Almost

by Anne Eliot

  “That's so cool. It feels like the whole room is moving,” I whisper. Gray squeezes my hand.

  The DJ, housed in the farthest corner of the rink, announces: “Couples skate. Couples only on the floor, please. This session has been dedicated by Corey Nash, tonight's limbo winner, to the beeeeautiful, love of his life, Michelle. Because we all agree, Michelle Hopkins is so beautiful. This is your song.”

  The strains from Jo Cocker's You are So Beautiful fill the rink.

  Michelle blushes, shooting Corey a pleased look. “Aww. Romantic.” She punches Corey playfully in the arm and then holds out her hand. “Let's skate.”

  “Sweet. Does this mean we're going out?” Corey, beaming now, leaps up and takes Michelle's hand. They skate toward the entrance to the rink.

  Now that we no longer have an audience, I figure Gray probably doesn't want me to maul him any more, so I work my captive hand out of his.

  He frowns. “Was it? Romantic?” Gray sighs, looking at me with that hooded, unreadable gaze again and crosses his arms. “You're the expert. How'd that rate?”

  “Completely dorky.”

  “Thought so.”

  “Wait! I'm not done. The trophy presentation—on his knees—plus getting the DJ to say all that stuff, combined with the song choice rates a total romance approved ten.”

  “No. Impossible. You said dorky. Completely dorky.”

  “Adorkable. It's in it's own category.”

  “What?”

  “Corey's so out there. So unashamed to tell everyone Michelle is the girl for him. It snowballs into perfect. Girls love that stuff.”

  “I'll never understand women.” Gray slides his skates forward and does another cool skating move so he can stand up looking all smooth. “Since I didn't think of anything adorkable, I'm going to have to use the old-school tactics to impress you. Skate with me, girlfriend?” He shrugs.

  “You don't have to think of that kind of junk. As long as I'm paying—I'm sort of a sure thing right?”

  He shakes his head as though he's not happy with me bringing up the money. “After this song, there's going to be two more to complete the couples set. Will you? Skate all of them with me?”

  He's holding out his hand and it feels rude not to take it, so I let him help me to my feet. “Two whole songs?” I grimace, eyeing the rink. Couples are going around, hand in hand. Some are intertwined and facing the same direction, while the better skaters are actually dance-skating face to face as they complete the circle. “I might hurt you or someone else,” I mutter, filled with doubt, but loving once again how I feel when he's holding my hand.

  “Oh my God. Look at them.” I laugh as I spot Corey and Michelle whizzing past full speed, laughing their heads off. They're holding hands like the other couples, but yanking their arms as hard as possible in an attempt to make the other person skate faster and fall.

  “So much for their big romantic moment,” Gray says. “So…will you? Skate. With me?” he asks again. It's almost a whisper.

  When I meet his gaze I wonder if the longing I see in his eyes is coming from him, or from me? I nod and he propels me to the rink entrance. As he steps down onto the rink he lets go of my hand. The loss of momentum causes me to flail. I careen toward him, almost falling off the step face first. Before I can recover or even gasp, he's picked me up entirely and is holding me tightly against his chest. He sets me down gently in front of him as though I weigh nothing.

  As though it was perfectly natural for my entire body to slide down his entire body!

  I can't breathe. I don't remember how.

  “Sorry, I won't let you go again. Promise.”

  Without a pause, he skates behind me and before I can blink he wraps his arms around my middle. I think I might prefer falling. Extreme pain and a broken nose might be much easier to bear than the blood melting right out of my heart.

  I'm flooded with too many feelings all at once. I wonder if I'm going to cry, or simply die from happiness, from fear, from embarrassment. From love.

  He's talking softly behind me. Teaching me how to skate all over again. I've only heard half of what he's said. I try to focus on the rest and not at all on how warm he's made me feel.

  “Just lean back. Use me for balance. Hold your legs steady and straight while I push you along until you get the feel for the music. Once you've got the beat, you can skate along with me. But only if you promise not to trip me up. Ready?”

  I nod and lean back slightly, but as he starts off I feel like my backbone and limbs are made of wood. “How many girls have you skated with—like this?” I'm using my cynical, joking tone to see if I can trick him into answering. To see if I can get my heart to stop beating so fast.

