A Dark & Stormy Knight: A McKnight Romance (McKnight Romances)

by Quint, Suzie

  Bethany shook her head as if Georgia were too dumb for words. “Hell, Georgia, he worshipped the ground you walked on, and you left him to keep Mama from being unhappy.”

  “No. No, that’s not why. He . . .” She took a deep breath. “He was riding bulls. You know what the rodeo life is like. He’d have been gone all the time, out there with ‘the boys.’“ And the buckle bunnies. “I’d have been home alone, probably with a passel of kids, and when he got hurt, then . . . then . . .” She wanted to keep going, to explain to Bethany, but her breath was doing something funny, coming in sharp, fast intakes with little half-sobby noises.

  Bethany wrapped her arms around Georgia’s shoulders. “I know. I was there. I heard Mama.”

  Georgia’s throat closed on a hard lump.

  “He was either going to go off with some sleazy buckle bunny, or he was going to get himself killed in the arena, leaving you alone with half a dozen kids.” Bethany rocked Georgia in her arms, trying to soothe away the pain, but it only made Georgia’s throat hurt worse. “All because he didn’t love you enough. You were so afraid she was right, you deserted the ship before it even started sinking.”

  “You don’t know,” Georgia said between breaths, “how hard it was to hear that . . . and not believe it.”

  Bethany snorted. “Really? You think Mama didn’t try that with me?”

  Georgia pulled back to look at her sister. She wiped at her wet cheeks. “Why would she? Carl’s devoted to you.”

  “Of course he is. But before me, Carl got around. You probably never paid attention because we were so much younger than you and, well”—Bethany grinned—”you had a lot on your plate even then. But he dated nearly every pretty girl in the county before we got together. Mama said he’d be floozing around before our second anniversary.”

  A laugh burst out of Georgia. Carl was so devoted to his family that picturing him running around on Bethany was beyond Georgia’s imaginative powers. Still, she knew her mama. The woman’s ability to pinpoint the chink in someone’s armor was uncanny, so there must have been cause for doubt at the time. “How did you know she was wrong?”

  “Because I made him work for me. I didn’t say yes the first time he asked me out, but he kept coming back and asking again. He went through a lot of girls before I said yes. And by then, I’d made him jump through so many hoops, I knew I could trust him.” Bethany’s lips turned up in a smile. “He’s never let me down.”

  “And Mama quit hounding you? Just like that?”

  “Are you kidding? She’s got that locking jaw like a pit bull. But I told her I wasn’t going to let her do to me what she did to you and Sol. And then I told her, if she wanted to see her future grandbabies, she had to play nice. I maybe wasn’t as in her face as you just were, but she got the message.”

  “When did you get to be so smart?” Georgia asked. And so strong.

  Bethany smiled. “I’m not that smart, but I pay attention. If I hadn’t seen what Mama did to you, I’d probably have fallen for it, too. I love Mama but she’s damaged, and I don’t want to be like her.”

  Georgia looked at her sister in awe. Bethany had beaten the family curse. Teach me, she wanted to beg her sister. Teach me how to do that, too.

  “You know what?” Bethany put an arm around Georgia’s shoulder and gave her a sideways hug. “You’re not Mama either or even Grams. And you were right that Sol isn’t Daddy or Grampa. Just because things didn’t work out so well for them, that doesn’t have anything to do with you.”

  Except it did. She’d made sure of that twelve years ago, not when she’d married the man she loved, but when she’d left him.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Georgia barely heard Bethany say she’d get Eden together and send her around the house, so Georgia wouldn’t have to face their mama again so soon.

  Her hands folded in front of her, index fingers steepled, Georgia thought about how she’d let her mother convince her that her marriage was the problem, but it wasn’t. Repetition compulsion. The sins of the father. Or in this case, the mother. Georgia’s sin had been allowing her mother to convince her that her marriage was a mistake. That she’d chosen the kind of man who would put her second to his true passion, who would crush her heart. But when had Sol actually done that? She couldn’t blame him for continuing to ride when she hadn’t shared how much it frightened her. And even though the danger was real, well, lots of things were dangerous. Didn’t they say that most accidents in the home happened in the shower? She wasn’t going to give up bathing.

