Lilly: A Kensington Family Novel

by Allie Everhart

  "He didn't. She just showed up here. Dad, you can't punish Reed for what his mom does. He can't do anything about her. He's tried but she won't change."

  "Which is why he needs to make some decisions. If he wants to keep seeing you, he needs to get some distance from his mother."

  "He can't. His mom can't live on her own. That's why he's helping her."

  "He's not helping her. He's enabling her. By paying for her expenses and covering up for her, the woman will never change. And he knows this. He's just struggling to let her go."

  "You can't ban me from seeing him."

  "If he continues to be involved in her life, then I won't have a choice. I'm not putting you at risk."

  "Dad, that's not—"

  "Lilly, this is not negotiable. Your safety comes before anything else. Reed agreed with me. He's very protective of you and he doesn't want you getting hurt. He admitted that his mother could be dangerous. He's concerned she might be doing drugs. He thinks she's getting them from the man she's been dating. A man who has been in and out of prison. Reed doesn't want you exposed to any of that, or his mother's unpredictable behavior."

  "What does that mean? That he's breaking up with me?"

  "That will depend on what he decides. If he wants to keep seeing you, he needs to deal with his mother. He's been putting it off, but I think he's starting to realize that she's beyond the point he can help her."

  "Dad, if his mom's that messed up..." Garret's voice trails off and he's giving our dad another one of those telling looks. It's so annoying when they do this secret communication.

  "What?" I ask both of them. "What are you thinking? That it's not worth being with him? Because of his mom?" They don't answer. "That's not fair. If anyone's mom is dangerous, it's mine. She almost got Reed arrested and locked in jail. She almost ruined his life."

  My dad sighs. "Which is why you also need to make some decisions." He leads me to the bed to sit down. "After talking with Reed, it's clear that you and he share some of the same issues. Perhaps that's why the two of you have grown so close. But both of you need to deal with these issues before you can move forward with your lives. Lilly, you need to make decisions about your mother, just like Reed does. Your mother isn't struggling with addiction, but you're letting her control you just like Reed's mother controls him. And now your mother's actions are affecting other people."

  I nod. "I know."

  "You and Reed both need to address these issues separately before your relationship continues or becomes more serious."

  It already is serious but I don't want to tell my dad that. But I agree with what he's saying. If Reed and I keep letting our moms interfere, our relationship will eventually end, and neither one of us wants that. If Reed's taking action to deal with his mom, then I need to do the same with mine.

  "So where is Reed now?" I ask. "Did you drop him off at his dorm?"

  "Yes. But by now he's probably on his way to Los Angeles to meet with his father."

  "Why's he going to see his dad? He never even talks to him."

  "He needs to build a relationship with his father. It will help him break free from his mother."

  "But his dad doesn't care about him."

  "That's not true. Reed spoke with his father as we were driving back to campus. His father is in LA this week and asked Reed to spend some time with him."

  "So Reed's gone? He didn't even say goodbye." I get my phone out.

  "Lilly, don't call him."

  "Why not?"

  "He needs to think about this and decide what he's going to do about his mother. Give him some time. He'll call you when he's ready."

  "But—"

  "Lilly, I mean it. I don't want you clouding his judgment. This decision needs to be his and his alone." My dad checks his watch. "We should get some lunch. Then you need to get to class."

  "I don't feel like going today."

  "You're not skipping class. Doing so would just convince me that your relationship with Reed needs to end. Relationships should be beneficial to both parties. Today has already proven to be detrimental to—"

  "Yeah, I got it, Dad. I'll go to class." If I'd let him continue, my dad would talk himself out of letting me date Reed. With all of Reed's family issues, I'm shocked my dad hasn't banned me from seeing him, but I know that'll come next if Reed doesn't get away from his mom.

  "Ready to go?" Garret offers me his hand and pulls me up from the bed.

  "Dad, what happened to Reed's uncle?"

