Black and White

by Dawn Lee McKenna

  Jennifer had lived with just her Great-Aunt Milly in New Orleans, then with a roommate, and then alone. Now, she’d been alone at Grandma’s out in the country for two days. The boisterous cacophony of this animated family was almost a shock to her system, but she envied it all the same.

  Uncle Ray was as handsome as Jennifer remembered, tall and thin, with neatly-cut dark brown hair that was going gray around the ears. It matched the mustache, which seemed to have turned gray all at once.

  Aunt Peggy was still a pretty woman, a bit heavier than she’d been a dozen years before, but with her blond hair done in a flip and her smooth skin, she made a lovely grandmother. Carrie was her spitting image. Jennifer and Carrie had never been especially close because of their age difference. They mostly saw each other at family get-togethers. The last time Jennifer had seen her, she was wearing her band uniform, twirling a baton in their old front yard. Jennifer wondered where her baton had gone. She’d twirled just for fun, but she’d enjoyed it.

  “I’m sorry, what?” she asked Peggy.

  “I asked if you were excited about starting your new job,” Peggy said with a warm smile.

  “Oh. Yes, I suppose so,” Jennifer answered. She looked at Uncle Ray. “I mean, of course I am. I’m just still getting used to being here.”

  “You’re gonna do just fine, hon,” Ray said. “Carrie, baby, pass me those potatoes, please. You’ll be fine, Jennifer. I think once the guys get used to you—not just because you’re our first female officer—but because you’re new, I think we’ll be pretty glad you’re here.”

  Carrie passed the potatoes, then leaned over her plate. “Jennifer, have you talked to Daniel yet?”

  She whispered Daniel’s name, like nobody would hear her, or know who he was, anyway.

  “Actually, yeah,” Jennifer answered, her stomach churning as she remembered his angry face. “He came by the house today.”

  “Oh!” Carrie said.

  “How’d that go?” Uncle Ray asked. Before she could answer, his attention was captured by something Jason was doing down at the end of the table.

  “About as badly as I expected,” Jennifer answered, pushing a carrot around on her plate. “I’m pretty sure—”

  “Jason?” Carrie’s husband asked.

  Carrie jumped up. “Daddy, he’s choking!”

  Uncle Ray was coming out of his seat already, and Jennifer and Peggy stood as he rushed down the table. He pulled Jason out of his chair and whomped him a few times on the back. As his mother ran around the table, Jason coughed out a chunk of dinner roll, which flew across the table and landed on his mother’s plate.

  Jennifer stood there as everyone heaved their sighs of relief, offered him some water, and admonished him to chew his food better. Once everything settled, and everyone was back in their chairs, conversation turned to Watergate, unfortunately.

  Two days later, Jennifer sat on the guest side of Ray’s big, scarred, oak desk, filling out a pile of paperwork with the black, almost useless, pen that came in a little wooden stand with his name on it.

  She’d been there for almost an hour, and they were still working on it. Insurance, benefits, policies, attendance and sick days, tax forms, and so on. She’d already been fingerprinted and photographed, taken her uniform out to her car, and allowed Ray to inspect her Smith & Wesson Chiefs Special. It wasn’t uncommon for departments to prefer officers provide their own weapons; they felt it ensured proper maintenance and care. Back in New Orleans, most officers favored the .357 Magnum or Colt’s Police and Trooper model, but the Chiefs Special was one of the lighter and more compact double-action revolvers, and better fit Jennifer’s smaller hand. The three other female officers Jennifer knew in New Orleans had preferred it, as well.

  “Here you, go,” Ray said as he walked back into the office with a paper cup of coffee in his hand.

  “Oh, thanks, Ray,” Jennifer said. She took the cup from him and he walked around his desk.

  “Almost six. Day shift’s gonna start coming in to close out the day’s business, and night shift’s starting to straggle in.” He sat down heavily, and though he was more height than breadth, his well-worn leather chair protested. “Everybody knows we’re gonna meet here for a few minutes before the evening muster.”