  So why had she given Sol up so readily?

  She buried her face in her hands.

  They’d been apart for twelve years, and while he might be a bit bruised and battered, he was still alive, still walking, still whole. Was she? Every time he rodeoed, the fear nearly overwhelmed her.

  What was that saying? A brave man died but once; a coward died a thousand deaths. She’d been a coward, envisioning Sol’s death every time she’d watched him ride, feeling it in her soul each time.

  But Sol hadn’t died.

  What if she’d trusted he would be safe?

  It was easy to see now with that infamous 20/20 hindsight that she’d worried for nothing, but even if it hadn’t worked out that way and she’d lost him . . . For a moment, she envisioned how losing Sol would feel.

  Pain, sharp as a butcher’s blade, sliced through her, taking her breath away. Still. Even though it hadn’t happened. Even though she’d left him to save herself the pain. That clearly hadn’t worked so well.

  Georgia caught her breath. Oh, Lord. It was true. Everyone was right.

  She was still in love with Sol.

  How had she missed seeing that? It was so obvious.

  She’d let fear keep her from being with him. This fear she’d learned from the women of her family.

  No. That wasn’t true. Her Grams might have been widowed young, but she’d never shown any regrets. This had started with her mother. Another lightning bolt of clarity struck her. Her mother had abandonment issues so severe, she’d passed them on to Georgia. And was she, in her turn, passing them on to Eden? Was that why Eden wouldn’t go near Spitfire or any of the other horses?

  Spitfire hadn’t abandoned Eden any more than Sol had abandoned Georgia, but maybe the issue wasn’t abandonment so much as it was the fear of abandonment.

  Eden was so tender hearted. She was also nearly the same age Georgia had been when her daddy had gone off to play music.

  So now what? She didn’t want to screw this up and reinforce Eden’s fears. Before she could even start to piece together an answer, Eden came around the corner of the house. Bethany walked with her, her hand on Eden’s shoulder.

  “Don’t worry about Mama and Daddy. I’ll make sure they get home. Grams, too,” Bethany said with a smile, “though I wouldn’t mind keeping her.”

  “She’d drive you crazy in a week,” Georgia said.

  Bethany laughed. “Yeah. I tend to forget that when I haven’t been around her for a while. Don’t worry about what time you get home. I’ll stay with the folks until you get there or until they’re in bed, whichever comes first.”

  Georgia hugged her sister. “Thanks.”

  “No problem.”

  Georgia brushed her hand over Eden’s hair. “Ready to go?”

  Eden nodded without looking at her, and Georgia realized she did know what her first step needed to be.

  She waited until they were in the car and on their way to the ranch before she said, “Your gramma’s wrong about your daddy.”

  Eden sat silently, staring out the passenger window. Georgia thought she’d have to carry the whole conversation, but just as she was about to continue, Eden said, “Why—?” The sharply bit-off question made Georgia look at her daughter. Eden lips were rolled together tight.

  “Why what, sugar?”

  Eden shook her head, still staring out the window.

  “Come on. You can ask me anything. You know that, don’t you?” S
he waited. The things that worried kids could be hard to predict.

  “Did you mean what you said about Daddy loving us?”

  It wasn’t the question Eden had started to ask before, but maybe she’d work up to that.

  “Yes, I did. He loves you.” She steeled herself to say it out loud. “And me.” It took a real effort not to let her voice crack as she said, “He loves us both.”

  Eden mulled that over for a minute. Georgia did her best to wait patiently.

  “When you and Daddy got married . . .”

  “Yes?”

  “Did you love Daddy?”

  Uh-oh. If this was going where she thought it was, she had to be careful. “Yes, I did. I was crazy about him.”

  “Then why did you leave?”

  She took a deep breath. This was not something she could explain to her daughter, not when she was still struggling to wrap her own mind around it. And probably not ever. But she had to fix it, and the first step was answering Eden’s question. “I wish I could tell you love conquers all, baby, but that’s not how it works.” She paused, thinking about what else to say. “We were awfully young, and maybe we expected love to be enough, but it wasn’t. We made mistakes. I think our worst mistake was we didn’t know how to talk about the important stuff.” Lord knew she sure hadn’t.

