The Panchronicon

by Harold Steele MacKaye

  CHAPTER XIII

  HOW THE FAT KNIGHT DID HOMAGE

  On Rebecca's arrival with the royal attendants at Greenwich Palace, theQueen had ordered that she be given a splendid suite of apartments forher own use, and that she be constantly attended by a number of younggentlewomen assigned to her establishment. The news soon spread throughthe palace that an American princess or empress had arrived, and she wastreated in every way on the footing of a sort of inferior royalty.Elizabeth invited her to share every meal with her, and took delight inher accounts of the manners and customs of the American aborigines.

  As for Rebecca, she finally yielded to the conviction that Elizabeth wasnot Victoria, and found it expedient to study her companions with a viewto avoiding gross breaches of etiquette. Of these, the first which shecorrected was addressing Elizabeth as "Mrs. Tudor."

  In twenty-four hours the shrewd and resourceful New England woman wasable to learn many things, and she rapidly found her bearings among thestrange people and stranger institutions by which she was surrounded.

  Seated in her own "presence chamber," as she called it, surrounded byher civil and assiduous attendants, she discovered a charm in beingconstantly taken care of which was heightened by the contrast which itpresented with her usually independent habits of life. The pleasingeffect of novelty had never more strongly impressed her.

  Her anxiety in Phoebe's behalf had been dispelled when she learnedthat Isaac Burton was expected at the palace, and was to bring hisfamily with him. With diplomatic shrewdness, she resolved to improveevery opportunity to win the Queen's favor, in order that when the timecame she might have the benefit of her authority in removing her youngersister from her pretended relatives.

  It was about five in the afternoon of the day succeeding her adventureon the Thames, and Rebecca sat near a window overlooking the entrancecourt. She was completing the knitting upon which she had been engagedwhen Droop made his first memorable call on her in Peltonville.

  On either side of Rebecca, but on stools set somewhat lower than herchair, were her two favorites, the Lady Clarissa Bray, daughter ofWalter Bray, Lord Hunsforth, and the Honorable Lady Margaret Welsh,daughter of the Earl of March.

  Clarissa was employed in embroidering a stomacher whose green, gold, andrusset set off her dark curls very agreeably. The Lady Margaret wasplaying a soft Italian air upon the cithern, which she managed withexcellent taste, to the entertainment of her temporary mistress and herhalf dozen attendants.

  Rebecca's needles moved in time with the graceful measure of the music,while her head nodded in unison, and she smiled now and then.

  As the air was concluded she let her hands sink for a moment into herlap, turning to bend an approving look upon the fair young musician.

  "There, now!" she said. "I declare, Miss Margaret, that's real sweetmusic. I'm much obliged to ye, I'm sure."

  Margaret arose and courtesied, blushing.

  "Would your Highness that I play again?" she asked.

  "No, thank ye," said Rebecca, resuming her knitting. "The's no sort o'use in drivin' folks to death as are kind to ye. Sit right down an' restnow, an' I'll tell ye all a story thet hez a bearin' right on thatpoint."

  She turned to the four maids of honor seated behind her.

  "Now you girls can jest's well come an' set in front o' me while I'mtalkin'. I'll like it a heap better, I'm sure."

  With great diffidence on the part of her attendants, and after muchcoaxing on Rebecca's part, this change was accomplished. The idea ofbeing seated in the presence of royalty was in itself quite distastefulto these young courtiers, but upon this Rebecca had insisted from thefirst. It made her feel tired, she said, to see people standingcontinually on their feet.

  "Well," she began, when all were disposed to their satisfaction, "it allhappened in my country, ye know. 'Twas 'bout ten years ago now, Iguess--or rather then--I mean it will be----"

  Clarissa's wondering eyes caught the speaker's attention and shecoughed.

