by M. Tasia
Hours crawled by and Royce sat waiting. At two in the morning he surrendered to the fact that Jesse wasn’t likely to be coming back. He’d been gone over twelve hours. Royce had already called Dante, one of the leaders of the Sentinels, to let him know Jesse had left. That had been hours ago, and he wondered if they were still out looking for him. Royce would still pay to have Jesse safe whether it was with or without Royce at his side.
He walked slowly to their bedroom, taking his shirt off and dropping it on the floor in the hallway, not caring where it landed. He continued on, leaving his pants at the bedroom door, boxers at the foot of the bed. By the time he crawled up onto the mattress, he couldn’t hold back his sorrow and loss any longer. The last time he’d cried was at Daniel’s graveside. Royce had thought he’d be impervious to that kind of pain again, but he’d been sorely mistaken.
Royce laid his sore head down, praying sleep would take him away into blissful nothingness. He hoped against all odds that this had all just been some sort of cruel nightmare and he would wake up at any moment with Jesse in his arms. But all the while knowing full well his reality had changed yet again and his future was uncertain.
Royce awoke hours later. He hadn’t even realized he’d fallen asleep and had no idea what woke him, but something was different. He slowly opened his eyes; the room was dark but he could make out the outline of a large figure standing in the doorway. There was just enough light coming down the hallway to confirm that it was indeed Jesse. Royce sat up in bed, conflicting emotions running rampant through his mind and heart. He was overjoyed that Jesse came back but he felt betrayed at being left in the first place. Those two emotions alone kept him on the bed, silent. If he came back for his things, Royce wasn’t about to beg. No matter how much he wanted Jesse to stay, the man had to want to stay first.
Jesse took a few tentative steps into the room. “Hi.”
“Hello, Jesse.” Royce’s voice came out harsher then he’d intended, but he was tired of being left behind. First Daniel, though not of his own accord, then Jesse, who’d left willingly.
“May I come in?” Jesse asked.
Royce ached to cross the room and wrap his arms around Jesse but he stood his ground. If Jesse ran every time things got tough, this wasn’t going to work. He loved Jesse completely, but that was the one thing Royce wouldn’t be able to live with.
“Maybe we should talk out in the living room,” Royce suggested as he reached for his sleeping pants because he didn’t want to have to face this conversation naked.
“O-okay,” Jesse stuttered and for the first time Royce noticed just how nervous Jesse really was.
Royce slipped on his pants and followed Jesse to the living room. He prepared himself as best he could for whichever way this turned out, but knew full well he’d be devastated if Jesse left again. Jesse turned on the lamps before Royce had the chance, so Royce went ahead and sat in one of the single chairs. He purposely stayed away from the couch because he wasn’t confident what he’d do if Jesse sat beside him. The overpowering need to take the man into his arms was getting progressively harder to fight.
Jesse sat on the couch wringing his hands and refusing to look Royce in the eyes. “Royce, I-I’m sorry.”
Royce wasn’t actually sure which aspect Jesse was apologizing for, so he decided to ask. “You’re sorry for what exactly: keeping things from me, not trusting me, leaving me? Or perhaps you intend to leave again, because I can’t live with that. Always wondering if you’ll take off when things get tough, leaving me alone again.”
Jesse looked down at his hands; they were shaking. “I don’t want anything to happen to you or anyone else. But I’m too damn selfish. I can’t leave you, I love you. I should go and take all this trouble with me, but I can’t.”
Royce wanted to run over to the couch and hold Jesse, but they had too much to talk about before that happened. “Do you plan on leav…leaving me again?” Even saying the word caused Royce’s heart to skip a beat.
“No…no, I’m not going anywhere unless you are and then I’m going with you,” Jesse assured him.
