Follow Me Back

by A. L. Jackson

  When the door closed behind him, I turned back to Evan and gathered his little hand in mine.

  Love came in so many forms.

  For moments and for lifetimes.

  Kale Bryant might have broken my heart.

  But he’d left me with the piece he knew I needed most.

  And that love?

  It’d come to us at the exact, perfect time.

  “My heart,” I whispered.

  Evan’s eyes twitched behind his lids.

  My heart.

  This little boy who would forever hold it.

  33

  Kale

  Blinding light glinted off my windshield. The Alabama summer was in full swing, the sun spraying darts of warmth across the green, abounding earth.

  My driver’s side window was cracked so I could take in every sense and sound.

  Sweet, sweet heat.

  Joy.

  The brightest light.

  Every cell in my body clenched.

  Painfully.

  Still, it was possibly the best feeling I’d ever experienced.

  From a distance where they wouldn’t notice me, I watched them.

  My heart threatened to jump right out of my chest when Hope slid out of the driver’s side and rounded the front of her SUV.

  She helped Evan out from the back passenger side.

  His homecoming was met with shouts and cheers from the porch where a ton of balloons swayed in the gentle breeze.

  Jenna, Josiah’s entire family—and a woman who had to be Hope’s mother—were waiting.

  Their excitement was palpable. Bubbling and binding to the atmosphere.

  Hand-in-hand, Hope and Evan walked through the gate of the white-picket fence and up the pathway.

  Their red, red hair glittered in the rays of sunlight that poured over them. It appeared like they were being drenched from above.

  Saturated with blessings.

  I could see Evan grin from across the space.

  I’d been wrong that day in my office when I thought his spirit was bright enough to fill the entire room. Truth was, it was bright enough to fill the entire sky.

  To light worlds and spark a million dreams.

  They headed up the walk.

  Maybe I tried to stop it, pretend it didn’t exist, that it wasn’t real. But that energy flashed, the attraction that had always been alive between Hope and me since the second I’d first caught sight of her.

  It sizzled through the air like a crack of lightning.

  I saw her spine stiffen in awareness. I thought maybe she tried to fight its existence before she gave and slowly turned to peer over her shoulder.

  Like the girl could feel me the same way I swore I could feel her.

  I swallowed around the emotion that knotted in my throat.

  Intense.

  Overwhelming.

  Brutal and beautiful.

  She stared back at me. The complexity of her expression was almost more than I could handle.

  Sadness and overwhelming, stunning joy.

  I met those mossy eyes, everything held in them so genuine and real.

  I had to curl my hands around the steering wheel to keep myself from flying out the door and running that way.

  Because fuck.

  I wanted to go to them.

  Wrap them up.

  Hold them and keep them.

  Instead, I sent her all my thoughts, hoping she could hear them. That she would tuck them away, hold them close to her sweet, sweet spirit.

  I’m so fucking happy for you and for Evan. For your amazing, incredible kid. For amazing, incredible you. I’m sorry I couldn’t have been better. That I wasn’t enough.

  My guts twisted as she stared back at me.

  Brutally.

  Because I wanted her. Wished for all the shit I’d been a fool to wish for in the first place.

  But seeing them this way?

  It was enough.

  It was two when I pulled into the gravel driveway of the little house. I killed the engine and then just . . . sat there. Trying to get myself together. To put a goddamned smile on my face.

  Tried to remember that this was what I lived for. My career and my friends that were really my family. They were supposed to be all I needed.

  Problem was, the only thing I felt was empty.

  Dropping my head, I squeezed the steering wheel and drew in a deep breath before I forced myself to open the door and get out. Milo was pawing and yapping at the window, almost as excited as the little whirlwind who came barreling out the door.

  Hair flying.

  Hugest smile on her face.

  She threw her arms in the air.

  “Uncle! You came, you came. I ’fought you forgot all abouts me.”