  Jennifer swallowed. She wasn’t looking forward to seeing Daniel, who she knew was working day shift this month. Ray might be Daniel’s boss, but he’d sort of been family, too, by association, and Ray had said they were still pretty close. Jennifer knew they would have discussed her this morning, talked about their first meeting after eleven years. She’d been afraid to ask Ray how that went. She was scared he’d tell her things she didn’t really want to hear.

  As Jennifer drank her coffee and hurried up with the forms, she could hear more and more activity and conversation on the other side of Ray’s door. Without meaning to, she kept trying to pick out Daniel’s voice. She couldn’t. Whether that was because he wasn’t there, he wasn’t talking, or she no longer had her Daniel radar, she didn’t know.

  Jennifer filled out the last form and handed the pile back to Ray. He called his assistant, Margo, in to make appropriate copies and file everything away, and let the officers know they’d be meeting in the bullpen in just a moment. After Margo had left, Jennifer drank her coffee down, clutched her folder of informational brochures and carbon copies to her chest, and Ray ushered her out of the office. They stopped just outside his door.

  There were ten desks in the room, in five back-to-back pairs. There were fourteen officers in the room. As Ray got everyone’s attention and voices died down, Jennifer looked around the room. There was only one officer she knew for sure, Pete Brandeis. He’d been one year behind them in high school. He looked about the same, with maybe just a little more of a paunch.

  The only other familiar face was Daniel’s and he was staring right at her.

  “Okay, people, let’s get this going, so you can get home or get to work,” Ray said. “As you know, Title VII of the Civil Rights Act mandates that there will be no gender discrimination in public agencies, and we are a public agency.”

  Jennifer heard someone grumble, but she didn’t want to look to see who it was. She kept her eyes on Ray.

  “We are one of many departments in Florida that does not yet have a female officer,” Ray continued. “The Governor wants that resolved. Our ladies in dispatch are civilians, they do not count. Now. This is Jennifer Sheehan. I know her and her family well, but she also comes well-recommended by the New Orleans Police Department.”

  There was more grumbling, a couple of sighs. A tall, redheaded cop spoke up. “What’s the matter, she couldn’t find a husband?”

  “That’s enough, Borman,” Ray said.

  “No offense, Chief, but girls don’t have any business in police work,” a blond cop said. “What about when she gets knocked up, or she’s in a bad mood because she got her period?”

  Jennifer had heard all of this before, many times, and it didn’t really bother her anymore, but when she glanced over at Daniel, she felt her cheeks redden just a bit. He was clenching his jaw as he stared at his desk, but she was embarrassed for him to hear her roasted.

  Ray held up a hand. “Let’s keep the talk professional, guys. Or do it later at Monty’s.”

  “Women still get their man-o-pause, or did they get liberated from that, too?” the blond cop asked the room, grinning. A few guys chuckled.

  “Can it, Patterson,” Daniel said quietly, to his desk. “She might be a cop, but she’s still a lady.”

  “Uh oh,” the redhead said, smiling. “The son of a preacher man has spoken.”

  The redheaded cop named Borman started singing, “The only one who could ever teach me, was the son of a preacher man…”

  Patterson and another guy joined in.

  Jennifer felt like she’d been gut-shot. When she’d first heard that
song back in ’69, she’d cried for an hour. Even now, when she heard it, she ached.

  “He was, he was, oh yes he was.”

  “You’re too late, guys,” Brandeis spoke up. “That was back in high school. Wasn’t it, Huddleston?”

  There were a few “well, wells” and the like. Everybody looked at Daniel. Jennifer looked at the floor.

  “Enough!” Ray yelled, and heads snapped around. “I’ve had enough. If you’ve got something smart to say, say it somewhere else. Officer Sheehan is not a rookie. She’s spent her last two years with New Orleans on patrol. What I’m saying to you is that she is a qualified officer of the law. Am I understood?”

  There were a few “Yeahs”, a couple of “Yes, sirs.” Most of them sounded reluctant.

  “Messer, you’re going to be her partner for the time being,” Ray said. “Is that going to sit okay with you or do we need to discuss it?”

