Shameless With Him

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  “Almost done. You need it?”

  Bobby shook his head. “No, just wondering. I’m working on mine, but you’re always better at overseeing stuff than I am. I have no idea how you can get all those details in your head done without having fifty spreadsheets open in front of you.”

  I grinned. “No, I just have five spreadsheets that are like master spreadsheets. Have you ever heard of a pivot table? It’s like God’s answer to organization.”

  Bobby rolled his eyes. “You know, you say things like that, and it’s kind of hard to imagine you in your last job.”

  “What? Are you saying that roughnecks and boilermakers can’t have a brain?” I asked, only a little serious.

  I was used to others thinking that my siblings were the smart ones, and that I was just the dumb jock who worked with my hands. I didn’t really like hearing it from a coworker who had seen my work, though. One who asked for help constantly when he couldn’t figure things out.

  It wasn’t like I could change minds. I could only be who I was and hope to hell people understood. Even if I didn’t really understand it myself sometimes.

  Bobby smiled, a blush creeping up his cheekbones. “Not saying that. I’m just saying that I kind of wish we had eight of you so we could get shit done faster.”

  “Things don’t go fast in construction. You know that.”

  “That is true. Hey, are you going down to the site to meet the new crew?” Bobby rolled on his heels—the man was unable to stand still. That was probably why he sucked at spreadsheets and focusing on the job at hand.

  “I’m thinking about doing it a little later. Maybe tomorrow, actually. See what they’re up to.”

  “I know the main guy we’re working with is good, but I don’t like the fact that he hired a whole new crew.”

  “It’s kind of hard when the old boss kept fucking things up, and that meant the crew moved to the two bigger companies in town.”

  Namely, the two construction companies that were related to Dimitri’s family. But I didn’t say that. I hadn’t taken a job with the Montgomerys or the Gallaghers because I didn’t want to use that connection to Dimitri. I’d probably shot myself in the foot because of it. Plus, working with the best meant that I got to be my best. Only I kind of liked working with a company that was on the way to floundering. I wanted to make it better. And I was.

  However, that meant that I had to deal with the old boss’s bullshit, and the fact that we had lost three-quarters of our crew over the past two years. We were getting better. Slowly. At least, I hoped so.

  “Sounds good. Hey, are you feeling okay? You’re looking a little pale.”

  Bobby didn’t know I was sick. Nobody did. Oh, my siblings had probably figured out that something was wrong, but they didn’t know that I felt like I was dying. Not that I was. Because I wasn’t. There was no discernible evidence that I was. Just because my brain was on the fritz didn’t mean it was the end of everything.

  “Think I probably just need to eat.”

  “Did you skip lunch again?” Bobby asked.

  “Yeah,” I said, not exactly a lie. My stomach hadn’t been able to handle food during lunch, and that meant I hadn’t eaten. That probably hadn’t helped the headache, but I couldn’t go back now and eat lunch.

  “You should go eat something, man. Your brain’s amazing, but you can’t get work done if you’re hungry.”

  “True. I’m almost done anyway, and then I’m going to head out.”

  “Sounds good. But can you, you know, help me with this one thing first?”

  I grinned and nodded. I’d figured Bobby was in my doorway because he needed help. He usually did. I didn’t really think the guy was going to last long here, but beggars couldn’t be choosers, and even though Bobby was slow on the uptake with some things, he was dedicated. And, hell, the company needed dedication. That meant I was going to help Bobby as much as I could because I didn’t want the company to fail. And neither did our competition since they were good guys, too. Even though, sometimes, I really wanted to work for them rather than where I was.

  I helped Bobby with his work and went back to my own, ignoring the throbbing in my temples. It would go away soon. It wasn’t a full-on migraine, and I wasn’t having hallucinations—not like that one time. It was just a little headache.

  My phone buzzed. Thankfully, it didn’t echo in my head. That was progress. Last time I had gotten a text, I’d thought that someone was smacking me upside the head with my phone.

