The Last Five Years

by Jason Robert Brown

  CATHERINE

  . . . AND BANISH ANY TRACE OF GRAY!

  SOON A LOVE WILL RISE ANEW,

  EVEN GREATER THAN THE JOY . . .

  JAMIE interrupts her and the lights change.

  SCENE 11

  IF I DIDN’T BELIEVE IN YOU

  A year before Scene 1. JAMIE is in the middle of a fierce fight with CATHERINE.

  JAMIE Okay, stop. Cathy, stop. Listen to me. Can we please . . . could we have two minutes where you don’t just contradict everything I say? Can we . . . Cathy! Please? Two minutes? Then it’s your turn, you can say whatever you want.

  There are people

  And they are publishing my book

  And there’s a party

  That they are throwing.

  And while you’ve made it very clear that you’re not going,

  I will be going.

  And that’s done.

  But what’s it really about?

  Is it really about a party, Cathy?

  Can we please for a minute

  Stop blaming and say what you feel?

  Is it just that you’re disappointed

  To be touring again for the summer?

  Did you think this would all be much easier

  Than it’s turned out to be?

  Well, then talk to me, Cathy.

  Talk to me.

  If I didn’t believe in you,

  We’d never have gotten this far.

  If I didn’t believe in you

  And all of the ten thousand women you are.

  If I didn’t think you could do

  Anything you ever wanted to,

  If I wasn’t certain that you’d come through somehow,

  The fact of the matter is, Cathy,

  I wouldn’t be standing here now.

  If I didn’t believe in you,

  We wouldn’t be having this fight.

  If I didn’t believe in you,

  I’d walk out the door and say, “Cathy, you’re right.”

  But I never could let that go

  Knowing the things about you I know—

  Things, when I met you four years ago, I knew.

  It never took much convincing

  To make me believe in you.

  Don’t we get to be happy, Cathy?

  At some point down the line,

  Don’t we get to relax

  Without some new tsuris

  To push me yet further from you?

  If I’m cheering on your side, Cathy,

  Why can’t you support mine?

  Why do I have to feel

  I committed some felony

  Doing what I always swore I would do?

  I don’t want you to hurt,

  I don’t want you to sink,

  But you know what I think?

  I think you’ll be fine!

  Just hang on and you’ll see—

  But don’t make me wait ’til you do

  To be happy with you—

  Will you listen to me?

  No one can give you courage

  No one can thicken your skin.

  I will not fail so you can be comfortable, Cathy.

  I will not lose because you can’t win.

  If I didn’t believe in you,

  Then here’s where the travelogue ends.

  If I didn’t believe in you,

  I couldn’t have stood before all of our friends

  And said, “This is the life I choose—

  This is the thing I can’t bear to lose.

  Trip us or trap us, but we refuse to fall.”

  That’s what I thought we agreed on, Cathy.

  If I hadn’t believed in you,

  I wouldn’t have loved you at all. Now why don’t you put on your dress and we’ll go, okay?

  Cathy? Can we do that, please? Please?

  But she’s not going anywhere, and he has probably known that all along.

  Blackout.

  SCENE 12

  I CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT

  Five months after Scene 2. CATHERINE, driving JAMIE to meet her parents. She rambles and babbles happily throughout.

  CATHERINE

  My best friend had a little situation at the end of our senior year,

  And like a shot, she and Mitchell got married that summer.

  Carolann getting bigger ev’ry minute, thinking, “What am I doing here?”

  While Mitchell’s out ev’ry night, being a heavy-metal drummer.

  They got a little cute house on a little cute street with a crucifix on the door,

  Mitchell got a job at a record store in the mall.

  Just the typical facts of a typical life in a town on the Eastern Shore—

  I thought about what I wanted,

  It wasn’t like that at all.

  Made Carolann a cute baby sweater,

  Thinking, “I can do better than that.”

  I wasn’t paying attention, what exit was that?

  All right, so we’ll be there soon. Are you hungry? Sick of me yet?

  Anyway.

  In a year or so, I moved to the city, thinking, “What have I got to lose?”

  Got a room, got a cat, and got twenty pounds thinner.

  Met a guy in a class I was taking with some very well-placed tattoos—

  He wouldn’t leave me alone ’less I went with him to dinner.

  And I guess he was cute, and I guess he was sweet, and I guess he was good in bed—

  I gave up my life for the better part of a year.

  So I’m starting to feel like this maybe might work, and the second it entered my head,

  He needed to take some time off,

  Focus on his “career”—

  He blew me off with a heartfelt letter—

  I thought, “I can do better than that.”

  You don’t have to get a haircut,

  You don’t have to change your shoes,

  You don’t have to like Duran Duran,

  Just love me.

  You don’t have to put the seat down,

  You don’t have to watch the news,

  You don’t have to learn to tango,

  You don’t have to eat prosciutto,

  You don’t have to change a thing,

  Just stay with me.

  I want you and you and nothing but you,

  Miles and piles of you—

  Finally I’ll have something worthwhile

  To think of each morning—

  You and you and nothing but you,

  No substitution will do,

  Nothing but fresh, undiluted, and pure,

  Top of the line,

  And totally mine!

  I don’t need any lifetime commitments, I don’t need to get hitched tonight,

  I don’t want you to throw up all your walls and defenses.

  I don’t mean to put on any pressure, but I know when a thing is right—

  And I spend every day reconfiguring my senses.