“I need to be able to trust you. When you left you have no idea what that did to me.” Though Jesse was back and said he wanted to stay with him, Royce’s fear of being abandoned was high on his list of concerns
“I know I’ve damaged the trust we’ve built but I want a chance to repair it. Please give me that chance. I was so afraid of you being hurt by my family, I couldn’t think of any other way of protecting you and Brighton from them. I was wrong. I couldn’t even make it past the town line.”
“Where have you been all this time?” Royce asked
“Willow Park. That’s as far as I could go without you,” Jesse answered. His eyes were red, with dark circles underneath, and his shoulders were slumped forward.
“Was a Sentinel with you? Were you safe?” Royce asked.
“Of course I was safe. You called them in when I left, didn’t you?” Jesse asked but Royce remained silent. “After I’d hurt you so badly you still were concerned for my safety.”
“Were you really going to leave me?” Royce had to know if there had been a chance.
“No, I just needed time to think clearly,” Jesse admitted.
“And what have you decided to do about your family?” Royce asked, equally hopeful and afraid of the answer.
“That I make my stand here with you and the town of Brighton. I’m done running. I want to spend my life with you. I just need you to give me that chance. I’m sorry I left. I was sorry the moment I pulled out of the driveway. I know I hurt you and it’s killing me to be this far away from you right now.” Jesse’s voice wavered. Royce could see the tears in Jesse’s eyes and he couldn’t stay back any longer.
Royce got up from his chair, went to Jesse, and held him in his arms “We’ll work this all out, baby. I love you. It just kills me to think of you ever leaving again.”
“No…I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” Jesse’s eyes were big, begging Royce to believe him.
“I believe you, love.”
“You do?”
“Yes, Jesse, I do.” Royce honestly did believe Jesse. If he were going to leave, he would have kept going tonight and never returned.
“God, I love you. I was so afraid you wouldn’t want me back after I’d left,” Jesse spoke softly before burying his face in Royce’s chest.
“Just don’t make a habit of it,” Royce teased, wanting to lighten the mood. “Now I think it’s past time for you to tell me everything that’s been going through that beautiful mind of yours.”
The two sat, holding one another tightly on the couch and talking until dawn broke through the living room windows and bathed them in light. They’d worked through their fears and hopes for the future, allowing Royce to finally be able to breathe again. Hours later they fell asleep bundled up together and still on the couch, neither willing to separate long enough to walk to their bed.
Chapter Seven
The pain was finally letting up as Royce pulled that damn giant rubber band for what felt like the thousandth time in the past few weeks, only now there were small weights on either end. He had to admit physiotherapy was finally paying off and Royce was regaining his strength. His movements were still jerky and he could only bring his arm out fifty degrees from his body, but it was an improvement. It had been five days since the incident that led to Jesse leaving. The two had talked more in those few days than they had ever before. It seemed to Royce that Jesse had released his demons that night and finally lowered his guard and let Royce in completely.
“Royce, can I talk to you for a minute please?” Miss Girard asked.
“Sure, what’s up?” Royce responded as he set his equipment down.
“I know you and Jesse have been having a bit of trouble with his family and…” Miss Girard took a deep breath before continuing. “The other day a man came in here asking about you. Of course I told him that I didn’t know if you were a patient and that I couldn’t
discuss anyone due to our confidentiality policy. But I could tell he didn’t believe me. He handed me his card, asking me to give it to you.” She handed over a matte black card with silver writing: Matthew Whitton, a phone number, and nothing else.
“Did he say what he wanted?” Royce asked, his mind racing.
“No, he just handed me the card and left,” she responded, with worry laced through her voice. “I thought he might be one of Jesse’s cousin’s men but he didn’t give me the heebie-jeebies.”
“What did he look like?” Royce asked, hoping to at least have a chance of spotting him before the guy randomly popped up in front of him.
“He was short and slim with dark brown hair. Oh and he had the most interesting eyes, one was green and the other one hazel,” Miss Girard replied.
Royce quickly rifled through what he knew about Jerry and his men, but none of them filled that description, and he doubted they would have left a card. Maybe it was unrelated, but Royce doubted he was that lucky.