  "I don't know. I'm assuming they can't press charges given the lack of evidence. I'm sure his uncle kept quiet during the questioning." He opens the door. "We need to go or you'll be late to class."

  Garret and my dad leave after lunch. I don't hear anything from Reed that afternoon or that night. No text messages. No phone calls. Nothing. I didn't try calling or sending him a message because I agree with my dad. I need to let Reed deal with this, then call me when he's ready to. And honestly, I think we need a little time apart. I'm still angry at him for accusing me of recording him and turning him into the police. He should've trusted me. I know the evidence against me looked bad, but he still should've known I would never do that.

  The next morning, I decide to call my mom. I was up all night thinking about this and I feel like I'm finally ready to talk to her and tell her how I feel. She won't care and probably won't even listen, but I still have to say this, for myself more than anything.

  "Mom, it's Lilly," I say when she picks up.

  "Lilly, I have told you repeatedly not to call me that."

  "Mom," I say, ignoring her comment. "I'm calling to tell you that I'm not going to take your abuse anymore."

  "What on earth are you talking about? I don't abuse you. If anything, I spoil you to the point that you've become ungrateful for all that I've done for you."

  "I know you don't see it as abuse, but that's what it is. You constantly put me down. You criticize how I look, how I dress, how I talk, who I'm friends with. You constantly tell me I need to lose weight and do my hair differently and that my art is no good. You tell me everything I do is wrong."

  "That is NOT abuse. That is called guiding your child to ensure her success. Once you're a mother, you'll understand."

  "That's not what it is. You're not guiding me. You're killing my confidence. Making me feel bad about myself. Hurting my feelings."

  "Then you need to toughen up. Your father has coddled you too much over the years. You can't be so weak. If you are, you'll never survive in this world."

  "I'm not weak, at least not anymore. I was only weak because I couldn't stand up to you. I was making decisions I thought would make you happy instead of myself. But I'm done doing that. And I'm done taking your abuse."

  "Stop making such ridiculous statements. Would an abusive mother buy her daughter a closet full of designer clothes? Designer shoes? Expensive jewelry? After all I've given you, you're an ungrateful brat for even talking to me this way."

  "I don't want designer clothes or shoes or jewelry. I just want a mom. A mom who cares about me and accepts me for who I am. A mom who loves me. You've never said you love me, Mom. Not once."

  "You're wasting my time with this nonsense. Words are meaningless. My actions should prove to you what a good mother I have been to you over the years. I sent you to the best schools. Took you to ballet. I even indulged your desire to take swim lessons, even though I didn't approve."

  The things she's referring to took place when I was six years old. Since then, I've lived with my dad. She has nothing more recent to show her involvement with my life other than buying me clothes or shoes or jewelry.

  "And instead of appreciating all that I've done for you, you whine about all the things you didn't get. You're a spoiled child. I'm ashamed of you for even having this conversation."

  I choke back tears, trying to get through this. I knew she wouldn't apologize, but I thought she would at least listen without attacking me. But instead, she turned it back on me, like she's t
he one who's been hurt, not me. It's her usual guilt trip, meant to make me accept her abuse and continue our relationship like it's always been. But I'm not doing it this time. I'm done. This is over.

  "I'm not going to call you anymore," I tell her. "I'm sorry it has to be this way, but I don't have a choice. If you want me back in your life, you need to stop treating me the way you have all these years. If you can't do that, then this is over. I'm done being your daughter."

  I squeeze my eyes shut as tears pour down my cheeks.

  "You have no choice in the matter. I gave birth to you."

  "Yes, but I'm an adult now and I can choose whether or not to have a relationship with you. And right now, I don't want that. So I'm done. I love you, Mom. I always will. But I can't let you be part of my life anymore."

  "Lilly, you're being completely—"

  "Goodbye, Mom." I hang up and set my phone down by my bed. Then I let myself cry. A big, messy, teary cry. My mom would yell at me if she saw me crying, but I don't care anymore. If I want to cry, I'm going to cry. Just doing so makes me feel free. Free from the burden she held me under for so long. The burden of trying to please her. To make her love me, or even just like me.