  Jennifer turned to look at a slim, black-haired man who looked a few years older than her. He was leaning against his desk. She didn’t recognize him.

  “I don’t have a problem with it,” he said. He smiled at Jennifer. “You gotta pack a lunch, though, because my wife’s expecting and we’re saving up. I’m not going out for lunch every day, okay?”

  Jennifer sort of returned his smile and cleared her throat. “That’s cool with me.”

  “Geez, Messer, you tell everybody within five minutes that your wife’s pregnant,” a blond cop in the corner said.

  “Why not? I’m proud of it.”

  “He just wants everybody to know he’s got lead in his pencil,” said a short, redheaded cop by the filing cabinets.

  A few guys chuckled, and Messer smiled over his shoulder at the redhead. “I thought we established that when your son was born, Whitney.”

  That got a few genuine laughs. Jennifer glanced over at Daniel. He was staring at the pencil he was slowly tapping against his desk. She glanced around the room and caught Pete Brandeis’s eye. Yeah, he remembered her.

  “Any questions, gentlemen, or can we get on with our day?” Ray asked.

  A gray-haired man who sat in the desk across from Daniel spoke up. “I don’t have any questions…I just don’t know how I feel about having lady police officers.” He looked at Jennifer and shrugged.

  “Well, Michaels, it’s kind of a new thing,” Ray said drolly, but with a bit of a smile.

  “Maybe on Mod Squad,” a tall, blond guy with a mustache grumbled.

  Ray waved him off, then looked around the room. “Any actual questions?”

  A few guys said “No” and others just shook their heads.

  “Okay, then, Porter, take evening muster,” Ray said to an older officer at the back. “Messer, Huddleston, would you join us inside for a minute, please?”

  Daniel’s head shot up. He looked around, then stood as some of the officers got their things together, and the rest followed Porter down the hall.

  Jennifer heard one of the guys say, “Next thing you know, we’ll be recruiting fags, too.”

  Ray jerked his head at Jennifer, and she preceded him into his office. Once Messer and Daniel were in, he closed the door. He walked over and leaned against his desk.

  “Anthony, this is Jennifer. Jennifer, Anthony.”

  Anthony Messer leaned over and held out a hand. “Pleasure.”

  “Thank you,” Jennifer said as they shook. “Same here.”

  He smiled at her. “Don’t worry, most of those guys will come around.” Jennifer just nodded. “You prefer Sheehan, Jennifer, Jenny, Jen, what?”

  Only Daniel and Inez had called her Jen. And Jonah, but Jonah didn’t call her anything anymore. She could see Daniel in her peripheral vision, but she was afraid to look at him.

  “Jennifer’s fine, or Sheehan,” she answered. “Whichever.”

  “Jennifer’s going to start with you in the morning,” Ray said. “I know you’ll do a good job of helping her settle in.”

  Messer shrugged. “Yeah, sure,” he said.

  “I’d like you to bring her up to date on that pot case you’re working. Otherwise, just make sure she knows who’s who and what’s what in y’all’s section, all right?”

  “Yeah, Chief.”

  “Okay, we’ll see you bright and early,” Ray said.

  “Yeah. See you tomorrow,” Messer said to Jennifer. He glanced curiously at Daniel as he walked out of the office and shut the door behind him.

  Ray stared at Daniel. Jennifer stared at Daniel. Daniel stared at the floor, hands on his hips. Jennifer couldn’t help noticing that he looked great in the black uniform.

  “Daniel?” Ray asked finally. Daniel looked at him and raised his eyebrows. “You need to say something?”

  Daniel started to smile, then shook his head slightly. Then he looked back at the floor. “Well.”

  He huffed out a short laugh and looked up at them. “Well, this is nice.”

  Ray frowned at him.

  “I would have appreciated a little warning,” he said to Ray.

  Ray looked at Jennifer. “I thought you said y’all talked yesterday.”

  “We sure as hell didn’t talk about this,” Daniel said, shaking his head.