  “But you do now. Don’t you?”

  “I think I’m learning to, sugar. I think I’m finally learning.”

  ###

  When they got to the ranch, Georgia went looking for Sol.

  She would ask him to give up riding before she lost her nerve.

  So maybe it was unfair that she still wanted him to quit, but just because she’d figured what her fears had cost her didn’t mean they’d go away. If he said no, well, maybe she could learn to live with the fear. But if he said yes . . . Oh, Lord, if said yes, she’d marry him again in a heartbeat. Even if she had to do the proposing.

  That drew her up short. Marrying Sol would mean giving up her job in Dallas. It would mean moving into his trailer—both her and Eden. Could she do that? Did she want to? She wasn’t that attached to Dallas but her job? She loved her job. But as Maddie had pointed out, she could teach here as easily as she could there. And she wasn’t eighteen any longer. She could stand up for herself if Sol tried to bully her into quitting. He would just have to deal with it.

  The trailer . . . Well, that was something they could discuss.

  If he said yes.

  As it turned out, she didn’t get the chance to ask him.

  “Zach took some bulls to Mesquite for the rodeo. Sol went with him,” Maddie told her when Georgia found her gathering eggs in Ruth’s chicken coop.

  That was the “stuff” he had to do? Georgia’s stomach gave a nervous flutter. “Was Sol going to ride?”

  “Zach didn’t mention it—at least not to me.”

  Okay. So maybe he wasn’t riding. The Mesquite Rodeo was a Friday-Saturday affair every weekend through the summer. Only three hours away in a Dallas suburb, it was bread-and-butter for several local stock contractors.

  When Georgia asked when they were coming home, Maddie said, “I told him I’d better not see him until Sunday.”

  Could Georgia wait until then to talk to Sol? It would give her time to figure exactly what to say, so maybe it was a good thing.

  Maddie slid her hand into the nest under a hen and came out with an egg. The red hen clucked softly twice.

  “That’s a pretty slick magic trick,” Georgia said,

  “What? Gathering eggs?”

  “Swiping it from under the hen. I wouldn’t try it.”

  “And here I thought you were a country girl.”

  “I am,” Georgia said. “A country girl with a fear of chickens. Comes from being pecked by a mama hen when I was little. They’re vicious, you know.”

  “Not Old Red here.” Maddie rubbed the side of the bird’s head where the ear was. Red closed her eyes and leaned into Maddie’s hand. “She’s as sweet as they come.”

  “You let her hatch a few eggs, and she won’t be.”

  Maddie grinned. She carefully placed the stolen treasure in her basket and stood.

  As they walked back toward the house, Georgia asked, “Why did you tell Zach you didn’t want to see him before Sunday?”

  “What I actually said was that if he risks driving tired, I’ll divorce him. I’ve already lost too many people I love. I’m not losing him to something that stupid.”

  Over the past year, Georgia had gotten Maddie’s story in bits and pieces from Eden and Sol. Before she’d come to Texas, the man Maddie had been in love with had been murdered along with Maddie’s younger sister. Beyond question, Maddie knew what it was to have someone she loved snatched away with the finality only death brought.

  That man’s death had touched the McKnights as well; Maddie’s lover, Vince McMahon, had been Sol’s best friend since grade school. When Maddie had run from the killer, she’d chosen to hide out in Galveston because Vince had worked there for a time. She’d even gotten a job at the hotel Vince had been partial to. The same hotel where Sol’s sister Rachel worked and where Maddie met Zach.

  “Do you regret it?” Georgia asked. “Loving Vince, I mean.”

  “No.” Maddie shook her head. “Love doesn’t come with guarantees. You can play it safe and do everything right and still lose him to a drunk driver or cancer.

  “I lost both my parents by the time I was eighteen; my sister and Vince almost two years ago.” Maddie stopped and stared toward the sunset, though Georgia would bet she didn’t really see it. “You have no idea how easy it would be to obsess about Zach and the kids. I could drive myself certifiably bat-shit crazy, worrying about how to keep them safe. I could have decided loving again was too risky.” She took a deep breath then blew it out in one long stream before smiling at Georgia. “In fact, I tried to. God bless him, Zach wouldn’t let me.”

