Home is Where the Heart Is (Home #1)

by Cheynee Filkov

  She tried to pretend that it was just her imagination and her phone was really silent, but to be honest she didn’t have the energy to pretend anymore.

  By the sixth round of rings Isabelle cracked and finally pressed accept.

  “What?” she snapped.

  “Well, thank fuck you’re alive!”

  She held the phone away from her ear and could still hear him perfectly.

  “What the hell is going on? And if you say nothing, I swear to god I will fly down and throttle you myself!”

  Isabelle started to shake. It was so good to hear his voice even though he was furious. The familiarity of it had her wanting to crawl into the phone and wrap her arms around him.

  “I’m sorry,” she said, her voice breaking.

  Immediately he softened. “Iz, what’s happening? Talk to me.”

  “I don’t have anything to say.”

  “Bullshit, this change in you is about that dickhead and I want to know what he did to make you freeze me out.”

  Everything and nothing, she wanted to tell him. He took my soul and I will never get it back, he broke me and I can’t be your best friend anymore because I don’t know how to be a best of anything.

  Instead she curled in a ball on her bed, the phone cradled in her shoulder.

  “Isabelle,” Tate said desperately. “Just talk to me, please? I’m going out of my mind here.”

  “I’m sorry, Tate.”

  “I don’t want you to be sorry,” he said in exasperation. “I just want you to trust me like I trust you with anything. You are family, OK? And family never turn their backs on each other.”

  “I love you,” she whispered before hanging up and turning her phone off.

  She just made it into the shower before she fell apart, sliding down the porcelain walls, the water running over her body that would never, ever feel clean enough.

  CHAPTER 4

  JACE

  Jace smiled brightly as he strolled over to his house, hands in his pockets. Isabelle was unlike any girl he’d ever met. She was crazy, beautiful and funny but there was also darkness inside her, so opposite to her light appearance that had him wanting to connect with her and in more than just a physical way. He grinned broader - that’s gotta be a first.

  He thought about the bruises on her skin and his smile disappeared. Jason. The name she had choked on last night. He had done this to her - Jace was sure of it. He felt his palms curl into fists and the urge to hit something hard overtook him.

  Whoever that douche was, he’d hurt and damaged her in ways Jace wasn’t even sure he could fully understand.

  Jace winced as he remembered the nights his Dad had come home late, smelling like cheap beer and looking like he was part of a fight club. He knew better than anyone how deep emotional bruises could go, and how easily they became scars that would never fully heal.

  The last few years hadn’t been full of his finest moments, and he knew he’d made so many mistakes and hurt a lot of good people because he felt too damaged and unworthy of anyone’s love. On more than one occasion, he had heard his own twin sister crying on the phone to Matt about how worried she was about him, and begging Matt to find a way to fix it. Which was laughable since Jace didn’t think there was anything that could be done.

  “Jace.”

  He looked up and found her waiting for him at the front of his house.

  “What do you want, Kimberley?” he asked in exasperation.

  She flinched at his tone. “Last night sucked.”

  “Is that your idea of an apology?”

  Her dark eyes narrowed at him and she instantly went on the attack. “What the hell is your problem?”

  Jace shrugged past her, aiming for the front door, hoping she would understand the message and leave him alone this time. He really didn’t want another repeat of the “Jace and Kimberley Show” for the whole neighbourhood to see.

  Sharp nails dug into his arm and he yanked his hand away in reflex as she rounded on him.

  “You don’t get to just walk away from me,” she hissed at him, grabbing his arm again with her talons until she broke the skin.

  He wrenched his arm away and felt wetness beneath his palm. He could not believe the crazy bitch had actually drawn blood.

  “I’d fucking run if I could,” he snarled, the pain triggering his rage.

  “Jace.” When she spoke there was a sad desperation and vulnerability he’d rarely witnessed in her. “I don’t want it to be like this.”

  She hung her head, her sheet of red hair concealing her face.

  Was she actually going to cry? His little wildcat who was never weak?

  No! Not his wildcat, not anymore.

  “What do you want, Kimberley?

  “I want to go back to how it was between us. I hate that we barely even acknowledge each other and that you won’t look me in the eye. Can we just forget the past few months? Can we just pretend it never happened?”

  He met her eyes now and instantly memories flashed through his head.

  Kimberley passed out on the road, bubbles foaming at the sides of her mouth.

  Watching her half naked and dancing with one of his old mates.

  Feeling a spark of pain across his cheek as she raked her nails down his face and then cooed over the guy he had punched for slapping her.

  The look in her eyes when she told him he was too broken for anyone to love and she deserved someone better.

  The irrational demon he constantly fought against roared to life again as the memories stung him. He thought he’d moved past this, had accepted everything that had happened and made peace with it. It infuriated him that she still held the power to hurt him even months down the track.

  He locked down on his anger and swiftly swept into the front entrance, shutting the door in her face and locking it, the sound of her curses following him.

  *

  Hours later, Jace lay in his room listening to music, trying his best to drown it all out. It wasn’t working - he felt more worked up than ever, his mind a mess of memories and regrets for all that had gone before, and fears for what had yet to come.

