Dissonance

by Drew Elyse

  Mine. The word rattled around in my head and spurred me on. Those delectable lips that suckled my neck were mine. I pulled him back up to me and kissed him, pouring every feeling I had for him into it. I wanted him, and I needed him to understand just how much. His response was more than I could have dreamed. My sudden bid for control had him going crazy. As his tongue skillfully plundered my mouth, his hands moved down my body until they cupped the back of my thighs. A tiny yelp that escaped me as he lifted my thighs up and urged my legs to wrap around him was swallowed by that luscious mouth. The surprise of being lifted was nothing compared to the moment his hardness was pressed against me. My dress had ridden up to my waist, leaving only the thin fabric of my panties to block the sensation of his denim-clad body rubbing exactly where I needed him.

  The pressure of the wall against my back lessened, and then disappeared completely. Logan walked us back towards the bedrooms. Tentatively, I moved my lips from his and began to explore the exposed skin of his neck. The feeling of his warm flesh and his rapid pulse beneath my lips brought out a primal need I had never experienced before. My tongue flicked out to taste his slightly-salty skin. The growl that ripped from Logan’s chest was punctuated by my body being pressed into another wall in the hallway.

  “I need you, baby,” Logan rumbled before taking my mouth again.

  “Then take me.”

  With that, he hauled me off the wall and sped towards his bedroom. When he kicked the door to knock it open, my pulse quickened for a whole new reason. Was he going to be rough with me? Maybe that was what he was used to, what he liked. Trepidation clawed through the haze of desire. I didn’t want fear to taint what was between us. I tried to trap it down, to be in the moment with Logan. He had not done a thing to me that I did not like yet, I had no reason to start freaking out.

  I was calmed a bit by his next move. Instead of continuing the frenzy that had started in the hall, he lowered me onto his bed slowly, with a gentleness that was almost foreign to me. Some of that hesitation melted with his careful handling, but I could still feel it in the back of my mind.

  Before joining me on the bed, he nimbly removed his shirt while I watched, nearly salivating at seeing his bare chest again. He was perfection. His body wasn’t like the over-honed ones of celebrities that had most women going crazy. Every toned muscle looked natural, flawless. Clearly, Logan stayed in shape, but he didn’t look like some workout-obsessed pretty boy. My man was the real deal. The skin I desperately wanted to touch every inch of wasn’t perfectly sun-kissed, but was all the more captivating for it. The missing tan only served to further accentuate the dark lines of his tattoos.

  Calling on every bit of confidence I had, I grasped the hem of my dress to remove it for him. Logan reached for me and held my arms still.

  “Please let me do that, Charlotte,” he requested, his voice tight and eyes blazing.

  Well, how could I say no to that?

  He urged me back until I was seated on the edge of the bed, the cool silken sheets sending a chill through my overheated body. Dropping to his knees, he reverently grazed his hands down my calves before freeing me of my heels. He drew dizzying circles up my legs as he planted a kiss on my stomach. “Lay back, baby.”

  Logan lifted my legs, urging me to rotate and lay back on the bed, before extricating himself from his jeans much less gently. He climbed onto the bed, kneeling at my feet. His hands went behind my knees, lightly nudging them open with his eyes watching me for signs of distress. I opened them with a bit of a tremble. He noticed, and tried to comfort me by massaging my legs as he moved closer to me. When he was above me, he didn’t power forward, but just held himself there with his face close to mine, waiting. Some of the tension in my body began to release, and only then did he resume kissing me.

  As he coaxed me with his lips, his hands moved very slowly up my thighs. It took him a while to even reach the fabric of my dress. His unhurried pace made me feel cherished. The feeling of his fingertips moving beneath my dress, of his hands continuing their assent with the skirt bunching around his wrists, didn’t scare me. I wanted him to remove my dress, to have access to touch more of me.