  Now that I've finally done this, finally taken a stand, I feel a huge sense of relief. Like a weight has been lifted off me. A weight that's been holding me down, making me afraid to be myself.

  My crying slows and I wipe my tears. I go over to the mirror, smiling at my reflection. With that one conversation, I feel like I've changed. Like I'm myself, only better. Stronger. More confident.

  It's that confidence that drives me to march over to Preston's room. I'm going to tell him that I know about his lies and that my mom was giving him information about me. I know I don't need to do this, but I want to.

  As I approach his room, I hear him talking to some guy so I wait in the hall.

  "How much?" the guy asks.

  "A hundred," Preston says.

  "What the hell? That's more than last time."

  "I'm low on supply. If you want it now, you gotta pay up."

  The door is open just a crack and I peek through it and see Preston handing the guy a plastic bag containing some kind of pills.

  Preston's selling drugs? Pills? They look like prescription pills.

  As the guy pays him, I turn and walk quietly back outside. And right there in front of me, sitting on a bench, is a campus cop. He has a coffee in his hand and looks like he's on break.

  I come around in front in him. "Excuse me, sir?"

  "Yes."

  "I was just in that dorm behind us and overheard some guys talking. I think there was a drug deal going on. A guy was paying some other guy for pills."

  He stands up and looks at the dorm, then back at me. "Do you know what room it was?"

  "Yeah." I tell him the room number and he tosses his coffee out and hurries inside. I walk over to the bench in front of Reed's dorm and wait. A few minutes later, the real cops show up and Preston leaves the dorm in handcuffs. He's swearing and yelling at the cops, saying he'll sue.

  I can't help but laugh. Preston kept saying Reed would end up in jail, but now he's the one headed there. Preston must've known my mom was trying to get Reed arrested. That's why Preston kept making those comments. But I wonder if he knew what Reed had done. I'm guessing he didn't. If he did, he would've told the police himself.

  It's almost time for class so I make my way back to my room to get my backpack. Reed still hasn't contacted me and when I get to class he's not there.

  After lunch, I call my dad and tell him about the phone call I had with my mom.

  "Lilly, why didn't you tell me you were doing that? I would've been there for you."

  "I wanted to do it alone. I needed to prove to myself that I could."

  "Has she tried calling you since this happened?"

  "No." It makes me sad that she hasn't. I thought she might try to get me to change my mind, but she so far, she hasn't.

  "Would you like Rachel and me to come up there? We could have dinner with you tonight."

  "No. I'm okay. But do you care if I come home this weekend?"

  "We would love that. Rachel will be so excited when I tell her."

  "Dad?"

  "Yes, honey?"

  "Do you think it's bad if I call Rachel 'mom'?

  "Of course not. Why would it be bad?"

  "Because I already have a mom, so sometimes I think it's wrong to call Rachel that."

  "It's not wrong. Rachel has spent more time being a mother to you than your own mother. And she loves you like you were her daughter."

  "So you think she'd be okay with me calling her that?"

  "She would be more than okay with it. It would make her extremely happy, to the point she'll probably cry if you tell her this. You know Rachel."

  I smile. "Yeah, she cries even when she's happy."

  "She wears her heart on her sleeve. Always has."

  "Tell her I'll be there on Friday. Maybe we could have movie night."

  "Yes, I'll tell her. It will be good to have you home."

  "I haven't heard anything from Reed. Do you think I should call him?"

  "No. Let him come to you when he's ready."

  He's right. I should wait. But I really want to talk to him. I miss him.

  "What about Preston?" my dad asks. "Has he left you alone?"

  "Yeah, but this morning I went over to his room to talk to him. I wanted to confront him about what he did."

