Captain Snatchit's Parrot

by Emma Laybourn

  Neptune, perched up in a fig tree, saw the biscuit on the ground. His mouth began to water.

  It was ages since he’d tasted a ship’s biscuit. Figs and berries were all very well, but he’d been brought up on jaw-cracking maggot-ridden biscuit. He really, really wanted some...

  He couldn’t resist. Swooping down, he grabbed the biscuit in his beak. He was just about to take off again when a big, black, smelly pirate’s hat was slapped on top of him.

  “Aha!” yelled Captain Snatchit. “Not so clever just then, were you? Gotcha!”

  Chapter 4

  Neptune was in despair.

  He was a prisoner on the Seaslug 2. Captain Snatchit had thrown him down through a trapdoor and shut him in the hold with a thousand dead fish.

  It was very dark in there, and very stinky. The fish smelt even worse than Captain Snatchit did.

  But even more unpleasant than the dead fish were the crabs. They were very much alive – and in a dreadful temper. Usually the fishermen threw them back into the sea. They did not like being stuck in the hold. They crawled angrily around and nipped at Neptune’s toes.

  “Get off, you scabby crabbies!” he yelped.

  He huddled unhappily on top of the slimy heap of fish, and hid his head under his wing in sorrow. How could he have thrown away his wonderful life on Parrot Island for the sake of a maggoty ship’s biscuit?

  Meanwhile, back on the island, Liana was dismayed. She had seen Neptune being captured and carried to the Seaslug 2. Then the pirate ship had sailed away.

  “We’ve got to rescue him!” she cried.

  But the other parrots were doubtful.

  “Do you think he wants to be rescued?” asked the oldest one, Monu.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, Neptune used to be a pirate. He talks pirate language. He loves pirate food. And he’s always sitting in the treetops gazing out to sea,” Monu pointed out. “Maybe he’s happier on board the pirate ship! After all, if he wanted to fly back here, he could.”

  They did not know that Neptune was shut in the ship’s hold. With a heavy heart, Liana decided that Monu might be right.

  “Maybe,” she said at last, “and maybe not. What if Neptune’s hurt and can’t fly? At least we should go there and find out!”

  The parrots agreed to this. They took off in a huge, brightly-coloured flock.

  As they flew across the beach, Liana spotted the fishing net which the pirates had left lying on the sand.

  “Bring the net!” she cried. “If Neptune’s hurt, we can carry him in it.”

  So she and twenty of the parrots swooped down to pick the net up in their claws, and flew with it across the waves.

  The pirate ship had not gone far. Soon they were close enough to see the pirates setting the sails and tightening the rigging. Captain Snatchit lay on the deck sunbathing.

  “Hop to it, you clueless cockroaches!” he yelled at his crew, without even bothering to open his eyes. If he had, he would have seen the parrots overhead.

  The parrot flock wheeled high over the boat, searching for any sign of Neptune. But he was nowhere to be seen.

  Liana sighed. “Maybe he’s hiding from us,” she thought. “Maybe Monu’s right. He doesn’t want to be rescued. We should turn round and go home!”

  Just then Captain Snatchit yawned. He opened his eyes wide, and looked up at the sky.

  Chapter 5

  “YAARGH!” screamed Captain Snatchit, leaping to his feet. “Parrots!! Get your guns, men! Get your pistols! We’ll shoot those scabby parrots down!”

  And he dived behind the wheel to find his blunderbuss.

  “Yaargh!” snarled the pirates, as they all picked up their pistols.

  “Now!” screeched Liana. The parrots dropped their net.

  It landed on the group of pirates with a WHUMP and wrapped itself around them.

  When the pirates tried to fight it off, their hands and feet and pistols all got tangled in it. The more they struggled, the more tangled they became. They lurched to and fro across the boat in a huge, staggering, swearing bundle.

  But Captain Snatchit was not caught in the net. He was still scrabbling for his blunderbuss. He found it, stood up – and the parrots dived on him.

  They scratched him with their claws and nipped him with their beaks. “Put down the gun!” they shrieked, pulling his hair and flapping at his nose.

  The Captain couldn’t aim his blunderbuss. He hated being nipped and scratched and flapped. He was desperate to escape.

