Each time Mistress Sue awakened and asked for her son, Always would take the blue-eyed baby to her to hold a moment. She said Mistress Sue was too weak to hold it long or to open the blanket and fondle the baby. She always took it home with her at night, or if she stayed in the main house to be close to the mistress, the babies slept with her. In this way the wound healed each day. No one knew it was there but Always. She was considered by all to be a perfect slave to her Mistress. And, in this way, Sue grew to love the little blue-eyed baby boy. Her son.
Sue had noticed in passing that both the babies looked alike. Something inside her twinged, but her faith in what Always had never said kept her from dwelling on it. Both babies were white. That was natural to her when she thought of travelers and the Master of the plantation Always had come from. Besides, she knew her son was hers because of his blue eyes.
When Doak did finally return, ecstatic at the birth of his son and the new slave-son, he ordered Always to leave his son in his house. Not outside in some nigger shack. She could always go home to tend her own as best she could. But stay in the main house til Mistress Sue was able to care more for their son, whose name was now Master Doak Butler, the Third, tho they called him Doak Jr. Doak was glad to see his wife’s son had blue eyes. So there would be no misunderstanding by Mrs. Butler. Now, the burn was healed, was only a mole anyway. Always named her son “Soon.” But she took care of both of em.
Master Doak, the Third, was wrote up in the family Bible and given a doctor’s certificate. Soon was wrote down in the account book as a slave with his estimated value. These two sons grew up together. Played together, slept together sometimes, ate together sometimes, said their prayers together sometimes. Was friends most times. That’s the reason Soon was never sold, his friend the Young Master loved him and wanted him there. So he was the one Always was able to keep with her. Her others, my grandchildren, as they was born and got to be bout five or six years old, was sold. Was four more of em; all was Master Doak’s children with Always.
When the children was sold and the money used to buy more land or somethin for the land, Always named whatever was bought by the name of her child. So there was fields named Lester, Ruby, and Lark, and a whole lotta cows named Satti. But these came later, when, under the invisible hand of Always and the cripple body of Masr Jason, the farm did better and better. Grew. The fields just abundant with growth, healthy. The livestock growing and healthy. Chickens givin eggs and meat to sell. Cows givin milk and meat to sell. Money comin in. Both Always and Masr Jason cachin some away, buryin it.
While all these things was goin on, Mistress Sue got better, but she never got really well. In about two and a half years or three she was pregnant again, but she was so thin and weak still. She truly loved her son Doak and clung to him much of the time. That’s another reason he got most whatever he wanted and was able to keep Soon with him.
Sue had watched Always have two more babies. She tried to think they were Jason’s, cause he was gettin stronger all the time. She knew, and she didn’t know, the truth. Maybe just didn’t want to know the truth. She depended a lot on Always and even still liked her cause Always was loyal in every other way she could be.
That’s why, too, I think, she tried to have another baby for her husband. She was giving birth to the child, a baby girl it was, and it died as she died. Never knowing what her second child was or who her first child really was. Her death liked to kill Doak. He loved his wife and his blue-eyed son.
Everyone missed her because she had been kind. But Doak grieved and grieved and grieved, and made Always move back into the house. Altho Always gave birth to his children, it was for business reasons, not for love, so he didn’t count them to be much to him. They was for work, or sale.
Master Doak was miserable and lonely. Used now to a sweet white wife, he wanted another one so he could go off and leave her all the time like he done the first one. He was drinkin quite a bit in his misery and one day, after ten months of loneliness and in the middle of a drunk, he rode back to SwallowLand to seek a wife. Loretta in fact.
Loretta and Virginia grown older, were still there. Loretta, waiting for gentry, Virginia waitin for anybody her mother would accept.
He asked for Loretta’s hand and it was given him so fast, he was engaged before he fully realized he had been accepted. He was asked to stay a week, they wasn’t gonna let him get away, you see? Loretta didn’t love him, but he was close to gentry as she had seen in a long time on her poor farm.
