Besides, there is far too much at stake to let feelings get involved.
When I pull myself together enough to enter the house, Jake is sitting on the couch with his head in his hands.
He doesn't look up as I sit down next to him. "Are you okay? Is Jamie okay?"
"Yeah... Yes, she's sleeping," he sighs, rubbing his eyes, "Kye won't let me in right now so... I'm sitting here... thinking... Stupid Kye."
I laugh a little at his animosity. "It's because he loves her. He's protecting her. Even if it is from his best friend."
"I know. I know... I guess, if it's anybody, I'm glad it's him. I know that he'll take care of her when I can't. I just wish he'd let me talk to her." He grimaces his teeth and drops his head back into his hands.
"Don't worry, you'll still get to talk to her. Give her some time to come out of her fever. Let her start feeling better." I smile, placing my hand on his back and rubbing lightly.
"Yeah," he nods, "you're right. I feel like I need to do something."
Jake jumps off the couch and begins pacing back and forth as Kye comes out of his room.
"What do you think about possibly making a trip back to my town?" I ask tentatively.
"Is your town safe?" Jake stops his pacing to look at me again. Kye sits down at the table, taking in our conversation.
"I... I don't know. But I think there's a lot we could get from South River."
"Like what?" Kye asks, eyebrows raised.
"Well first off, the safe room I stayed in before everything went down, and the lab my parents worked at. Mom gave me her badge and codes, so I have access to their offices. We can get a few supplies from the cellar, but I was thinking: my dad tried to send messages through his work emails to my mom. Maybe he has sent more; it's not like he knows my mom is dead."
Kye only watches me as I speak but I can see the gears turning in Jake’s head.
"Look, we need more of the cure and we need to figure out how to stop this. Maybe we'll find something useful from it." I finish.
"What do you do you mean, 'we' need to figure out how to stop this? This isn't a 'we' problem. It's a 'them' problem." Kye says and I can see anger rising inside him.
"She might be right, Kye," Jake starts, "I didn't think so the first few times she said it but now that we used the last cure, I'm finally starting to understand what's at stake."
"What are you talking about? You're messing with me, right!?" Kye is on his feet, "We've been there, Jake. We were there, she wasn't. There was nothing we could do." Kye tosses his hand in my direction, giving me a treacherous look, "Now she's talking about trying to go up against them and you're suddenly on board? What, we should march back in there and say we didn't mean to go AWOL?"
"Come on, Kye, you know me better than that. That's not what this is."
"There is no way in hell I would let Jamie go there, so what are you even--"
"Stop!" I interject, "Just stop. Kye, I know you are only thinking about Jamie right now, but this is so much bigger than the four of us. I'm sorry I said 'we' when I should have said ‘me’. I will do it. I'll go back to South River and try to communicate with my dad. I'll figure out how to get on base by myself. I don't need any of you to put yourself on the line."
"Emma, no--"
"You can't tell me no. I'm sorry, Jake, but it's not your decision. I love you all and I am so thankful for everything that I've learned and gained from you, but I can't let my dad and Lauren stay there. I can't sit idly by anymore while they destroy us.
"And I can almost guarantee you that I am not the only person who feels this way. I need to make the right connections. When I get back, I'll have more of the cure and I'll be able to readily make it, and I'll have other people who want the same thing as me. If you still don't want any part of it then, Kye, fine. You can wait it out, but it's going to happen one way or another." Neither of them says anything for a moment as I stare determinedly at them.
"You're not going anywhere, Emma. At least not yet. You need time to formulate a plan if you’re going to do this and we could really use some more supplies. Why don't we go to South River and try to do some recon? We'd get things we need, and you can check your dad's work email. It can help you come up with your plan of action. It's a win, win," Jake offers, trying to calm me.
"But what if we go and find nothing, then it's a wasted trip for us?" Kye says.
"Unless someone got to the town before us, there is bound to be something there, even if it's only food. They turned everyone left in town into Ragers the day we escaped."
