The Texas Lawman's Woman

by Cathy Gillen Thacker

  Misery engulfed her anew. “I really did.”

  “Do you still think that way?”

  Not sure what she felt—except happy to be back in her Laramie home again, Shelley shrugged. It was odd how much Colt had become part of her big picture in such a short time. Even more curious, how reluctant she was to actually let him go emotionally. And yet...there were some very heavy issues still standing in their way.

  “I don’t like being blindsided.” She’d had enough of that in the past. “And Colt is so good at putting on a poker face.”

  “That’s part of his job as a cop, keeping his feelings to himself.”

  Her melancholy deepened. “I know.”

  Liz arched a brow. “Then what else is bothering you?”

  Helplessness sweeping over her, Shelley lifted her hands in frustration. “That’s just it. I don’t know exactly why I can’t find it in my heart to forgive him.”

  Never one to suffer fools, Liz stood. “Then I expect you better figure it out before you and Colt lose the best thing that’s ever happened to either of you.”

  * * *

  “YOU SURE IT’S OKAY THAT WE do this without you being around?” Rio asked.

  Colt nodded at the three off-duty deputies who had volunteered to help Shelley move her stuff out of his garage and back down the street. “I think she’d prefer it that way, given the fact she never wants to see or speak to me again.”

  “She didn’t mean it.”

  Colt grimaced, recalling the look she’d given him before she left. “Oh, I think she did.”

  Rio slapped him on the back. “You’re missing a great opportunity.”

  “Yeah, you could show her your rippling muscles,” Sam teased. “Remind her how much her little boy adores you. Could thaw the ice a little.”

  Given how much he still wanted Shelley, Colt hoped the ice would remain intact. It was the only thing that would alleviate his heartache. He held up a silencing palm. “Look, it was never going to work. I should have known all along that she was going to dump me at the first misstep, and the fact is, I make a lot of missteps.” Colt concluded grimly, “So it’s for the best.”

  Rio scoffed. “If that were the case, you wouldn’t be looking so brokenhearted.”

  Colt fished his keys out of his pocket. “I got over losing her once. I’ll get over it again. The difference is, this time I won’t give her another chance to show me the door.” And stomp all over my heart.

  His three friends sighed. Exchanged looks. Said nothing more.

  “And don’t blame her,” Colt warned over his shoulder as he bypassed the U-Haul van sitting in the driveway, and headed for his pickup truck at the curb. “It’s not her fault. It’s mine.” I’m the one who can’t get my life together. I’m the one who can’t stop thinking about a woman who wants nothing to do with me.

  Fortunately, Colt had a lot of things to do that morning to keep from obsessing over Shelley.

  His first stop was a meeting in Ben Shepherd’s office with the sheriff and Investigator Ilyse Adams, where Colt quickly learned the consequences of his actions of late—a ten-day suspension without pay, and a red flag in his file.

  “We’re counting the seven vacation days you’ve already taken as part of the suspension,” the sheriff told Colt, “so you’ll be getting that time off back. Meanwhile, your salary will be docked accordingly.”

  Colt nodded. Given what he’d done, it all seemed more than fair.

  “The larger question is,” Ben continued, “what do you want to do next?”

  Besides find a way to turn back the clock and permanently mend things with Shelley? To reverse the hurt he’d laid on her?

  Ilyse Adams warned, “If you go back on patrol, you’ll be expected to follow every rule and regulation, and administer the law with an evenhandedness and lack of sentimentality that has been lacking in your previous law enforcement service.”

  Colt had no doubt they’d both be watching his every move. Although even that wasn’t as disturbing a prospect as he had expected it to be.

  “On the other hand, if you’re willing to try something a little different, something more suited to your personality,” his boss continued, “we think we might have just the role for you...”

  Colt talked with the sheriff and Investigator Adams about the pros and cons of their proposal. He then promised to give them an answer the following day, but in his heart, he already knew what he was going to do.