They gathered food, flowers, material for a weddin dress and a preacher. In a week they had a family gatherin in the now shabby livin room and they married. Virginia cut her eyes back and forth between Loretta and Young Mistress, who wasn’t so young anymore, hatred justa blazin inside her narrow heart. I blive two or three old black slaves got whipped that evenin when Virginia got full of that liquor.
Young Mistress didn’t care tho. One daughter was gone … good! Now who? she tried to think, would take Virginia? Perhaps they could get a little money from Loretta now, buy a few clothes and take a trip to meet some eligible gentry for Virginia. If she could just get Virginia to act like a lady long enough.
As for Loretta, she did not love Doak or ever think she would. She just looked down her nose, closed her eyes, and became a wife. She had given Sun up, now she hated him and through him, Always. She made Doak buy her another house slave to be her personal maid, like he had got for his first wife. They could afford that and a better carriage now because Always’s plans for the farm were workin.
Loretta came in her new home, head held high, eyes searching to see everything. She saw many things she wanted changed, bettered. There was much papering of walls and painting of ceilings, even a room added and a regular room for bathing. She bought clothes for the first time in years. Lovely laces and fine cloths as they could afford. Doak was happy with his new bride til he began to count all the money going out. He fought her over a new dining room. She won that battle, not knowing how many others she was losing with that one win. He preferred his money to her from that time on.
Loretta’s settling in moved everybody over more than a notch or two than they were comfortable with. She was not so liked. Not even by Jason, who tried to like everybody. She demanded everything, manners, meals with every proper settin and service. She wanted to be treated as a proper wealthy mistress and, of course, she was. She pressed Always into waitin on and serving her own maid, doing the washing and such as maids should do on their own for their selves.
Now, things had never been heaven for Always, but they had been a little better because of the kind Sue. Sadness moved back into her everyday life and even fear. For the past was moving back into her future, and the past had not been kind. But life and time just kept movin on, like it always does. Like it always does.
ALWAYS LIVED, when she could, for her garden. She had done all the shoppin for Mistress Sue while she was sick and Always had stolen the money, when she could, for all kinds of seeds and different small tools for that garden. It had all kinds of different vegetables and things from the catalogue. She didn’t feel like she was stealin cause she worked and they didn’t pay her.
Now, she sold things from her garden. All the white ladies and their cooks within twenty-five miles or so around, knew to come to her for things in season, and some, out of it. She had many different things sides potatoes, tomatoes, cabbage, and corn. There is many a vegetable and fruit! All different kinds of squash, radishes, different color bell peppers, somethin called broccoli, cauliflower, lettuces of all kinds. My child knew her land! From that small square they had given her next that chicken shack, she added a row or two each time she plowed it til it spread right under their noses. They ate some from it, but not much as they thought they did, cause Always wanted that silver to put down in that little hole in her dirt floor and walls … for some future, whatever it was gonna be. Silver could always be used.
Loretta, of course, checkin everything as is the duty of a Mistress, questi
oned the space and use of the garden and its produce. She noticed the women who came to purchase from it and demanded an accountin of the money cause it rightfully belonged to the Master. She questioned Always, but Jason provided the answer. Said Always was workin for him, and after that she kinda was, cause she had to give him some of her money. And, too, Loretta felt like she was somehow made a fool of and her heart grew harder toward Always.
Her heart grew harder toward Soon also. To her, he looked like Sun. Ain’t people strange? It wasn’t nothin that boy had done to her, just she was mad at Always cause she felt used and let down by Sun, so she wanted to hurt his full sister. She was workin on Master Doak to get him to sell Soon cause Soon was a healthy, strong youngun, would bring a good piece of money.
Young Doak wouldn’t hear no kinda talk like that. He pulled his own kinda tantrum round there, screamin and hollerin up so much racket, cryin and wrappin hisself round his daddy’s legs, til Master Doak made it clear that Soon was there to stay and blonged to young Master Doak. That was that!