  "Never mind when 'twas," she went on. "Ye see, things are very differenthere--time as well's the rest. However, 'long 'bout then, my cousin AnnSlocum took a notion to 'nvite me down to Keene fer a little visit.Phoebe--thet's my sister--she said I could go jest's well's not, an'so I went. The fust night I was there, when dinner was over, of course Ioffered to wash up the dishes, seem'----"

  An involuntary and unanimous gasp of amazement from her fair auditorscut Rebecca short at this point.

  "Well," she said, a little anxiously, "what's the matter? Anythin'wrong?"

  The Lady Clarissa ventured to voice the general sentiment.

  "Did we hear aright, your Highness?" she asked. "Said you--'wash up thedishes'?"

  "Oh!" said Rebecca, conscious for the first time of her slip, "did thatpuzzle ye?"

  "Do queens and princesses perform menial offices in America?" asked theHonorable Lady Margaret.

  Short as was the time allowed, it had sufficed for Rebecca to compose aform of words which should not wound her conscience by direct falsehood,while not undeceiving her hearers as to her rank.

  "Why, to tell ye the truth," she said, in a semi-confidential manner,"all the queens and princesses there are in America wash the dishesafter dinner."

  There was some whispering among the girls at this, and Rebecca's earscaught the expressions "passing strange" and "most wonderful" more thanonce.

  She waited until the first excitement thus produced had subsided andthen proceeded.

  "Of course Cousin Ann hadn't no objection, an' so I went into thekitchen. When we got through, blest ef she didn't ask me to wash out thedish-towels while she filled the lamps! Now----"

  The growing amazement in the round, open eyes and shaking curls of heraudience brought Rebecca once more to a standstill. Evidently somefurther explanation of this unwonted state of things would be expected.To gain time for further invention, Rebecca rose and carried herknitting to the window as though to pick up a stitch. Mechanically sheglanced down into the court-yard, where there was now a largeassemblage, and uttered an exclamation of astonishment.

  "Gracious alive!" she cried. "If there ain't a bicycle! Well, well,don't that look nat'ral, now! Makes me feel homesick."

  She turned to her companions, each of whom was ceremoniously standing,but all showing clearly in their faces the curiosity which consumedthem.

  "Come 'long!" said Rebecca, smiling. "Come one and all! I'm blest ef yedon't make me think of Si Pray's dog waitin' to be whistled fer when Sigoes out to walk."

  The obedience to this summons was prompt and willing, and Rebecca turnedagain to observe those who came with the mysterious bicycle.

  "Land o' sunshine!" she exclaimed, "did ye ever see sech a fat man asthat! Do any of you girls know who 'tis?"

  "'Tis Sir Percevall Hart, harbinger to the Queen, I ween," Clarissareplied.

  "Gracious!" said Rebecca, anxiously. "I do hope now he ain't bringin'any _very_ bad news!"

  "Wherefore should he, your Highness?" said Clarissa.

  "Why, if he's a harbinger of woe--ain't that what they call 'em?" shespoke, with some timidity.

  "Nay," said the Lady Margaret. "Sir Percevall is reputed a wit and apleasant companion, your Highness. He is harbinger to the Queen."

  "An' who's the man with him in black togs an' rumpled stockin's?" saidRebecca. "The one holdin' the bicycle?"

  "Mean you him holding the two bright wheels, your Highness?"

  "Yes."

  Lady Margaret could not answer, nor could any of the other attendants.Could Rebecca have had a more advantageous view of the stranger, shewould herself have been the only one in the palace to recognize him. Shecould only see his hat and his borrowed clothes, however, and hercuriosity remained unsatisfied.

  "That looks like Copernicus Droop's wheel," she muttered. "I wonder efsomebody's ben an' stole it while he was away. 'Twould serve him rightfer givin' me the slip."

  Then turning to Lady Margaret again, she continued:

  "Would you mind runnin' dow
n to ask who that man is, Miss Margaret?Seems to me I know that bicycle."