“Thank you, Miss Girard. I’ll find out what he wants. I’m sorry he came here and bothered you.”
“It’s not your fault, Royce.” Miss Girard looked concerned but didn’t argue further and went back to help another patient. Royce walked back to the locker room and grabbed his cell phone but instead of calling Mr. Whitton he called Shannon.
His call was answered on the first ring. “What’s wrong?” She sounded ready to bolt over and Royce liked her even more for it.
“Everything’s okay, but we have a new player on the field. He came into physio looking for me, and he left his card. I’m not sure if it’s related to Jesse, but what are the odds some random stranger shows up when Jerry’s terrorizing us?”
“I agree. The odds are slim it’s not somehow related. What’s the name on the card? I’ll run a few checks,” Shannon asked.
“That’s what I was hoping you’d say. His name is Matthew Whitton,” Royce replied and provided Shannon with the phone number on the card.
“On it. I’ll call when I have any information.” With that she hung up. Direct and to the point, that was Shannon.
Next he called Vincent, a former Navy Seal now working as a Sentinel, to check on Jesse.
Again his call was answered on the first ring. “Vincent here.”
“Hey, Vincent. How’s Jesse?” Royce asked.
“Good, he makes a mean fried chicken. The man’s a wizard.”
“I’m glad you’re enjoying your time at the diner.” Royce laughed. “We may have another problem.” Royce went ahead and told him about the new arrival in town and his description, just in case he showed up at the diner.
After he hung up Royce went to have a hot shower to soothe his aching muscles. Another month and hopefully I’ll be able to put this all behind me and get back to work. But on the flip side, Royce knew if he’d been working now he’d not be available for Jesse during this difficult time. So in the end it turned out to be in Royce’s favor. He and Jesse knew it was only a matter of time before Jerry and any remaining men would try again. He just hoped they were ready.
One question that kept running through Royce’s mind was, why would Matthew Whitton come here looking for him? Obviously, if he knew where Royce had physio then it stood to reason he knew where Jesse and he lived. Why not go there?
*****
Jesse had settled even further into his new life now that his decision had been made. When he thought back to the hours he spent sitting in Willow Park and how close he’d come to losing everything because of his own fear, he was even more thankful Royce had understood and forgiven him. He no longer had that familiar anxious feeling running through his body. Oh, he was still concerned about what his cousin would do next, but that jittery feeling that seemed to always be just under the surface was gone. He’d settled, made his choice, and now waited for Jerry’s next move.
Jesse still couldn’t understand why Jerry was even bothering with him. His cousin literally hated everything about Jesse, so he figured it wouldn’t be worth Jerry’s effort to come after him. But here he was, in Brighton, still behaving like an asshole, the same way he had when Jesse was home. The man would never leave him in peace. The one thing he didn’t have was an answer for why. His recent actions seemed a bit extreme, even for Jerry.
Jesse flipped the steaks on the grill and took a swig of his beer. The sunset was a mosaic of oranges and reds, and it filled Jesse with hope for a future where he’d spend as many evenings as possible just like this. It was all so very normal and exactly what Jesse had always wanted.
“Hey, babe, how are the steaks coming?” Royce asked as he brought out the salad and placed it on the table. The back deck on their house was big enough to hold a barbecue, table and chairs, and a few loungers. This was just one of the many things he’d never had a chance to enjoy before in his life, lounging and enjoying barbecue steaks at his home. He now had a home with the man he loved, a job, and a future. Jesse would fight until his last breath to protect this.
“They’re almost ready, babe. How’s everything else? Do you need any help?” Jesse asked.
“No, everything’s ready to go when you are.” Royce spoke as he came over and wrapped his arms around Jesse from behind. “Love you.”
“Love you too, Royce,” Jesse replied, and he felt every word down to his soul. He would be forever grateful to whatever hand had led him to Brighton. There had to be some divine intervention involved.