  From the sheriff’s station, Colt went to check in on Mr. Zellecky, who had been released from the hospital a few days earlier. The older gentleman ushered Colt into his home. A quick look around proved that Mr. Zellecky wasn’t anywhere near the homemaker his ailing wife had been. The house showed weeks of neglect—and Mr. Zellecky didn’t seem to be faring much better. His face and arms remained bruised from the fall. Stitches lined his forehead. “How are you feeling?” Colt asked, empathy welling within him. “Is there anything you need? Anything I can do for you?”

  Mr. Zellecky removed a stack of newspapers and magazines from the sofa, and indicated Colt should take a seat. “Can you reverse the hands of time? Wipe out all my recent tomfoolery and Nellie’s stroke?”

  Colt shook his head. “But I can arrange to give you a ride to the hospital whenever you need one.”

  “Don’t want me walking there in the summer heat?”

  Colt squinted. “Our EMS crews are busy enough, don’t you think?”

  Mr. Zellecky smiled ruefully. “Yeah, I suppose that wasn’t such a good idea.”

  “Why did you set off like that?” Prior to the last month or so, the older gentleman had always seemed like such a sensible guy.

  “Nellie called me from the rehab unit over at the hospital. She was crying and she said she needed to see me.” He shrugged his thin shoulders offhandedly. “And I can’t drive anymore, so...”

  “You could have called your daughter,” Colt reminded him. “Or one of the neighbors.”

  “They all have jobs. Besides, I’ve leaned on them enough. And since the closest taxi service is in San Angelo...”

  Which was, Colt knew, a good forty-five minutes away.

  “Walking that day seemed like the best option. Until I collapsed in the heat, anyway.”

  A stubborn silence followed. Mr. Zellecky settled heavily in his worn recliner. “Let me tell you something, son. Getting older really sucks.”

  Colt refused the invitation to the pity party. “A lot of things suck,” he returned evenly. Like losing Shelley... It didn’t mean Mr. Zellecky had to be careless with his life. It didn’t mean either of them should just give up.

  The older gentleman eyed him. “Do you know what it is to be so in love with a woman you can’t imagine a life without her?”

  Colt was so damn lovesick he was beginning to think he might.

  Mr. Zellecky rushed on, not giving Colt a chance to respond. “Well, that’s how I feel about my Nellie. All I’ve ever really wanted in life was to keep her and my daughter safe and happy, and now I can’t even get to the hospital when my wife says she needs to see me. Unless I’m in an ambulance...which probably isn’t the right way to go about it.”

  Colt chuckled at Mr. Zellecky’s wry, self-deprecating joke, then said seriously, “I understand you wanting to do what you want and need to do, when and how you see fit.”

  Mr. Zellecky’s eyes narrowed. “I figured you would, a maverick like you.”

  “I also understand there has to be a better way to solve all our problems than what you or I have demonstrated thus far.”

  Interest lit his faded eyes. “You think?”

  “I do.” Colt leaned forward, hands clasped between his knees. “And I’ll find it.”

  * * *

  “UP, MOMMA! SWING! UP!”

  “I kno
w, honey, I’m working on it,” Shelley told her son. Unfortunately, the wooden swing and the chains that supported it were too heavy for her to lift on her own—and the ceiling hooks too high for her to reach—so she’d had to get out the ladder and try to attach one side at a time.

  “Want. Swing! Now!” Austin stamped his little foot, from his vantage point ten feet away.

  “We’ll get there,” Shelley promised, sighing as she unhooked the unevenly hung swing yet again and set about counting links. More carefully this time.

  From behind her, she heard footsteps, then a low, achingly familiar voice. “Need a hand?”

  Tears stung her eyes. Deliberately, she pushed them back. “Colt.”

  He trod slowly closer. In worn jeans and an untucked pale blue button-up that brought out the intense dark blue of his eyes, he looked sexy and ready for action. Bedroom action.

