is we were supposed to talk. Remember? I had a job idea for you, but it doesn’t matter now. I researched the shit out of stuff to see if I could find a job that would make you miss your old life less. I’m such an idiot. The writing was on the wall with you, but you were my best friend. You had always treated me so well I never thought you’d actually go behind my back and break my heart.”

  “What was the job?” he asked gently, extending his hand towards me. I jerked away from him and jumped out of bed. He sighed. “Look let’s just have breakfast, okay Dana? I know Rex has pancakes. I can make you some.”

  “Food won’t fix this.”

  “I know. Trust me I know.”

  “You answer two things for me first.” I didn’t even wait for him to respond. He’d answer. He had to. “First, who is here if it’s not Logan?”

  Once again Gunner let out an unintentional smirk. “Alexa.”

  “What?” Even I couldn’t hide my smile. “How did you get her here?”

  “It was Sam and I’s idea, mostly Sam’s. She thought why save one person when you could save two. We told her Logan had an important even he couldn’t miss. Sam obviously would have to stay with Jazmine in that case. Alexa knew we needed at least two people to come get you she reluctantly agreed to come along. She had no choice. Logan hated the plan. He wanted to come, obviously, but he knew Alexa needed this. We’ll call him soon. He has a lot to say.”

  “No, I won’t,” I mumbled, but it was too quiet for Gunner to hear.

  “The second question I have is this. What happened after I left? Don’t sugar coat it.”

  “After Logan and I ran for a solid mile to stop you. We both stopped and yelled at each other for a bit. It almost became physical, but we both realized we were equally as responsible and Logan had to get inside before the press caught wind of anything. He didn’t have his full staff with him.”

  Gunner and I both rolled our eyes at the same time which made my heart hurt.

  “Logan told your parents to leave him alone for a bit. He didn’t want to speak to them in the state he was in. I told them to go fuck themselves and we left them pleading at the door like the pathetically vain money suckers they are.”

  I nodded as I took in everything he said.

  “You can make me pancakes since you told my parents to go fuck themselves.”

  “Oh can I? Gee thanks.”

  Gunner held the door open and extended his arm sarcastically. I sauntered out the door with a dramatic flair and sat on the bar stool as I watched Gunner work. He couldn’t cook to save his life. I laughed the whole time, but inside my heart was aching. It was just all so easy with him. Easy to feel free of all my problems, why did he have to lie to me? He was halfway through his hysterical cooking spectacle when I got up and sat on the couch. I couldn’t watch him work anymore. It hurt too much. He had to finish the pancakes, so he didn’t come to sit next to me for another ten minutes or so. Ten minutes later he walked over with a plate of burnt, crumbled pancakes and plopped down next to me.

  “Gee thanks.”

  I frowned at the “pancakes”.

  “Yeah, I... uh, tried my best. This cooking shit is hard.”

  I picked up a piece and stuffed it in my mouth.

  “It’s fine. Can you imagine what Lisa would say? I’ve eaten nothing but pancakes, pizza and cereal the past three days. She’d flip.”

  I meant it as a joke, but it felt like I was choking on my foot. The lump in my throat was huge. Her words hurt me. More than anyone would ever know.

  “Don’t do that to yourself Dana. You’re beautiful. Do you hear me? She’s really damaged. I don’t know what her problem is. I’m sorry I brought you there. I just,” he sighed, “Your parents were here. I didn’t want them to die and you to regret not seeing them.”

  “I get it. You don’t need to explain that. Logan and I will have words, but I get you were just trying to help.”

  We sat in silence for a second and then I dropped my pancake. My throat closed up. I looked at Gunner with tears in my eyes, my hardness fading away.

  “Why would you lie to me Gunner? The drugs were really worth it? After everything. Why would you do this to me?” I choked and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to fight the pain.

  “I know. I know. I made the biggest mistake. I will make it up to you. I promise. I have a plan.”

  The pain in his voice was evident, but I could do nothing but scoff as the apartment door came flying open.

  “Dana, babe!”

  Alexa came running over and practically sat on my lap.

  “Boundaries Alexa.” I held up my hands.

  “Right sorry,” she scooted over. “How are you holding up? I heard about everyone fucking you over.”

  “Wow Alexa, blunt. Yeah, I... uh, Well, yeah I feel like I’ve been fucked over by everyone I guess.”

  I looked over at Gunner who was glaring daggers into Alexa.

  “What now? Like what is y’alls grand plan. Nothing will fix this, but I am very curious to see what you guys came up with,” she said to Gunner.

  Gunner said nothing as he reached in his pocket, grabbed his phone and snapped it in half. Alexa and I stared at him wide eyed.

  “What the fuck? Have you lost your mind?”

