Orientation starts with a tour of campus and then we all gather on the lawn, getting ready to play games meant to help us get to know each other.
"Hey." Preston comes up behind me, sneaking his hand around mine.
We were in the same tour group. He stayed beside me the entire time. Girls were checking him out and whispering to each other and giving me mean looks for being with him. It made me uncomfortable.
"You probably shouldn't do that," I say, looking at our joined hands as he comes around to face me.
He smiles. "Why not?"
"Because girls are already giving me dirty looks. I don't want to draw even more attention to us."
"Just ignore them." He threads our fingers together. "So you want to be on my team? They're letting us pick our own."
"What are they making us do?"
"Who knows? Probably a scavenger hunt or some other dumb game. So what do you say?"
"I don't know. Maybe."
He laughs. "You don't want to be on my team?"
I smile. "After seeing you dance, I'm not—"
"Hey! I wasn't that bad, was I?"
"I'm just kidding. I'll be on your team."
One of the seniors who led the campus tours gets on a megaphone and says, "I'm Jeremy and I'll be leading the games today. For the first one, I need you to divide into groups of ten. Each group is going to make a human pyramid and the group that does it the fastest without toppling over will get gift cards for the bookstore."
"I did this at leadership camp," Preston says. "You need big guys for the base and small girls for the top." He drops my hand and waves at some guy. "Darren! Over here! Get Mark."
"How do you know all these people already?"
He doesn't hear me as he races up to a short, petite blond. "Kara. Be on my team."
"Okay." She bites her lip and smiles as she watches him run off.
He finds two other girls he seems to know, then gets some more guys and gathers us together. He's assumed the role of leader and is giving us all direction.
"Lilly, you'll be on the second tier, in the middle spot," he says.
The second tier? With two guys? So the other girls get the upper two levels and I'm the only girl near the base. Is it because I'm the tallest girl?
"Kara, I want you on top," Preston says.
She giggles. "I'd love to be on top."
Oh, please. Does she have to be that obvious? We all know she likes Preston. The other girls seem equally annoyed at her comment, rolling their eyes at her.
I glance over at the other groups. They're just standing around, not nearly as competitive as my group. The group next to us isn't even paying attention. Some people are checking their phones. Some are talking.
A few feet away I spot Rocker Guy. The guy who was drawing the tree. I don't know his name so I call him Rocker Guy. Why I even gave him a name is beyond me. I've only seen him twice, now three times.
He's on his phone with his back to me. He starts pacing and shaking his head. He seems upset. He shoves his phone in his jeans and when he turns, I see him squeeze his eyes shut as he takes a deep breath. When he opens his eyes again, he catches me staring at him. I quickly look away and turn back to my group.
"Lilly, stand over here," Preston says, pushing me toward the two guys who will be on the second tier with me.
"Everyone ready?" Jeremy says through his megaphone. "To win, you have to hold the pyramid for thirty seconds without toppling over. When we have a winner, I'll blow the whistle. Ready...Set...Go!"
Preston and three other big guys form the bottom row. Then the two remaining guys help me onto the second row, then join me, one on each side.
"Hurry up!" Preston yells.
There's no need to hurry. The other teams are still struggling to get the second tier built.
Two of the girls climb up to form the next tier. Their bony knees dig into my back. It hurts. A lot. And I'm finding it hard to keep my balance.
"Can you move your knee to the left a little?" I yell at the girl on my upper right.
She doesn't hear me. It's too loud with all the groups now yelling and laughing, and Preston barking out orders.
"Kara, get up there," he yells.
"It's too high. I don't think I can do it."
"You only have to be up there for thirty seconds. Hurry up."
She sighs and steps up on his back, grabbing hold of the guy next to me. He's trying to remain straight, but she's yanking on him and it's throwing us off balance. My arms and legs are shaking, trying to hold up the weight of the other two girls. It feels like the one girl's knee is puncturing my kidney. It hurts. A lot. Why would the school pick this as an activity?
