by M. S. Parker
The intensity in his voice, the need that filled every word, it was like nothing I’d ever heard before, not from anyone.
“But I would do it,” he continued. “I’d share you if it meant I could keep you.”
I leaned down and covered his mouth with mine. I could feel his surprise, but he didn’t take control of the kiss. I kept it brief but put all the emotion I was feeling into it. As I ended it, I rested my forehead on his.
“I don’t want anyone but you.”
We stayed like that for a minute longer, Nate rising to his feet only as the waiter approached with our meal. The young man with the tray smiled politely as Nate kissed the top of my head and waited until Nate returned to his seat before setting down our plates.
We each ate a few bites in silence, enough to appreciate the quality of the meal and for us to each process the heavy conversation that had unexpectedly come out of Nate’s game.
“Are we okay?” Nate finally asked, his gaze darting up to mine.
“We are.” I smiled at him and reached out to squeeze his hand. “As long as you’re okay.”
“I am.” He raised our hands and kissed my knuckles. “And I meant what I said. I didn’t come up with this game so I could see what I could convince you to do.”
“I believe you,” I reassured him. “And I’d like to keep playing…if that’s what you want.”
His face lit up, and he drained the last of the wine from his glass. While he poured another, I watched his mind working, and I knew he was trying to get back on the same path he’d been on before I’d accidentally derailed us.
“Spanked a woman while fingering her until she comes.”
My breathing hitched at the memory of his skillful fingers inside me, the sting of his palm on my ass, and I could only imagine what it would feel like to have them combined.
“Next.”
Twenty-Five
Nate
The first thing I noticed when I opened the society section of the newspaper was my face. The second thing was that I hadn’t seen the photograph being taken because I’d been staring at Ashlee. We’d been caught just as we’d left the restaurant last night, and we looked just as wrapped up in each other as I’d felt. She was tucked against my side, the expression on her face matching mine.
We looked like a young couple in love.
Love.
That wasn’t a word I was comfortable using with anyone other than my mom.
I pushed it from my head and looked down at the photo’s caption, curious to see what the reporter had to say about the two of us.
Manhattan Records CEO, Nate Lexington, seen leaving One if by Land, Two if by Sea with friend.
Friend.
I didn’t like that. Any other time I was spotted with a woman, reporters would speculate about romance. It was always with possible love interest or seen cozying up to. That sort of thing. I glanced at the byline and saw a familiar female name: Marty Perez. That explained it.
She’d had a thing for me for years and had often fought her editor because she would submit a snarky caption, then be told that she had to behave because of who the women were. Models. Actresses. Singers – though never ones signed to my label. Ashlee didn’t have that protection. She had me, so the caption wasn’t insulting, but it was still dismissive.
I was tempted to call the paper and tell them that if they valued my business, they’d keep tighter control on Ms. Perez, but I knew that wasn’t what Ashlee would want. She’d want me to let it go.
There were so many things I didn’t know about Ashlee, but facts and figures would only have supported what I did know about her. She was a good person, a kind person. She dismissed things that weren’t important, and the caption wasn’t important, not as long as she knew that she wasn’t just a ‘friend.’
I couldn’t say love yet, but she was my girlfriend, and I would make certain that no one would mistake Ashlee as anyone other than who she was.
My phone rang, and I knew who it was without looking at the screen. “Hi, Mom.”
“You sound happy,” she said. “That was a very nice picture of you in the paper this morning.”
She wanted confirmation and wanted to be sure I wasn’t cheating on my girlfriend. “It is a nice picture of Ashlee and me. Her name isn’t really out there, so it’s not surprising the reporter didn’t know it. They’ll figure it out soon enough.”
“She’s as pretty as Joshua said she was.”
I didn’t like that Joshua had described Ashlee as pretty, but I supposed I would’ve liked it even less if he’d said she wasn’t attractive.
I closed my eyes. “She’s even prettier in person.”
“Does that mean the two of you will be joining us this evening for dinner?” Mom couldn’t quite keep the hopeful note from her voice, and it was that, more than anything else, that made me decide.
“I have to check with Ashlee to see if she can come with me.” I had a feeling it wouldn’t be a surprise to her that I hadn’t asked Ashlee yet. I was ashamed to admit that I’d put it off, but Mom deserved the truth.
“It’ll be good to see you both.”
I could hear the smile in her voice, and it made me smile too. Dinner wasn’t going to be fun, no matter how positive Mom was trying to be about it. Even if Joshua and I let things go, we couldn’t just magically undo a lifetime of tension. We’d had issues before I’d slept with Calah, and not only Joshua and me. I’d never really felt like I fit in with my family, and no matter how much Mom tried to fix things, that feeling would continue to be there.
Still, I was already trying to change things in my life by making a real relationship with Ashlee. I could try to make things better with my family too, at least enough that I could give my mom holidays with the whole family but without the extra drama.
“Thanks, Mom,” I said. “I’ll text you if something comes up, but otherwise, we’ll be there.”
I ended the call and took a minute before dialing Ashlee. I only hoped that she was free tonight because I didn’t know if I could handle going by myself. I would still go, but I doubted it’d go as well as it would if I had le soleil with me.