  The careful journey his hands made up my body was electrifying. They followed the swell of my hips, dipped into the curve of my waist, ghosted over the sides of my breasts. I shifted, moving as he needed to allow him to remove my dress. When it finally disappeared over my head, and fell meaningless onto the floor, I was sitting up with my chest nearly touching his. His arm came around me, pulling me in tighter until I brought my arms up to his neck. Our lips met, and he lowered us both down to the mattress with unflinching control.

  Logan’s hand cupped my bare breast, igniting me, making me burn. I longed for him to massage the other, to make the ache go away. When his mouth descended, down my neck, across my collar bone, I could barely contain myself. Then his tongue darted out, making delicious contact with the puckered nipple of my neglected breast, causing my back to bow off of the bed, pressing my body against him harder. I was completely lost in him.

  That was until the callused tips of his fingers slipped beneath the delicate fabric of my panties and I cried out, bucking my hips up into his touch. Logan’s lips were on mine immediately. “Shhh. I’ve got you.”

  He gripped both sides of the meager undergarment and began to pull it away. The teasing touch of his hands as they moved down my legs seemed to go on forever. The torture was the sweetest sin, but I wanted it over. The new surge of wetness between my legs was too much.

  With my panties gone, Logan stood, pushing his boxers down quickly. The sight of him, all of him hot, hard, and ready, brought that trepidation back to the fore. Looking at the strength of his body, the clear desperation to take me, made me freeze up. I couldn’t do it.

  As he moved back onto the bed, Logan froze. I could tell by the concern that clouded his eyes that he could see the fear in mine, could feel the tension in my body.

  “Charlotte?” he asked gently, reaching out slowly to touch me as though I might run.

  I opened my mouth to tell him to give me a minute, to give me a chance to swallow back that choking grip of the past that had settled on me, but nothing came out.

  “Baby, please, just talk to me,” Logan implored.

  Finally, one word slipped past my lips, one I hadn’t expected. “Stop.” It was faint, barely audible at all, so I tried again. “Please, I need to stop.”

  I expected anger, frustration. I expected him to yell at me for leading him on. I expected him to storm off or tell me to get the hell out of his bed. He did none of those things. No, Logan shattered every expectation by lying down beside me, pulling my body close. He decimated all the fear I’d been harboring when he pulled the duvet over my exposed body and stroked my hair until I calmed. He leveled the walls I had erected around my heart when I said those words when he cupped my cheek, pulling my gaze up to him, and said, “Thank you for telling me to stop. I never want to push you.” He kissed me sweetly before continuing, “I want you, Charlotte, in every way, but I will wait as long as you need to feel comfortable with me.”

  He kissed me again, more deeply this time. Still, he made no move to take it beyond that. Despite the heat rolling off his body, and the solid length of his erection pressed against me, he kissed me like he was content to do only that, forever.

  Sometime later, when the desire seeped away from our bodies, Logan pulled me into him so that I was cuddled against his side with my head on his chest. Just as the world dissolved into darkness, I felt Logan press another kiss to my head and heard a rough whisper. “Goodnight, beautiful.”

  Do angels sleep? Because when I woke, I could have sworn Charlotte was actually an angel dozing serenely beside me. Curled up like a small child, I could almost see the gleaming wings rising from the alluring curves of her back. Her skin glowed in the sunlight that poured in through the windows. The comforter had inched down her delicate body to her hips, showing her supple breasts, the faultless arc o
f her neck, and lush skin I longed to touch. Her fragile arms were bent up in front of her, and my eyes were drawn to the scar marring her tiny wrist. Seeing it was like a kick in the ribs. Where before it had been nearly invisible to the eye, it now stood in stark contrast to her milky color. It confirmed my suspicion that she had been using cover-up on the mark. Over the course of the night, that barrier had dissolved or been rubbed away. I was left to see the sick image in its full horrific glory.

  The darkness of that sight was like a crushing weight landing on me. Her pain existed as clearly as the scar on her wrist, reminding me that the adorably peaceful girl asleep next to me had a past that was filled with anything but peace. Life had nearly made an angel of her already. She could have been gone from this world before I ever got the chance to look upon those big brown eyes, to feel the heat of her skin beneath my fingers, to kiss those plump lips. The devastation that the thought filled me with compelled me to reach for her. I didn’t want to disturb her tranquil form, but I needed her solace.

