Fated Memories

by Judith Ann McDowell

  “You are talking about your daughter and the boy she has left with.”

  “Then it’s true,” Eathen fought against the hot bile trying to push its way up from his rolling stomach. “She is with Two Spirits.”

  “She is with the boy she loves and the one who has fathered the child she carries.”

  “I hope you have no true likin’ for this boy, Pehta,” Eathen yanked a pack of cigars from his shirt pocket, his dark eyes never leaving those of the man seated across from him, “cause he’s gonna die.”

  “So much hatred between our people.” Pehta pushed himself off the floor.

  Eathen waved his words away. “It woulda been the same, no matter who got her in trouble.”

  “No, old friend,” Pehta eyes held steady on Eathen’s. “The hatred burning in your heart is much brighter for one of my own. Have we traveled so far from one another, you will now speak falsely in the heat of your anger?”

  “The son-of-a-bitch ruined my daughter!”Eathen roared, lunging to his own feet. “What do you expect me to do, just look the other way and pretend it didn’t happen? Well goddamn it, I can’t do that!”

  When Pehta remained silent, Eathen whirled to see Wolfer standing just inside the door. For a long moment, they stared at one another. Then Wolfer held out his hand.

  “Eathen, I thought you’d show up here sooner or later.”

  “Wolfer.” He clasped the other man’s hand in a strong grip. Dropping down on one of the leather rugs spread on the floor, Wolfer crossed his legs in front of the fire. “Sit down, Eathen. I think we’re in for a long night.”

  Retrieving the pack of cigars that had fallen to the ground, Eathen offered them around. As each man took one, Eathen hunkered down in front of the fire pit, reached for a lit piece of kindling. Touching the burning wood to the tip of his cigar, he puffed until the end glowed red. Tossing the charred strip into the coals, he relaxed back against his bedroll. “I guess, like Pehta, you know why I’m here.”Eathen glanced around the lodge, taking in the clothes hung on a willow pole strung across one side of the lodge. The banged up cooking pots stacked in the corner and the rumpled beds made of animal skins and blankets. His mind made a quick comparison of Jessie’s bedroom at home and his hands shook.

  “You’re here because of your daughter and Two Spirits.”

  “Am I the only one in this whole goddamn state who didn’t know ‘bout this?”

  “Eathen, your daughter came here some time back to talk with Aleah, Two Spirits’ mother. She told her about being in love with Two Spirits. By the time your daughter rode out of here, Aleah stood screaming so loud everyone on the reservation knew Two Spirits had a white girlfriend and that she is the daughter of the man who is supposed to be supplying the cattle to this reservation. I’m real surprised you never heard ‘bout it.”

  “Maybe if I’d had true friends like I thought I did,” he glared at the two men seated nearby, “I would have.”

  “I realize that’s anger talkin’, Eathen,” Wolfer told him, his voice calm and quiet. “Otherwise, you’d leave this lodge right now.”

  “Are you sayin’,” Eathen’s brows lifted in doubt, “neither of you knew ‘bout this? I find that pretty goddamn hard to believe.”

  “By the time we learned of their feelings for one another, the damage had already been done.” Wolfer glanced sideways at Eathen. “Didn’t she tell you what happened on the way out here?”

  “She didn’t tell me shit,” Eathen talked around the cigar clamped between his teeth. “She put me off with some made up story about not feelin’ well.”

  “I’m surprised, because I didn’t treat her with a lot of kindness. In fact, I turned her over my knee and busted her ass.”

  “You did what?” Eathen growled, jerking the cigar from his mouth.

  “You heard me,” Wolfer told him, “I said I busted her ass.”

  “You better have a damn good reason for what you did, Wolfer!” Eathen uncrossed his legs, preparing himself to move if he needed to. “I’ve never raised my hand to her and she’s my daughter!”

  “It’s plain to see you never raised your hand to her, Eathen. If you had,” Wolfer kept his eyes focused on the other man’s cold stare, “maybe we wouldn’t be havin’ this talk right now.”