Now Loretta was not as innocent as Mistress Sue had been. Not gullible. She knew whose sons both them boys were. But she didn’t know much as she thought she did cause she was really good to that boy Doak who she thought was Sue’s son. Other than the tryin to sell Soon, she gave young Doak all he wanted and more cause she was tryin to make gentry out of him, school and clothes and all like that. But Doak was a man’s boy and he wriggled out of all he could.
Through the years Loretta tried to make a break between the boys. Taking every chance to show Doak Jr. he was the boss, the Master, and Soon was the slave. She gave Soon all kinds of chores to do to keep him too busy to have time to play. But Doak Jr. took to helpin Soon with his chores, so they could get back to playin. Loretta told him he “was doin nigger work cause that was Soon’s work and he was the nigger!” She tried to keep Doak Jr. busy doin somethin else in the white folks line, but it got harder and harder tryin to keep up with them boys, gettin her fine skirts dirty seekin em out. She finally gave it up, mostly cause she knew the years would bring a change when Doak Jr. understood more. She had made up her mind to that. He would be goin away to school someday. Gentry, you know. And Soon would not be goin with him there!
Loretta also knew Master Doak indulged Soon, and tho she lorded it over most everybody, she didn’t lord it over Master Doak. He was just gone so much, from what he called a frigid wife, she was able to do just most what all she wanted to in the house and somewhat on the farm cept for what Jason demanded be his to do. The years passed and didn’t bring no change from that.
But, finally, she brought a change in Doak Jr. He grew prideful of the fine clothes his stepmother bought for him, and his nice room, his own horse, things like that. I guess he began to have to look down at somebody cause they wasn’t at the very top themselves. In time, he made new friends among his “own” color, and had less and less time to spend with Soon. Sides they was gettin older and play was pass anyhow. But Doak Jr. was kind enough to let Soon take care his things for him.
Loretta finally had a small ballroom added to the house, sides a extra bedroom for herself. The ballroom was to bring her up a notch and was for her genteel friends entertainin. You had to move tables and chairs to make a decent floor for dancin, but she called it a ballroom right on.
She finally got her way in spoiling Doak Jr. I hated to see him go that way cause he was my blood, white as he was. I wanted to love my grandson, but the circumstance kept gettin in the way. I did love Soon cause he was there with my daughter, called her mother and was a good son, had a good heart and a level head, worked hard, studied his lessons hard his mama taught him. She started not to teach him cause he was really white and she was gonna take some small revenge on him for what “they” had done to her. I watched her with grief in my heart for the shape of her heart. But she decided in her mind that he was goin to be a nigger slave all his life anyway, so he better have somethin to help hisself with. She taught him all she knew. I could see she loved him anyway. Just sometimes, the situations people build up round you confuse you and make your thinkin go all crooked and wrong. Human look like it just have to be human!
Soon was thrifty. He helped his mother on her plot of land and she paid him a few coins as she made them. He spent the money on candies at the store when they went. Then he took to savin them in his own little hole in the wall. He was quiet and thoughtful as he grew older. Often sad. He loved Always, naturally. He thought she was his mother. The only other white person he loved sides Doak Jr. was Jason, who was kind to him. He liked Poon who loved to feed him and sew his clothes. His mother didn’t have time.
He was jealous, at last, of Doak Jr. and the way Always did hug and pet him and save little treats for him. Of course she shared the treats, but Doak Jr. always seemed to get the best or the biggest.
Always, herself, didn’t really always know who she loved the best. She surely loved Soon. She slept with him, talked all the time with him, cared for him through his sicknesses, but so she did with Doak Jr. when Loretta let her and you can believe Loretta let her if it was somethin messy. But still, she knew who her son was, where her blood was, and that always set her actions. She was careful, but she was a mother and sometime she forgot to be the right mother for the right son.
So, time still takin care of everything, the boys grew older and apart. There’s just some things a slave can’t do. Doak Jr. took to belittlin Soon and playin off him round his white friends. Small sparks of hatred flamed in Soon. Musta been natural cause he sure didn’t plan for em. He still loved Doak Jr. at the same time.