  “No. That was my cell phone. The one people use to contact me. It’s the only form of contact people have on me. No one knows me unless they have personally worked with me and there’s very few of those people left. My phone number is all that’s floating around and well it’s gone now. Before you can protest Dana, you know that I would never give out more than one form of contact. You know that.”

  I nodded, still in shock.

  “How do I know that’s not the secret phone you contacted me with?”

  Gunner reached in his other pocket and threw me a phone. I immediately went to the texting box and saw all of our texts. He hadn’t deleted a
single one. A. single. one.

  “I just don’t trust you now,” I said crying. “If you had done this three days ago I would have cried happy tears and threw myself at you, but now I don’t trust it was really the end.”

  I stood up and headed for my room.

  “Dana,” Alex and Gunner called out at the same time.

  I turned my eyes directly to Gunner.

  “Bounty Hunter. That was my job idea for you. It seemed so perfect. Have a nice life you two. I’ll be gone by morning and tell Rex to go fuck himself for bringing you here. Alexa I’ll leave you with that task.”

  With that I shut and locked my bedroom door and cried. I cried myself to sleep and fell into a fitful dream where I was running and running, chasing something I couldn’t even see but I was desperate for it. So desperate my feet were bleeding and swollen, but I didn’t stop. Something was chasing me as well, but I wasn’t even thinking about that. I was about to grab the thing I was craving so strongly when I woke up suddenly as I was hauled through the air. I let out a muffled scream and was then set on the floor gently. I was standing face to face with Gunner, who looked pissed, like his old self. I cowered a bit, but he didn't seem to care. That was not usual for him at all, not with me.

  “This is how it’s going to go Dana. You are going to get dressed. I am taking you somewhere. Understand?”

  “Where’s Alexa?” I squeaked out.

  “In the living room. Is. That. Understood.?”

  I nodded, unable to disagree with him like this.

  “Good, get dressed. Dress somewhat nice. Nothing crazy just dress… respectful.”

  Respectful? What the heck.

  I didn’t have many clothes with me since I came here in such a rush. Rex brought me some after I told him my size, so I just threw on the nicest thing I had. A tan skirt with a floral button down and some flats. I never wore skirts, but this seemed like a respectful outfit, whatever that meant. I didn’t even want to go anywhere with Gunner, but everything about his demeanor told me I had no choice. I knew Gunner well enough to know that.

  I walked into the living room, fidgeting. My insecurity was an all-time low since meeting with my parents. The second Gunner laid eyes on me he looked me up and down and cleared his throat.

  “That’ll work,” he said before turning around and walking to the kitchen.

  Alexa let out a loud laugh from across the room.

  “What he means to say Dana is you look hot and he’d love to fuck you right now, but you're pissed as hell and he’s acting weirdly intense.”

  Both Gunner and I glared at her, which only made her laugh harder. Alexa was never intimidated, unless Rex was involved. I looked over at Gunner who was now in a navy-blue button down. It was tight, it looked a little too tight, but in a way, that showed off all his muscles. He also had on black slacks, but I was really distracted by how he looked in that shirt. I had never seen him so dressed up and was very taken aback, but I said nothing. If I did I’d say something I didn’t want him to know right, then. A few seconds later we heard the keys jiggle in the door and Rex walked in with a blank expression.

  “Hello you liar,” I snapped.

  “Hey Dana, Gunner… Alex.”

  Alexa suddenly turned into an ice cube. It was clear Sam and Gunner’s trap just dawned on her. It was her turn to glare daggers into Gunner.

  “Well we need to go,” Gunner said sternly and looked over at me. “Thank you, Rex.”

  Rex nodded and Alexa and I both shot each other desperate looks. I was practically shoved out the door and pulled into my car. I handed him my keys slowly, and he grabbed them from my hand and started the engine.

  “Would it be a waste of my time to bother asking where we are going?”

  “Yes.”

  “This better be superior to the place you took me last time I went in a car with you unwillingly.”

  “This is the final idea I have to make it up to you. My phone is gone. I am hoping this shows you how serious I am.”

  I was ready to shoot back a sarcastic comment, but there was something in Gunner’s gaze I hadn’t really seen before, vulnerability. So, I just nodded and sat back in my seat, looking out the window. We drove for quite a while in silence when we started driving up a long winding road. To my left and right were gravestones. I rock developed in my chest.

  “Where are going Gunner?” I asked horrified. “Where are we?”

  Tears developed in my eyes and Gunner closed his eyes tight and opened them again. I sat staring straight ahead. Gunner pulled to the side of the road and parked. Gunner grabbed my face with both of his hands and turned me to face him. He was so gentle now. I could feel tears running down my face. I knew exactly where we were. He had effectively cracked through my shell.