  "Lilly, you shouldn't have—"

  "I didn't. We never talked. When I got to his room, I caught him selling drugs to some guy. I think they were some kind of prescription pills. I found a campus police officer and told him, and then the real police arrived and arrested Preston. They must've found his stash." I laugh. "I know it's not funny, but I can't stand the guy so seeing him dragged away in handcuffs was a little funny."

  My dad isn't laughing or saying anything.

  "Dad? Are you still there?"

  "Yes. I don't know if I should tell you this."

  "Tell me what?"

  "I talked to your mother yesterday and found out some information about Preston. But knowing this will only make you angrier at your mother."

  "I'm already angry with her so you might as well tell me."

  "Preston's father is planning to run for the Senate, and in doing so, is working his way up the ranks of high-society. Your mother was hoping to go along for the ride by way of you dating Wyatt's son. She was going to use your relationship with Preston to help her regain her status among the wealthy and powerful. And if Wyatt eventually became a senator and you were still dating Preston, she would latch onto whatever publicity you received."

  "That explains why she kept pushing me to date him, even after I told her I didn't like him."

  "I'm sorry, honey, but your mother has always been this way. She's always using people to benefit herself."

  "Did she tell Preston to spy on me?"

  "She didn't admit to that, but I'm assuming she did. So if you see him on campus I want you to stay away from him and anyone he associates with. Of course with his recent arrest, he may not be coming back there."

  "Dad, I need to get to class."

  "Yes, we'll talk soon. Goodbye."

  Once again, I'm disappointed in my mom. But knowing this confirms that I made the right decision. I can't have a relationship with her if she's just using me to get ahead.

  Days go by and I hear nothing from Reed. He hasn't been in class and the guys on his floor told me he hasn't been around. He must still be in LA, but I thought he'd at least text me and let me know. But instead, I've heard nothing.

  I don't know what that means. Did my dad scare him away? Has Reed decided this relationship isn't what he wants? Or is he not willing to take a break from his mom? I wish he'd call me, or at least text me, and tell me what's going on.

  On Friday night, I'm sitting in my room working on a drawing when someone knocks on the door. I get up to answe
r it but there's nobody there. As I'm shutting the door, I see a big white envelope on the floor with my name written on it. I pick it up and take it in my room and sit on my bed to open it. Inside is a piece of paper. I pull it out and see the drawing and smile.

  It's a drawing of me, sitting under that tree on the first day of class. It's the one Reed drew while he watched me from his spot under the tree opposite mine. He captured my feelings so well in the drawing that I almost feel that way again. Nervous. Anxious. A little lonely. But also excited to be at college and on my own.

  Reed is such an amazing artist. The way he can capture emotion like that? I have a long ways to go before I'm that good.

  I pick up the envelope and see another piece of paper inside. It's a note written in Reed's handwriting. He has beautiful handwriting; smooth flowing cursive lines, almost like calligraphy.

  The note reads...

  This is the drawing I did on the first day I saw you. You were so beautiful that I had to get it down on paper. I took the drawing back to my room and looked at it, wondering who you were and wanting to meet you. When I finally did, I realized I only captured part of you in that drawing. The picture shows how beautiful you are on the outside, but you're even more beautiful on the inside. You're kind and loving and compassionate. And you would never do anything to hurt someone.

  When we first met, you asked to see this drawing, but now I'm giving it to you. Because seeing it reminds me of all that I regret. Like the day I drew it. You seemed sad and scared and lonely. I wanted to go over and talk to you and make you feel better, but I didn't and I regret that. I regret so many things in my life. But my biggest regret is not trusting you. Not believing you when you kept telling me the truth. Now I feel like I've lost you. Like you'll never trust me again. Like you'll never believe me when I tell you how much I love you.

  I hope you'll forgive me and still want to be with me. But if not, I need you to know that I DO trust you. And I love you. —Reed

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  Lilly

  I read the note again. It's almost like Reed's telling me goodbye. Does he think this is over?