"You go," Kye says, shaking his head. "I'm sorry for being an ass, but she's not up to it and probably won't be for a while. You two go and we'll stay. I think you and Emma can manage it. You saved Jamie's life. You've got this," his tone softens towards me.
"Emma, it's not the right time. Please, give me a few days with Jamie. Let me try to talk to her and then, I promise, we will go. Can you do that?" Jake has his hands folded towards me like he's praying.
"Yeah... of course. I'm sorry. I want to make sure she's okay too. Really though, if you need more time, I can do this on my own. It's okay."
"No, please. I want to be with you. I will be there with you."
Chapter 30
The stiff summer air seeps through the windows and under the doors, making the entire trailer feel like a furnace. It's June. Summer has really just begun and it's only going to get hotter. How do they make it through the thick of it like this?
The house is quiet. I must be the first one to wake. A wake caused by sticky sweat soaking through my t-shirt. It's the only thing I wear outside of my bra and underwear. It's too uncomfortable with any more clothes on. I can only imagine needing to sleep completely naked when it warms even more. I sit up in bed, pulling the clinging shirt off of my sweaty chest and searching for something, anything to fan myself off with.
Jamie is still sleeping in Kye's room for now. An argument that Jake has begrudgingly had to let go of. She refuses to sleep without him. For the first few days there was no talking to her. She was torn between fits of rage and bursting into tears any time anyone so much as looked at her.
Jake still has not been able to talk to her about their father and sending the money. She has barely looked him in the eyes. I can see how much it's hurting Jake. It's also a big reason why I haven't pushed him into going to South River or letting me go on my own. I know Jamie is still healing, but I feel like a ball of nerves as I struggle with a voice inside my head telling me that I need to go. It keeps nagging away at me. That means it's probably Mom pushing me to go.
Ugh! I cannot stand this stupid heat anymore. I fly off of the bed and march down the hallway to the front door. I turn the knob more loudly than I intended, pushing my way outside in a haste. It's hot out here as well, but at least it's not stuffy and rigid. The grass is dewy under my feet as I plop down off of the bottom step. I relish in the coolness it brings, allowing myself this treat for a brief moment as a light wind blows through the air.
Jake may end up killing me for this, I think as I round the corner of the house and stand in front of the generator, oh well. I lower myself to the ground, searching its side for the switch and turning it on. I've never turned the generator on before and I feel like I may be overstepping my bounds, but I cannot take another minute in that stuffy room.
Hearing the hum of the generator come to life, calms my nerves instantly. It clears my head of the overwhelming insanity I was feeling. As I step back inside the door, I can feel the AC working already and I find the nearest vent to stand over, letting the cool air blow up my t-shirt.
"Feeling better, now?"
My head snaps up to see Jake standing at the foot of the hallway. He wears a smirk on his face and a glint in his grey eyes that makes me feel warm.
"Jake! Ugh... Yes! I'm sorry. I was burning up back there! I couldn't take it any longer. Sorry."
He laughs softly at me and I watch his bare chest as it purrs with beneath his quiet laughter.
He's almost as naked as me as he stands in nothing more than black boxer briefs. They sit low on his hips, showing off the V-shape in his stomach and hugging tightly to his form.
"Just so you know," he drops his voice into a low teasing purr, "I can see your butt."
"What? Oh God," I reach for my t-shirt, feeling it blowing up to the small of my back. I step off the vent, feeling pink in the face. "Well, I can see your... everything." I fire back, pointing at the way his boxer briefs hug him.
Jake's smile drops for a moment as he casts a downward glance at himself, "Whoops. Sorry." he drops his hands down to cover himself, as we both break into laughter.
"I should, I mean, we should, both probably go get dressed," I say, still feeling a bit hot.
"Yeah, probably."
I turn my back to him and walk towards my room not even thinking as I cross right over the air vent. It blows my shirt up again, giving Jake one last peep at my backside.
"Don't say a word!" I turn, wriggling my finger at him as I stumble backwards to my room. I can still hear him laughing as I close my bedroom door behind me.
