by Mia Hoddell
“Does this mean I can stop disallowing them into your races again?”
I spun in shock at Anthony’s voice, having not heard his approach. “Could you move any quieter?”
“Not my fault you’re deaf. What’s happening with Teo?”
“Nothing. You keep them out like normal.”
Anthony’s forehead wrinkled and his eyebrows knitted together. “I don’t understand, Dustin. You’ve been in a good place this weekend. Isn’t it time to let everyone back in?”
“If you want me to stay in a good place and get into Formula One this is how it has to be.”
His chest heaved with his sigh. “Speaking of which, I have a contract from Sabre I want you to look over. It’s a good deal.”
“I’ll read it on the plane.”
Chapter Fifteen
Tazia
I didn’t realise how much I’d been relying upon Dustin’s company to keep me entertained until he left the country. Even though we’d only seen each other sporadically for the last couple of weeks, I still missed the occasional time we spent together. And I was only becoming more agitated since I’d begun counting down the final seven days until I could get the freaking cast removed from my leg. Dustin managed to distract me from my wallowing, and now I had nothing but time and nothing to fill it with. I guessed it would all change once the cast came off since I could get back to work at the bakery. I’d been ordered to stay away since when I’d tried to keep working, I tripped over my crutch and sent a bowl of cake mix flying across the room. Then when I tried to take over the front of house and ring up the sales, staying on my feet all day became too exerting. I was a disaster waiting to happen and without any other option, my boss forced to take sick leave. However, I really missed the place.
Nevertheless, until I healed I remained stuck at home sulking.
Yes sulking.
The alarm on my phone chimed, alerting me to the fact I needed to feed Michael and Ralf. I’d agreed to take care of them while Dustin raced, but even I questioned my decision to buy them over a stick insect. For creatures so tiny they sure ate a lot. Then again, I’d been moaning about having nothing to do and they were adorable.
With a grumble I picked up my crutches, grabbed Dustin’s key, and headed next door. It felt strange being in his home without him, especially hunting through his fridge to retrieve the Mysis shrimp. I chuckled, remembering how Dustin reacted to the idea of keeping them next to his food. He’d originally intended to feed them fish flakes until the breeder corrected him, and the look he’d given me still burned to think about it.
When I’d reminded him it was like keeping prawns in his freezer he’d warmed up to the idea even if the thought still revolted him a little. I saw the way he handled the food at arm’s length and with his head turned in the opposite direction. I, on the other hand, had no aversions. I even liked hand-feeding Michael and Ralf.
I pulled out a shrimp and dipped my hand into the water. Keeping as still as possible I allowed Ralf to slowly make his way up to take the food and repeated the process a few times.
Once they’d both eaten an equal amount, I rested my chin on top of my hands on the cabinet the tank sat on. Watching their slow and gentle movements always calmed me.
“What am I meant to do, guys?”
Raising one hand to the glass, I held my finger against it and Michael made his way over. Ralph, on the other hand, stayed among the plants.
“Not got an answer for me?” I drew a shape on the tank slowly so Michael could follow my finger.
“I should tell him everything, shouldn’t I? It’s pointless worrying over something I don’t have the answer to. What if he doesn’t hate me?”
Realising my finger wasn’t food, Michael swam away. I pulled out two more shrimp from the container and placed one in each hand. “Okay, I’m trusting you guys with this. Right hand means I tell Dustin everything, left means I don’t. What should I do?”
I dipped my hands into the water once more and waited patiently for them to make their way over to me. Michael reached me first, although Ralf wasn’t far behind. Each went for the opposite hand.
With a sigh I withdrew my hands from the tank and dried them off. “Well you two are absolutely no help. I guess that’s what I get for trusting seahorses.”
I shut the lid and returned the shrimp to the freezer. With a final fleeting look at the tank I hobbled out into the hallway and into my flat, shut my door behind me, and dropped my keys into the bowl. My right arm shot out away from my body, jerking me off balance when my crutch slipped on something.
I managed to catch myself and once I’d righted myself, I glanced down at the white card which had caused me to slip. There was nothing on the front to give away what lay inside, but it had obviously been slid under my door since it had no address or postal mark.
I picked it up and ran my finger under the flap. It opened easily, not having been sealed, and I slid the card out to see a simple watercolour painting of a vase of flowers.
Perplexed, I unhooked one crutch and rested it against the wall. With my hand free I parted the card, catching the slip of paper that fell from the middle. Turning it over, a grainy image of me hugging Dustin outside our building stared up at me. It had been taken from the opposite side of the street the day Dustin left for Monza.
I held my breath and slipped my thumb in to the middle of the card.
You’re not his.
Those were the only three words written in a messy scrawl I couldn’t recognise. My hand trembled as I flipped the card over. There was nothing on the back—no logo, brand, or price code—and nothing to give me a clue to where or who it came from.
I gawked at the picture and the sinister words again. Leaning back against my door, I attempted to calm my breathing, which I hadn’t realised had increased to the point I was gasping.
I stared at the photo, wondering who could have taken it. Only two names immediately jumped out at me: Max and Elora.
It had to be a sick joke, right?