  I looked down, and my dick got hard. Great, apparently, just her name did that to me these days. It hadn’t always been the case, but ever since I’d moved back to town, it had been harder and harder to keep her safely in the just-friends part of my mind.

  Zoey: Hey, I need some info from you for Lacey. Got a sec?

  Me: What do you need?

  That was a loaded question if I ever heard one, and I wasn’t going to go there. Zoey was nice. Sweet. And not for me.

  Zoey: Lacey needs to know more about the bachelor party.

  I frowned, worried that Lacey was keeping tabs on her fiancé. Not that I had any right to be defensive, but I couldn’t help it.

  Me: Isn’t that John’s deal?

  Zoey: Yes, but she wants the details so she can put it in her notebook. Plus, there’s a few more questions about a boutonniere? Not a hundred percent sure, even though I am doing the flowers. When do you have time to talk?

  My stomach growled, but my head started to feel better. That was a good sign. Why not make a possible mistake?

  Me: Tonight? Let’s talk over dinner.

  There was such a long pause, I was afraid I’d actually made a mistake. A big one.

  Zoey: Dinner?

  Me: You know, the thing that you eat, usually in the evening. I was thinking steak, but we can go for fish. Or sushi. Or something.

  Zoey: Sushi is fish.

  I grinned. She made me smile more than anyone. Even my family. I’d never really put that together before. Huh.

  Me: When I think fish, I think of like cod or halibut. Sushi is sushi.

  Zoey: That makes no sense.

  Me: Probably not, but now I’m hungry. Dinner?

  Me: We’ll talk wedding. Get it all out of the way.

  Zoey: You sound so enthused. But sure. Where and when?

  I thought of my favorite Asian place that had miso cod, sushi, and non-fish products in case she wanted something that had nothing to do with under the sea, and gave her the name of the place and a time.

  Zoey: Sounds good, but I should warn you, I’m in a grumpy mood.

  Me: I didn’t think that was possible, but I like grumpy.

  Zoey: You’ve been warned.

  Me: Deal.

  Warned? I liked that. I just hated that Zoey was once again on my radar. Because she was a friend. Nothing more. Though nothing less either.

  And yet…I wanted her. Damn it.

  Zoey

  * * *

  What exactly was I doing? Dinner? With Caleb? Oh, yeah, this was totally part of my plan. You know, the one that didn’t actually exist. Because if I actually had a scheme, maybe I would have asked him to meet with me for dinner, rather than having him do it so we could figure out what we needed to do for Lacey and John. But back to the fact that I didn’t actually have a plan because I was too scared to write one.

  There. I said it. I was too scared to write down a plan. Because what if it didn’t work?

  What if I figured out that he didn’t really like me or only wanted to be my friend? What if he didn’t even want to do that? Maybe throughout all of these years of him being in my life, it was really just a proximity thing. That he had been forced to be near me throughout our individual travels all over the world.

  Because it wasn’t fate.

  It was just an unhappy coincidence that Caleb Carr probably didn’t even put two and two together. He likely hadn’t even realized that every time I saw him, other than when we were with family, he had another woman
with him.

  Even if he might not have been dating that woman at the time. I mean, I couldn’t really call it a date between him and that girl on the beach when we were kids. Only in my childhood mind, it was totally a date. He had been dating that girl, and the two of them were going to live in a house of cheese and happiness and be perfect, and I was going to be the ogre in the basement. I didn’t know why I thought I’d be in their basement, but I was eight, I couldn’t really help the places my mind went.

  And it wasn’t easy that Caleb had really good taste in women. I had liked every single woman or girl I had seen him with over the years. Every one. Even if I’d only glimpsed some of them from afar.

  They were sweet, polite, not at all snarky or evil like the movies or books would likely portray them. They had just been good women that Caleb had been with, and they hadn’t made me feel small or useless. Maybe it was because they didn’t think I had any chance with him, but I didn’t think that was it. Caleb just had really good taste, and that spoke highly of him. That was probably why I liked him so much.