  Courtesying in silence, the maid backed out of the room and hurried downthe stairs quite afire with the eagerness of her curiosity. Thisstrange, bright-wheeled thing to which the American princess so easilyapplied a name, could only be some wonderful product of the New World.She was overjoyed at the thought that she was to be the first to closelyexamine and perhaps to touch this curiosity.

  Her plans were delayed, however, for when she reached the court-yard shefound herself restrained by a row of men with halberds, one of whominformed her that her Majesty was returning from chapel.

  The Queen and her retinue were obliged to pass across the courtyard onthe way to the apartment where Elizabeth was to take her evening meal.Her progress at such times was magnificently accompanied, and was oftenmuch delayed by her stopping to notice her favorites as she passed them,and even at times to receive petitions.

  Copernicus, who, as we have seen, had just arrived, was inclined tobewail the interruption caused by this procession, but his companioninsisted that, on the contrary, all was for the best.

  "Why, man," said he, "Dame Fortune hath us in her good books for asurety. What! Could we have planned all better had we willed it? To meetthe Queen in progress from chapel! 'Twill go hard but Sir Percevallshall win his suit--and you, Master Droop, your monopolies. Mark menow--mark me well!"

  So saying, the fat knight advanced and joined one of the long lines ofcourtiers already forming a hedge on each side of the direct way whichthe Queen was to traverse. Droop, leaning his bicycle against the palacewall and taking in his hands his phonograph and box of cylinders, placedhimself behind his guide and watched the proceedings with eagercuriosity.

  A door opened at one end of the lane between the two courtiers and thereappeared the first of a long procession of splendidly apparelledgentlemen-in-waiting, walking bareheaded two by two. Of these, the firstwere simple untitled knights and gentlemen. These were followed bybarons, then earls, and lastly knights of the garter, each gentlemanvying with the others in richness of apparel and lavish display ofcollars, orders, jewelled scabbards, and heavy chains of gold.

  Behind these there came three abreast. These were the Lord HighChancellor, in wig and robes, carrying the Great Seal of England in ared silk bag. On his right walked a gentleman carrying the goldensceptre, jewelled and quaintly worked, while he on the left carried thesword of state, point up, in a red scabbard, studded with goldenfleur-de-lis.

  A few steps behind this imposing escort came the Queen, with a small butrichly covered prayer-book in her hand. She looked very majestic on thisoccasion, being dressed in white silk bordered with pearls of the sizeof beans, over which was thrown a mantle of black silk shot with silverthreads. An oblong collar of jewelled gold lay upon her otherwise barebosom.

  The Queen's train was very long and was carried by a marchioness, whoseplain attire set off the magnificence of royalty.

  As Elizabeth proceeded across the yard, she spoke to one by-stander oranother, and Droop, looking on, made up his mind that the rule was thatanyone to whom she addressed a word, or even a look, should dropforthwith to his knees and so remain until she had passed, unless shepleased to extend her hand to raise him up.

  On each side of this main procession there was a single file of fiveand twenty gentlemen pensioners, each carrying a gilt battle-axe.

  The remainder of the procession consisted of a train of court ladies alldressed in white and nearly destitute of ornaments. Evidently the RoyalVirgin would suffer no rivalry in dress from those of her own sex.

  Just behind Elizabeth and to one side, in such a position as to bewithin easy reach for consultation, walked the Lord High Treasurer,William Cecil, Baron of Burleigh. It was to this nobleman that hisnephew, Francis Bacon, had addressed the letter which he had given toCopernicus Droop.

  By dint of much squeezing and pushing, Sir Percevall made his way to thefront of the waiting line, and, as Elizabeth approached, he droppedpainfully to his knees, and, with hat in hand, gazed earnestly into theQueen's face, not daring to speak first, but with a petition writ largein every feature.

  Now, Elizabeth was most jealous of her dignity, and valued her ownfavors very highly. In her eyes it was downright impertinence at a timelike this for anyone to solicit the honor of her attention by kneelingbefore he was noticed.