  But there was nowhere for him to hide – except down in the hold.

  In an instant the Captain yanked the trapdoor open and dived in.

  An instant later, Neptune fluttered out.

  And an instant after that, Liana and twenty other parrots flung themselves against the trapdoor and slammed it shut again.

  And two or three instants after that, the lurching, cursing bundle of pirates lurched a bit too far and tumbled over the ship’s side with an enormous SPLOSH.

  And four or five instants after that, a huge and happy flock of parrots was winging its way back to Parrot Island.

  From the sea below them came wails and gurgles from the pirates, who were trying to swim...

  But they weren’t half as loud as the hammerings on the trapdoor, as Captain Snatchit yowled for help.

  He had thought the nips and scratches from the parrots were annoying – but that was before he fell into the hold, and landed on a heap of several hundred very angry crabs.

  Chapter 6

  Afa was a happy fisherman.

  After he and his friends walked the pirates’ plank and went splash into the sea, they swam to the pirates’ old lifeboat.

  They huddled inside it to rest for a while, and then began to row towards their home. They were wondering how long it would take them, when they saw a flock of parrots wheeling through the sky, with something trailing from their claws.

  “That’s our net!” cried Afa. He watched the parrots fly to the pirate ship. He saw them drop the net.

  And, many instants later, he saw them fly up into the air again and flap away.

  “Let’s see if we can get our net back!” Afa said. So the fishermen rowed towards the Seaslug 2. They were puzzled to see nobody on board.

  As they drew close, they heard the gulps and gurgles of the despairing pirates. Taking pity on them, the fishermen hauled them up into the lifeboat in a great quivering, soggy heap.

  The pirates were still all tied together in the net. They were too cold and wet to even swear, but just sat looking very sorry for themselves.

  “Where’s your Captain?” Afa asked them. They pointed at the Seaslug 2.

  So the fishermen climbed on board. The ship seemed to be deserted... until they heard a horrible yelping and yowling coming from the hold.

  They opened the trapdoor and looked down. There was Captain Snatchit, up to his knees in bad-tempered crabs. He had crabs in his hair, crabs clinging to his sleeves, and a crab dangling from each ear.

  “Get me out of here!” he howled.

  The fishermen pulled him out, de-crabbed him and put him in the lifeboat with his crew.

  Then they took down the Jolly Roger from the mast and put back their own flag (which showed two crossed herrings and an oyster).

  They sailed away and left the Captain and the pirates in the lifeboat. Captain Snatchit was already starting to shout and curse his men.

  “Why didn’t you rescue me, you lily-livered layabouts? Start rowing, you hopeless haddocks!”

  When Afa looked back, the tiny pirate boat was rowing round in circles. He laughed and set a course past Parrot Island.

  Perched up in his favourite tree, Neptune saw the fishing boat draw near.

  “Look! They got their boat back from those pesky pirates,” he said, gazing at it wistfully.

  “Are you sure you’re happy to be back on land?” Liana asked him.

  “Oh, yes...” But Neptune sighed a heavy sigh.


  Suddenly Liana took off from the tree, glided to the fishing-boat and landed on the mast.

  “Liana!” squawked Neptune in alarm, setting off to follow her. “What are you doing?” he panted as he landed next to her.

  “I just wondered what it feels like. It is nice, isn’t it? You can feel the ship swaying and the sea-breeze in your feathers.”

  “It’s wonderful,” said Neptune. “But now what are you doing?”

  Liana had taken off again. She landed on the deck where Afa was eating a ship’s biscuit. She sidled towards him and nibbled at the crumbs.

  “Liana!” Neptune squealed in horror as he plunged down after her. “You’ll get caught! Come back!”

  “I just want to see what it tastes like,” said Liana.

  Afa did not try to catch her. Instead, he smiled. He broke off half his biscuit and tossed it to the parrots.

  “Here – have as much as you like!” he said. “You parrots have brought me good luck. You got my boat back for me. I don’t know how you did it, but you’re always welcome here!”

  “What a nice man,” Liana commented to Neptune. “And ship’s biscuit is really rather good.”

