by M. S. Parker
“Honestly, Mom, I don’t know.”
She was silent for a second, then said, “I’d rather have you admit you’re unsure than lie to me and to yourself by saying it wouldn’t be a problem.”
“What do I do?” I asked the question even though I was half-convinced she’d tell me to break things off until I was more certain that I could handle things the way they needed to be done.
“Do you want to put in the work?” she asked. “If he’s willing to grow, are you willing to do what’s necessary to help him? It won’t be easy.”
“As long as he promises to work on his weaknesses as much as I’m going to work on mine, I want it.”
“All right then. I’m going to keep you accountable. The next time you see him, remember that I’ll expect to hear about it. You’re going to tell me if you caved the moment you saw him or if you talked to him about what happened. You’re going to tell me his response, and then your response. Until you’re able to handle things on your own, I’ll be here to tell you when you’re being weak, and I’ll help you be strong.”
My mom was the most amazing person in the world. I never really had serious thoughts about having kids of my own, not yet anyway, but the one thing I knew was that if I was half the mom she was, I’d be doing things right.
Someone knocked on my door, and my stomach flipped as I got up to see who it was. I kept the phone with me as I crossed the few feet to the door. If it was Nate, I wanted to let Mom know. If it wasn’t, I’d ignore it. I wasn’t in the mood for Mormon missionaries or Girl Scout cookies.
It was neither of the latter.
“Mom, Nate’s here.”
“Let him in. Talk to him. I’ll expect a text or call either tonight or tomorrow. Be strong. I love you.”
The call ended, and I squared my shoulders, determined to make Mom proud.
Twenty-One
Nate
I hadn’t done anything wrong.
I had every right to be pissed when my girlfriend was chatting up my brother, especially when it was Joshua. And she’d done it at work too.
I’d thought making her a freelancer would keep my personal and professional lives separate, but I’d clearly been wrong. She shouldn’t have interfered with the temp receptionist doing his job, no matter how new he was, and she certainly shouldn’t have offered to bring someone upstairs. That wasn’t her place.
The moment she’d heard who he was, she should have come right up to see me so I could handle it. Who knew what Joshua had told her? She’d said that he hadn’t said anything about what had happened between us, but how did I know she was telling the truth? Sure, I’d thought that I could tell when she was being honest, but how did I really know? It wasn’t like we’d known each other very long.
Then again, if he’d told her anything more than what she’d said he had, she probably wouldn’t have been so calm when she’d first come to see me. And it wasn’t like she was the sort of woman who wouldn’t have confronted me if she’d learned something like that about me. Right?
But if Joshua hadn’t said anything, then that probably meant everything else she’d told me had been true too.
Or maybe she’d been able to use my past behavior to justify her own actions because she and Joshua had been flirting.
Or maybe I just had my head up my ass.
“Dammit!” I kicked my desk and immediately regretted it, though not as much as I regretted how I’d acted with Ashlee.
She wasn’t the one at fault, not really. It was all Joshua. He probably hadn’t had any intention of talking to me at all. He’d just come by to see what trouble he could make for me and struck the motherload when he ran into Ashlee. I was willing to bet that as soon as he found out that he was talking to my girlfriend, he’d immediately started thinking about all the ways he could fuck with my relationship.
I needed to call him and tell him to back off. Ashlee was off-limits. He could’ve fucked with anyone but her…and that’s exactly what I’d be telling him if I gave in to my impulse. He’d know that the best way to hurt me would be to mess with her. Seduce her. Flirt with her.
Turn her against me.
And I’d deserve it.
Because I’d done it to him.
A decade ago, I’d slept with his then-girlfriend, Calah Evenstar, and it wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest if he tried to return the favor.
Ashlee wouldn’t fall for that, though. She was too smart.
But she had fallen for me, so maybe she wasn’t as smart as I thought when it came to men. I felt like the worst person ever as soon as I thought it. What sort of man took a dig at his own girlfriend like that? Of course, Ashlee was smart. She was one of the most intelligent people I knew. And the kindest. She’d never betray me like that, no matter how hard Joshua would try or even had tried already.
My toe throbbed as I practically stomped to the elevator. I didn’t know who else was in the building, but I didn’t care. I needed to get out of here. I hadn’t bothered to call my driver, and it didn’t matter that the gorgeous day had turned into just another gray and dreary evening. I walked anyway.
The sun was already down, but the streets were well-lit, and I’d made this trip this way before. On days when taking a run wasn’t an option, walking home was sometimes enough to combat the stress. I didn’t think it was going to be enough this time.
I couldn’t just ignore this and hope it went away, not if I wanted to salvage things with Ashlee. My gut told me that the longer I waited, the worse things would be, and the greater my chance of losing her for good would be.
The thought of Joshua talking to her still set my teeth on edge, but I could no longer deny that I’d overreacted. If it’d been Roma or any other woman I’d ever been with, it might’ve annoyed me, but I wouldn’t have cared enough to have the same sort of intense reaction that I’d had with Ashlee. Even if they’d cheated on me with Joshua, I wouldn’t have had an issue with dumping them and moving on to the next woman.