When Kara finally gets to the top, Preston yells at Jeremy, "We're done! Start the timer!"
Jeremy gets his stopwatch going. Thirty seconds. Just thirty seconds. I'm in so much pain, but I can hold on for thirty seconds. The girl above me moves just slightly and her knee digs even deeper into my back. It hits a nerve and seething pain shoots in all directions. My legs give out and the girls fall onto the guys next to me, then the whole pyramid collapses.
I'm in too much pain to care that we lost, but Preston is standing in front of us, yelling, "What the hell? Just five more seconds and we would've won!"
"Are you guys okay?" I ask the girls next to me.
They all nod.
"Sorry if I hurt your back," the girl who was above me says. "I got a cramp in my leg and I had to move it."
"It's okay."
Preston is now talking to the other guys, trying to figure out what happened, while the girls move off to the side and start checking their phones. I remain on the ground, rubbing my lower back. It hurts so much I'm afraid to move.
The whistle blows. A group at the far end of the lawn won. No one seems to care.
"You need some help?" I look up and see Rocker Guy next to me, holding his hand out. He's even cuter up close. I didn't get a good look at his face when I slammed that door into him.
"I'm not sure if I can get up."
"Shit, really?" He kneels down. "Where does it hurt?"
"My back. Lower back. Right side."
He puts his hand there, but doesn't press down. "Right here?"
"Yeah."
"Can I lift your shirt a little?"
I nod.
He lifts it up just enough to see. "It's bruised and starting to swell. You need to get some ice on it." He lowers my shirt and kneels in front of me. "You think you can try to stand up?"
"Lilly, what's wrong?" Preston is standing behind Rocker Guy.
"I hurt my back."
"Attention everyone." Jeremy's voice booms through the megaphone. "Next we're doing a scavenger hunt. You can keep your current team or get a new one. The winners for this game will receive two tickets to any Camsburg football game. Get your teams together, then pick a leader to come get the list of items you'll need to find."
"Preston, you're the leader," Darren says. "Go get the list."
"You gonna be all right?" Preston asks me.
"I have to go put ice on this. Could you help me?"
He looks at me, then at Darren, then back at me. Really? Is it that hard of a decision?
"I'll help her," Rocker Guy says as he stands up.
"No. I got this." Preston moves in front of me and leans down. "Lilly, come on. Get up."
"She can't," Rocker Guy says. "She said it hurts."
Preston glares at him. "I said I got this."
Rocker Guy looks at me, then turns and walks away.
"Preston, come on!" Mark yells. "We're supposed to get started."
"Just go without me. I have to help Lilly."
"We need ten people."
"Yeah, so go find two other people."
Mark shakes his head and walks over to the other guys.
"Come on." Preston pulls me up to my feet. "Do you have any ice in your room?"
"No, I only have a mini fridge."
He helps me to a bench.
"Wait here. I'll go get some ice from the dining hall."
While he's gone, Rocker Guy comes up to me. "You sure you're okay?"
"Yeah. Thanks." I see his group is walking off. "I think your group is leaving."
He shrugs. "Whatever. So where'd your boyfriend go?"
"He went in the dining hall to get some ice. But he's not really my boyfriend. We've only gone out one time."
"Reed!" some girl yells. "Come on!"
"I guess I'll see you later." He walks off.
So his name is Reed. That's a cool name. Better than Rocker Guy.
Preston returns with ice wrapped in a plastic bag. "This is the best I could do. Let's go to my room and I'll wrap a towel around it."
"I have towels. I just need some help getting to my dorm."
"Your dorm's too far away. Mine's right there." He points to the building that's just down from where we're sitting. "If it hurts that bad, you shouldn't walk too far."
I agree, so we go to his dorm and down to his room. There's a small, black leather couch across from his bed and a really big TV sitting on his dresser.
"Couch or the bed?" he asks.
"Bed." I lie down on my stomach as he wraps the ice in a towel. My back is still throbbing. "Lower right side," I tell him as he stands above me. He lays the ice on it and I cringe. "Oww. That really hurts."