  Knowing this, Burleigh, who recognized the knight and wished him well,motioned to him earnestly to rise. Alarmed, Sir Percevall made adesperate effort to obey the hint, and, despite his huge bulk, wouldperhaps have succeeded in regaining his feet without attracting thenotice of the Queen but for the impatient movement of the crowd behindhim. Unfortunately, however, he had but half risen when the bustlingmultitude moved forward a little against his expansive rear. The resultwas disastrous.

  Sir Percevall lost his balance, and, feeling himself toppling, threw hishands out forward with a cry and fell flat on his face.

  Elizabeth was at this moment addressing a few gracious words to awhite-haired courtier, who kneeled among those gathered on the right ofher line of progress. Startled by the loud cry of the falling knight,she turned swiftly and saw at her feet a man of monstrous girthstruggling in vain to raise his unwieldy form. His plumed hat had rolledto some distance, exposing a bald head with two gray tufts over theears. His sword stood on its hilt, with point in air, and his short, fatlegs made quick alternate efforts to bend beneath him--efforts which thefleshy knees successfully resisted.

  The helpless, jerking limbs, the broad, rolling body, and the mixture ofexpletives and frantic apologies poured forth by the prostrate knightturned the Queen's first ready alarm to irrepressible laughter, in whichthe bystanders joined to their great relief. Droop alone was grave, forhe could only see in this accident the ruin of his plans.

  "Now, by the rood!" cried the Queen, as soon as she could speakdistinctly, "fain would we see your face, good gentleman. Of all oursubjects, not one doth us such low obeisance!" Then, beckoning to thoseof her gentleman pensioners who stood nearest:

  "Raise us yon mighty subject of ours, whose greatness we might in ourmajesty brook but ill did not his humble bearing proclaim a loyalsubmission."

  Four gentlemen, dropping their gilt axes, hastened to Sir Percevall'said, raising him by the arms and shoulders.

  "Enough--enough, lads!" cried the knight, when they had got him to hisknees. "Let it not be said that Sir Percevall Hart dared to tempt erectthe dreadful glance of majesty. Here let him lowly bend beneath the eyesthat erstwhile laid him low."

  Still holding him, the four gentlemen turned their eyes to the Queen fororders, and Sir Percevall, clasping his mud-stained hands, addressedhimself directly to Elizabeth, in whose still laughing face he foresawsuccess.

  "O Majesty of England!" he cried. "Marvel not at this my suddenfall--for when, with more than royal glory is linked the potency ofvirgin loveliness, who can withstand!"

  "Why, how now, Sir Knight!" said Elizabeth, banteringly. "Are we lesslovely or less awful now than a moment since? You seem at least one halfrestored."

  "Nay, your Majesty," was the reply. "'Tis his sovereign's will and highcommand that stiffens poor Percy's limbs, and in obedience only that hefinds strength to present his suit."

  "A suit!" she exclaimed. "Pride cometh before a fall, 'tis said. Then,in sooth, by the rule of contraries, a fall should presage humility'sreward. What says my Lord Baron?"

  She turned to Burleigh, who smiled and, bowing, replied:

  "So witty a flight to so sound a conclusion Cecil could not have wingedalone, but where majesty teacheth wisdom, who shall refuse it!"

  "'Tis well!" said Elizabeth, more soberly. "Rise, Sir Knight, and, whenthat we have supped, seek audience again. An the petition be in reason,'twill not suffer for the fall you have had."

  With this speech, Sir Percevall's first audience ended, and it was witha happy face that he suffered himself to be helped to his feet by thefour gentlemen who had first been sent to his aid.


  As the Queen resumed her progress and entered the apartments wherein shewas to prepare for her evening meal, there resounded through the palacethe ringing notes of trumpets and the musical booming of a kettle-drum.

  In a large antechamber immediately outside of the room where the Queenwas to sup there was placed a splendidly carved table of black oak, andhere were made all the preparations for her repast, accompanied by theusual ceremonies.