  “This one’s even better than the pirates’ biscuit,” said Neptune dreamily. “It’s hardly maggoty at all!”

  “I think a voyage on a fishing boat would be fun,” Liana said. “How about it, Neptune?”

  “Really?”

  “There’s room for two up on that mast.”

  “Yo ho ho!” squawked Neptune in delight.

  The End

  ...but Captain Snatchit hasn’t given up yet! Turn the page to read the third story about Neptune.

  The Wreck of the Seaslug

  One

  “This is the life!” squawked Neptune the parrot.

  He perched on top of the mast, swaying happily as the fishing-boat rocked on the waves. The sun was shining, the fishermen were singing and he had a belly full of ship’s biscuit.

  “Stone the scabby crows, you’re right there, matey!” said Liana, his parrot partner. She had learnt pirate language from Neptune.

  Once Neptune had been a pirate’s parrot, sailing the high seas. Then the pirate ship, the Seaslug, was hit by cannonballs and went gurgling down to the bottom of the ocean.

  So now he lived on Parrot Island, but he and Liana often went for trips on a friendly fishing-boat.

  Suddenly Afa the fisherman stood up and peered into the distance. “Ship ahoy!” he called.

  Neptune stared.

  “That’s a funny ship!” he said. “What are all those strange things on its deck?”

  “It’s a salvage boat,” said Liana. “Those are pulleys and winches. They pull up shipwrecks from the bottom of the ocean.”

  “Really? I must go and take a look!” exclaimed Neptune.

  He flew across the sea and fluttered high over the salvage boat.

  Down below, he saw divers carrying ropes and hooks. They jumped into the waves and disappeared.

  He saw sailors getting ready to wind up the winches.

  And then he spotted somebody who made his blood run cold.

  Neptune nearly fell out of the sky with shock.

  “Pieces of eight!” he gasped. “It’s blinking, stinking Captain Snatchit!”

  The Captain looked unusually clean and respectable. He wasn’t wearing his pirate hat – but it was him all right. He was standing next to a sea-chest full of gold pieces.

  “He must have robbed the sailors!” Neptune thought.

  But then he heard the Captain bellowing at the salvage crew.

  “Get a move on, you mouldy molluscs!” he roared. “Haul my ship up! What am I paying you for, you weedy worms? Pull harder!”

  “Don’t swear at my men like that!” the salvage captain told him.

  “Er, sorry,” grunted Captain Snatchit. “I’m just so excited at the thought of seeing my dear old ship again.”

  The men pulled and heaved on the winches.

  The sea surged.

  And very, very slowly, Captain Snatchit’s pirate ship, the old Seaslug, was hauled up to the surface.

  It was draped in seaweed. Water poured out of the holes that the cannonballs had blown in it. An octopus that had been living there wriggled out and sploshed into the sea.

  “At last!” Captain Snatchit rubbed his hands. “Now, tow it to land for me!”

  “That’ll cost you extra,” warned the salvage captain.

  “I’ve got a sea-chest full of gold, you scurvy sausage!” roared Captain Snatchit, turning as red as rhubarb.

  Then he took a deep breath, wiped his brow and added, “Sorry. I’m just upset at the state of my dear old ship. If you’d be so kind, please sell me two of your delightful cannons.”

  “What do you need cannons for?”

  “Oh, er – just in case I meet any pirates,” said Captain Snatchit. “If you’ll give me the cannons and take my ship to Parrot Island, then all this gold is yours!”

  “Parrot Island?” squawked Neptune. “Oh, no!” For that was where he lived with all the other parrots.

  As the salvage ship began to move, he flew behind it. The ship towed the soggy wreck of the Seaslug into a small bay on Parrot Island.

  Neptune hid in a tree to watch. Once the Seaslug was safely anchored in shallow water, the sailors unloaded two shiny brass cannons and left them on the beach.

  “Here’s your gold!” cried Captain Snatchit. He emptied his sea-chest, pouring piles of coins onto the deck. Then he quickly jumped ashore and the salvage ship sailed away.

  No sooner was it out of sight than he pulled his pirate hat out of his pocket and rammed it on his head.

  He yelled, “I know you’re there, you snivelly sardines! Come out of hiding!”