  “I love you,” he said with pain lacing his voice. “I want you to know this. I am bringing you here, so you understand.”

  He didn’t need to say anymore. I got it. He got out of the car and I stayed frozen in my seat. He opened my door and grabbed my hand, gently pulling me out of the car. I immediately fell into him and cried. He wrapped his strong arms around me and pulled me into him.

  “I’m so sorry,” he whispered in my ear. “I’m so fucking sorry. It didn’t do anything for me. I promise. I just felt lost.”

  “You don’t have to do this,” I cried. “I get it. I forgive you. Let’s go.”

  I pulled away and starting tugging at his hand desperately. Gunner looked so pained.

  “I should have done this a long time ago Dana. I want you to be here.”

  I immediately let go of his hand and put my hand on his chest.

  “Then let’s go.”

  He gave me a loving nod and grabbed something out of the car door.

  “What is that?” I asked as we entered the gates of the cemetery.

  “It’s a dictionary. Before Iris became a junkie, she was a huge book nerd. I would literally catch her reading the dictionary in her free time. It became an inside joke between the two of us.”

  I gave him a small smile as we approached the grave. The letters haunted me. Iris Stacher. She was too young to die. Too young to see what she’d seen. My heart broke for this girl I’d never met. Gunner set the dictionary down on her grave and crouched down in front of it.

  “I’m so sorry Iris. I’m so, so sorry.” He got up and looked away. “I can’t stay at this grave. I can’t. I sent the orders to….” his voice got choked up and it was quiet when he continued. “She got beat up and I gave the order.”

  “That’s not how she died though, right? That’s what you told me.”

  “Fuck no. Let’s go.” He jerked my hand and led me in another direction. “I can’t believe I still remember where their graves are. I haven’t been here since I buried Iris, and the only other time before that was when I buried them.”

  My heart hurt for this little boy trapped in the body of a killer. He became a machine, a well-oiled one. Since the day I met him I made it my mission to break him out. He needed to be a man with flaws, feelings and adventures. He did that for me and I was more than willing to be the one to do that for him.

  Finally, we approached two gravestones sitting right next to each other. Gunner fell to the ground and put his hand under his chin as he fought back to tears. I had never seen Gunner this vulnerable or broken. I didn’t know what to do. I stood there while he traced his fingers over his parents’ names.

  “I miss you,” he choked out. “I’m sorry for being such a disappointment. This isn’t what you wanted for me.”

  I couldn’t take it anymore. I fell to the ground with him and wrapped my arms around his waist.

  “I’m so sorry,” I whispered. “I’m so, so sorry.”

  He put his hand on my arm. I could feel my tears sliding off my face onto his shirt. We sat there for the longest time, just frozen, wrapped in each other’s arms. He told me stories of his family, good stories. He told me what a crazy, rule breaking kid he was. No surprises there. He told me h
ow his dad taught him all about respect and how to treat a woman, his dad was a veteran.

  That’s how Gunner knew how to treat me so well despite the life he’s led.

  Eventually Gunner tapped my arm and stood. He stared at his parents’ graves one more time.

  “I love you guys. I miss you. So fucking much.”

  His voice was laced with pain and regret. We walked our way out of the graveyard and said nothing for a while. Gunner put the car eyes in the ignition and as I got in he told me we’d be back. I was glad to hear that. He needed this. He needed to heal, accept what happened. His whole life was the way it was because he couldn’t accept the past and now he was beginning too.

  “Also, Dana,” he said as drove away, “I booked a therapist in town. I start in three weeks. Enough time to get everything sorted. Also, I loved the idea of being a bounty hunter. I’m looking into it. Thank you.”

  I wanted to jump over the console and hug him, but he was driving, and I had to be responsible. He sure did know how to set up one hell of an apology though.

  “Don’t lie to me like that again Gunner, okay? I won’t be able to give you another chance.”

  “I know. Trust me, I know.”

  Present Day: Chapter 17:

  Gunner and I finally went back to Rex’s. We held hands on the way in, which definitely was not Gunner’s thing, but I was taking advantage of the fact that he couldn’t argue with me. We walked across the rickety floors of the hallway to Rex’s condo when we heard screaming and the sound of glass breaking. Gunner immediately released my hand and bolted for the door.

  “Fuck!” he yelled on his way in. He frantically tried the doorknob as I ran up right behind him. He couldn’t get it open. “Move,” Gunner said firmly.

  I took several steps back and Gunner kicked near the knob sending the door flying open, but not off its hinges. Control. Gunner was so good at it. Once the door was open Gunner and I ran in. Alexa was sitting on the floor with her legs in front of her crying like a limp doll. Rex had a glass vase shattered across the room. They both turned to look at us with a dead look in their eye.