  Hit with a rush of that love I had for this kid, I swooped her up and hugged her close to my chest. “Forgot about you? What in the world would make you think that? You know I couldn’t forget about my favorite girl.”

  She giggled like she thought it was the best thing she’d ever heard. “I knows that.”

  Her eyes went wide, and her voice dropped conspiratorially. Like she was getting ready to let me in on a deep, dark secret. “But Daddy told Uncle Ollie they were gonna have to drag your mopey ass over here ’cause yous were gonna ditch us ’cause you been way, way downs in the dumps.”

  My brow rose. “They said that, huh?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Seems to me those two need to stop gossiping like a bunch of girls,” I muttered under my breath.

  Frankie Leigh made a horrified sound. “Gossip girls? Auntie Nikki loves Gossip Girl.”

  Could this conversation spiral any faster?

  “You don’t love girls, Uncle? I’m a girl. I ’fought you love me?”

  Yes. Yes it could.

  A sigh pilfered free. How was I supposed to dig my way out of that one? “Of course, I love girls, Sweet Pea. Girls are the best. I just don’t love my best friends who act like the gossiping kind.”

  “Likes my daddy and Uncle Ollie?”

  “Exactly.” I ruffled her hair. “And you know you shouldn’t say that word.”

  Her eyes doubled in size. “What? Mopey?”

  Rynna suddenly appeared in the doorway, holding Ryland to her chest.

  “You made it.”

  “Of course, I made it. Where else would I be?”

  Rynna gave me a look that said I was full of shit, all mixed with a load of sympathy. “We haven’t seen you in weeks. We weren’t sure you were going to be able to make it.”

  Her tone held a distinct undertone of concern.

  I settled Frankie Leigh on her feet and shoved a nervous hand through my hair. “Been busy.”

  That sympathy twisted on Rynna’s mouth. She knew full well what my definition of busy meant.

  I’d thrown myself into work in an attempt to forget.

  It was exactly like I’d done all those years ago. But this time, shoving it all down, hiding it in that secret, dead place, didn’t seem to work.

  It only seemed to emphasize the hollowed-out vacancy that throbbed inside me.

  A festering wound that didn’t get any smaller the more time that passed.

  It just gaped and yawned and expanded.

  Growing bigger each day.

  Six weeks had passed since I’d sat down the street from Hope’s house and watched Evan’s homecoming. Thing was, I couldn’t help but seem to torture myself. Thinking about them constantly. My car automatically slowing every time I drove by A Drop of Hope because I was desperate for just a glimpse.

  To see Evan whole and healthy.

  To see the joy etched on Hope’s face.

  Every patient I saw only reminded me of the brightest smile, those adorable bug eyes blinking at me from behind those thick glasses, fingers flying with silent words that hit me like the sweetest sound.

  Didn’t know what was worse—that or the nights I spent tossing and turning through the loneliness. Waking up aching, body
straining and hard, wanting Hope in a way that was almost depraved.

  Desperate and hopeless.

  Seconds from sending me over the edge.

  “Come on. Everyone’s already out back. Oh, and you’re officially on uncle duty,” Rynna said. Without a whole lot of warning, she was passing Ryland off to me.

  I took him in my arms.

  My chest grew tight at the feel of him.

  Squeezing and pressing and prodding.

  Instantly, he calmed, brown eyes staring up at me like he was trying to figure me out.

  Mesmerized.

  Or maybe that was just me.

  It was amazing the way this tiny thing immediately trusted me to protect him. To take care of him. Always do right by him.

  I gulped around the shards of glass that raked my throat.

  I wasn’t sure I knew what that meant anymore.

  “You do have the magic touch, don’t you?” Rynna asked over her shoulder as she turned and headed around the patio that wrapped around to the back of the house.

  Lillith, Brody, Nikki, and Ollie were already hanging out around the patio tables.

  Rex at the grill.

  I was struck with how similar it felt to that day all those weeks ago. Yet, every-fucking-thing was wrong.

