Since I Found You (Crystal Springs Romances: The Wedding Chapel Book 2)

by Mary Jane Morgan

  Paige let the age-yellowed page flutter to her lap. Her father hadn’t needed to own a house for her to visit. Besides, he could have always come here to see her. Forcing back tears, Paige picked up a postcard with the picture of a blue ocean and pristine sandy beaches. She turned it over.

  Paige, I’m in sunny California on a business trip. You would love it here. Maybe someday I can bring you out here for a real vacation. Dad

  Or you could have come here to see me. Paige wondered if he had ever asked her mom if his daughter could come visit him. She needed to know and was determined to find out. Her hands shook as she reached for another folded piece of paper. She opened it and realized this note had been written on a hotel memo pad.

  Paige, I know it’s been a while since I’ve written, but I have been busy traveling with my job. When I return home from this trip, I will call. I promise. Dad

  Paige crumbled the piece of paper up and threw it on the floor. Why had he even written these notes? He obviously had never intended to follow through on his promises.

  Either that or her mother had never responded to him. Paige’s stomach knotted. She narrowed her eyes, wondering if it were possible her mom had forbidden her dad to come see her. Goodness knows, her mom harbored resentment where her ex was concerned. Paige picked up his letters and re-read them, realizing as she did that it was possible her mom had been telling the truth when she said she’d kept these from her to protect her. Keeping his letters from her had definitely shielded her from the knowledge that her father would never make a real effort to be a part of her life.

  Tears seeped out of Paige’s eyes. Dropping the letters, she buried her face in her hands and cried until her eyes were gritty and burning. Grabbing a tissue, she blew her nose, picked up her phone and swiped her mom’s name.

  She answered on the second ring. “You must have read the letters,” her mother stated.

  Paige could barely answer through her constricted throat. “Yes. Why did you keep these from me?”

  “I told you. I only meant to protect you. Oh, honey, I didn’t want you to get your hopes up. I knew what kind of man your father was. He was never any good at following through with his promises, and I wanted so much to save you from ever knowing he never intended to follow through with those notes.” The ball of tension in Paige’s stomach eased somewhat. “Right now, I’m not sure it was the right thing to do,” her mom continued. “I know you feel horrible, but after Justin asked about your dad, I knew in my heart it was time you knew the truth. Past time. I should have been more sensitive to your need for some kind of closure.”

  Paige swallowed back tears of both sadness and relief. “Did he ever even ask if he could come see me?”

  “Only the two times he came,” her mom answered softly. “I’m sorry, honey. I did what I thought was best at the time.”

  Paige pressed a hand against her aching heart. “I know. I guess I’m glad you finally gave me his letters. I’ll probably be glad at some point to have all this out in the open, but right now, I can barely stand that the man who fathered me didn’t care to keep contact with me.” Paige bit her lower lip. “At least I finally know my father was the one lacking, not me.”

  “Oh, Paige, you were such a sweet little girl. I so much wanted to spare you pain, but I didn’t spare you anything. Even though I was wrong, please believe I did what I thought was best.”

  “Do you ever hear from him?” Paige asked, not sure if she wanted an answer but not able to keep the question bottled up inside her another minute.

  “Not for years. Last I knew, he was in Nebraska. Said he was about to come into some money. I knew the minute he said those words that nothing had changed. Or ever would change. I know how difficult it is to hear this, because it broke my heart every time I got those letters.”

  Paige swallowed past the lump in her throat. “I need to go now.” She had to get off this phone before she totally broke down and made her mom feel even worse.

  “Paige?”

  “What?” Paige asked, her voice thin and shaky.

  “I love you.”

  “I love you too, Mama.” Paige hit disconnect and curled up in a tight ball on the couch. What kind of a man would write his little girl with promises he had no intention of keeping? No wonder her mom hated him and had kept his letters from her. Paige would have gotten her hopes up, counted the days waiting for her father to come, only to have him not show up. The two times he did come to see her, had been a surprise.