I didn’t think Max would go to such lengths because I ignored a few calls. He hadn’t wanted me so he shouldn’t have cared whether I was friends with Dustin. Yet I couldn’t rule him out, even if my gut told me to place my money on Elora. I’d seen how quickly she could snap and how she treated Dustin.
But what did that have to do with me?
I pulled my phone out of my back pocket, certain I could erase one suspect from my short list. I’d avoided calling Max back because I didn’t want to hear anything he had to say. Things may have ended amicably, yet the run up to the end had been far from it. I had suspicions over what he wanted, but he’d made his choice and he had to live with it. I’d moved on after all, and he’d wised up too late.
At least that’s what I’d tell him if we ever got onto the subject. I didn’t plan on talking to him for long.
Swiping to return his call, I raised the mobile to my ear. My heart thundered against my ribcage and my palms became so clammy I thought the phone would slide from my grip. With every ring the burning in my lungs intensified until I was forced to exhale and relieve the pressure. I swallowed hard, glared at the ceiling, and tapped my fingers impatiently against the handle of my crutch.
Finally the call connected. “Hello?”
My jaw seized up so I couldn’t get a word out. I’d have settled for a mumbled grunt, and even that seemed impossible.
“Tazzie?”
I rubbed my chest with my free hand, pressing down hard as if I could physically squash the pain in my heart into submission. The sound of my old nickname wasn’t helping my composure in the slightest.
Grinding my teeth together, I forced the words out with a grimace. “Max, hi. Are you free to talk? I need to ask you something important.”
“Yeah, I’m good. I’ve been trying to reach you too. I’m glad you finally called me back, I was starting to think maybe you changed your number.”
A disgruntled grunt slipped from my lips.
“
I’ll go first,” I said because that way I could hang up on him without giving him the chance to say anything back.
“Okay, what did you want to talk about?” he asked warily.
“Have you sent me anything recently?” I couldn’t build up the courage to ask if he’d stopped by to hand deliver a card. Admitting the envelope wasn’t delivered by regular mail made it seem all the more creepy.
“No. Should I have? I thought you’d taken everything you wanted, but I can have it sent over if there’s something you’ve remembered.”
It didn’t sound like a lie. In fact he sounded genuinely apologetic at the fact he may have forgotten to send over some of my belongings. By the guilt in his tone he would no doubt be pacing the length of the living room, pausing to look out the window every minute. It was an action he’d performed on numerous occasions when stressed. I’d seen him repeat it over and over again, especially in the lead up to our separation.
“No, Max. There isn’t anything I need.” I prayed he didn’t question why I’d called to ask and my instincts cried for me to hang up.
“Oh, okay.” I heard the sound of the sofa puffing around his weight and his huff. It hadn’t taken much to placate him. “So how are you?”
I knew I should have listened to my gut.
“I’m good. Slowly healing and finally getting this cast off in a few days.”
“Yeah? That’s great, Tazzie. There haven’t been any other complications?”
Other? What happened wasn’t enough?
Instead of voicing my thoughts I gave him the answer that allowed him to stop asking. “I’m good, Max. You don’t need to worry about me.”
A heavy sigh came through the speaker. “I know, but I’ve been thinking a lot lately.”
Warning sirens blared in my head as the conversation headed in a direction I didn’t want it to, though I still couldn’t bring myself to peel the phone from my ear and hang up.
“I should have been there for you, Tazzie. I didn’t think about us all, I let my pain consume me so much I forgot yours. I’m sorry.”
I hung my head, admiring the white pattern on the cast as I tilted my foot from side to side.
“Tazia?” His voice trembled.
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Max.”
“Tell me you forgive me. I handled everything awfully and if I could go back and undo it all I would. I’m asking for you to give me another chance. I know I have no right to ask it of you, but please let me prove how sorry I am. We were good together.”
“I can’t, Max.” The words were barely a whisper, the choking emotions I’d thought I’d got over paralysing my vocal cords.
“What happened wasn’t your fault, Tazia. I know that now and I can’t tell you how much it’s kept me awake at night. I should never have blamed you and my only excuse is I was in a dark place.”
Anger surged through my veins. “And I wasn’t? You may have witnessed it, Max. I lived every excruciating second.”
“I know that now.”
“I needed you to know it back then. I needed my fiancé to stand by me, not blame me, refuse to look at me, and then leave me while I attempted to recover.”
I never knew I held so much pent up rage directed at him. Since I moved out I’d been focused on getting on with my life. I’d never seen the point of going over old arguments or tormenting myself with the past. Max proved he didn’t want me and I’d dealt with it in the best way at the time.
Regardless, hearing him bring it all up again made me realise I’d never accepted what had happened. Fury still tainted my blood and it had every right to be there. Why the hell would he think I’d magically forgive him?
“I let you down, I get it.”
He’d done more than that. We’d both been devastated, though whereas I tried to support us both, Max abandoned me. He withdrew and when he came back he repeatedly punched me when I was down. I had tried to be strong enough for the both of us, until it became too much. He’d given up on me when I’d needed him most despite his promise of forever.