"What exactly happened?"
"The girl above me dug her knee into my back. She didn't mean to. She was just trying to hold herself up but when she moved her knee it hit a nerve in my back and my leg collapsed. The other girl didn't have all her weight on me so it didn't hurt as much on that side."
He lies down on the bed, facing me. "Sorry. I should've got another guy to take that spot."
I don't tell him it's okay, because it's not. He shouldn't have put me there, making me support all that weight. And he should have helped when I was on the ground. So why didn't he?
"Preston, can I ask you something?"
"Go ahead."
"Why didn't you help me?"
"I AM helping you."
"I mean when I fell. Instead of helping me, you were off getting angry about losing the game."
"Honestly, I didn't see you on the ground. But I should've checked that you were okay. That everyone was. I got carried away with that stupid game. I'm too competitive. I've always been that way. I'm always trying to win." He sighs. "I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you. I really am."
He sounds sincere. I just wish he'd apologized without me having to say something.
"Do you want to watch TV?"
"Okay."
He reaches over me for the remote and turns the TV on and starts flipping through channels, stopping on one of those home design shows. "Do you like these shows?"
"Yeah. I love them. I'm guessing you hate them. All guys do."
"I don't mind them." He turns the volume up and sets the remote aside.
"Rachel and I watch these shows all the time."
"Rachel's your stepmom?"
"Yeah, how'd you know?"
He coughs a little. "I didn't. I just guessed." He slides his pillow down. "You want this?"
"I think it's better if I lie flat."
He stuffs the pillow under his head and we lie there, watching TV.
After an hour, the swelling's gone down and I'm able to stand up on my own. "I think I'll go back to my room."
"Why don't you stay?" His phone rings. He quickly gets up when he sees who's calling.
"Who is it?"
"No one. I'll be right back." He goes out in the hall and I hear him talking. "Not now. She's in my..." His voice fades. He must've walked farther down the hall.
I wonder who's on the phone. He acted strange when he saw who was calling. Maybe he has a girlfriend back home. He better not. But how would I know? It'd be easy for him to keep that a secret if she lives thousands of miles away.
I'm tired and don't feel like staying here. I take my mostly melted bag of ice and go out the door. Preston is at the end of the hall and sees me.
"Lilly, where are you going?" He says something into his phone, then puts it away and runs over to me. "Stay and we'll order some dinner."
"Not tonight. I need to get my stuff organized for class."
"Then let's go out tomorrow night. I'll take you to dinner to celebrate surviving the first day of class."
I smile. "Okay."
He rests his hand on my shoulder. "Before you go, I need to do something."
"What?"
He leans in and kisses me. Again, it's just average. Like every other kiss I've had. He urges my lips open with his tongue and takes the kiss deeper. Still nothing. No sparks. No heat. Just the feel of his tongue over mine.
Willow's wrong. Kisses in real life are not how she described.
I slowly pull away. "This bag is getting heavy."
He looks down at the soggy ice bag and takes it from me. "I'll throw it out."
"Thanks. I'll see you later." I turn and walk down the hall and back outside. He didn't offer to walk me back, so I didn't ask him to.
Back at my dorm, Willow hears me unlocking my door and comes out of her room. "You want to go to dinner?"
"No. I don't feel so great. I'm gonna stay here and watch TV."
"What's wrong?"
"I fell and hurt my back during that pyramid competition."
She holds my arm as we go in my room. "Did you go to the doctor?"
"I don't need a doctor. It's just a bad bruise."
"Lay down. I'll be right back." She runs out, then returns, holding a small silver tin. "This is healing salve my mom makes. It's one of her crazy concoctions, but it really does work. It'll stop the pain almost immediately. Where's the bruise?"
I lift my shirt and show her. She rubs some green goo on it. It smells like freshly mowed grass.
"Let it soak in and then you can put your shirt down." She waits next to me on the bed. "So who was in your group?"