  Georgia laughed.

  “I still worry, of course,” Maddie continued as they started again for the house. “There are moments when I teeter on the edge, when I’d like to roll them up in cotton batting and not let them out of my sight. Especially the kids.” She shifted the basket to her other hand. “Just the thought of losing them is so painful, it takes my breath away. I’m not sure I could live without them.”

  “I know. I feel that way about Eden. I couldn’t bear to lose her.”

  “But what choice do you have? If you let the fear rule, you only lose them sooner rather than later.”

  Maddie was right. And how screwed up was it to say, “I don’t want you because I’m afraid of losing you”? Which very tidily described what Georgia had done to her marriage.

  ###

  Sol was always a little amazed at how smooth the cattle hauler rode. The first hours of their trip, he and Zach had talked about the ranch, Daisy’s plans now that Spitfire was sidelined, and of course, Zach’s kids, but then the conversation had tapered off.

  When they were about a half an hour from the Mesquite exit, Zach broke the silence. “How many more seasons you figure you’ll ride.”

  Sol bit back a sigh. Was he looking that long in the tooth? “I hadn’t thought about it. I figure I’ll know when it’s time to give it up. Why?”

  “I wanna build up our herd, but breeding the kind of bulls that’ll get us supplying the big rodeos is gonna take forever with the herd we got.”

  “If you want to buy better stock, then buy better stock. Daddy won’t have a problem with that as long as you don’t set your sights on PBR’s Bull of the Year.”

  Zach flicked him an odd look as if he suspected Sol of taking a dig at him. “Listen, I do okay deciding which bulls should cover which cows—”

  Sol snorted. Zach did better than okay. The quality of their bull calves had improved significantly since Zach had taken over the breeding.

  “But I don’t ride.” Zach said, ignoring his brother’s snort. “You do. You understand the finer points of what makes a bull rank. I
could use your advice.”

  It still sounded too much like a pity job to Sol. Give the broken-down cowboy something to do to make him feel useful. He wondered who all had been in on this decision. “You don’t need my advice. You’ve got it down cold.”

  Zach’s lips pressed together.

  He’s annoyed? Does it bug him that the useless old cowboy doesn’t want his charity? “What can I offer that you don’t already know how to do?”

  “You wanna know what I do?” Zach’s voice was testy. “I look at the conformity. Is the bull built right? How does he kick? Does he spin? That’s what I know about bucking bulls. Then I look at the cows. I look at their build and their temperament. If they’ve got some aggression to ‘em, I figure they might put out a good bucker. But that ain’t all a bull needs to be rank. He’s gotta have the will to buck, and that’s something I can’t judge.”

  “Hell, Zach. No one can. Not until someone gets on their backs.”

  “Yeah, I know. But we spend two years getting to that point. And that’s another place I could use help. I need someone experienced telling me which ones have real potential. We sell half of our three-year-olds every year because I don’t think they’re going to be good enough. If they’re not good enough for the arena, they sure ain’t no good as breeding stock.” Zach’s voice got tight. “And I make mistakes.”

  “Everyone makes mistakes,” Sol said. “You can’t—”

  “No. I make bad mistakes.”

  Sol looked closer at Zach. His brother’s mouth was drawn tight, and his forehead was furrowed. “What do you mean? ‘Bad’ mistakes?”

  Zach’s sigh started on an audible inhale. The exhalation seemed to come all the way from his toes. “Does the name Rock ‘n Roller ring any bells?”

  Sol blew a puff of air from his lips. “Of course it does. He’s in the lead for the PBR’s Rookie Bull of the Year.”

  “Yeah, well . . . we bred him.”

  Sol jerked upright in his seat. “What?”

  “And then I sold him.” Zach’s tone was grim.

  “Ah, Christ.” Zach was right. That was a major screw up. Stock contractors prayed for a bull like Rock ‘n Roller, and those prayers mostly went unanswered. To have one in their hands and then to sell him . . . No wonder Zach was having a crisis of confidence.