  And I really needed to stop worrying. Because this could be considered part of my plan. Even if he was the one to ask me out. Therefore, this could be part of our future. Not that I knew what our future could actually be, but I wanted to try. So, I quickly washed my hands again, wincing at the tugging of those open wounds on my fingers. No amount of Neosporin was going to help me from scarring. Roses had thorns, and so did my future.

  Maybe I needed to get those words tattooed on myself.

  I grinned, thinking exactly how overdramatic that was. I couldn’t help it. I loved flowers and romance, and that meant I had overdramatic thoughts of how they entwined themselves in my life.

  I quickly slid my hands down my sweater dress and leggings, hoping I didn’t look too ridiculous. It’s what I had worn under my apron all day. Hopefully, it looked fine. I didn’t have any dirt stains that I could see, so I counted that as a win. Plus, this wasn’t a date, it was just a dinner to talk about another wedding. Not mine. So, everything was fine. I was fine.

  And I really needed to stop saying the word fine.

  I hobbled over to the restaurant, my back hurting from being bent over the counter all day. I couldn’t help but smile at the way Caleb had joked with me about fish versus sushi over texts. It was a silly thing, and everything felt normal. And it was normal. Just because I had an irrational crush on him that I wanted to actually make reality didn’t mean we couldn’t still remain friends. Because we were friends. Had been for as long as I could remember.

  I’d been in Caleb’s orbit longer than I had been in Amelia’s, especially if I went into the small details. I was a couple of years older than Amelia, and that meant it hadn’t been until later that Amelia and I had truly become friends.

  Caleb? We’d always been near each other. In the vicinity. Our part of the cosmos. We were the same age, after all. Had been in the same classes, walked the same halls.

  We’d always been in each other’s lives. Only he didn’t know how I felt. I knew that for sure. If he had, he might’ve either run screaming…or done something about it. At least, I would like to think the latter could have happened. Or maybe I needed him to not know so he could find me on his own. Or perhaps I should stop thinking with my head in the clouds.

  I turned the corner and made my way to the front of the restaurant. Caleb was already there, his hands in his suit pants’ pockets, the sleeves of his dress shirt rolled up to his elbows. That only showcased his forearms, and I couldn’t help but hold back a swoon. There was something sexy as hell about a man’s forearms. And I had no idea why. They were just forearms. But the way Caleb’s looked, all toned and tanned and muscly…

  I let those thoughts trail off in my head and did my best not to think them at all. Because there was no way I was going to drool over Caleb Carr. At least, not anymore.

  “You’re here,” Caleb said, reaching over to give me a hug. I sank into him and did my best not to inhale his scent. I didn’t want to cross over into stalker territory.

  I smiled. “Of course, I am. It’s for Lacey and John, after all.”

  Liar.

  “So, sushi?” he asked as we made our way in. He held up two fingers for the hostess, who grinned at him with wide eyes. She bit her lip as she raked her gaze over Caleb.

  I was doing the same thing, so I couldn’t really blame her.

  We took a seat near a window, and I looked over the menu. “To finally answer your question, sushi sounds amazing. And maybe you’d like some spring rolls in the middle for us to share?”

  “Oh, and they have that yakitori on a stick thing. I think I could just eat a whole truckload of everything.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, I haven’t been hungry all day, but now I’m starving,” he answered, not clarifying exactly why he hadn’t been hungry. In fact, he did look a little pale, and I hoped he wasn’t coming down with something.

  “You want me to order for us?” Caleb asked, looking over the menu.

  “You really think you can order what I like?”

  “I know you, Zoey. And I know you don’t like shrimp or crab, which is hilarious considering you love sushi.”

  “You don’t really eat it either.”

  “True. Dimitri is highly allergic to shellfish, so I grew up not eating it around him.”

  “Oh, yeah, I vaguely remember you mentioning that.”

  He shrugged. “So, how about I order a lot of tuna, salmon, and yellowtail?”

  “Yes, with like the red, crunchy bits.”

  “Oh, yes, the spicy salmon roll with the red, crunchy bits.”