Ashlee was different.
I’d known that from moment one, even if I hadn’t wanted to accept it. Now, I knew that merely admitting it wouldn’t be enough. I liked to control everything, and I’d always considered myself good at it, but I was now beginning to see that I wasn’t actually that good at the relationship part of things. Not when it involved more than just the basic emotions like lust and possessiveness.
I couldn’t control Ashlee, not as my employee and not as my girlfriend, and if I kept running headfirst into this wall, I wasn’t going to have her as either much longer.
I ducked into a diner and ordered a sandwich and a drink. I wasn’t very hungry, but I hadn’t eaten much for lunch, and a growling stomach wasn’t exactly conducive to making a proper apology. I didn’t linger over the meal, barely tasting any of it. As soon as I was done, I flagged down a cab and gave him Ashlee’s address.
Something about my expression must have made him understand that I didn’t want to talk to him because he barely said anything beyond the most basic of polite small talk. After thanking him and giving him a decent tip, I headed up to Ashlee’s place, still unsure of exactly what I planned on saying.
“I wasn’t expecting to see you tonight,” she said as she opened the door after my second knock. Her phone was in her hand, and I knew she’d just gotten off the phone with her mom.
I didn’t mess around with pleasantries or passive-aggressive shit. “I owe you an apology and didn’t want to wait until tomorrow. You deserved to hear it face-to-face, as soon as I could get here.”
Her eyes widened slightly, and she stepped back, motioning for me to come inside. I waited until she closed the door behind us to speak again.
“I’m sorry I behaved the way I did. Certain things…too many things…set me off. There’s bad blood between Joshua and me, and it’s…complicated. But it’s not your fault, and I never should have allowed my issues with my brother to spill over onto you.”
If she asked for specifics, I would tell her the wh
ole story, but I was desperately praying that she wouldn’t. The moment she discovered what I’d done, the way she looked at me would change, and I wanted a little longer with her before that happened.
“All right.” She walked over to sit on the couch. “I accept your apology.”
“Thank you.” I hoped she could hear how sincere those two words were.
“What now?”
Twenty-Two
Ashlee
The moment I asked the question, I knew what the answer was going to be. His lips curved up into that deliciously wicked smile that always made me wet. I no longer cared that I’d been angry and hurt not more than five minutes ago. His apology had been sincere, and I saw no reason to dwell on the past, no matter how recent. If my life had taught me anything, it was to embrace what I could, when I could.
And right now, I wanted to embrace Nate. Nothing could make me feel more alive than being with him.
Two steps were all he needed to be able to take me in his arms and kiss me. Hot and sweet, it was over quicker than I’d thought it would be. He cupped my face in his hands, the passion in his eyes tempered slightly.
“I didn’t apologize because I wanted sex. You know that, right?”
“The fact that you took a minute to ask speaks volumes.” I smiled at him, then wrapped my arms around his neck. “Thank you.”
I’d barely finished the last word when his mouth was on mine again, and there was no ending it this time. His lips molded to mine, taking control of the kiss the same way he did everything else. His fingers ran through my hair, kneading my scalp and sending ribbons of warmth down through my body.
He walked me backward until my legs bumped against the couch and then he turned me around, sitting even as he pulled me down onto his lap. I moaned as his cock rubbed against me, our bodies kept from more intimate contact by our clothes.
Stupid clothes.
It wasn’t until Nate laughed that I realized I’d said it aloud. I rocked against him, and he moaned, fingers tightening on my hips. Teeth dug into my bottom lip, worrying at it until I whimpered, nails scratching at his shoulders but unable to reach skin through the fabric covering him.
I clawed at his shirt, dragging it up until I could reach skin. We both groaned as my fingers played across those rock-hard abs. I’d seen sculptures less beautiful than him. His body was a work of art, and I wanted to admire every inch of him.
“Condom?” I tore my mouth away from his.
My impatience made him laugh again, and I smiled at the sound. He didn’t laugh nearly as much as he should. I resolved to fix that.
After I got off on that amazing cock of his.
I didn’t know how many stories I’d heard from women whose first times had been little more than unpleasant experiences, women who’d never had a man bring them to orgasm at all, let alone with his dick. Not only was he well-endowed, he knew how to use all of the tools at his disposal, including the massive thing between his legs.
“Someone’s eager,” he said, biting his way across my jaw and down my throat. “Normally, I’d make you wait, just to teach you a lesson, but I’m not feeling particularly patient either at the moment.”
I grabbed the front of his pants, quickly working the button and zipper open. He cursed when I grasped him over the soft cotton boxer-briefs he wore and gave him a squeeze.
“Condom?” I asked again.
His eyes flicked up to meet mine. “You’ll need to get up.”
I frowned but climbed off his lap. It was necessary, anyway, thanks to the pants I wore. Some women might’ve been coordinated enough to maneuver out of a pair of leggings while still sitting on someone’s lap, but I wasn’t one of them. I wasn’t a klutz, but I wasn’t exactly graceful either.