  “When a father does not teach his child the difference between giving love and using love,” Pehta spoke up, “they grow up thinking they can do no wrong.”

  “I’m still waitin’ for you to tell me why you put your hands on my daughter, Wolfer.” Eathen told him, as though Pehta had not spoken.

  “The only one that little girl of yours cares about is herself.” Wolfer jabbed his cigar in Eathen’s direction. “She knew what would happen if she had anything to do with an Indian. Hell,” Wolfer threw his hands wide, “even your own hands beat the shit out of him because of his race. You can’t lay all the blame on Two Spirits, goddamn it!”

  “I guess I shoulda expected this from the two of you,” Eathen picked up his hat.

  The pain reflected in Pehta’s dark eyes, at Eathen’s slur on their friendship, unleashed the last shred of control Wolfer held on his emotions. “Where the hell do you think you’re goin’?”

  “Well, I’m sure as hell not gonna stay here.” Eathen started to rise. “You two already made up your minds Jessie did all this by herself.”

  “Please, old friend,”Pehta spoke up, holding out a hand to him, “don’t leave it like this. We’ve been friends for a lot of years. Stay and talk this out.”

  On a shuddering breath, Eathen eased himself back down. “All right. I’ll stay. But don’t think I’m gonna forget about what you did to her, Wolfer.”

  Through clenched teeth, Wolfer tried to reason with the man as best he could. “On the way out here that day, I tried to explain how much trouble she’d started by bein’ with Two Spirits. She couldn’t understand any of it.” Wolfer felt a jolt of anger as he saw Eathen roll his eyes towards the top of the tent. “And whether you get pissed off again or not,” Wolfer stared him down, “I blame you for that, Eathen!”

  “Why the hell do you blame me?” He thumped a righteous thumb against his chest. “I gave that girl everything money could buy! She sure as hell didn’t have to grow up like I did! Scratchin’ and scrimpin’ for every damn crumb!”

  “It is easy to give of material things. It is very hard to give of one’s self,” Pehta said, placing his hand on the other man’s shoulder.

  Eathen cleared his throat. “Do either of you know where Two Spirits has taken my daughter?”

  “Just that he’s taken her away from here,” Wolfer told him. “What do you plan to do if you find them?”

  “I plan to take Jessie home with me.”

  “And what of Two Spirits?” Pehta asked.

  “I plan to kill him,” Eathen answered him in a cold, calm voice.

  For a while no one spoke as each man thought about the problems facing him. Then Wolfer offered a partial solution.

  “If you want, Eathen, I’ll track them for you. It’s my guess they’re headed for Canada. I want you to know right now, though, the only one I’ll be bringin’ back’s your daughter.”

  “Right now, that’s all I ask. Two Spirits’ll come back on his own. It might take him awhile, but he’ll show up sooner or later. When he does, I’ll let you know where to find him, so you can bury him.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  An early spring came to Toole County that year, bringing with it false warmth to the land. Frigid nights gave way to warm sunny days. But high up in the mountains, the nights and days complemented each other with their refusal to withdraw their icy touch, making it hard for those who sought to travel the higher ground.

  In a shelter of tall pines, Two Spirits assembled a small teepee as Jessie stood watching nearby. When the fire pit had been dug and the lodge was anchored against the wind with large rocks atop pegs driven into the ground through small loops surrounding the outer edges, Jessie waited inside out of th
e wind and snow while he went to gather firewood. Lifting the flap, he glanced at her as she stood unmoving just inside the door. Within moments, the warmth from the glowing fire beckoned her and she moved closer.

  “It is not your fault. You have not been raised to do these things. I am sure after I teach you how they are to be done, you will do just fine. It is not easy being an Indian woman, Jessie. It is a lot of hard work.” He stacked the rest of the wood near the door.

  “And I thought Hattie expected a lot from me. I guess I’m just a lazy, pampered white girl.”

  “I will see to it you will not remain one for long.”

  The frightened look she gave him made him feel uneasy. “Jessie, are you sure this is what you want? It is still not too late to return you to your father.”

