Hand of Thorns

by Ashley Beale

  "It's so wonderful to make your acquaintance. I've been waiting for this day for quite some time now. I'm more than blessed that you have decided to devote your time and life to make ours even more perfect than it already is." She has the fakest smile on her face when she reaches over and grabs Leon's hand, giving it a kiss before placing it back down. "Please, Monica, tell us more about yourself."

  "Oh, well, I’m…” I start out uneasy, trying to gain confidence with each passing word. “I'm eighteen, almost nineteen. I'm in my last week of my freshman year of college, and I want to become a nurse. I'm an only child. I don't do anything too wild and exciting, mainly go to the beach with my friends or do some shopping. I enjoy being outdoors and traveling." I can't think of anything else about myself, because I'm too aware of my surroundings. He has a crazy effect on me already. I hate it.

  Except... I love it.

  Way too much.

  "Oh, that is a wonderful career choice. Where do you attend college?" Ellie asks.

  "LASC."

  "Isn't that... a community college?" She glances over at Leon. "I can't think of anyone notable that has attended there. How about you?"

  I finally find the courage to glance over at him. He is staring intently at me, his brows pinched like he is trying to figure something out. He slowly turns his head to glance at Ellie. "I don't know," he says with a shrug. "I don't think it matters, does it?"

  "I'm just stating." She sounds offended by the fact he didn't immediately agree with her. She is certainly a high maintenance diva kind of female, something completely opposite from me. Which makes me piece together the final part I was missing- there is no way Leon could be interested in me for so many reasons, but the fact I'm laid back and uncaring about style, and grace, and what people think is obviously another big factor as to why he'd never want me. Not that I had ever actually thought he'd be interested.

  To interrupt, I tell her, "Wesley Snipes is an alumni from there."

  Her smile changes, from a pleased greeting to an unpleasant awareness. She doesn't like feeling outwitted, and I hope that doesn't mean she is going to deny me the chance to do this for them. "Oh. Well, I'm sure there are a few then."

  "Are you in a relationship?" Leon suddenly asks. His voice is deeper than I remember.

  There is an invisible man in my stomach doing hurdles. I don't understand his need to ask the question, but after I gulp down the nonexistence lump in my throat I tell him, "No. I've been single for... well, a while."

  "So are you in and out of relationships?" Ellie asks this time.

  "No. I have had one serious relationship, which was in high school. Now I want to focus on my schooling and future."

  "Then why did you decide to help us?"

  Suddenly I'm unaware of any intentions.

  This isn't me. I'm not this kind of female. I don't pine over a man, especially one that's not mine. I don't stutter and get nervous from someone I don't even know. But here I am, shredding every ounce of self-dignity away because I can't think of an answer to the question.

  "Miss Rockwell has been extremely nervous," Marney interrupts. I have been silent probably for a few minutes thinking of something to say. "It is highly common with potential surrogacy mothers, in fact, we think of it as something positive. That typically means their heart is in it."

  I appreciate her diversion probably more than she knows.

  "That's fine," Ellie answers. Her smile turns to smug. I don't think I'm going to like her, and not only for the sake she has the heart of someone I've Googled a hundred times this past week. "We understand. You seem like a wonderful young lady, Monica. I guess your lack of a social life benefits us." She laughs to herself but no one else cracks a smile, thankfully.

  In fact, I can feel my cheeks turn pink from her witticism.

  "That was a joke, by the way," she adds in. Straightening her shoulders out, she looks to Leon. "What do you think sweetheart? Shall we go home and discuss everything so we can get started on the process?"

  With his face turned to Ellie, his eyes glance over in my direction. He is reading me. I don't like it... except, I love it. I'm not sure why. After a few seconds of looking at me, he glances back at his girlfriend, his smile spreading to one side, causing my heart to skip a beat again. "I'm in. If you're in, I'm in. I don't need to discuss it."

  "Oh. Really? Oh, great!" She turns towards Marney, surprised-stricken. "Let's get started in the paperwork then."