  Neptune jumped. For a moment, he thought the Captain meant him.

  But then, creeping out from behind the rocks, came pirate after pirate.

  “Shiver me terrible timbers!” wailed Neptune. The whole pirate crew was there. They had arrived secretly at night in their little lifeboat and waited for their Captain.

  “Well, get to work, you lousy limpets!” roared Captain Snatchit. “We’ve got a blistering boat to mend. Once it’s ready to set sail, we’ll use this island as our base.”

  “Base for what, Cap’n?” asked one of the crew timidly.

  “For pirating, of course! We’ll hide here and lie in wait for passing ships. Then we’ll sail out and rob them. Boys – we’re back in business!”

  Two

  “We’ll have to get rid of them!” said Neptune.

  The parrots were holding a meeting in the trees. Down on the beach, the pirates were busy sawing and hammering as they mended the Seaslug.

  Captain Snatchit was yelling as usual.

  “Hurry up and chop more wood, you rotten radishes! Build me a cabin! Cook me a monkey!”

  Half a dozen pirates dashed into the forest and began to chop down trees. Luckily, the monkeys had already vanished to the far end of the island.

  So the Captain had to eat pilchards and ship’s biscuit for his tea. It did not improve his temper. Even Neptune blushed to hear his curses.

  “We’ve got to drive away these awful pirates!” he squawked.

  “Don’t worry. We’ll do the same as we did last time,” said Monu, the oldest parrot. “We’ll shriek and swear at them until we frighten them away.”

  “That won’t work!” groaned Neptune. “Captain Snatchit knows it was me who taught you how to swear. He won’t fall for it a second time.”

  “Then we’ll scupper the pirates’ boat,” said Monu. “We’ll fill it with holes so it’ll never sail again.”

  “That won’t work either!” squealed Neptune unhappily. “If we do that, they’ll never leave! We’ll be stuck with them for ever!”

  “Anyway, we can’t peck holes in a boat,” Liana added. “It took cannonballs to sink it last time. We don’t have any cannons – but they do!”

  Monu shru
gged. “Then we’ll let the pirates mend their boat, and sail away.”

  “Don’t you understand?” shrieked Neptune. “They’ll keep coming back! This is their pirate base now! Shiver me timbers and swallow a squid. We’re really stuck!”

  He began to jump up and down on his perch and flap his wings in his dismay.

  “Calm down, Neptune,” Liana said. “You solved the pirate problem for us last time. You can do it again.”

  “How?”

  “Well, let me see...You must have met lots of human women and children on your travels,” she said.

  Neptune thought about it. In his pirate life on the high seas, he had hardly met any women, and no children at all apart from a Cockney cabin boy.

  But he didn’t want to admit this to Liana. So he said, “Oh, yes! Loads!”

  “So you know what they sound like?”

  “Of course,” said Neptune.

  “Excellent! Now follow me.”

  Liana took off and fluttered into the jungle. The other parrots flew after her, bewildered.

  “What on earth are you doing?” asked Neptune, as she landed on a dead tree and stuck her head into a hole in the trunk.

  “I’m looking for some very small friends of mine,” came her muffled voice. “They’re going to help us get rid of those pesky pirates.”

  “Friends? In there? She’s going crazy,” said Monu.

  “Oh, and we also need to gather lots of leaves,” Liana added.

  “Totally crazy!” Monu shook his head.

  “Liana’s not crazy,” Neptune squawked. He stuck his head into the hole to see what she was looking for.

  “Ooooh,” he said. “Hallo...”

  Three

  Captain Snatchit was snoring in his newly-built log cabin.

  All the other pirates were snoring on the beach. What with mending the Seaslug, and building the Captain’s hut, they had no chance to make any cabins for themselves.

  So in the middle of the night, when cries for help rang out, they were woken up at once.

  They all jumped up and looked out to sea. The cries were coming from across the waves. They could see lights flickering out there in the darkness.

  “It must be a scabby boat! We’d better wake the Cap’n.”

  They banged on the cabin door.

  “What is it, you droopy dishrags?” yawned Captain Snatchit.

  “There’s a ship in trouble, Cap’n! We can see lights out to sea, and hear shouts for help!”