  “No, I want to stay with you. When my time comes to have the baby, you can take me into a town with a doctor. Everything’ll be all right.”

  “Jessie,” he laughed, “you will be living the life of an Indian woman now. Indian women do not need a white man’s doctor. One of the women will come to help you when your time comes. Some girls have their babies alone.”

  “You ain’t serious!” She rubbed her hands over her crossed arms. “Two Spirits, I can’t have a baby out in the wild! I don’t know the first thing ‘bout bringin’ a baby into the world!” She paced the small dwelling. “You’ll have to take me to a doctor!”

  “Jessie,” he drew her into his arms, “you are getting all upset over nothing. Women have babies every day. I will make sure you will be safe. Even if I have to deliver this baby myself.”

  “No!” Jessie squealed, pulling away from him. “You couldn’t do that! Doctors are used to seeing women in that condition!” A bright flush crept up her throat to cover her face. “Two Spirits, I can’t let you watch while I give birth!”

  “There is nothing shameful in watching a woman give birth, Jessie. You are my woman.” Two Spirits ran a gentle hand down the side of her face. “I want to be near when you bring our child into the world.”

  “It ain’t decent, Two Spirits,” Jessie cried, horrified he would even suggest such a thing. “My father would never think of doin’ somethin’ like that! How can you?”

  “I am not your father, Jessie. This child growing inside you is my child too. It is my right to see her take her first breath!”

  “Oh God! Why can’t you understand?” Fear crawled over her as she tried to reason with him. “We don’t do things like that! We’re civilized!”

  “And we aren’t, simply because we find life beautiful? You are very lacking about human nature, Jessie.” Two Spirits withdrew his hand. “Are all white girls taught to be ashamed of their bodies?”

  “We don’t go paradin’ ‘round naked for the whole world to watch, if that’s what you mean! And we don’t give birth without a competent doctor!”

  Two Spirits pulled her into his arms. “When we made love by the big lake, you were not ashamed for me to see you unclothed. You were proud of your body.”

  “That’s different, Two Spirits. Givin’ birth’s a private thing.” Why couldn’t she get through to him? “Most men wouldn’t want to be there to see all that blood and pain.”

  “Then I guess I am not most men, Jessie. I want to be near to lend my woman my strength when she needs it the most.” Two Spirits rubbed his face against the softness of her hair. “I want to be there to cleanse my child for the first time. You cannot deny me this. As the man you have chosen to protect you and our child, it is my right.”

  “I never dreamed there could be this much difference in our upbringin’.” This time when she tried to move away from him, he let her go. “I can’t do this. You will have to take me to a doctor when it’s time, otherwise I’ll die of embarrassment!”

  “I…I…I…Is that all you think about!” They glared at each other across the small dwelling. “This child inside your body is mine too! I will not take you to a white doctor so he can put his hands on my woman when she is most vulnerable. You will have my child the Indian way!”

  “How dare you speak to me in that tone!” Jessie backed away from him. “I will have this child the way I see fit, if I have to walk every step of the way until I find a white doctor! Do you hear me, Two Spirits?!”

  With great effort, he fought against the rage her screeching demands unleashed. “Now I know why some men beat their women!” he growled, before throwing back the flap and leaving her alone.

  After making them a bed from the furs Two Spirits had left by the door, she stripped off her clothes. Shivering from the chill inside the lodge, she crawled into the warm robes, stretching her tired body out straight. As she lay there, alone, she tried to ignore the anger burning in her heart for the man she loved. Turning onto her side, she watched the shadows from the dancing firelight moving across the lodge skins. She could hear the wind howling outside, its sad moan seeming to voice aloud the sharp pain she felt in her heart.

  “I wish I was back home again, safe and warm, instead of here where I feel so frightened and alone.”

  “If that is the way you feel, then we will leave first thing in the morning.”

  At the sound of his deep voice, she jumped. “I didn’t hear you come back.”

  “That is quite obvious.” Two Spirits rid himself of his clothing.