  "Wonderful," Marney states proudly. "I love when this happens. Well, the next step in the process is..." She files through her paperwork, talking about everything after this point. They fill out a few things and sign, I do the same, and within thirty minutes we're as far as we can be for today.

  In one week the process begins.

  Standing to leave, we all head towards the door.

  For the first time since meeting them, Ellie has what appears to be a real smile on her face. She radiates pure exuberance. "It was wonderful meeting you. Thank you for doing this for us." Once she slides her glasses back onto her face, she laces her fingers over Leon's arm. "We will be seeing you Monday."

  "You both are very welcome." I look from Ellie to Leon. He is looking down at her with a small grin of his own. It kind of aches in my chest. Maybe it’s because he is looking at her that way, or maybe it’s the absence of anyone ever looking at me as though I’m their entire world.

  Chapter Five

  July 4th

  "Holy shit, I don't think I've seen you in weeks." A nearly-drunk Sumner comes stumbling over. A guy by her side, trying to help her walk in a straighter line towards me.

  "I know, I'm sorry. I've just been so busy." Which is... a huge lie. I've been avoiding her- and everyone- because over the last three weeks, I've had two embryo implantations, and I've been feeling ill since the second. I'm not sure if that is a sign of success or not, but I do find out soon. Technically I could take an at home test, but the chances are it won't read it correctly, so they're going to do a blood test in two more days.

  She flings one arm over my shoulders, pulling me in for an awkward hug. "It's okay. I understand. I miss you though." Backing away, she looks over at the guy helping her and it suddenly hits her that he was still beside her. "Oh, oh my God. I'm such an idiot. Okay, Monica, this is Gunther. Gunther, this is my bestie in the whole wide world, Monica. The one I've told you all about." Sumner grins at me with a sloppy happiness. "We're dating," she whispers loudly to me. "Shhh."

  Okay, so maybe she isn't nearly-drunk, I think she is drunk.

  "Oh. News to me. Well congrats you two." I smile at Gunther, extending a hand. "Good to meet you. You hurt her, I'll kill you."

  He chuckles softly, running his free hand over the side of his cheek while staring at a giggling Sumner. "Oh, I've been warned." Looking back at me he drops his hand. "Multiple times."

  "Easy victory."

  "Yeah, he's a good boy." I love the way Sumner looks up at him. She has an obvious attraction that runs deeper than looks. Although his looks are certainly nice. Nothing I'd personally go after, as his hair is down to his shoulders and he's tall and lengthy, with absolutely no muscle tone. She did tell me previously he is majoring for screen writing, and he fits the dorky role well. I think I like his eyes and lips the best, his lips are full, surrounded by a goatee, and his eyes are an insanely bright green.

  We walk towards the coast line, ready to meet up for our annual Fourth of July barbeque with Rochelle and her boyfriend, Derik, as well as Penelope and her fiancé, William, and this time one of Gunther's friends are tagging along. I think Sumner said his name was Ben. Supposedly there is no pretenses with him tagging along, she just wanted to equal out the sexes, but I know Sumner, and I've prepared myself for the obvious charm she'll ask him to put on for me.

  Rochelle and Derik are already waiting for us, with three coolers placed in the sand and a fire pit already made. They have their tents in the process of getting set up. We are all camping out on the beach tonight, as
we do every year for Independence Day. Except, Sumner and I usually share a tent, and this year I'm sleeping solo. It's going to be weird for me. Especially being sober.

  I have no idea if I am pregnant yet or not, and I still haven't told a soul. However, I signed a few documents, one stating that I would not drink, smoke, do drugs, have sex with someone who has not been tested for STD's through the agency, along with many other things. All of which I understand entirely. All starting from the day I signed the paper until I'm at my six week post-partum visit with the doctors.

  That is the main reason I've avoided Sumner and everyone until it was inevitable. Such as today. If I didn't show up for the fourth of July, they'd have hunted me down and known something unusual was going on in my life. I told them all I had a job, but they never asked many questions so I've been able to keep everything mum… for now. I'm hoping that we can just enjoy tonight, and nothing gets brought up- kind of like, why aren't I drinking.