Doak Jr. still didn’t want Soon sold tho. He knew this was in truth his brother. He liked him. But at the same time he didn’t like him because he was his brother. Where once they realized moments and hours apart, as they grew older it came to be days, then weeks apart, then months. Finally they got to be bout sixteen years old. The war was pressin in. Was all the talk. That set them more apart even tho it wasn’t none of Soon’s fault that the war was comin, that the slaves might be freed. Howsomever, all slaves everywhere was bein looked at different, harder. Where once they was thought to be dumb and happy, white eyes began to watch for some thought, some way to know what really was goin on in a nigger’s head.
Sometimes Always was hung between givin up, givin in, or goin on. What good was all that silver gonna do her in the end, she thought. Hope was hard to hold on to between weepin and grievin for lost, sold babies … and loneliness. Cause she was lonely, lonely sometimes for a man of her own. To help her think and live, plan plans, seek a way, any way. But there was none she could choose.
She had even looked at the Indian men as they continued to pass through over the land. They knew her now, well. They helped her in little things in her garden and sometimes brought her strange new herbs and roots to plant. They looked her over too, cause they could help her steal away. But her heart made no choice. She would not leave the land she felt was hers.
She always watched Doak Jr. with hard, hooded eyes. She watched him and she thought hard on him and tried to find a plan in him. She knew one was there because she had started one in the beginnin when he was born. But so much time had passed and she couldn’t always remember it or when she could use it, if she could use it. But it was there. Somewhere.
The people filled the air and newspapers all the time now with the rumors of war between the North and South. But the South felt strong and safe within its men, so noone really worried. They scoffed and drank their toddies, loved their land, whipped their niggers, fornicated over their slave women. Laughed.
Poon could read and spell out words fairly well now, but not as good as Always. And she didn’t always understand what she read. So she claimed Always used the papers for covering the walls of the chicken shack and took them over there when Jason was finished with em.
Now Jason was not dumb, but sometimes he felt more kin to Poon than Doak, so he did not make the trouble he could have. What harm could slaves do really?
He didn’t have a mean heart full of hate. Bitter, yes. But bitter turned inside cause of his legs, you see?
Always was bout thirty-two years old now. Poon was much older but looked better than she did sixteen years ago when Always first came. Hope was pullin Poon along. She knew more, did a little thinkin. Freedom might be close. She began to think on her lost sold babies. Mayhap she could find em! Or maybe even that man she had really liked, maybe even loved, who had made a few of them babies fore he was sold away from his home up the road. She began to dream … a little … again. Her dream tools was rusty, unused for years and years, but found to be still workin after awhile.
Then … the war did come.
All the proud soldier-men rose at the same time to go fight for their part of their beloved country and women.
Master Doak, tho too old, went. Glad to go! Didn’t blive he would DIE, but turned out he DID soon after he joined the Army. Only Jason could not go. Only sit tied on his horse, watchin over niggers and land, staring at the path his brother cut as he rode triumphantly away, waving his sword back at them. Though Always begged so hard for Doak Jr. not to go that Loretta began to believe Always did love them, he went.
When Always begged just a little less when Soon wanted to go with Doak Jr., Loretta wrinkled her brow and began to think more when she looked at her stepson. Then Always changed her mind and actually sent him with her blessings to be with Doak, to watch him, to protect him, to even die for him, she said. They left. Doak Jr. smiling and eager, Soon thoughtful and serious.
Even under Jason, the slaves on the land grew lazy. Some ran off to fight. Fightin what? They didn’t have nothin they dreamed of cept freedom. They fought well and strong. Jason, Always, and Loretta had it hard runnin the farm. Not makin it pay so much, cause you had to give so much to the army. But just stayin somewhere round the top of things and themselves eatin. People, white and black, stole from them now. Livestock and vegetables. All is fair, you know, in love and war.
Family Page 8