  He grinned as the waitress came over, and he ordered a platter of sushi and two appetizers.

  He didn’t order any beer, just a water for himself, and I did the same. I had to be clearheaded when Caleb was around, and that was hard enough to do without alcohol.

  “Okay, you ready to talk wedding?” I leaned back as I said it, reaching for my bag.

  “Yes. I guess.”

  I pulled my tablet out of my bag and started scrolling.

  “That is a lot of planning,” Caleb whispered, his eyes wide.

  “Don’t even start. I swear, I love my sister, but she’s insane.”

  Caleb stared. “John was saying something similar.”

  My gaze shot up, and Caleb’s eyes widened. “No, not that she’s insane.” He laughed. “Only that it was a lot of planning, and Lacey knew what she wanted—or at least knew what needed to be done. She’s really good at the planning thing. I swear. He said nothing bad. Only that he was overwhelmed.”

  “I’m overwhelmed, too. And I know John wouldn’t say anything bad about her. He loves her to the end of the Earth and back.”

  “It’s kind of nice saying things like that. He gets so anxious sometimes that he walls himself into a corner. But Lacey brings the life out of him. You know?”

  I smiled, leaning back in my seat. “You’re right.”

  “Okay, wedding plans?”

  I cleared my throat, forcing my gaze off his. Right. Wedding plans.

  “So, bachelor party?”

  “John doesn’t want strippers,” he said quickly.

  “I didn’t think he would tell her, but that’s good to know.” I made a note. “What are your plans?”

  “We were going to see a game.”

  “A game?”

  “I know it’s vague, we haven’t actually started the plans yet,” Caleb said, wincing. “I’ve been busy.”

  “I’m going to just tell Lacey that you’re still formulating, and the plans will come. Because if I come back with nothing, she will kill me.”

  “There will be a game if we can get tickets. And dinner. And probably whiskey. But not too much because John can’t hold this alcohol, and I’m not a fan of getting drunk.”

  “So…whiskey, cigars, and some form of sports ball.”

  “Yes, but maybe not the cigars, because John again, gets sick.”<
br />
  “He’s so cute.”

  “Yeah, he’s adorable.” He said the words deadpan, and I laughed, shaking my head.

  It was nice having a conversation, feeling like this was a date even though it wasn’t. I just liked him. We went over a few things for the wedding, and by the time the platter of sushi came out, I was laughing so hard I could barely breathe. I liked this version of Caleb, the easygoing one who paid attention wholeheartedly to whoever was in front of him.

  “Caleb?” our waitress asked as she set down the platter. “I didn’t know you were here. You should have sat in my section.” She leaned down and bussed a kiss on his cheek.

  He smiled up at her, and I sank back into my chair.

  “Hey there, Ana. Have you met Zoey? She’s friends with my sister, Amelia.”

  “Oh, hi there. I hope you guys enjoy your meal. Caleb’s great, isn’t he?”

  Ana didn’t touch him again, didn’t lay claim to him, but I wanted to crawl under the table and die.

  Friend of Amelia’s. Nothing more, and apparently, a whole lot less. Of course, his ex-girlfriend would be here. Of course, there would be a woman near that he had been with in some capacity. There were probably a thousand of them lurking in the shadows, just waiting to pop up and say hello.

  Ana didn’t look the least bit territorial. She also didn’t look like she wanted Caleb. It was just a hello, and then a goodbye.

  “He’s great. Thank you for the food.” Did I sound snotty? I hoped not.

  It wasn’t Ana’s fault that I had all this in my head. But what if we’d actually been on a date? Ana had kissed him hello. Something I hadn’t liked. But, apparently, to the rest of the world, we didn’t look like we were on a date. And we weren’t, so the point was moot.

  “Enjoy your meal, and let me know if you need anything. It was good to see you, Caleb.” She waved and then walked off towards her section.

  “So, did you want to go salmon or tuna first?” I asked, trying to change the subject.

  “Ana is married. Ironically, I dated both her and her wife, Sasha—separately. I introduced them.”