  She stirred and slowly blinked the sleep from her eyes. Then her face broke in to an adorable dozy smile. Oh hell. It was astounding and I could hardly believe that smile was directed at me. In that moment, I knew that I would do anything in the world to wake up to that beauty every morning. Anything she asked of me, it would be hers. I wanted to savor that expression, but I had to kiss her. I couldn’t stop myself.

  “Good morning, angel.”

  That cute blush began to creep into her cheeks again. I had to suppress a groan. It was unholy the things that that blush did to me.

  “Good morning,” she answered, her voice scratchy from sleep. It was unreasonable how sexy that sound was. Of course, that seemed to be how everything was with Charlotte.

  Propping up on one elbow, I grazed one of her rosy cheeks. “Why are you so shy?”

  She shrugged and angled her head away from me. That distant look I had come to despise began infiltrating her eyes. It made me ache. It wasn’t that she looked sad per se, just.... haunted.

  “Hey,” I nuzzled her neck, trying to pull her back to me. When she turned her face back, her smile felt strained. “Do you have plans today?”

  She shook her head. “Do you?”

  “Well, I have to go meet someone this morning, but I’d like to spend the rest of the day with you. We can do whatever you want. I can show you around town some more.”

  “Is it a work meeting? On a Saturday?”

  “No. I have to go talk to your brother.” At her furrowed brow, I added, “To ask for his blessing.”

  “He’s not my keeper,” she sighed. “And it’s not like we’re getting married.” Yet. Somehow my mind felt the word was missing on the end of her sentence. What the hell had she done to me?

  “I’m not going because I’ll actually back off if he says no, I just owe it to him to tell him where we stand. He’s my best friend and he told me to keep my hands to myself around you. I should at least tell him that’s not in the cards.”

  She snorted and rolled her eyes. Snorting, when had that become cute?

  “You love to mock me, don’t you?”

  That devilishly sexy smirk that had floored me from day one spread across her face. With her hair still mussed, her body half exposed and the fire smoldering in her eyes, I was past the point of suppressing the raging hard on I’d woken with.

  “You’re such an easy target,” she teased. I couldn’t control myself when I hauled her against me, kissing her deeply. I stayed there with that delectable body pressed to mine, exploring her mouth again until I was certain I would burst. Only then did I leave her lying in my bed while I took a shower and desperately sought relief.

  I knocked on Eli’s door an hour and a half later. Leaving the haven of my warm bed with Charlotte still in it was horrible. Honestly, I was surprised I hadn’t wrecked my car on the way over. Every ten seconds another image of Charlotte’s magnificent body flashed into my mind. Despite resorting to taking care of myself in the shower, I’d been sporting wood the entire way over and had to spend five minutes in the car trying to get the damn thing to go away.

  Alex answered, dressed in all black for work. “He just got in the shower,” she explained with a roll of her eyes. I couldn’t bring myself to join in on mocking Eli’s laziness. I was too distracted trying to keep thoughts of Charlotte at bay and trying to gage what sort of reaction to expect out of her brother.

  Plopping onto their couch, I was distantly aware that Alex was saying something from across the room, but the sounds didn’t register. How was I going to tell Eli about Charlotte? We both knew I was a far cry from worthy. Suddenly, those “hands off” warnings were playing just fine on their own.

  “Earth to Logan,” Alex called out louder. “What’s up with you?” she asked once she had my attention.

  I decided to go with the truth. What could it hurt?

  “Charlotte.”

  I watched the understanding sink in and then she was sitting down beside me. Her sober expression made my pulse accelerate. If super-romantic Alex didn’t think I was a decent suitor, I was dead in the water with Eli.

  Alex seemed unsure of what to say, something I had never seen before. “Look, I… there’s something I have to tell you. She told me to keep quiet about it, but you really need to know the truth if you’re going to start anything with her, for her sake.” Her silence permeated the room while my heart thumped viciously in my chest. “The group we met in… it was for victims… for survivors of domestic abuse.”