Twenty-Six
Ashlee
I’d been a little surprised when Nate had taken me home after dinner Friday and simply given me a kiss rather than coming inside, but we didn’t need to have sex every time we were together. If anything, it was healthy for us to spend time together and then go to our separate homes.
It didn’t make me miss him any less when I wasn’t with him. I hadn’t realized how important someone could become in such a short period of time. Maybe I should’ve been frightened by it, but I didn’t have it in me.
Today had been nice and quiet. Mom had called me and said a picture of Nate and me was in the paper. It was a nice picture, she said. We both looked happy. They didn’t have my name and only referred to me as a friend, but I didn’t care about that. I wasn’t concerned with the publicity that being with Nate brought. I didn’t care if anyone knew my name or anything about me, but I couldn’t help feeling a little pleased at the picture being out there for the world to see.
Then, a couple hours later, Nate called, and my nice quiet Saturday went from me hanging out in casual clothes and watching a movie to trying to figure out what I should wear to meet Nate’s family.
Shit.
I was going to meet my boyfriend’s family. Technically, he’d met all of mine since I only had Mom and Finley – he’d actually met Finley first if I wanted to be picky about it – but my family wasn’t as intimidating as his. They were a whole family. Two parents. Siblings. All of it. They knew how this ‘meet the family’ thing was supposed to go.
I didn’t even know if they knew anything about me. Maybe I was a surprise that he was going to use to make sure everyone behaved themselves. People were often less willing to make a scene when they had a guest. I didn’t mind being that guest for him.
It just made it a lot harder to figure out what to wear.
I finally decided on a nice pair of black jeans and a short-sleeved, deep blue, cold-shoulder shirt, and dress sandals. Not a moment too soon, either, because Nate was knocking at my door, a sharper, harder knock than usual.
He’d sounded nervous when he’d called about the dinner, so I hadn’t commented on how his ‘asking’ had been more ‘telling,’ but it seemed as if the tension had only gotten worse.
He was dressed as impeccably as usual, but not in a suit. Dark gray dress pants and a fitted, long-sleeved, crimson shirt. Lust twisted my stomach, and I let it show on my face.
“I feel underdressed,” I said as Nate stepped past me. “Should I change into something else?”
The fact that he didn’t automatically answer, but instead looked me over from head-to-toe, told me how tightly wound he was. The nerves I’d managed to keep under control so far exploded into full-blown anxiety.
Immediately, he wrapped his arms around me and rested his cheek on my head. “You look great. I’m sorry if I made you feel otherwise.”
I put my arms around his waist and breathed in the scent of him. “It wasn’t you. I’ve just never done the whole family thing, and I want to make a good impression.”
“None of the guys you dated took you home to meet their parents?”
I shook my head. “I was never with them long enough, I guess. I never minded, but I hadn’t realized that would just make me more nervous when I finally found someone whose parents I really wanted to like me.”
I worried that I’d revealed too much, but he didn’t seem to be weirded out by what I’d said. If anything, his embrace tightened as he ran his hand up and down my spine.
“They’re going to love you,” he said. “I have no doubt about that.”
I raised my head so I could look at him. “What do you doubt?”
He considered the question before answering, “That tonight isn’t a huge mistake. Not because of you. You’re the only thing that’s going to make it bearable. If it tanks, it’ll be because of me.”
I gave him a squeeze. “If Joshua’s reaching out to you, doesn’t that mean he wants the two of you to work things out?”
“My family and I…let’s just say I’ve always been the odd one out. I don’t know if that’s changed.”
I heard it then, clearer than I ever had before. Loneliness. He wanted his family to love him for who he was, to have the sort of unconditional love that they were supposed to have for one another.
Whatever the falling out had been between Joshua and him, the walls Nate put up hadn’t originated there. He’d been building them his whole life, trying to keep anyone from seeing how badly he was hurting, trying to keep anyone from getting close enough to hurt him that way again.
“Hey.” I reached up and put my hand on his cheek. “If they can’t see the wonderful man I know, then it’s their loss. Give them a chance. Patch up what needs patching. But if they can’t make an effort, we walk. Together.”
He turned his head and kissed my palm. “I like the sound of that.”
The touch of his lips sent a thread of warmth through me, and I was tempted to slide my hand under the back of his shirt. I couldn’t get enough of touching him, of him touching me.
“I can help you take the edge off,” I heard myself saying. Bolder than usual, I felt no fear or risk. He wanted me. If he declined, it wouldn’t be a rejection of me, just of timing. My trust in him gave me the confidence to act. “You helped me. Let me do the same for you.”
He bent his head to give me a heated kiss, his hands sliding down my back to palm my ass. His teeth tugged at my bottom lip, not releasing it until I moaned. When he pulled back, I expected him to instruct me to get down on my knees or open his pants so I could get my hand around him.
Instead, he squeezed my ass before taking a step back and releasing me.
“Do you really want to help me relax?”
The gleam in his eyes said that he had something different in mind than what I’d been thinking.