While he dug into his wallet for a condom, I pulled off my pants, and then I was back straddling his legs, watching as he rolled the latex over that thick shaft. He put his hands on my hips, his gaze traveling up my body until he reached my eyes. Neither of us looked away as I pulled the crotch of my panties aside and lowered myself onto his cock.
Inch by inch, I slid down, my breath hitching as he stretched me. His hands stayed where they were, slipping under my shirt along my ribs and making me shiver. I hadn’t bothered to put on a bra since I’d expected to be alone, and now I was glad since it meant there was nothing between his hands and my breasts.
He cupped both of them, brushing his thumbs back and forth over my nipples. Within seconds, they were both stiff and aching. I arched my back, the movement dropping me the last inch. Soft cotton brushed against the insides of my thighs, another sensation added to the fullness inside me, the friction on my nipples, the almost tangible caress of his gaze.
“You feel so fucking good,” he groaned.
“So do you,” I breathed.
I moved my hips, shifting back and forth tentatively, adjusting to the position and enjoying the sounds Nate made. His fingers pinched my nipples, his hands flexing.
“Ride me.” He leaned forward, his mouth mere millimeters from mine. “Make us both come.”
I closed the distance, running the tip of my tongue along his bottom lip before slipping inside his mouth. I wrapped my arms around his neck and rolled my hips. We both shuddered, our bodies moving together without thought. We knew this dance, no matter what the position, as if our bodies had been designed to fit together like two parts of a puzzle.
“I’m close, le soleil.”
I nodded, so overwhelmed with the sheer volume of sensations that I couldn’t form words. My eyes were clenched shut, my nipples chafing against my shirt as Nate squeezed my ass. I felt every drop of sweat that rolled down my spine, every pass of Nate’s tongue and teeth on my neck, little pricks of pain that sent shivers of electricity across my nerves.
Nate’s muscles tensed as he fought to maintain control, but we were both wound too tight. His growl was muffled against my neck as he came, and the sound was enough to set me off. We clung to each other as we soared, those moments of pure pleasure tying us together more securely than any restraints ever could have.
It frightened me, how much I wanted this man, how much I needed him. Frightened because I didn’t know if he’d break my heart. Frightened because I feared he would.
And frightened because I thought he might not.
Twenty-Three
Nate
I could get used to this. Knowing I had Ashlee with me, even if she was technically down the hall, made my day brighter. What had happened two days ago had changed things for the better. I’d gotten angry and said some stupid things, but it hadn’t ended us.
I’d come to my senses and apologized.
She’d accepted.
I was trying to be better. I didn’t know exactly how I was going to do that or how well I’d do it, but it was more an effort than I’d ever put out for a woman. I’d shied away from anything that meant more work, but she was more than worth it.
My phone rang, and I answered without looking at the screen, mentally cursing the moment I saw the caller ID.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Nate.” She sounded surprised that I’d answered, and I experienced a flash of guilt.
“Is something wrong?” I hoped I sounded as if I’d intentionally answered the call. I loved my mother but talking to her was…difficult. It was easier just to ignore the calls.
“No,” she said quickly. “We’re all fine.”
“That’s good.”
A few seconds of silence followed my inane statement.
“We’re having dinner this Saturday evening, and we’d like you to come.” She continued, almost without taking a breath, as if she was worried I’d shoot back a rejection without even thinking about it. “The whole rest of the family will be here for the first time in a long time, and it would be great if you could join us.”
I couldn’t shut down the idea immediately. It would hurt her too much. I had to be gentle about it. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea, Mom.”
“Joshua said he met your girlfriend this week. You weren’t in your office, but she was there and talked to him.”
I’d never realized before just how much she hesitated when she spoke to me, as if she felt the need to choose each word carefully.
“Yes, she told me she’d spoken with him.”
“You can bring her. We’d all love to meet her.”
I knew what she wasn’t saying. Everyone would be more likely to behave themselves if we had guests.
“Joshua’s girlfriend will be here too, so yours won’t be the only one.”
Double insurance then. And neither woman would be the only new person in the room.
My answer should have been the same as always: no thank you. At least twice a year, she’d extend an invitation to one family thing or another, and I always turned her down as politely and gently as I could. I knew it hurt her when I did, but it would’ve hurt her worse if I’d shown up and there’d been a fight.
I couldn’t do it, though. I couldn’t tell her no again.
Wanting something new with Ashlee made me wonder if other parts of my life could be new too. Seeing Roberta and Ashlee together had made me realize how much I missed my mom.
I couldn’t, however, say yes right away either. I needed to think about it and not make an impulsive decision. I also wanted to check with Ashlee because her presence would definitely make a difference.
“I’ll think about it.”
“Really?”
I hated how surprised she sounded. It shouldn’t have been like this. She shouldn’t have felt pulled between her children. It should have been my absence that was odd, not the possibility of my presence.