  Moving to the sound of trumpets and drum, two gentlemen entered theroom, the first bearing a rod and the second a table-cloth. Advancingone behind the other, they kneeled three times between the door andtable, apparently expressing the deepest veneration. Having spread thetable, they retired backward, not forgetting to repeat the genuflectionsas performed on their approach.

  These first two were followed immediately by two other gentlemen, thefirst with a rod and the other carrying a salt-seller, plates, andbread. These articles were carried to the table with the same ceremonyas had attended the spreading of the cloth.

  Next there entered a young lady, whose coronet indicated the rank ofcountess and whose uncovered bosom proclaimed the unmarried state. Shewas accompanied by a married lady of lower rank, carrying a knife. TheCountess rubbed the plates with bread and salt, and then the two ladiesstood awhile by the table, awaiting the arrival of the supper.

  Finally there entered, one at a time, twenty-four yeomen of the guard,the tallest and handsomest men in the royal service, bareheaded andclothed in scarlet coats, with roses embroidered in gold thread on theirbacks. Each yeoman carried a separate special dish intended for theroyal repast, and, as each approached the table, the lady with the knifecut off and placed in his mouth a portion of the food which he wascarrying. After depositing their dishes upon the table, the yeomendeparted and the maids of honor then approached and carried the dishesinto the inner room, where the Queen sat at her supper.

  Of all those who thus advanced to the table and departed walkingbackward, none omitted the reverent kneelings, nor did anyone concernedin all this ceremony speak a word until it was concluded. Although theQueen was actually absent, in fiction she was present, and it was tothis fiction that so much reverence was paid.

  Shortly after the commencement of these preparations, Droop and hisguide appeared among other petitioners and other lookers-on around thedoorways. Copernicus carried his phonographic apparatus, but the bicyclehad been left in the court-yard in the care of a man-at-arms.

  "Jiminy!" said Droop, looking curiously about him, "ain't this A No. 1,though! Et must be fun to be a queen, eh, Percevall?"

  "To speak truly, my lad," said the knight, "there is something too muchof bravery and pomp in the accidents of royalty. What! Can a kingunbend--be merry--a good fellow with his equals? No! And would you or Ibarter this freedom for a crown?" He shook his head. "Which think youpassed the merrier night--or the Queen (God's blessing on her) or youand I?"

  Droop paid little heed to his companion, for his eyes were busy with theunwonted scene before him.

  "Well, now!" he exclaimed. "Look there, Sir Knight. See how the old ladydigs out a piece o' that pie and pokes it into that lord's mouth! Hemust be mighty hungry! I'm darned ef I'd thought they'd hev let him hevhis grub before the Queen--and out of her own dish, too!"

  "Nay, Brother Droop," said the Englishman, "this custom hath its originin the necessary precaution of our sovereign. Who knows but that poisonbe in this food! Have not a score of scurvy plots been laid against herlife? 'Tis well to test what is meant for the use of majesty."

  Droop whistled low.

  "Thet's the wrinkle, eh?" he said. "I don't guess I'd be much tempted totake a job here as a taster, then! Hello!" he said. "Why, they're takin'the victuals out o' the room. What's that fer? Did they find p'ison in'em?"

  Sir Percevall did not reply. His attention had been caught by thearrival of a strangely dressed woman, apparently attended by six maidsof honor.

  Turning to a gentleman at his elbow:

  "Can you tell me, sir," he said, "who is yonder stranger in outlandishapparel?"

  Following the speaker's eyes, the gentleman stared for a few moments andthen replied:

  "Marry, sir, it can but be the American princess with her retinue. Theysay that her Majesty much affects this strange new-comer."

  It was, indeed, Rebecca who, in response to an invitation brought by apage in the Queen's livery, was on the way to take supper withElizabeth. On her arrival at the anteroom door, an attendant went inbefore the Queen to announce her presence; and, while awaitingadmission, Rebecca gazed about her with a curiosity still unsatisfied.