  He. Was. So. Fucked. Up.

  While most kids were probably hooking up or just hanging out right now, he was a ball of nerves. His pain was tangled inside him so tightly it seemed impossible he’d ever be free of it. Maia had tried countless times to encourage him to see a professional so he could work out a way to work through his feelings so he could be happy, but he didn’t need some stuffed shirt geek telling him what he already knew; he had massive Daddy issues. What no one seemed to get though, was that he didn’t even care about being happy, he just wanted to be normal. Whatever that was.

  He stood up and threw open his balcony doors, walking out into the breeze, enjoying the fading warmth of the sun.

  Moving to the far corner of the balcony he flopped onto the faded blue couch his Mum had been trying to convince him to throw out for years. Picking at the fraying material and circling the small burn marks on the arm rests, Jace felt unexpectedly peaceful.

  He loved this couch, loved that it was worn and used. Loved that it had personality and filled with as many holes as memories. It was a part of him and he wasn’t sure he could ever really give this part up.

  He relaxed into the couch, draping his legs off the end, resting his head on his arms as he watched the sun begin its descent from the sky. As he closed his eyes he relished the feeling of warmth and quiet, savouring what he knew would never last long.

  *

  It was the same dream again.

  The one he’d have at least three times a week, only this time, for the first time ever, it was a little different.

  He was running as fast as he could through a whole lot of nothing, searching for something, anything. A way out, a light, a glimmer of hope perhaps.

  There was nothing. Nothing except the beating of his feet on the ground, the pounding of his heart and the cold darkness choking him.

  Wisps of
grey swept towards him, opening old scars as they touched his skin, sapping all his energy and dulling his awareness.

  He had to escape, he didn’t want to die here.

  He kept running until finally a fragment of light began to appear like a beacon.

  He ran faster and faster until it brightened, praying he made it to the light before it was too late and he had succumbed to the darkness.

  “Jace.”

  The voice had him stumbling over his feet.

  No one spoke in here, no one was ever in here with him.

  “I’m here!” he tried to scream but it came out as a low rasp.

  He finally reached the light, the darkness slipping away from him but still hovering just outside his reach.

  As his eyes adjusted to the sudden light he noticed her. She was lying in the middle of the room covered in blood.

  “Isabelle!”

  He ran over to her but couldn’t move any closer, could not move past the wall she had put up around her.

  “Let me help you!” he screamed, banging on the glass uselessly.

  She turned her bloodshot, vacant eyes towards him and whispered.

  “Run.”

  He woke up when he rolled off the couch and hit the ground, breathing hard.

  Holy shit, what the hell was that? Bad enough he had those messed up dreams about being trapped and powerless in the dark, now he had to include the girl he was interested in? How screwed up did a person have to be?

  Getting to his feet slowly he stretched his aching back and retreated inside to the shower so he could at least attempt to look put together for the party tonight.

  He spent twenty minutes in the shower letting the hot water wash away the remnants of the bad dream before drying himself off and standing in front of the wardrobe with his towel wrapped around his waist.

  “You’re going to pick her up in a towel? Bit presumptuous.”

  He spun around to see Matt leaning against the door.

  “You’re invading my personal space.”

  “Babe, don’t you mean our personal space?” Matt replied with a smirk.

  Jace rolled his eyes and turned back to his wardrobe, trying to pick which board shorts would look best.

  “So, can we talk about this girl, or…?”

  “Did Maia send you up here to probe me for information?”

  “Shut up! If she hears you even mention the word ‘probe’ to me, I’ll be in for a lifetime of harassment!”

  “Well, what’s with the questions?” Jace asked, knowing Matt was never one for idle conversation.

  Matt slumped onto the bean bag, making himself comfortable.

  “I don’t know, guess I’m just curious. I haven’t seen you like this over a girl ever, and you’re not the type to let yourself get attached. So it’s weird to watch you picking out clothes like a chick getting ready for a date.”

  As soon as Jace spun around, anger sparking in his gaze, Matt held his hands up in surrender.

  “I’m sorry, that came out wrong!”

  Jace rolled his eyes, storming into his closet and yanking on some Calvin Klein’s and his black boardies with a half-naked angel printed on each side.. Seemed appropriate.

  “I wish everyone would just drop it. I met a new girl, she’s cool and I want to get to know her. That’s it, end of story, no big deal.”

  He finished his outfit with a white muscle tank and headed out to face Matt who was looking like he’d wished his kept his mouth shut.

  “Sorry man, you’ve just been so down and out for so long that we’re all just worried about anything that could possibly make it worse. You know I’ve got your back no matter what. I just want you to be happy.”

  “I appreciate the concern. But honestly, it’s my life, and I need to feel like I’m in control.”

  Matt stood and offered his hand to Jace. “Understood - won’t bring it up again.”

  Jace clasped his best friend’s hand firmly, trying to relay in that simple gesture how much he truly did appreciate that he had some great people to care about him in his life.

  With the tension dissipating, Matt plastered a huge grin on his face.

  “Well, I just came to tell you that me and Maia are heading off now and to check if you needed anything for tonight.”