"Preston and some people I didn't know."
"Preston was there when you got hurt? Then why the hell isn't he here, taking care of you?"
"I just met the guy. He doesn't have to take care of me."
"If he wants to date you, he sure as hell does. Or does he not want to date you?"
"He does. I'm just not sure I want to date him. He's hot and he's my type and we have stuff in common but...I don't know. Something about him doesn't feel right."
"What do you mean?"
"It's just a feeling I get when I'm around him. It's like he's putting on an act."
"All guys put on an act when they're trying to get a girl."
"Then maybe I'm reading too much into it." I pause. "He kissed me again."
"And?"
"Same as last time. It was just a kiss. Nothing great."
"Hmm. That's not good."
"I'm not saying he's a bad kisser. I'm just saying it was no different than any other kiss I've had."
"So you didn't feel anything? No heat? No tingling in your loins?" She laughs.
"No." I'm laughing too. "There was no tingling in my...I can't even say it. That's a really gross word. You should never use that word again."
"Loins." She says it slowly. "It does sound gross. Makes me think of pork chops."
I'm still laughing and notice that my back no longer hurts. I sit up. "Whatever it was you put on my back is amazing." I run my hand over the bruise. "It doesn't even hurt anymore."
"Let me see." She lifts my shirt. "Yeah, the swelling's way down. I told you it works. My mom needs to sell that stuff. She'd make a fortune. Want to go to dinner now?"
"Let's order pizza. It's on me."
"Okay. Do you care if Taylor joins us?"
"No. Go get her. I'll order the pizza."
The three of us have dinner in my room, then watch home design shows on TV. Taylor said she and her mom always watch those shows, just like I do with my mom. Well, Rachel isn't really my mom, but she feels like a mom.
I can't imagine my
real mom watching TV with me. It's never happened.
At ten, I collapse into bed. I'm really tired but my mind is awake, replaying all my mom's insults from earlier today. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I listen to her? My dad's right. She knows I love her, so she takes advantage of that, saying hurtful things because she knows she can.
At least she won't be back for a while. Or ever. Knowing her, she won't even show up when I graduate.
CHAPTER SEVEN
It's only my first day of classes and I already love college. It's so much better than high school. I get to learn stuff that I actually want to learn. This morning I had Introductory Art Seminar, which is required for all first year visual and performing art students. It's about art's role in society, both now and in the past. The first lecture was so interesting I was actually disappointed when class ended.
Now I'm heading to Drawing 1, an introductory drawing class. It's a studio class so we'll get instruction but also get time to draw. How awesome is that? I get to draw in class! Tomorrow I have English and then Painting 1, another studio course. I'm only taking four classes, which means I'll have lots of free time to draw and paint.
The studio room is half full when I get there. Rocker Guy, I mean, Reed, is in the back row. He must be an art major.
"Do you care if I sit here?" I ask, taking the seat next to him.
He turns to me, startled. He had headphones on and didn't notice me come in. He yanks his earbuds out. "Sorry, I didn't hear you."
"I was just asking if I could sit here."
"Sure." He moves his messenger bag aside. "How's your back?"
"Better. My friend gave me some stuff to put on it that took the swelling down."
"You should keep an eye on it. Make sure it was just a bruise and nothing more serious."
This guy seems more concerned about me than Preston was. Preston didn't even call and check on me last night. Taylor said there were parties going on all over campus so that's probably where he went after I left.
"So you're an art major?" Reed asks.
"Yeah. Fine arts, with a concentration in drawing and painting."
"Same here." He turns to me. "I'm Reed. I don't think I ever introduced myself."
"Lilly." My eyes go to his. He has really dark eyes. They match his dark brown hair. I really like his hair. It's long enough on top to show off its natural waves, which flip up in certain spots for a messy, tousled look that's kind of sexy. Scratch that. It's not kind of sexy. It's really sexy. I've always preferred guys with short hair, but now I think I'm changing my mind.
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