  I throw down my backpack and pull my tent bag out from it. I start setting up with everyone, and we make an extended circle at least twenty feet in every direction from the fire pit and the water. Once we're all finished, the remaining three people show up, and we all settle around the fire pit. From the beach we can see fireworks in the sky when it gets dark enough, but we don't have to deal with super large crowds or parades. Plus, Sumner has a party boat and we usually go out water tubing on it. Except this year I can't do the water tube, and Sumner is too drunk to drive, so I have a feeling we'll probably skip it.

  "I'm going to start in on cooking hotdogs, who wants one?" Derik asks. William goes over and helps him while everyone yells out how many they want. Most everything else we have for food consists of sandwiches, chips, cookies, and items that don't have to be cooked. Except, of course, marshmallows. We end the night with smores and drunken stories.

  Sumner comes trampling over, pulling along Gunther's friend. "Hi. So this is Ben. Ben, this is Monica. Talk." Then with a twirl, she storms off towards Gunther once more.

  He isn't exactly bad looking, in fact I'd consider him pretty average. Chocolate brown eyes with light brown, wavy hair. He has braces but he must be pretty well done with them as his teeth seem to be nice and straight underneath the hardware. He isn't much taller than me, and his clothes look pressed and expensive, which surprises me considering it's a beach party. The girls are in bathing suits and cut off shorts, and the rest of the guys all are shirtless with their board shorts on. In my own mind I would say Ben looks kind of douchey, but it's only a first impression. I could be way off.

  "So, uh, what you drinking?" Ben asks first.

  I shrug. "I'm not."

  "You don't drink?"

  "I do. I just haven't had anything yet."

  "Oh, right. So you want something?" He bends his thumb towards a set of coolers near us.

  "Not right now, but thanks."

  "Cool. Well, I'm going to go grab a brew." He turns and walks away. I look towards Sumner, giving her a death stare. She bites on her lip anxiously, trying to hold back a smile. With a shrug, she reaches down for a drink of her own, ignoring my attempt to kill her with my eyes.

  Derik hollers out when the hotdogs are all done. We sit around the fire, eating hotdogs and some snacks, talking about random this and that. Ben sits next to me but doesn't ask me anything, instead he is turned towards William discussing the latest baseball game. I talk with Penelope, who also hasn't started drinking, so I don't feel like a loner... yet.

  Once all the food is done, and we're all stupid full on food, Sumner hops up from her place to ask who wants a drink. There are a few mumbles, while both Ben and William throw their hands up for a drink. Sumner happily gets them a drink, so she can get one for herself. When she walks over to them, she has a pyramid of drinks.

  She passes one to me then one to Penelope. I set mine down in the sand. "My stomach is a bit upset from the food. I'll pass for a little while."

  "Boo, you whore." She chuckles loudly. A drunk Sumner is fun, when you're also drunk. However, when you're sober and around drunk Sumner, she's... crazy. Somewhat annoying, but I wouldn't change a damn thing about her. I know I'm equally annoying when I'm drinking, too.

  Penelope hands hers right back to Sumner. "I actually can't drink." Her face turns red while she eyes William.

  "Shit," Sumner hisses. "Are you..."

  "I am," Penelope gushes. "We found out last week."

  "Holy shit," Rochelle yells before anyone else can say a word. "You're fucking crazy, woman, but I'm so happy for you." She gets up to hug Penelope, then Sumner envelopes her in a hug. All the guys poke fun at William for throwing his life away. I feel bad for him, because that definitely isn't what is happening.

  I smile at Penelope when she is free, then I lean in for my own hug. "Wow, that isn't what I was expecting to hear. Congratulations though. When are you due?"

  "March seventeenth. Well, I think. Our ultrasound isn't until Wednesday to determine for sure."

  "Either way, that is awesome. I'm so happy for you both." I think to myself how she mentioned about six weeks ago she wasn't sure she wanted to even marry him, and now they're having a baby together. Maybe she'll be the first I tell about what I'm going through, even though I didn't even add her name to the list of my supporters. Maybe she'll have advice, or at the very least, not judge me the way I expected her to.