  “Do you really want to know the answer to that?”

  “Billions…trillions?” I ask.

  “Jess, I'm not, nor have I ever been the kind of player you make me out to be.”

  “Whatever,” I say covering my aching curiosity with sarcasm. I want to look into his eyes and ask him if he's ever been in love with anyone before, but then, I suppose it doesn't really matter. Instead, I add, “You're so good at this. Like you've done this a lot. Tell me…how many.”

  “None.” He wraps his arms tighter and draws me closer. I don't even care that he's probably lied to me. I force myself to relax against his faded, soft, navy t-shirt, and go with it. With him. What harm can come from me pretending this is all real for a few moments. I breathe in and try to memorize his scent.

  Right now, thanks to our drink break, he's lime Cola.

  My heartbeat races as he picks up speed on the turn.

  “There.” His breath moves the hair beside my ear, causing the ever-erupting flurry of butterflies and goose bumps to rage through me. “You've got the hang of it. Want to try to move your legs along with mine?”

  “No. I'm good…if that's okay?”

  “It's great.” He speeds up and holds me even tighter. The silver lights swirl around and over us. The music, some sort of European electronic techno with no lyrics, fills my head.

  My limbs, my soul. I'm flying.

  I stare at his arms wrapped so confidently around me and I gently move my hands until I've placed them over his. I lean farther into him, trusting that I won't fall. Trusting him.

  “Doing all right?” he asks.

  “Perfect.” I close my eyes as he propels me around the next corner, content to let someone else be in control for once. I smile as cool air pushes against my face, rushing through my hair. I can feel Gray's heart beating near my temple.

  “Jess Jordan…do you ever wish…wish that we…that you and I…whoa! Watch out!” He pulls me to the side and skids us both to a stop, lifting me slightly so his skates won't collide with mine.

  I open my eyes and freak. The person we almost hit is my sister!

  My stalking, smirking sister!

  “You need to skate in the same direction as the other skaters, okay kid?” Gray says.

  “What the hell?!! What are—” I'm already yelling over him, but change my mind because Gray's still holding me, or hugging me, or—I'm hugging him.

  He has no idea who this is! I make my entire body go limp into a complete dead weight. It throws Gray off balance and he releases me. I hit the floor with a huge thump.

  “Oww. Kika, what are you doing here? Besides trying to kill me?” I cover.

  “Sorry. Sorry!” She's out of breath and scrambling to stay on balance. “I was trying to catch up! I've been looking for you, but was focused on couples with tall blond guys?” She darts a confused glance at Gray before rushing on. “I'm at Holly Basker's bowling party. Only the bowling alley didn't schedule it right. Instead of bowling we have to skate.” Kika skates closer to Gray. “Are you Corey Nash?”

  “Grmry!” I deliberately mumble his name. “Meet my sister, Kika.”

  “Nice to meet you but—are you—Corey Nash?”

  I struggle to my feet. “Kika! God!”

  “No. I'm not Corey, but he's
here somewhere,” Gray answers, looking around evasively.

  “Yeah. He was just here,” I add glancing around. “He's…hmmm…” I swallow and paste on a smile and point off into the dark distance. “Over there.”

  “If you aren't Corey, then how come you were all snuggled up close like that with my sister?” Kika's glowering at Gray now. “That's really going to make her boyfriend pissed off.”

  I gasp. “What are you saying? I got too confident and told Corey to do a lap without me. Only I can't really skate and I got stuck way out here. I'd just asked my friend to transport me safely to the exit. Which is what he was doing. And it's where we're still going, because I'm sick of humiliating myself on this rink. Can we please move along?” I grip Gray's arm on one side and Kika takes my other hand. We skate toward the rink exit. I struggle to paste on my best poker face. How am I going to talk my way through this one? I start in with some defensive tactics. “All right, little sister, confess. How much did Mom and Dad pay you to come here and spy on me?”

  “They didn't pay me a thing.” She smiles but looks slightly guilty.

  “Spill it. They totally told you to check up on me, didn't they?”