My stomach is full of butterflies as I lean against the door, feeling giddy and nervous at the same time. I would be completely mortified if it weren't for the fact that he seemed to enjoy seeing me half-naked as much as I enjoyed seeing him that way.
Focus, Emma, you don't have time to go falling in love.
Is that what this is? Am I falling in love with him?
No. I can't be. I... I don't have time for this. I'm leaving here soon. I can't let anything keep me from getting on base. Not even Jake. Not even love.
****
"Knock, knock," I call as I tap on Kye and Jamie's bedroom door. The sun is beginning to set again and, while I've done my best to avoid Jake as much as possible since this morning, I know I can't do it forever. I need him. Kye is still being overprotective of Jamie and I really need to get to South River. I've got to get Jake and Jamie to talk so he will feel comfortable coming back home with me.
"Come in, Emma," Jamie's muffled voice answers through the wood door.
"How are you feeling?" I close the door behind me and migrate to the bed, sitting on the edge to talk to her.
"Better," she shrugs. "Happy to see you. I know I haven't been able to get out much over this week, but I want you to know how grateful I am to you. I was ridiculously stupid. I was caught up in the nostalgia of picking berries and not paying attention at all. I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for you. Thank you."
"Jamie, you're my friend, no, you're more than that. You're my family. I've got your back, always."
She leans forward, bringing me into a hug, "Love you, girl."
"Love you, too." Once we pull out of the hug, I take her hand and give her a meaningful look, "Jamie, don't you think it's time to talk to Jake?"
"Emma, I can't–"
"Jamie, please, you know him better than that. You know he would part the waters to take care of his family. Why would he not send you the money? Don't you want to give him a chance?"
"It's not that. I... I feel so terrible for the way I treated him. It wasn't fair. I don't think I can look him in the eyes and tell him that because I'm also still mad as hell. Maybe it isn't entirely his fault, but he does deserve some of the blame otherwise it's all on me."
"And maybe the blame lies somewhere else entirely. Please, he's hurting as much as you are. He's angry too. You both need this. You need to help each other heal. I think you know that."
She nods her head, wiping a small tear from the corner of her eye. When she does this, I can see so much of her brother in her mannerisms. I thought I was coming in here, gunning for them to make amends so Jake would feel ready to leave Jamie and Kye for the trip. Deep down though, I know I was hoping for this because I can't stand to see them both so lost. They need each other.
"Okay," Jamie says, picking herself up out of bed a little bit, "Can you please tell him I am ready to talk to him now?"
"Yes. Of course. I'll send him in." I give her a reassuring smile as I close the door behind me.
Jake is sitting at the table with Kye, they are talking about needing to go hunting within the next few days so we have new fresh food to eat.
"Hey," I interrupt, placing my hand on Jake's shoulder and looking down into his sharp face. "Jamie would like to talk to you."
"Wait, really?" He bounces to his feet, swooping in swiftly to kiss my cheek. "Thank you. For whatever you said to her."
I watch as he disappears into Kye's room, sinking into his chair at the click of the door closing.
When I turn to Kye, he's staring at me with his usual smug grin.
"What?"
"Oh, nothing." He purses his lips, biting his tongue from whatever he was about to say. First time for everything.
"Can we just play cards or something?”
Kye and I have already played three games of Crazy Eights and are in the midst of our second game of Old Maid by the time the bedroom door creaks open again. My hands slip as I try to stand, spilling my cards across the table. I reach for them frantically but only manage to knock my glass of water over instead.
"Crap!"
The water races across the wobbly table, soaking the cards and then dropping into puddles on the floor.
"Little Red strikes again. We can train her up, teach her better strength and agility, but you can't get the clumsy out of her," Kye teases, watching me rush to the closet door in search of towels to clean the mess.
"Shut up, Kye," Jake and I laugh together. I toss a towel to each of them and Kye goes to work cleaning the table while Jake and I wipe up the floor.