  All wrong.

  Ollie grinned at me from where he sat at the table, sipping a beer. “Well, well, well, look who’s here. Here I thought you’d forgotten all about us.”

  I sent him a death glare. “So I heard.”

  Asshole was worse than a nagging mother, getting all up in my business like he belonged there.

  But I guessed the dude had earned a free pass since he’d been the one who’d shown up at the police station in the middle of the night to pick up my pathetic ass. He had driven me straight back to the hospital so I could get to Hope and Evan.

  The whole way, he hadn’t said a word. He’d just allowed me to be silent in my grief, his voice grating with sincerity just as I’d been jumping out the door. “So fuckin’ sorry, man. Know what they mean to you. What Melody meant to you. Know what you’re going through right now. If you need me, I’m just a call away. Don’t hesitate, brother.”

  I’d given him a tight nod before I’d bolted out.

  Because Ollie got it in a way I didn’t think anyone else could.

  I took a seat under one of the umbrellas and snuggled Ryland against my chest, lightly rocking him. The kid was out cold in about three seconds flat.

  Rynna passed by behind my chair, reaching out to touch my shoulder as she went. “I’m really starting to get a complex over that, you know?”

  I forced myself to smile. “Apparently the kid knows when he’s in the presence of greatness.”

  “I think he just knows when he’s safe.”

  A rush of grief threatened to strangle me. Suck me in and pull me under where I’d drown forever.

  Lost in just . . . nothingness.

  I swallowed around it, telling myself that this was the only thing I needed. My career and the people I cared about most.

  I settled into it.

  The warmth.

  The care.

  The love.

  I enjoyed the afternoon the best way I could.

  Rynna had taken Ryland to his crib so he could sleep, and I tried to sit back and relax. Listen to the conversations going on around me.

  Join in.

  Clearly, everyone was walking on eggshells. Watching me carefully.

  Waiting for me to break.

  No doubt, it was time I got over this shit. Put it behind me. Because I couldn’t go on like this forever.

  Rupturing.

  Hemorrhaging.

  Splintering, day by day.

  I ate my meal as if I didn’t have to force it down and then sat back to watch as Frankie Leigh twirled across the lawn, doing all these awkward jumps and leaps, which were so adorable it had my chest clenching again.

  I loved that little girl so much.

  Found it impossible not to think about her out there with Evan.

  He said he’s gonna marry her.

  Hope’s expression flashed through my mind.

  Adoration.

  Evan’s emphatic nod when I’d asked him what he’d thought about Frankie Leigh.

  A wistful smile pulled across my mouth.

  Unstoppable.

  That feeling I’d been fighting rose so quickly I was sure it was going to demolish me.

  Lay me to waste.

  That feeling I couldn’t afford to name. The one that kept pressing and prodding and picking me apart.

  Limb from goddamned limb.

  I sucked in a shuddered breath and tried to rein it in.

  Rex plopped down across from me. “You ready to talk about that?”

  He pointed at my face like my expression was evidence of some kind of crime.

  The conversation happening around me immediately fell into silence. Like every single one of them had been waiting for this moment.

  All eyes on me.

  I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.

  Had to wonder if I’d actually been invited over for a barbecue or if this was some kind of intervention.

  God knew, Rex had just put me on the spot.

  My head barely shook. “Don’t see that there’s much to talk about.”

  “Is that so?” His voice was incredulous.

  “Yup.” It was sharper than I intended.

  “Huh, seems awful backward to me, considering you’re the punk who never hesitates to set me straight.”

  I sipped my beer and turned my attention out across the lawn, to the wall of towering trees that blew in the wind. “And what exactly are you setting me straight about?”

  From my side, Ollie scoffed. “How about the fact you’re fucking miserable, man. Let’s start there.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Really?”

  “Really.”

  Nikki’s face pinched, her lips pursing together like she was stopping herself from unleashing on me.