  “They said, if I saw you, that I should say ‘hi’. That's all! And boy did I see you. But it really is Holly's birthday. See? There she is. Holly!” Kika yells and waves. Holly Basker has been Kika's best friend since fifth grade. She doesn't see or hear Kika over the music as she whizzes past. “And there's Kimmi, Maddie and Saoirse and—”

  “We get it,” I say. “Shouldn't you be with all of them—as in, now?” We make it to the exit and I breathe a sigh of relief, feeling safer on the carpeted area.

  “I'm not leaving until I meet your boyfriend. Don't you want me to?” Kika's bottom lip has set into a stubborn line. I can tell I've hurt her feelings. “Where is Corey Nash?”

  “Did someone say my name? Corey Nash, at your service.” Corey and Michelle have exited the rink right behind us. The two are grinning like fools in love, and even worse, holding hands. Kika hasn't missed that.

  “Corey!” I fling myself at Michelle and Corey, purposefully disconnecting their hands with a body slam, knowing my voice sounds way too over-bright. “Did ya miss me?”

  Kika's face scrunches and twists. I can all but hear the motors turning in her head. I want to scream but instead I ramp up into the widest fake smile I've ever created.

  “Sorry—hold me up, Corey, would you, cutie?” I grab onto him like a psycho. I don't even have to pretend to lose my balance because my heart is racing so fast I'm about to have to sit on the ground. “Oh, and meet my little sister!” I squeak out. Thankfully Corey's put his hand around my waist to steady me.

  Kika smiles at Corey. “Jess has told me a lot about you.”

  I keep my grin stapled on and ratchet one of my hands onto Corey's shoulder as I turn back around, bumping Michelle toward Gray.

  “Well hello, little sister,” Corey says, shooting me a startled glance. “Nice to meet you. Kika? Did I say your name right? Jess has mentioned you also. You're going to make quite a hit next year as a freshman if you're planning on showing up sporting those pretty, big, blue eyes.”

  “Corey!” Michelle glares.

  Kika laughs and blushes. “Thanks.”

  I want to hit Corey and kiss him because he's diverted Kika from all coherent thinking with that statement. “Don't you dare flirt with my sister.” I have to say it before Michelle starts waving the my-man-is-taken flag. “If you or any of your jock-cronies even think about coming near her—or any of her little friends, I'll simply kill each and every one of you,” I say. Deep down I mean it. His comment to Kika has given me a mini-anxiety attack.

  “Jess!” Kika blushes even harder, embarrassed and obviously annoyed with me. “He's just being nice. Gee. Don't call me little.”

  “Yeah, Jess. I'm just saying. Besides, I'm drunk on love and heading into a long term relationship.” He shoots Gray a smirk. “The two most dangerous guys at school are off the market, so the freshman girls are safe. Don't worry, Kika, think of us as your future guard dogs. Any dudes that want to meet you have to pass through our gauntlet first. Deal?” He winks.

  “Awesome. Thanks.” Kika's all but gushing at Corey, clearly charmed to her toes. “Jess told me you were really nice and cute and so sweet,” she adds.

  “She did?!” Corey blinks at me. I find myself grinning and nodding at him like a bobble head doll.

  “Of course I did,” I say, wondering what Michelle's thinking right now.

  Kika goes on, “Yeah, and she told me that you—”

  “Easy. Corey knows he's adorable. Let's not make his ego get out of control,” I half-shout.

  Gray steps to the side and puts his arm around Michelle's shoulders in the classic ‘buddy hug’. “Have you met Michelle?” Gray pipes in. I know he's trying to change the subject, but his move brings all of the attention back on him. How gorgeous, and completely uncomfortable he's acting. Does the guy have to choose this moment to turn bright red? I glance wildly between them all.

  Gray looks stiff, almost frightened with his arm around Michelle. I'm assuming he's afraid of her. Of me. Of my little sister. Heck, I'm scared to death right now.

  Michelle's back is ram-rod straight and her expression is blinking from confused to royally pissed off. Corey looks as though he can't decide whether he's my new best friend, if I might have a stalker type crush on him, or if he should punch Gray for touching his woman.