  A shimmer of desire swept through her, more intense than any longing she had ever felt. Followed swiftly by an even more potent joy. And on top of all that, palpable tension.

  Oblivious to the welter of confused feelings roaring through her, he hooked his hands in the pockets of his jeans and rocked back on his heels. “It’s the neighborly thing to do. Then again—” his eyes latched on hers, held, almost imploring this time “—if you’d prefer not to ever speak to or see me again...”

  Shelley flushed as her words came back to haunt her. She swallowed before he could go on. “I might have been a little hasty, given we live on the same street, and all....”

  Colt nodded. “That, we do,” he drawled.

  The question was, Shelley thought, what else was going to be possible? Would it be as much as she had begun to privately hope? Before she could find out, her son dropped his toy truck where he stood, ran to Colt and held out his arms, begging to be picked up.

  “Deppity!” Austin cried.

  Colt picked him up and cradled him as tenderly as any father. “Hey there, little fella.”

  Shelley’s heart melted.

  “Buddy!” Austin shouted happily again.

  Buddy loped arthritically up the steps to stand behind Colt. Tail wagging, he looked up at Shelley’s son, who squirmed to be put down.

  Colt complied. “Buddy!” Austin said again, wrapping his arms about the dog’s neck. Buddy wagged all the more. “See truck!” Small hand on the pet’s shoulder, Austin ushered him over to his basket of toys.

  Colt returned his attention to the task she’d been attempting. Two minutes later, the swing was up, sturdy as ever. “Test it out. Make sure it’s the right height for you.”

  Shelley sat down. Found it to be just a tad high. Her feet barely touched the floor. She stood again, moved so he could adjust it. “Actually, I’m glad you came by.” Acutely aware of how good he smelled and looked, she watched him lower it by two links. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you. I’m sorry about everything I said the other day...”

  He motioned for her to test it again. “You had a right to be hurt and angry.”

  Shelley sat and found the height to be absolutely perfect. “But no right to break up with you again.”

  He stood with his back to the post, arms folded. “Why did you?”

  It was so complicated she barely knew where to begin. Determined to try, Shelley drew a deep breath. “You know, I said that I had forgiven you for everything that happened in the past. And I really thought I had.”

  He studied her thoughtfully. “But that wasn’t true.”

  “I think there was a part of me that kept waiting for you to hurt me again.”

  “So when it happened—”

  Shelley moved to stand beside him. “I told myself it was over.”

  He looked down at her, his expression implacable. “And is it?”

  Shelley’s pulse raced. She knew she was going to have to risk everything in order to get the only thing that would make her truly happy. “The truth is, in all this time, my feelings for you have never changed. You’ve always had my heart.”

  To her disappointment, Colt looked unconvinced. “And yet you married someone else,” he said very softly.

  “On the rebound. Hoping he would help me forget you. And while he distracted me plenty with his love of adventure and his incessant problems, he was never able to make me forget about you.”

  Aware he was listening intently, she drew another deep breath. “My feelings for you are the reason why my marriage never worked, why I never wanted to look too hard at my life—or face up to my responsibilities. Because I knew if I did that,” she finished brokenly, “my heart would eventually lead me back home, to Laramie, where you still were.”

  Colt’s expression gentled. He took her hand in his and tugged her toward him. “I really regretted the way things ended, too. Although you were right to be angry with me.” He sighed as he tightened his fingers on hers. “I should have told you everything that was going on.”

  Shelley’s heart pounded. “Why didn’t you?”

  Colt sobered. He drew her toward the swing and sat beside her. “At the time, I thought I had good reason. You wouldn’t let me help you outright by buying the house, so I helped you unofficially by keeping my mouth shut and letting the rumors about the property stand.”

  Shelley could see how difficult this had been for him to admit.

  Colt stretched his arm along the back of the swing. His muscular thigh pressed against hers. “I told myself I was helping everyone, that no one was going to be happy if they bought your home while you were still trying to get it back.”