  “I made the bed all by myself,” she told him with a nervous laugh. “I guess I’m not altogether helpless.”

  Sliding his body beneath the cover, he told her with much patience. “You are not helpless, Jessie. You are just ignorant of the life of an Indian woman.”

  The heat beneath the heavy robe felt warm and relaxing, but still she could not go to sleep. The closeness of his naked body made her own body ache with a deep need for him. Jessie touched his bared shoulder.

  “What is it you need now, Jessie?” His voice held his impatience with her. “Do you find our bed not to your liking? Is it because it is not the clean big bed with the thick mattress waiting for you at your father’s ranch?”

  “I wanted to say goodnight,” she whispered, trying to hold back her tears.

  “Are you sure that is all you wanted, Jessie?” Two Spirits moved his hot body closer to hers.

  Her breath caught at his nearness and, at the sound, he turned to lean over her. “Are you so very sure you wish to give up our life together, my woman?”

  “No!” Jessie drew him into her arms. “I don’t wanna be apart from you, Two Spirits. I need you too much!”

  “Are you saying you are willing to live the life of an Indian woman? Are you saying you are ready to live the life of my woman?” His own breath became ragged in his need for her.

  “Yes, Two Spirits. I will do anything; only end this hunger inside me. Now!”

  Throwing back the cumbersome robe, he stared down at her, his black eyes filled with desire. With deliberate slowness he spread her thighs, but he did not touch her, instead he positioned himself on his knees in front of her. “Do you find my looking at you this way offensive now?”

  “No,” she moaned.

  “You are my woman, Jessie. I will not have any part of you hidden from my eyes. I will be there to watch our child leave your body. My love for the both of you will not be stilled by anyone, not even you.”

  “Love me, Two Spirits!” Jessie pulled him forward, wrapping her long legs around his waist.

  With a low growl he entered her, his heart pounding as her hot moistness enclosed him. Jessie could feel her world exploding again and again as they mated in violence, letting their anger for each other play out in the act of love.

  Finally they lay quiet in each other’s arms. Two Spirits pulled the robe over their sweating bodies just before they fell into an exhausted sleep, content in the safety of their love. Had they been aware of how soon they would be parted, their trust in the safety of that love would have been quick to turn to a cold paralyzing fear.

  Outside the snow continued to fall, the strong winds blowing the swirling flakes into h
igh drifts and piling them around the sides of the makeshift dwelling. The horses stood as close to the shelter as they could, trying to glean some warmth from the fire pit burning strong from within.

  During the night, Two Spirits awoke to the sounds of the howling winds. He watched the small dwelling shake and quiver beneath its power, sucking at the sides like a living breathing entity. The light from the fire pit threw the shadows of the horses against the thin hides, turning their flying manes and long faces into the eerie likeness of an ill-kept old woman trying to peer inside. He leaned over, pulling the robe away from Jessie’s face to make sure she was all right. She sighed a long sigh, turning on her side and reaching for him. Two Spirits gathered her against him, breathing in the clean scent of her hair and the animal scent still lingering from their recent mating. His heart swelled with love as she continued to sleep, trusting her safety to his loving arms while all around them chaos continued to rage.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Wolfer had made the long trip from Montana into Canada many times throughout the years. Always before, the tiring journey had been looked upon with great anticipation. Old friends, not seen in a while, could be counted on to share a hot meal and a bottle of whiskey in front of the old cook stove sitting in the middle of one cabin or another, while they whiled away the hours over stories, oft repeated but never boring.

  This time he traveled the familiar path with a heavy heart. The anger raging in his veins for the white girl he had volunteered to find made him slow his horse’s steps in a futile attempt to quell some of the anger burning within his soul. Eathen had placed all the blame for this caustic relationship on the shoulders of Two Spirits. Not one time did he stop to consider his daughter’s willing participation in the affair with the man he vowed to kill.

  The snow fell harder, making it difficult to see. He would have to stop for the night. Riding into a grove of trees, he dismounted to set up a crude shelter. He worked against the darkness and increasing storm settling in around him.