“Yes, Mr. Lexington.”
The smile he gave me was beyond wicked, and I wondered if I was going to regret my offer.
“Do you have that package I sent you?”
When I nodded, he told me to get it. I headed to my room, eager to see what was inside. It’d been delivered Thursday afternoon with a note saying not to open it until I was given permission. I’d assumed he’d sent it for me to open after we’d gone to dinner last night, but he hadn’t even mentioned it.
I brought it back, and he motioned for me to open it. There was another box inside the plain brown box, and this one was fancier, with shiny white and gold surfaces and a sparkling gold ribbon. When I opened that box, I found a few things inside, all of them clearly sex toys that Nate intended to use on me. Some I recognized, but others were a little less obvious.
“Eventually, we’re going to experiment with all of these,” Nate said as he reached into the box to pluck out something. “Change from what you’re wearing into these.”
These were a pair of barely-there panties that had what appeared to be a small pocket at the front of the crotch. I turned to go to my bedroom when a sound from Nate stopped me. I looked over at him, and he shook his head.
“Here.”
Despite the fact that he’d seen me naked more than once, I still blushed as I pulled my pants off. I swapped my simple pair of black cotton panties out for the filmy lace ones Nate had handed me. He didn’t say anything until I had my pants back on and moved to do up the button and zipper.
“Wait. Come here.”
I went, stopping when we still had a few inches separating us. He held up his hand, and I saw a small metal object between his thumb and forefinger. It took me a moment to place, but even after I did, I was still confused. Then he shoved his hand down the front of my pants – and panties – and I figured it out.
The metal had already been warmed by his hand when he slipped it into the little pocket. I gasped as his fingers probed between my folds, half-caressing, half-situating. By the time he removed his hand a minute or so later, the bullet was resting against my clitoris, and I was well on my way to being wet.
“Let’s test it to make sure it works.”
I barely had time to register his words before the metal vibrated. I cursed, nails digging into my palm. It lasted only a few seconds before it stopped and then Nate took my hand, uncurling my fingers and kissing the places where I’d left marks.
“Did it hurt?” he asked.
I shook my head. “I-I just wasn’t expecting it. I mean, I knew what it did, but it was…” I struggled to find the right words.
“Different context,” he said. “A vibrator during something sexual, in a bedroom or the like, that makes sense. Like this, fully clothed, ready to go into public…it screws with your brain.”
“That’s one way to put it,” I muttered.
“Will it be too much for you?”
I didn’t blurt out an answer, needing to give myself a minute to think so I could answer honestly. He hadn’t spelled out exactly what this meant, but it wasn’t difficult to figure out. He wanted me to wear this tonight so that, periodically, he could press a button and watch me squirm. While I was sitting at the dinner table with his entire family, trying not to have an orgasm and hoping that no one could hear the subtle buzzing.
This wasn’t a punishment for me, no matter how torturous it might end up being. I’d asked him if I could help with his tension, and this was his answer. He didn’t need me to get him off. He needed me to be a distraction. He needed something that he could control in the middle of a place and with a group of people who were all outside his control.
I understood that in a healthy Dom / sub relationship, the sub actually had the final say. Any control that the Dom had, it was only because the sub allowed it. The power dynamic came from the existence of a safe word and the understanding that when a sub used it, the Dom respected it. Some people might’ve seen it as some sort of contradiction or parad
ox, but it really was a logical progression.
This was the first time I went beyond understanding it from a logical standpoint. I actually felt it. I wanted to help him, and this was a way I could, but he wouldn’t take it without complete consent. Me giving him the ability to control that part of me would be what he needed.
And only I could offer it to him.
Twenty-Seven
Nate
As Ashlee and I walked up the short walkway to the front steps, I held her hand with one of mine, and the other stayed in my pants pocket, firmly wrapped around the slim button that was connected to the vibrator in Ashlee’s underwear. I wasn’t going to turn it on just yet but knowing I could was enough.
Before I could decide which hand to use to knock, the door flew open, and Mom was there. New wrinkles at the corners of her dark eyes. Gray and white mixed in with her platinum blonde hair. Changes that I hadn’t watched happen because I hadn’t been here.
The smile was still the same, though, as was the enthusiastic way she threw her arms around me. At five foot eight, she was taller than Ashlee, but she somehow felt more delicate in my arms.
A wave of guilt washed over me. I might not have ever been her favorite, but she loved me, no matter what I’d done. No matter how much friction I’d caused.
I hugged her back, grateful for the hand Ashlee had at my back, a simple touch reminding me that I wasn’t alone. She grounded me in a way no one else ever had.
“Come in, come in,” Mom finally said, pulling away. She wiped at her cheeks, not bothering to try to hide the tears that had been there. She’d never been an overly emotional person, but she also had no issues with showing her emotions, not like the Lexington men.
I followed her inside, reaching back for Ashlee’s hand as she came after me. Inside was the usual awkward shuffle as shoes came off and jackets were hung, all within a small space before we moved into the living room. Dad pushed himself up from his chair as we entered, coming over to stand next to Mom.