“Do you?” I hadn’t meant to screech, but I was tired of being the strong one. “Do you honestly understand what you put me through?”
“I’d like to try. Please give me one more shot, Tazzie.”
“I can’t. I gave you every chance back then and you ignored them all.” I drew the phone from my ear, about to hang up when his next words seized my joints.
“It’s because of another guy isn’t it?”
My lip trembled. I’d written Max off as the sender, yet if he knew about Dustin…
How did he know about Dustin?
My mind whirled too much for me to form a response.
Had I really been so wrong about Max?
A sound of a door being unlocked across the hall caught my attention. I peered out of the peep hole to see the curve of Dustin’s back hunched over his bag as he pushed the door open.
My lips quirked at the sight of him and relief spread through me. Max all about forgotten, I pulled the phone from my ear and hung up. I slid the phone back into my pocket then swung my door wide.
I stumbled into the hall as quickly as possible and threw myself at Dustin with a cry. “You’re back!”
Dustin dropped his bag to catch me on instinct, and wrapped his arms around my waist to keep me from falling over. He lifted me so only my toes grazed the floor and I buried my face in the crook of his neck. Every time I inhaled his smell of spice and sandalwood hit me. Then his deep chuckle vibrated against my cheek.
“Hey, Taz. Excited to see me or something?”
Dustin lowered me to the floor, my body sliding against his. Neither of us moved to step back so chest-to-chest I gazed up at him and the longing he exuded startled me. The light green of his eyes darkened to an emerald shade that swirled with hunger.
His hand remained splayed on my back, holding me against him as he dipped his head.
On impulse, I shut my eyes and my lips parted in anticipation of feeling him against me once more.
The warm caress of his breath washing over my skin sent a spike of electricity through my body to raise the hairs on the back of my neck. When the light above me was blocked out I inhaled sharply, waiting for the second his mouth would meet mine.
I leaned in, desperate to feel him.
Finally, his lips grazed mine in barely a whisper of a touch.
A moan of protest slipped from my lips when he parted and the musical sound of Dustin’s husky laugh caused me to shiver.
“We shouldn’t be doing this,” he murmured, shocking me when his lips scraped my ear.
“I really don’t care.”
Dustin cupped my jaw, his thumb swiping over my cheekbone. The touch drew my eyes to his.
“I should though.”
I rested my head further into his palm and covered the back of his hand with my own to keep him there. Turning, I pressed my lips to his palm. “What’s the worst that could happen?”
“You could break me.”
I nipped at the tip of his finger when he trailed it over my bottom lip. “Aren’t we both already broken?”
“You could shatter me like no one else, Taz.” Rather than meet my eyes he stared off into the distance over my shoulder. “You could destroy me.”
I reached up, taking his jaw between my fingers and forcing his attention back to me. “I don’t want to.”
“That doesn’t mean you won’t.”
“No, but it means I’ll do everything in my power to try not to.”
The resolve in his eyes wavered. He couldn’t meet my gaze for long. He exhaled heavily, and his jaw kept tensing beneath my palm.
“Dustin,” I said, drawing his focus back to me. “It’s only a kiss.”
It wasn’t. We both knew I was lying and if we started down this road it would lead to more.
Regardless, Dustin pulled me into him. Pressing on the small of my back, he didn’t stop until I was flush against his chest. With his other hand he swiped
back a lock of hair to slide it behind my ear.
He lowered his head, dipping until his forehead rested against mine. “I’m trusting you, Taz.”
I responded in a whisper, “Me too. You’re not the only one who stands to lose, Dust.”
Finally, he closed the gap between us and his lips met mine slowly, but forcefully. He claimed and possessed me, marking me as his with his mouth.
Every ounce of pain and fear was shared through our kiss.
When I parted my lips Dustin’s tongue immediately swept into me. I moaned, raising my arms to encircle him. I ran my fingers through the shaggy locks of hair at the back of his neck, pulling on them until he grunted against me.
Even though no space remained between us, Dustin forced me against him harder then dropped his head to my shoulder. He placed a tender kiss directly over the pulse point in my neck and mumbled against my skin, “Please don’t break me, Taz.”
I held him in place and squeezed. I wanted to promise him I wouldn’t, only the ball of guilt lodged at the back of my throat refused to let me lie. All I could promise him was I’d try, and it wasn’t what he needed to hear.
Chapter Sixteen
Dustin
“Hey guys.”
“Oh joy,” I muttered sarcastically against Taz’s neck, recognising the voice. Reluctantly, I raised my head and untangled myself from Tazia’s grip, missing her sweet, sugary smell immediately. However, I refused to drop my arms from around Taz’s waist, forcing her to spin until her back pressed against my chest and my hands splayed over her stomach. Resting my chin on her head, the comforting smell of her shampoo soothed me.
Perry broke away from my glower to regard our position with suspicion and annoyance. I couldn’t help but smirk at him.
“Great, we can go out to celebrate then. I’ll book a table. Does eight thirty work for you?” Perry’s comment dragged me from my thoughts. I glared at the top of Tazia’s head when she nodded against me. I knew she couldn’t see me, although I hoped she felt the heat burning into her.