  Paige’s heart broke, yet even as she grieved, a part of her felt relief to know it had been her father who had failed her and not the other way around. The realization that when she’d chosen to marry Derrick, she’d, unknowingly, picked a man like her dad, hit her square in the stomach.

  Another flood of tears came, and with it a part of Paige that had been balled in a tight knot for years, began to ease. After a long cry, she stood and went to the bathroom to rinse her face in cold water and brush her teeth. She wished she could crawl back in bed for the entire day, but she had work, and she’d never been so glad for that in her life.

  Blowing out an exhausted breath, she headed for the kitchen to brew some much-needed coffee. She had a long day ahead of her, and it was just as well. It would keep her mind occupied. Keep her from thinking too much about her deadbeat dad’s letters as well as worrying over why Justin hadn’t called her since dropping her home a couple of days ago. He’d promised they would work this out, but she hadn’t heard a word from him. He had to know his silence would hurt her, yet still he hadn’t called.

  She flipped on the coffee pot then headed for the shower, never so grateful to have a busy, rewarding career and people who counted on her. She turned on the shower and stepped under the hot spray, letting the water pelt down on her tense muscles.

  Not until the water started to cool did she step out and wrap a towel around herself. Maybe Justin would call today. And maybe he wouldn’t. But if he thought for one minute she would call him, he had sorely misjudged her.

  * * *

  Justin’s nerves sizzled like a lit firecracker as he pulled his car into Paige’s driveway and turned the engine off. Striding up to her front door, he punched the doorbell then waited with all the patience of a race horse in the starting gate for her to open the door.

  It seemed like forever before she did. “Hi,” he said softly, thinking she looked exhausted. He guessed he wasn’t the only one who hadn’t been able to sleep much these last few days.

  “Hi yourself.” She studied him, fatigue and sadness lining her face. She glanced at the dozen red roses he held, then returned her gaze to his face. “Come in,” she said, stepping back.

  He hesitated briefly before entering, acute uneasiness filling him. “I’m sorry it took me a few days to get my head on straight,” he said, handing her the roses.

  She held them up to her face and took a deep breath. “Thank you. They’re beautiful.”

  “Not as beautiful as you,” he said, running a hand down her arm. “Want to tell me what’s wrong?”

  She turned away and his heart dropped. She took a crystal flower vase from one of the kitchen cabinets and added water, then set the flowers on the counter. “They really are beautiful,” she said, a catch in her voice.

  “Paige, look at me.” Taking her elbow, he turned her to him.

  She squeezed her eyes shut then pulled in a long breath. “A lot has happened in two days, Justin. It’s been both upsetting and enlightening, and you not calling didn’t help matters.”

  “Why didn’t you call me? Justin asked, a frown on his face. “You have to know I would have been there for you.”

  “I know no such thing.” Her lips thinned. “And just so you know. Your assurance that everything would be okay with us, that you merely needed some space, was of no help as I waited for you to call. Did you ever stop to think that not hearing from you would make me fear you’d changed your mind?”

  “That never occurred to me,” he said, her words s
hocking him. “I wanted to be positive before I contacted you.”

  “My point exactly. You were not positive. You’ve left me in limbo without a single word of contact. How do you think that’s made me feel?”

  He felt the blood drain from his face. “The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you, Paige.”

  “So now you’re here ready to start things back up because you’ve made your decision?” She crossed her arms over her stomach.

  “Yes,” he responded with caution, realizing he’d been so wrapped up with his own misgivings, that he hadn’t done right by her. She gave a slow blink but said nothing. He tugged her toward him. “Come here, Paige. I love you and I want a life with you.”

  Tears filled her emerald green eyes—eyes that held pain not joy—and he had no idea how to make the pain that he’d caused go away. He wrapped his arms around her and stroked her back, welcoming her familiar flowery scent. He breathed deep, needing to fill himself with her very essence. “I’m so sorry I didn’t call. You’re all I’ve thought about these last few days.”