  “I tried to,” she said to Ray. Then she looked over at Daniel, whose blue eyes were suddenly focused on her. “I was trying to tell you when you stormed off.”

  “You didn’t try very hard, ’cause I would have stuck around to hear that.”

  Ray looked from Daniel to Jennifer and back again, then sighed. “You two need to go have a talk, somewhere besides here.”

  He pushed himself off the edge of his desk.

  “That’s okay,” Daniel said. “Everything’s fine.”

  He walked out of the office, leaving the door open behind him. Jennifer watched him walk through the bullpen toward the front door.

  “I would have appreciated a little warning, too,” Ray said.

  “I’m sorry. I was starting to tell you when Jason started choking,” she said.

  “Jennifer, you were at the house for at least an hour after that.”

  She sighed, and nodded. “I know. I chickened out.”

  “With him or me?”

  “I chickened out of telling you I chickened out with him,” she said. “He did storm off, but I could have told him.”

  Ray sighed. “Well, my dear, I’m your boss and your family, not your therapist. Y’all are gonna have to figure it out from here. Just make sure it doesn’t interfere with either one of y’all’s jobs. Personal stuff gets cops hurt, so find a way to either work together or ignore each other.”

  “I understand.”

  Ray nodded. “All right. As for the rest of the guys, there are a couple of ‘em that are pieces of work, but most of these men are good cops. Good people, too. The world’s just changing too fast for ‘em is all.”

  Jennifer smiled at him. “I’m sure it’ll be fine once they get used to me.”

  Ray patted her shoulder. “Get out of here, hon. I’ve got stuff to do so I can go on home.”

  Jennifer was opening one of the glass front doors when she heard a door behind her. She looked over her shoulder and saw Daniel coming out of the men’s room. He saw her, and headed toward the door, but didn’t meet her eye.

  She heard his hard-soled shoes on the asphalt behind her as she walked to her Dart. She hadn’t locked it. She opened the back door, hissing as the metal door handle scorched her fingers, and dumped her purse and paperwork on the back seat.

  When she looked up, Daniel was watching her over the roofs of the two cars between her Dart and his pick-up.

  “You know, I used to imagine all the time…seeing you again. Where we’d be, what we’d say, how it would pan out.” He shook his head. “This is not any of the ways I imagined it.”

  He opened his door
and started to get in, then got back out. “How do you think it made me feel to have those jackasses talking about you like that?”

  “How it made you feel? They were talking about me, not you.”

  He stared at her a moment. “Well, at one time that was the same thing,” he said quietly.

  Jennifer didn’t know what she wanted to say, which was just as well, because he got in his truck and drove away.

  The phone company had hooked the phone back up that morning. Jennifer had been given a number that didn’t match the one written on the yellow wall phone in Grandma’s kitchen, and she felt like that was wrong somehow. She wasn’t going to scratch the old one out.

  She looked up Mama Tyne in the phone book Grandma kept in the drawer under the phone, with her S & H Green Stamp books and catalog. The Tynes still lived in the same house over on Milton Street, in what people used to call Colored Town. She didn’t know what they called it now. They still had the phone number Jennifer had known most of her life.

  Jennifer picked up the phone, but hesitated, so long that the dial tone stopped and that obnoxious beeping started. She pushed down the hook and the dial tone came back. She cleared her throat and got prepared, but hung up when the beeping started again.

  She got herself an RC from the fridge, took a few swallows, then took a deep breath and dialed.

  It was answered on the second ring. “Hello?”

  Jennifer felt her throat tighten, and forgot to reply. She could hear children in the background, and a TV.

  “Hello?” Inez said again.

  “Inez?” Jennifer answered.

  It took Inez a moment to speak. “Jen?”

  “Yes.”

  “Where are you?”

  “Here.”

  “Lord…hold on.” Inez raised her voice, away from the receiver. “Y’all turn that down. Hurry up!”

  Jennifer heard some kids complaining, but then the volume on the TV was lowered.

  “Jen. Oh, my Lord.”

  Jennifer took a deep breath. “How are you?”