  Basically he was asking if Jace needed him to organise some drugs to mellow him out like he did almost every party. Matt hated drugs and had spent a lot of time trying to cut off any supply that Jace could get his hands on. That was, until last year when Jace had bought some pills from a random dealer the next town over and nearly OD’d. Now Matt made sure he was in charge of getting Jace’s entertainment so he was in control of how much Jace took and could babysit him every night they went out.

  Thinking it through now he realised just how messed up that situation really was and just what a selfish prick he’d been.

  Jace clasped a hand on Matt’s shoulder in the affectionate way guys did. “Not tonight.”

  Matt eyes him suspiciously. “Seriously?”

  “I’m going to drive Isabelle over so I’m not even really going to drink,” he explained. “So, I’m all good.”

  Matt’s mouth dropped comically as he stared at Jace in disbelief before pulling himself together. “No worries - guess I’ll see you there then.”

  Jace nodded in dismissal and turned back to his mirror.

  Fuck, he was checking himself out in the mirror.

  It was pretty new to him this intense attraction he felt towards her. He knew love at first sight was bullshit, but there was definitely something starting between them that had the potential to be something special.

  It was another reason he was going to stay sober tonight. He knew exactly what every guy at the party was going to be thinking when Isabelle walked in, and he was going to need all his self-control and faculties to stop him from pulling their arms off if anyone got too close to her.

  Just the thought of some of the douchebags at his school tarnishing her with their touch had him wanting to beat something until he forced the murderous urges away. This was exactly what she didn’t need after what she’d been through.

  He turned to the mirror and scowled at himself.

  Get your shit together and do not screw this one up.

  *

  Sweat dripped down the back of Jace’s neck as he sat on the plush grey couch in Isabelle’s living room. His foot tapped nervously waiting for Isabelle to emerge, and he fought against cringing under her father’s shrewd gaze.

  “So Jace, have you lived here long?”

  He turned to Isabelle’s Dad with his nerves really kicking in.

  “My whole life, Sir.”

  Her dad’s lips quirked. “James is fine…for now.”

  Jace nodded, wiping sweaty hands on his shorts.

  “Women,” James said in exasperation. “Why it takes so long to get ready is beyond me.”

  “Perfection takes time, Dad.”

  Jace nearly gave himself whiplash he turned to Isabelle so fast.

  His mouth dropped. “Wow!”

  Isabelle looked incredible.

  Her long hair was half pulled up and braided across her head like a halo, the rest falling in soft curls. She was dressed in one of Maia’s fitted, black dresses that dipped down low at the front so her bikini was visible, along with ample cleavage.

  She’d put some make up on so the bruises were mostly covered and her eyes were nearly blazing they were so bright.

  It took James clearing his throat loudly for Jace to realise he was practically drooling in her house in front of her parents.

  He finally gave an approving nod.

  “You look good, Angel.”

  James snorted. “Angel? Please, devil in angel’s clothing seems more fitting.”

  Isabelle stomped down the stairs, shooting her Dad a withering look before grabbing Jace’s arm and attempting to tow him away.

  “Whoa now, young lady, not so fast.”

  Isabelle sighed in f
rustration. “What now, Dad?”

  James Mason crossed his arms, all humour gone from his face.

  “I don’t want you getting into any trouble tonight - no drugs, no hard partying-”

  “No fun,” Isabelle interrupted. “I know the drill, Dad.”

  James turned to Jace his eyes cold and deadly. “No sex.”

  Jace felt his face redden as he nodded. At the same time Isabelle smacked her hand to her forehead.

  “Dad! You couldn’t even give me one night without embarrassing me?”

  James remained stoic. “No later than one o’clock, got that?”

  “I’ll have her home in time,” Jace said firmly.

  James eyed him piercingly, his eyes searching for something, anything that would indicate it was a mistake to let his daughter out.

  “I’ll be waiting up,” he said gruffly. “Keep your phone on you.”

  With one last threatening look at Jace, James strode out of the room leaving the two of them alone.

  “I’m so sorry,” Isabelle cried, her cheeks flaming.

  “It’s all good. You’re lucky to have a Dad who cares so much.”

  “I’m so embarrassed!”

  Jace shook his head. “You don’t know how lucky you are.”

  She looked at him then, or rather, looked through him and Jace felt more exposed than ever.

  She didn’t break eye contact until her phone started ringing.

  She pulled it out hastily and silenced it but not quickly enough for Jace to miss the name.

  Tate, with a heart next to it.

  “Admirer of yours?” he asked casually.

  Isabelle’s eyes widened. “Tate? No, he’s just my friend, well he’s my best friend…was…well I guess he still…I mean…”

  She broke off and took a deep breath. “We grew up together; our Dads are best friends.”

  “Any reason you’re dodging his calls?”

  Please say it’s not some messy love thing.

  Isabelle flinched visibly before her shoulders sagged. “I’m the worst.”

  “I don’t believe that for a second.”

  Her eyes became haunted once more. “He knows me better than anyone, and that means there’s no hiding or shielding myself from him. Any lie that I might tell, any secret I may want to hide, he will see right through, and I guess I’m just not ready to be that vulnerable just yet.”