  She pulled in a shaky breath and finally encircled his waist and leaned into him. “Let’s go sit and talk,” he suggested. Taking her hand, he led her to the couch and sat, pulling her down beside him and tucking her close. He was grateful and relieved beyond words when she didn’t object. “I should have touched base with you. I’d told you I loved you, so I figured you’d know I would call.”

  She leaned back and glared at him. “When you’re waiting on a decision that’s as big as the decision you were making, I knew I couldn’t count on anything.” He started to speak, but she held up a hand. “You didn’t know what your decision would be when you last saw me. If you’d known, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation.”

  “But you knew I loved you. Surely you knew I wouldn’t simply walk away without a word.”

  “How would I know that?” she asked, her voice rising and her eyes narrowing. “Every man in my life has walked away from me, starting with my father.”

  He flinched at her words, saw both her anger and her hurt, and knew she was right. Feeling ashamed, he glanced down at his lap then back up at her, hating the pain he saw on her face. “I was wrong to not call you. I apologize and I’m sorry I hurt you. I never, ever wanted to hurt you, Paige.”

  She rested her head on the back of the sofa with a weary sigh, all her anger seeming to evaporate. He scooted down and settled his head on the back of the sofa next to hers. Taking her hand, he kissed each fingertip, then settled their hands on his leg. And waited.

  It seemed like forever before she spoke. “My mother brought me a few pictures of my dad. Along with some letters—or more like notes—he’d written me.”

  Justin sat up and turned toward her. “And?”

  She shrugged, then pointed to the end table beside him. “Feel free to look. I hate to say it, but I can see some resemblance between him and me. Go ahead, read the promises he made but never kept.”

  No wonder she was so upset with how he’d treated her. Justin picked up the envelope and pulled everything out, thumbing through the pictures first. “There is definitely some resemblance. He might be a jerk, but he’s a handsome jerk.” Paige barely cracked a smile. He opened the first letter and read it, then the next and finally the last, which looked like it had been crumpled up. Good God this was depressing. The man was a total loser. “These letters have everything to do with him and nothing to do with you. I hope you can see that. The guy obviously has some pretty big issues.”

  “I’m starting to realize that,” she said after a few beats of silence. “But he’s my dad, and he didn’t even care enough about me to not lead me on. To not give me false hope. What kind of person does that?”

  A person who is scared, Justin thought. “A person who wants to look good to the world because he knows deep down he’s a sack of shit.” Justin set the pictures and letters aside. “The man was obviously pretty messed up, Paige. He was a total idiot. How could anyone not love you, honey?” Guilt clawed through Justin. How could he have been so callous as to not call her these last couple of days? To wallow in his own sorrow and not reach out to this wonderful woman? Justin tugged Paige to him. “How do you feel about your mom giving you this stuff?”

  “Knowing your father never loved you is horrible. But it’s probably best I know, so I can quit hoping for some kind of reunion.”

  Justin heard the hurt in her voice, felt her pain as she spoke. “I’m sure he loved you on some level, but a man who doesn’t like or respect himself, doesn’t have love to give, not even for his own child.” He paused, at a loss for words and wishing he could help her in some way. “Have you talked with your mom about this?”

  Paige pulled away from him. “Some. At first I was furious with her for keeping his notes from me, but she explained that she’d kept them hidden to protect me.”

  “I get that,” Justin said, playing with Paige’s long, slender fingers. “It would be horribly hurtful, and your mom loves you.” Justin truly couldn’t imagine going through what Paige had. “For what it’s worth, I think you’re about as loveable as they come,” he said, kissing her temple.

  Sassy crawled into Paige’s lap and made herself comfortable. She stroked the kitten. “You’re prejudiced,” she finally said with a sigh, and he could feel some of her tension abating.

  “Damn right I am. You mean the world to me.”