  "Thanks. So yeah, tonight will be boring for me, but you can all still have fun."

  "Well, I haven't been feeling well, so who knows how much I'll end up drinking tonight."

  "You're boring," Sumner states loudly. Plopping down next to me, she leans her head onto my shoulder. "Unless you're pregnant, too." She laughs to herself, not saying anything more. Thankfully no one seems to be paying any attention to her or what she said, so I just listen along to what everyone else has to say.

  A few hours pass by while the guys get into a game of beach volleyball, and us girls chat. Well, all except for Sumner who passed out and is currently sleeping off her drunkenness in her tent, which Gunther had to carry her to. We get more to munch on, then discuss going up the coast a little to a place called Mythos’s, which has a few pool tables and a dancing area. We usually stop in for at least an hour each year, once we've all consumed enough beverages to let loose and really enjoy ourselves.

  When Sumner emerges from her tent, with makeup smudged all around her eyes, it's agreed upon that once she is back to looking normal, we'll make the hike over to Mythos’s. I help Sumner look more presentable and give her some water to drink.

  She comes into my tent while I put on a shirt, resting her head while I do so that hopefully her headache will ease up a bit before we leave.

  "So what made you get so drunk today?" I ask, looking over at her.

  She is staring off to somewhere else, and by that I don't mean a different location, I mean a different thought. "I don't know. Stress, I guess."

  "With Gunther?"

  "He's been great. He is great. It's just... my parents don't see it that way. So once Dad demanded I not date Gunther anymore, we've had to keep it a secret, and it's... it's stressful." She looks over at me. "I think I love him."

  "Already?" I question.

  "Well... why the hell not?"

  "It just seems fast, but I'm not going to judge you. If that is how you feel, that's how you feel. He seems great, so I'm happy for you.”

  "I'm not sure if he loves me back though."

  "Why?" By the way he looked at her earlier and has been treating her, I'd suggest he most certainly does.

  With a large sigh, she fiddles with a string. Her apprehension apparent. "He's made statements, like how love is stupid. How his heart got broke before and he won't let it happen again. He keeps this distance between us, which is so small, but it's enough for me to feel it. He is fighting his feelings tooth and nail. He was about to marry the last person he was with and she walked away last minute. I think I'm his rebound, not his love. I'm scared."

  "Ha
ve you spoke with him about it?"

  "A little, but... no, not really. I haven't told him how I feel about him yet."

  "Then give it a little time. He seems to really like you a lot. I see the way he looks at you."

  "I know." She bites her lip, finally looking over at me once more. I'm already changed and ready to go, but I figured we could use up a few added minutes, because I know I wasn't the only one changing. "Time tells all, or something like that. Right?"

  My hand immediately goes to my stomach, almost in a protective way, because if that isn't the truth, I'm not sure what is. Time will tell what I'm doing, and I'm scared everyone is going to hate me. I open my mouth to tell Sumner but nerves keep me silent, so I shut it.

  "Well, we should go." Sumner sits up, running her fingers through her hair. "I like your shirt, that's super cute."

  "Thanks," I mumble. A feeling of melancholy washing over me.

  Meeting up outside the tents, we make our way to Mythos’s using a path which goes through a marsh-like area. The smell for the first time ever gets to me, and it makes me wonder if my heightened senses are due to the IVF or if I am in fact pregnant.

  Penelope cozies up next to me when we're almost there. She rests her head on my shoulder and silently says, "So when are you due?"

  "Huh?" I stop walking. She removes her head from my shoulder and looks me square in the eyes. She isn't taking a lie for an answer. I want to know though... how she knows. Have I been that obvious to it all? "How… did you know?"

  Her face contours into a smug look. "You're not drinking, you keep running your hand over your stomach subconsciously, your skin is glowing, and your face turned green the second the smell of the marsh hit you. It doesn't take a scientist to figure it out, but apparently it does take the other knocked up chick to." She gives me a reassuring looking while running her hand over my forearm. "So... when are you due?" Her voice remains quiet, but I still take a peek around. Thankfully everyone is talking amongst themselves, so no one is paying any mind to us and the conversation we're having.