As he stood there safe in Royce’s arms, he remembered his grandpa telling him that one day he’d get all the wonderful things in life he deserved. Now he knew his beloved grandpa was right because he had everything he’d ever wanted right here in Royce’s arms.
“Sweetheart, there something we need to discuss,” Royce said.
In an instant his calm vanished, replaced by worry yet again.
“Easy, Jesse. It’s not that bad. I just need to know if you recognize the name Matthew Whitton.”
Jesse froze. He hadn’t heard that name in over fifteen years. “How do you know him?”
“He came looking for me, left his card. I take it you know him.” Royce’s voice was now laced with worry. “Did he hurt you?”
“No…no, he was my only friend back before grandpa died. I’ve told you my grandpa was the one who protected me as best he could, but after he died it all changed. Matthew’s grandpa was good friends with mine, so Matthew and I would play together. He was the only kid allowed to have anything to do with me. Shortly after my grandpa’s funeral Matthew’s entire family moved away and I never saw him again. Why would he be here and looking for you?” Jesse asked while he flipped the steak, his mind racing to come up with any reason Matthew would be here and wanting to speak with Royce. How did Matthew find me?
“I’m not sure, love. Could it be someone with the same name?” He knew Royce was grasping at straws but it was in Royce’s nature to try to find the bright side of any situation.
“Maybe…wait. Matthew had very distinctive eyes. One was green and the other hazel.” Jesse thought that would be the best way to identify him. In all his years on the road Jesse had never seen anyone else with two different colored eyes.
“That’s him. Miss Girard mentioned his eyes. I’ve called Shannon already to have a look into his background and any possible reason for him to be here, before I call him myself.”
“But why would he come to you and not me?” Jesse asked.
“That’s just one of the questions I have for him, babe. Along with why he’s here now, of all times, and what the hell does he want?”
“Do you think he has anything to do with Jerry?” Jesse asked, almost afraid of the answer.
“We’ll find out, Jesse. Try not to worry too much about it,” Royce replied.
“He couldn’t be with Jerry because he hated my cousin. Well, he and his grandpa hated my parents as well. I realized when I was older that they knew, they knew what my parents were doing to me. But the one and only time CPS came out, the other adul
t friends of my parents had painted me as such a problem child that I was never even interviewed. Matthew was the first person I told that I liked boys and not girls. I was young and had no idea what that meant. I thought it was normal until my parents figured it out and I was labeled a deviant, a freak.”
“You are neither of those two things. You know that, right, love?” Royce asked as he squeezed Jesse tighter.
“I do now, but I still have my moments when I forget that I’m free of the world I grew up in.” Jesse still feared he’d wake up some morning and find himself on another park bench.
“And speaking of that freedom, how about we go celebrate this weekend with dinner and dancing?” Royce asked.
“Celebrate what?” Jesse asked, but it was the second part of Royce’s sentence that excited and worried him.
“Your decision to make a stand here with me. I’ll contact a few of our friends to come and join us at Lucky’s. We’ll eat and dance with the people who are closest to us and we’ll bring the Sentinels along as well. They deserve a thank you for everything they’ve done for us so far,” Royce explained as Jesse plated the steak. “I love you so much, Jesse, and I can’t wait until we start to grow our family. There’s a lot of special kids out there who need good homes.”
Jesse’s heart would always skip a beat whenever he heard Royce speak of their future family. They both agreed that adoption was the way they’d make that happen. There were so many kids stuck in the system because they weren’t babies anymore or they had a physical disability that adoptive parents didn’t feel they could deal with.
Jesse and Royce didn’t care about age or ability. They simply wanted to give children a home. A safe home, like the ones Jesse had dreamt of every night when he was a child living in his own hell. Knowing that Royce wanted the exact same thing with Jesse made that one last piece of his broken heart fall back into place. He finally felt whole again.