  "There, now," she was saying, "'twas suttenly too bad to send you off ona wild-goose chase, Miss Margaret. Ef you could hev found the man, I'dhev ben glad, though."

  At that very moment, a voice close beside her made her start violently.

  "Well--well! I declare! Rebecca Wise, how do you do!"

  She turned and saw him of whom she was at that moment speaking, and lo!to her amazement, it was Copernicus Droop who held out his right hand.

  "Copernicus Droop!" she gasped. Then, remembering her adventure of theprevious day, she went on coldly, without noticing the proffered hand:"Ye seem right glad to see me _now_, Mr. Droop."

  Droop was taken aback at her manner and at the sarcastic emphasis laidupon the word "now."

  "Why--why--of course," he stammered. "I thought you was lost."

  "Lost!" she cried, indignantly. "Lost! Why, you know right well I chasedyou up one street and down the other all the mornin' yesterday. Youtried to lose me, Mr. Droop--and now you find me again, you see. Oh,yes, you _must_ be glad to see me!"

  Droop was at first all astonishment at this accusation, but in a fewmoments he guessed the true state of the case. Without delay heexplained the exchange of clothes, and had no difficulty in persuadingRebecca that it was Francis Bacon whom she had pursued by mistake.

  "Poor young man!" Rebecca exclaimed, in a low voice of contrition. "Why,he must hev took me fer a lunatic!"

  Then she suddenly recollected her young attendants, and turned so as tobring them on one hand and Droop on the other.

  "Young ladies," she said, primly, "this here's Mr. Copernicus Droop,from America."

  With one accord the six girls dropped their eyes and courtesied low.

  "Mr. Droop," Rebecca continued, as she indicated one of the girls afterthe other with her forefinger, "make you acquainted with Miss Clarissa,Miss Margaret, Miss Maria, Miss Gertrude, Miss Evelina, and MissDorothy. They've got sech tangled-up last names, I declare I can't keep'em in my head. Mr. Droop's the same rank I am," she concluded,addressing the girls.

  Droop fidgeted and bowed six awkward bows with eyes riveted to theground. He had never been a ladies' man, and this unexpectedpresentation was a doubly trying ordeal.

  There was a murmur of "your Highness" from the courtesying young womenwhich convinced the abashed Yankee that he was being mocked, and thisimpression was deepened by the ill-suppressed giggles occasioned by thesight of his sadly rumpled hose. His confusion was complete.

  "Now, tell me," said Rebecca, curiously, "whatever brought you up here?Hev ye some errand with the Queen?"

  "Yes," said Droop. "My friend and me came up here to get a patent. Say,"he exclaimed, brightening up with startling suddenness, "praps you knowthe racket--got the inside track, eh?"

  "Inside track!"

  "Yes. Don't you know the Patent Examiner--or Commissioner, or Lord HighThingummy that runs the Patent Office here? I hate to bother the Queenabout sech things! Goodness knows, I'd never ha' thought o' troublin'President McKinley about patents!"

  Rebecca shook her head.

  "I'm blest ef I know the fust thing about it," she declared. "Ef youtake my advice, you'll not bother Miss Elizabeth 'bout your oldpatents."

  At this moment the page returned.

  "Her Majesty awaits your Royal Highness within," he said, bowing deeply.

  Droop's jaws fell apart and his eyes opened wide.

&
nbsp; "Royal Highness!" he murmured.

  "Well, I've got to go now," said Rebecca, smiling at her friend'sastonishment. "But don't you go 'way fer a while yet. I'll try an' getthe Queen to let you in soon. I want to talk with you 'bout lots ofthings."

  In a moment she was gone, leaving Copernicus rooted to the floor anddumb with amazement.

  Someone touched his elbow and, turning, he saw Sir Percevall, with thelight of triumph on his fat face.

  "Fortune's smiles have turned to mere laughter, my lad," he said,chuckling. "This American princess hath the Queen's good-will. How thefiend's name came you acquainted?"