  But it was Lillith who spoke from where she was snuggled up to Brody at the next table. “You don’t seem fine to me, Kale. Not at all.”

  Ollie pointed at her. “What she said.”

  I roughed a hand over the top of my head. “Just . . . don’t.”

  It came out a warning. I was about five seconds from jumping to my feet and bolting.

  “Don’t what?” Rex demanded, leaning in closer. “Make you open your eyes the way you’ve always done me? Last time I checked, you were zero bullshit, and now you’ve got bullshit written all over you.”

  “Told you a long time ago, all I need is you guys and my job. I was stupid to think that’d changed.”

  “What’s stupid is you thinking you don’t deserve to love.”

  That feeling was back. Pushing and pushing into my consciousness.

  Too fucking close.

  My heart stumbled in its tracks before it took off sprinting.

  Regret cinched down on every cell in my body, and my words dropped to next to nothing. “I failed them, man.”

  “Did you?” he challenged. “Because from what I know, it sounds a whole lot like you saved him.”

  “I missed it. I was his doctor, and I missed it.”

  Nikki exhaled, the sound almost pained as she scrambled around so she could meet my eye. “You think you missed it, Kale, but what if you hadn’t been his doctor? What if someone else had missed it, too, and they didn’t know him the way you did? What if you hadn’t gone to them the day you did? What then?”

  Sorrow clutched and gripped and bit. My soul feeling like it was being shredded.

  What if I hadn’t shown up when I had?

  I couldn’t process it. Couldn’t begin to fathom a fate that cruel.

  “It never should have happened in the first place.”

  Ollie’s brow pinched, and he tugged at his beard in frustration. “But it did, man. It did, and you were there, and you saved him. So maybe tha
t’s what you need to be focusing on instead of this bullshit excuse that you let them down.”

  His blue eyes beat against mine. “Unless you were just another asshole with a cold heart who was looking for an excuse to drop some chick and not look like a bastard doing it.”

  Spears.

  Straight through the goddamned heart.

  “You know that isn’t it.”

  “You sure about that?” he provoked. “Because I bet that’s exactly what that girl is thinking. Hell, she’s probably over there thinking you used her up and then tossed her aside. On to the next.”

  A growl rumbled in my chest.

  Rejection.

  Anger.

  “Fuck you, man, I love her.”

  I love her.

  The heated words were out before I could think through the impact.

  A motherfucking bomb that exploded in the air. Decimating me.

  Ollie rocked back in his chair. Satisfaction on his face. “That’s what I thought.”

  Unable to breathe, I dropped my face into my hands. Crushed anew. Or maybe I’d been right there all along. Like they thought.

  They’d been waiting for me to break.

  I guessed they’d gotten their fucking show.

  Because I was.

  I was fucking broken.

  I could feel Ollie leaning in closer, his voice dropping. “You can be pissed at us, man. I get it. Kick my ass if you need to. But I’m willing to take on your wrath if it’ll get you to admit the truth.”

  Bitterness soured on my tongue. “Yeah, and what’s that?”

  “That you’re fucking scared, man. Scared to love again. To fail someone when you’re the first asshole to run in and save them.”

  I opened my eyes to find Frankie Leigh had appeared at my side. She cocked her head in question. “Yous scared, Uncle Kale? ’Cause Cap’in ’merica is never scared.”

  She tapped her little finger to her chin like she’d just been struck with an epiphany. “Wait a minute . . . maybe he is scared, and he saves all the people anyway.”

  She looked to Rynna who was standing just off to the side. “Right, Mommy? That’s what brave is, being scared and doing what’s right anyway because you love someone so, so much?”

  Rynna ran her fingers through Frankie’s wild, wild hair. “That’s right, Sweet Pea. Being brave is being afraid and doing what is right anyway. Just like when your daddy ran into the fire to save us . . . he was scared, but he knew he would do whatever it took to save us. He came right when we needed him most.”