  Kika's frowning and has met my gaze. She's about to ask another question. I can't handle one more question. I start blabbing, “Um. So, yeah…anyhow…um”

  “Will all skaters in Holly Basker's birthday party report to Birthday Room number 26 located in the bowling alley complex. Happy Birthday Hoooooo-lleey Basker!”

  Saved.

  “Oh. That's me,” Kika says, looking around.

  “Get off me, Porter! Your arm's heavier than a dead ox. What's wrong with you?” Michelle wiggles out of Gray's grip.

  Kika's eyebrows shoot up. Thankfully, at that same moment, we're surrounded by the swarm of Kika's giggling, eighth-grade friends as they exit the rink.

  “Kiiiiika. There you are! OMG. Did you see me fall flat on my face?” A girl with long braids laughs.

  “OMG. Did you see me fall flat on that old guy? I felt so bad about it,” says another.

  The girls erupt into a fit of giggles. “I saw you both,” gasps Holly, the birthday girl. “Hi, Jess.”

  “Happy birthday, Holly,” I answer with a small, stiff smile, wondering if I'm going to faint.

  “Wow,” Holly whispers to Kika too loudly, as though she wants to be heard. “That guy's hot! Introduce us.”

  I know she's talking about Gray.

  “Guys, this is my sister's boyfriend and her other…friends,” Kika says.

  Was that a note of sarcasm in her voice?

  “They're both simply…wow.” Holly giggles, eyeing Gray as though he's in an aquarium or something. “Are they—aren't you all going to be seniors?” Her voice is filled with awe.

  “You know it,” says Corey, puffing out his chest.

  “God! Corey, you're such a Neanderthal,” Michelle punches his arm.

  “Hey. It's not my fault I'm so endlessly admired by future freshmen.” Corey winks at the girls and they all giggle again.

  I feel my stomach tighten with more misplaced anxiety.

  Three years ago I'd acted exactly like these girls. I had been fascinated with seniors. I thought the boys my own age were just skinny dorks. So much so, that I'd lied to my parents, snuck out to go to a senior party, and drank the drinks the seniors were drinking. I'd even followed a real live senior to an empty upstairs room, and got to lose my mind and my memory ever since.

  Of course, nothing happened. Let the record show. I shudder as bile moves into my throat. I can't believe my little sister and her friends are really old enough to be high school freshmen in a couple of months. I shoot Kika a look. Did
I look as young as she does now? Did I act as old and wise as Holly Basker seems to think she is?

  I work to keep my expression in check as I try to curb the larger panic attack hanging over me. The memories wash in.

  I concentrate on breathing slowly.

  Kika is not me and she won't get herself into any bad situations. I'll protect her.

  She's going to be fine. Fine. Fine. Fine.

  I shudder again and dart a glance at Gray through my lashes. I read concern in his eyes. He can tell something's not right.

  I toss him an annoyed glare—which makes him smile a strange, sad little smile.

  “You better go, guys. Party room twenty-six,” I say, reminding them.

  The girl with the braids looks back as they move past us. “If that's what the boys look like in high school, then I can't wait for the summer to end. Seniors, huh? So cool.”

  Holly Basker giggles and looks back too. “Which one's your sister's boyfriend? The blond or the dark-haired one?”

  Kika turns and meets my gaze. “Does it really matter when they're both so amazingly hot?” Kika answers. She brushes past, shaking her head.

  I hold my ground next to Corey, feeling suddenly like I'm the younger sister and Kika's some sort of grown-up, successful attorney. Judge. Executioner.

  I wish for the floor to open wide and swallow me whole.

  If I can't come up with a plausible explanation for why I was cuddled up on the couples skate with Gray, Kika's going to take everything I've built and destroy it with five simple words: Mom, guess what I saw?

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Gray

  “I'm dead. We are so dead. I can't believe I let my guard down like that.”

  Jess is groaning like she's in pain and rubbing her eyes while I back Bessie out of the rink's employee parking lot.

  “I don't think it was as bad as you're making it. Your sister couldn't possibly have figured anything out. I think it went rather well if you don't dwell on the part where Michelle almost blew the whole thing by decking me.” He laughs.