  When we get to my house, take a look at that town, take a look at how far I’ve gone—

  I will never go back, never look back anymore.

  And it feels like my life led right to your side and will keep me there from now on.

  Think about what you wanted,

  Think about what could be,

  Think about how I love you—

  Say you’ll move in with me.

  Think of what’s great about me and you,

  Think of the bullshit we’ve both been through,

  Think of what’s past, because we can do

  Better!

  We can do better!

  We can do better than that! We can do better than that!

  Blackout.

  SCENE 13

  NOBODY NEEDS TO KNOW

  Lights rise on JAMIE in bed, his shirt off. He opens his eyes, looks at the clock and then at the woman in bed beside him.

  JAMIE

  Hey, kid—good morning—

  You look like an angel.

  I don’t
remember when we fell asleep.

  We should get up, kid—

  Cathy is waiting . . .

  Look at us, lying here,

  Dreaming, pretending.

  I made a promise and I took a vow.

  I wrote a story,

  And we changed the ending—

  Cathy, just look at me now!

  Hold on, facts are facts—

  Just relax, lay low.

  All right, the panic recedes:

  Nobody needs to know.

  Put on my armor—

  I’m off to Ohio.

  Back into battle ’til I don’t know when.

  Swearing to her that I

  Never was with you,

  And praying I’ll hold you again.

  Hold on, clip these wings—

  Things get out of hand.

  All right, it’s over, it’s done—

  No one will understand.

  No one will understand . . .

  We build a tree house,

  I keep it from shaking—

  Little more glue ev’ry time that it breaks.

  Perfectly balanced,

  And then I start making

  Conscious, deliberate mistakes.

  All that I ask for

  Is one little corner—

  One private room at the back of my heart.

  Tell her I found one,

  She sends out battalions

  To claim it and blow it apart.

  I grip and she grips,

  And faster we’re sliding.

  Sliding and spilling, and what can I do?

  Come back to bed, kid—

  Take me inside you—

  I promise I won’t lie to you.

  Hold on, don’t cry yet—

  I won’t let you go.

  All right—the panic recedes;

  All right—everyone bleeds;

  All right—I get what I need,

  And nobody needs

  To know.

  Nobody needs to know. . .

  And since I have to be in love with someone,

  Since I need to be in love with someone,

  Maybe I could be in love with someone

  Like you . . .

  The light fades on the bed, and rises on the steps in front of CATHERINE’s apartment.

  SCENE 14

  GOODBYE UNTIL TOMORROW/ I COULD NEVER RESCUE YOU

  On CATHERINE’s front steps at the end of the first date. JAMIE has just kissed CATHERINE.

  CATHERINE

  Don’t kiss me goodbye again.

  Leave this night clean and quiet.

  You want the last word,

  You want me to laugh,

  But leave it for now.

  All you can say,

  All you can feel

  Was wrapped up inside that one perfect kiss.

  Leave it at that:

  I’ll watch you turn the corner and go . . .

  And goodbye until tomorrow.

  Goodbye until the next time you call,

  And I will be waiting.

  I will be waiting.

  Goodbye until tomorrow.

  Goodbye ’til I recall how to breathe,

  And I have been waiting,

  I have been waiting for you.

  She watches him go.

  I stand on a precipice.

  I struggle to keep my balance.

  I open myself,

  I open myself one stitch at a time.

  Finally yes!

  Finally now!

  Finally something takes me away.

  Finally free!

  Finally he can cut through these strings,

  And open my wings!

  So goodbye until tomorrow!

  Goodbye until my feet touch the floor,

  And I will be waiting,

  I will be waiting!

  Goodbye until tomorrow!

  Goodbye until the rest of my life

  And I have been waiting,

  I have been waiting for you!

  Waiting for you,

  Waiting for you!

  JAMIE appears at the table. He is writing a note on a yellow pad on the table—his wedding ring is on the table next to it, where it was at the beginning of the show.

  JAMIE

  I called Elise to help me pack my bags.

  I went downtown and closed the bank account.

  It’s not about another shrink,

  It’s not about another compromise.

  I’m not the only one who’s hurting here.

  I don’t know what the hell is left to do.

  You never saw how far the crack had opened.

  You never knew I had run out of rope and

  I could never rescue you.

  All you ever wanted,

  But I could never rescue you,

  No matter how I tried.

  All I could do was love you hard

  And let you go.

  He puts down the pen, stands, and looks around the empty apartment.

  No matter how I tried,

  All I could do was love you.

  God, I loved you so.

  So we could fight,

  Or we could wait,

  Or I could go . . .

  CATHERINE

  Goodbye until tomorrow!

  Goodbye until I crawl to your door,

  And I will be waiting,

  I will be waiting! JAMIE

  You never noticed how

  The wind had changed.

  Goodbye until tomorrow! I didn’t see a way we both could win.

  Goodbye until I’m done thanking God,

  For I have been waiting!

  I have been waiting for you! Goodbye, Cathy.

  I have been waiting!

  I have been waiting for you! Goodbye . . .

  I will keep waiting—

  will be waiting for you!

  He picks up his briefcase and knapsack and slowly begins to cross the stage, passing her front steps.

  Just close the gate;

  I’ll stand and wait.

  She is looking off, where she watched him go—he is looking up at her on her steps.

  Jamie. . .

  BOTH

  Goodbye.

  Blackout.

  End of play.