  Her eyes met his. “It helps to talk about it. I guess holding everything inside you isn’t a smart move.”

  “Yeah,” Justin answered. “At least that’s what Logan keeps saying. Guess the shrink probably knows what he’s talking about.”

  Sassy jumped off Paige’s lap and wandered into the kitchen. With a heavy sigh, Paige rested her head on his shoulder. “I’m glad you’re here. The flowers really are lovely.”

  He ran his fingers through her hair, letting if fall in soft waves back to her shoulder. “I’m glad I’m here, too. I’ve missed you. A lot.”

  “I’ve missed you, too.”

  He pulled her snug against him, glad to hear those words. “You still want to babysit Jaxon with me Friday night?”

  “Of course,” she said, giving him a ‘get real’ look.

  “Just making sure. I figured as much, but it’s good to hear it.”

  She settled her head back on his shoulder. “I’ll have to take my own car, though, in case I get called in to deliver a baby.”

  He hugged her closer and rested his chin on the top of her head. “So, are we good now?” He felt her stiffen for a fleeting second and wondered why. “You still mad at me?”

  “You think I was mad?” she asked, straightening. “I was hurt. Big difference, Justin.”

  He felt chastised. “I know that, but this was something we needed to work out, Paige, before we could go forward.”

  “This was something you needed to work out, Justin. Not me.”

  “You’re right,” he admitted. “I wish I would have handled this differently.”

  “That makes two of us,” she said. Her eyes flashed anger, covering the need and desire he’d seen earlier. His own anger flared.

  He pulled her to him and kissed her hard, ravaging and taking until she whimpered with need, and just like that his anger dissipated. He softened the kiss and ran his hands up and down her rigid back. Paige was right. He was the one who had needed to work things out. He was the one who had kept her at arm’s length.

  He broke the kiss, his breathing ragged. “I love you, Paige. Don’t ever doubt that. I screwed up, and I wish I hadn’t, but my feelings for you never changed.”

  She didn’t say anything, merely wrapped her arms around him and kissed him with an urgency that had his brain dissolving into a puddle of need. Picking her up, he carried her to the bedroom and gently laid her down on the bed. Never taking his eyes off her, he stripped out of his clothes and then helped her do the same. And as they made slow, sweet love, Justin did his best to shove down the niggling sadness tha
t refused to quit haunting him.

  Chapter Twelve

  Paige pulled up in front of Jillian and Stan’s house, eager to help Justin babysit, even though something had seemed off with him all week. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but it was there nonetheless. Their relationship had never quite returned to normal, even though he’d repeatedly said he loved her, and their love making had been as passionate as ever.

  Was it her? Or was it him?

  Being with him was still wonderful, but there were times she felt as if they were no longer in sync—and she couldn’t help but worry about why.

  She turned her car off. She needed to quit worrying about this, but couldn’t seem to do that. Justin had been wonderful to her whenever they’d been together or visited on the phone this week, but he was different somehow, and she wasn’t sure how to get things back to the way they were. Or if she even could.

  She got out of her car, her stomach knotted as she walked up the front steps. She lifted her hand to ring the doorbell, but Justin opened the door before she could hit the button, his finger to his lips. He pulled her inside. “He’s asleep. Jillian said he’s been fussy all day, so I’d just as soon keep him sawing logs.”

  “You telling me you don’t want to deal with a fussy baby?”

  Justin gave an exaggerated shudder. “The night is way young, so I’d just as soon hold off on that as long as possible. Stan and Jillian haven’t left yet. She’s running behind because of Jaxon. Let’s go to the den. Claire and Sam are here. They’re all going out to dinner. Shall I give them a curfew?” he teased, leaning in and kissing her.

  “Definitely,” Paige said when they came up for air, feeling happy because Justin seemed a lot more like himself tonight.

  He took hold of her hand and led the way to the den. “I hope like hell you don’t get called in tonight to deliver a baby.”

  “You’re the one who volunteered,” she reminded him.