  I can’t say I know what it feels like to be shot. I can’t begin to claim to know the agony of a bullet piercing your body. But I can image that the sickening mix of pain and shock that caused me to recoil at Alex’s words had to be similar. I felt like I was going to be physically ill.

  “I don’t really know what happened to her,” Alex continued in a soft tone. “But I do know that she never dealt with it. She’s pushed it down and never said a thing about it to anyone. It’s why she still has panic attacks after all this time. In all honesty, it’s why I first wanted to get closer to Eli. I was afraid that he…” she trailed off into a sad shake of her head. I couldn’t blame her for questioning Eli, even if I knew it could never have been him. “But he doesn’t even know about it.”

  Seeming to sense how much her words had sent my reeling, she held off on any more unwanted knowledge for a moment and gently laid her hand on mine. “I don’t want to betray her,” she resumed after a minute, “but you need to know. Whatever happened is pretty much all she knows of relationships besides what she has with me and Eli, and what she had with her mom. There’s no telling what might trigger her, and if you aren’t careful, she will try to push you away when things get rough.”

  “What can I do?” I asked weakly.

  “I don’t know. Be patient. Be gentle. She’ll need that so much more than other women. Even if nothing goes wrong, there will be times where she’ll push you away anyway. She’s done it to all of us. If you think it’s happening, it’s probably not in your head. You can coax her back if you try. And in terms of sex… if she has any experience at all, it wasn’t… positive. Just,” she sighed, seeming unsure what to say, “tread lightly.”

  Alex looked as pale as I felt. Charlotte could have been… God I couldn’t even go there. Someone had hurt her worse than I even dared imagine.

  Both of our heads jerked up when we registered the sound of the shower shutting off. Alex stood. “I should get going,” she said before heading down the hall, presumably to say goodbye to Eli.

  When she emerged again, she offered a small, reassuring smile. “For what it’s worth, I think you might be just what she needs,” she said before leaving.

  Well, it felt like that was worth a great deal. It certainly helped me gain some confidence. I’d been freaked out about coming clean to Eli before. Now, with the weight of Alex’s revelation on my shoulders, I wasn’t even sure how to handle this. The only thing I knew was my focus had to be on Eli for the mo
ment.

  Eli finally made an appearance a minute later donning flannel pajama pants and a crummy t-shirt. “So what the hell couldn’t wait until the afternoon?” he grumbled as he poured a cup of coffee.

  Here goes nothing. “It’s Charlotte,” I dropped my head to stare at the carpet for the next words, “I couldn’t stay away.”

  “Fuck.” Eli set his cup down none too gently and pinched the bridge of his nose as though he was staving off a headache. I could feel the frustration billowing off of him.

  “Look, man, I tried to but–”

  He held up a hand to silence me. “I want the truth, right now. Is this just about fucking her? Or–”

  “No! Hell, no it’s not about that. I want to be with her. Only her. I think…” What did I think? What did I feel? It was so shocking and so painfully obvious.

  “I think I’m falling for her.”

  Eli stared at me like I had announced the pending apocalypse. I took a deep breath, deciding I just needed to lay it all out for him. “Look, I know my track record with woman is less than stellar.” There’s an understatement, I thought. Eli’s face reflected my own thoughts. “But Charlotte is different. She makes me want more. She makes me want to be the perfect fucking boyfriend because I know she deserves nothing less. When she smiles, I can’t look away. When she’s sad, I want to take on the whole damn world to make her happy. I’d lay down my own life before I’d let her be hurt again. Whatever happens, I just want what’s best for her.”

  There. I’d cut myself open and spilled it all out. I don’t know what I expected, but when I looked up at Eli, he seemed to be in shock. Several minutes passed in silence. Shit, say something.

  Then he was on his feet, walking away without another word. What the hell is he doing? At least he didn’t own a gun. A minute later, he stalked back into the room with a small box in his hand. He set it down on the coffee table between us.