  “Well, that is true.” Shelley settled into the curve of his body. “It would have been a real mess if someone else had bought it before Tully’s parents came in and remedied the situation.”

  Colt nodded, his expression rueful. “But on another level, what I did still wasn’t right. I didn’t feel any better standing down in that situation than I did when I was unable to help you directly.”

  Another silence fell. “What about the Internal Affairs inquiry? Aside from the fact you were forbidden to make it public knowledge, why didn’t you tell me at least some of that?” She was pretty sure he could have, if he’d wanted to.

  Colt squinted. “I told myself I didn’t want you to feel bad—even inadvertently—because my attempts to help you and Austin were at the center of my difficulty.”

  “And what do you know now?” Shelley asked, warming to his honesty.

  “That it was really because I was trying to control the outcome of whatever happened in my sphere. The same way I thought if I didn’t arrest the three teenagers I’d keep them from tarnishing their permanent records. Or by not citing Mr. Zellecky for his first fender bender with the stop sign, he’d be able to keep his license.” Colt sighed, his frustration and regret evident. “I realize now that in addition to enforcing the laws, I was trying to keep people safe from all harm. But curtailing other people’s recklessness or covering up their mistakes is not my responsibility as a law officer.”

  Because that, Shelley knew, was like playing God. “That’s a pretty big admission.”

  He nodded, acknowledging that he’d needed to search his soul as much as she had needed to search hers—if they were ever to become better people. He took her hand in his. “As much as I have always liked helping others, it’s always bothered me to have to arrest someone I know if there are extenuating circumstances. Or, as you put it, I’m really not the hall monitor type.”

  She winced at the words she previously used.

  She needn’t have worried; he’d taken no offense. Instead, he seemed almost happy about it.

  “The truth is,” he continued, “it wasn’t until you came back that I began to understand why everything has been so wrong for so long.” He paused, shook his head in obvious regret. “I’ve lived in the moment all my life. And not really allowed myself to
really consider the consequences of my actions.”

  Shelley searched his face. “And everything that has happened the past few weeks has forced you to look at that.” Just as her circumstances had forced her to take a hard look at her own shortcomings and the responsibility she bore.

  Colt nodded in acknowledgment.”Ultimately, I realized that as much as I love being a cop, I love helping people more. Which is why I’m taking on a new position with the sheriff’s department as director of Community Outreach. My task will be to help citizens who are in trouble, or headed there, find solutions that will keep them from further harm.” He smiled with pride. “The first two initiatives are going to involve wayward teens and senior citizens who have lost their driving privileges.”

  “Oh, Colt. That’s really wonderful!” It was the perfect fit for his generosity and gallantry.

  Beaming, he looked deep into her eyes. “But that’s only a small part of the changes I’m making to my life.”

  Shelley’s heart leaped.

  “It’s not just my professional life that needs work,” he told her in a low, rusty-sounding voice. “I’ve got to repair the damage I’ve done in my personal life, too. And I’m going to start by admitting the mistakes I’ve made where you’re concerned.”

  This sounded promising, Shelley thought as Colt shifted her onto his lap. “Because the truth is,” he continued softly, “it was wrong of me to assume you needed me to rescue you. And even more wrong encouraging you to pick up where we left off and jump into bed with me. Without considering how not working out our past problems would affect our ability to forge a strong, enduring relationship.”

  Shelley snuggled closer, her spirits soaring. “Because if we had done that....”

  “If we’d been really honest with each other, and I’d told you how much you really mean to me,” he said thickly.

  She met his eyes, knowing she had come home, at long last, to him. “Or you to me.”

  “Then I would have known you would stick with me, despite all my shortcomings.”

  “You’re right about that.” There would have been no misunderstandings, no separation. Tears misted in her eyes. “And I do love you, Colt, so very much. I think I always have.”