"How'd it go?" I ask delicately once we are finished. My eyes search his face, trying to read him but he keeps his expression rigid. It stings slightly. Like it is directed at me instead of the conversation with his sister.
"It went fine," he finally says, softening a bit to let me in, "at least as well as I could have hoped for."
"Are y'all okay? Are you okay?"
"Yes, we're okay. Does that mean you want to go to South River tomorrow?" his tone is a mix between being light and being somewhat biting. He's noticed. They've all noticed. I've been so obnoxious about leaving.
I slid onto my behind, dropping my head as I knead the wet, brittle towel between my fingers. My cheeks feel red with embarrassment and I have to calm my nerves before I can speak again.
"I'm sorry... you're right. You don't even have to say it, you're right. I've been such a terrible friend these past few days. Instead of focusing on Jamie, on you... I've only focused on my own plans. I'm sorry for letting my stubbornness and pride get in the way.
"Yes, I do want to go to South River and yes, I eventually want to get on the base. But… I'm not going to do anything unless the time is right for us. We are a team first. I'm sorry for not behaving like I’m part of it. We won't go anywhere unless you're ready and Jamie and Kye are okay with it."
Jake stands up and then offers me a helping hand off the floor.
"Thank you. And for what it's worth," he searches my eyes as he talks, "I know your intentions are good. We all do. And what you are trying to do; it's the right thing. You may have gone about it the wrong way."
"I'm sor–"
"It's okay," he laughs lightly, "And I am ready. We can leave tomorrow."
"Are you sure? Kye, are you okay with this? And Jamie?”
"I'm good if Jamie's good." Kye holds up a sopping wet Queen of hearts, "while you're at it, how about finding us a new deck of cards."
Chapter 31
My stomach feels like a deep dark pit as we drive past the torn down fence into downtown South River. It's an eerie, morbid feeling being back in my hometown.
The clouds are dark and overcast today, a storm is brewing in the electrifying atmosphere up above. It's like the day I left.
Downtown is very much like I remember. Most of it is fine and intact, but places here and there show obvious signs of abandonment. Some even show mild
vandalism.
I guide Jake through the deserted streets, making our way to the bridge. As we near the overpass, my mouth drops. I expected the gate to still be up, preventing us from driving across.
"Wait," nausea rises to my throat as I look at the cleared path to South River, "this was closed. Both gates when I left. I had to jump the fence and swim across the river. Why would it be open now?" My heart drops, wondering if I took us right into a trap.
"I'm sure it's fine. They probably came back to clean up some of the mess."
"Do you really think so? I don't want us to be walking into something."
"You said the lab is right on the other side of the bridge, right?"
"Yeah, basically."
"Okay, so why don't we park the jeep here, at the foot of the bridge, and walk to the lab. If everything looks normal, we'll walk back and get the jeep to keep going. If something is wrong, at least we'll be able to get out easily enough. Does that work for you?" he asks in a calming, logical tone. His equanimity helps me gain my own composure.
"Yes... Okay, let's do it."
Jake parks the jeep to the side of the bridge and double checks himself to make sure he has everything he needs. I do the same, feeling my gun secured on my hip, reaching for Will's knife in my shoe and Mom and Dad's work badges, still tucked into my back pocket.
We walk across the empty bridge, trying to take everything in, to see if we notice anything suspicious or out of the ordinary. The walk can't be more than twenty feet, but it feels like an eternity of having nothing to hide behind for protection if we need it.
Nothing comes though. We walk the bridge into my part of town with no problem. My heart beats faster now with anticipation. Up ahead is Mrs. Wells' car. Exactly as it was after the crash. The doors hang open on both sides and I see Mom and I crawl out of the wreckage in my mind.
Maybe it's completely irrational, but my skin starts to crawl as we round its side. My nerves seem to be fleeing faster than I can regain them. What if I see her? What if she turned instead of died? The monster version of her from my nightmares floods my vision and I drop to the ground in a crumbling heap.
A Whisper in the Flame (The Ragers Series Book 1) Page 21
