Where I End

by Michelle Dare

  I hold his hands in mine and bring them both up to my chest. "He could have done much more than he did, and I'd still want to be here with you. Don't you see how important you are to me? I'd do anything for you."

  "He's ruined me. I'm nothing but raw nerves and a shell of an exterior. Any little crack in me and I shatter. He did that to me today. I shattered open when I saw him trying to hurt you. I'm no good, Evie. This right here…" He pulls his hands away and pounds a fist on his chest. "This is all I'll ever be. A fucked-up mess of a person who is triggered by the slightest things. You could do so much better than me."

  "I don't want anyone but you. I want all of you. Every broken piece. And I will spend the rest of my days loving you, because you’re mine, Cy Revere. You are fucking mine, and I love you so much." He drops his head again. He's not hearing me. I grip his hair in my hands and force his head back so he sees me. "Look in my eyes, Cy. I fucking love you! You matter to me. Now stop trying to push me away. Haven't you learned by now I'm not going anywhere? I'm here for good."

  He leans forward and engulfs me in a tight embrace. Our water slicked skin sliding against one another. "It hurts so bad, Evie. All of it. Every memory. I feel like I've been cut open and you’ve seen every horrible piece. I said things in front of you I've never told another person. You know all of me. You hold my heart in the palm of your hand."

  "I would never hurt you, Cy. Ever. I'm in this with you for as long as you'll have me. I'm here. This is where I belong."

  "I love you. I love you." He repeats it over and over again while rocking us gently, as the shower starts to turn from hot to warm and our skin starts to prune. But I don't dare move. No, he needs me and I'll stay on the floor with him until he's ready to stand again.

  Twenty-Two

  Cy

  It's possible to go through life on autopilot. I've done it many times, but nothing could have prepared me for the past two weeks. I've hired a very expensive but very good attorney. He even flew out to meet me at Parker's home, so I wouldn't have to go anywhere. He assured me our cases would be of the utmost importance. Evie is going after Everett as well. Now that I have all this money, I can afford the attorney’s steep price. It’s worth it, though. Every penny, if it means Everett stays behind bars.

  What I never expected was that, when the police took his computer, they would find pictures of me as a teenager on it. Naked pictures. I didn't even know he had taken them. Everett is currently sitting in a jail cell. I never want him to be free again.

  The fact that this man was believed over me for so many years still bothers me. Did my mother know he had pictures of me on his computer? I'd like to think not, since if she had, then she'd have believed me. The evidence would have been right in front of her.

  Since that night in Evie's apartment, my nightmares have increased. I'm having at least two a night. I wake up from the first and the moment I fall back to sleep, I slip into another one. The psychiatrist increased the dosage on my medicine a few days ago. It makes me tired but not to the point I can't stay awake during the day. Soon my body will adjust to the increase, and I'll be back on my regular sleep schedule.

  I'm still seeing the psychologist. I have a lot to work through. It's a marathon, not a sprint. The images of Everett harming Evie will never go away. I've come to terms with that. What I do is use it to fuel me every time I talk with my lawyer, or when panic grips me at the sight of the sympathy I sometimes get when I'm running errands in town.

  Everyone knows. Word spreads fast in a small town. People at Evie’s apartment complex saw Everett being hauled away in handcuffs, and Evie and I leaving in a cop car. Some of the people I went to high school with have reached out to me via text, calls, and email. Every time I see one, panic grips me. I have to fight through reading it, wondering if they are judging me, but by the end they are only offering their support and kindness.

  Evie has been my strength. She’s been by my side for every appointment, every time the police or someone new wants to talk to me. I never realized how much I lean on her. She reminds me I'm the strongest and bravest person she ever met, and with Everett behind bars, he can't harm anyone, most of all, us. I still don’t think I’m brave or strong, but I love that she does.

  When I'm with her, she's all that exists. I get lost in her taste, scent, and touch. She's the best kind of drug but also the most addictive. Every time we make love, I fall deeper in love with her. I didn't think it was possible, but it is. She has me enraptured. I drown in her with every kiss. God, she's amazing.

  The bathroom door opens and Evie steps out. Her light brown hair is straight, her blue eyes focused on me. Each step she takes toward the bed is a step closer to my own personal nirvana. She sits beside me as her scent comforts and excites me at the same time.

  "Are you ready to go?" she asks.

  For a moment, I forget what I'm supposed to be doing. All I can focus on are her toned legs and how smooth they look. The navy-blue shorts she's wearing are hiked up, due to her sitting down, exposing her gorgeous legs. Her V-neck, white tank accentuates her breasts, making my mouth water. My hand skims her thigh as my eyes enjoy the view of her chest rising and falling with each breath.

  She knows where my mind is and doesn't hesitate to lift her tank over her head and remove her bra, causing her breasts to bounce free. Leaning forward, I take a taut peak in between my lips and suck gently. Her moan encourages me to keep going.

  She lies back, and I remove my shirt before I ease myself over her. Our mouths fuse together as I undo her shorts and lower them off her body. She slips off the khaki shorts and boxers I'm wearing, and I'm buried inside her in a matter of seconds. The feeling of her wrapped around me is almost more than I can bear. She's so warm, so fucking slick. I glide in and out of her with ease, but I crave more. I want it rougher.

  Pulling out, I roll her to her stomach and spread her legs wide. Dipping down, I find her center again and drive back into her. I lie over her, my arms bracing my weight. I nip along the delicate skin of her neck then bite harder, eliciting a cry of pleasure from her. I used to worry about being too rough on Evie, but no more. She enjoys it and has told me countless times.

  Leaning back, I lift her hips up and smack her ass hard. Her back arches. "More!" she cries.

  I smack the other side then smooth it out with my palm before doing it again. Her hair is hanging down her back like a curtain of silk. I wrap my hand around a chunk of it and pull her body up, so her back is heating my chest and she's sitting on my thighs.

  Tilting her head to the side, I bite again. My lips smooth over her and I lick the spot I just marked. It will be gone in a few minutes. I've never left permanent marks on her. That's not my way.

  My hand glides down her side to her front and cups her breast. They bounce each she time moves on my dick. I pinch and pull her nipple, causing her body to tremble ever so slightly. I love how responsive she is to me.

  She leans forward to put her hands on the bed as she continues to ride me. "You feel so good," she pants. I can make her feel better, though.

  I pull out and lie on my back beside her. Gripping her hips, I pull her center over my face, her legs on either side of my head, and dip my tongue inside. Her taste floods me and has me licking her clit and back down again. I bury my face in her, loving every second of it.

  She gasps and grinds her hips down on me. My tongue moves quickly over her, sending her soaring. She shakes above me as her orgasm rocks her. My hands hold her thighs to keep her in place as I prolong the bliss she's feeling.

  "Oh, God!" she calls out. "You have to stop. You have to fucking...stop."

  I drag her down my body until she's lined up with me and push up into her. She's incredibly wet now, and I can't stop from driving into her fast and hard. Holding her hips just above me, I lift mine to do all the work. I'm so close to exploding, barely able to hold it off.

  Her hair hangs around us, her face just above mine. I watch her as she bites her bottom lip and moans. "Kiss me, b
aby," I command.

  She does. I suck her tongue into my mouth while my hips thrust up into her. I can't hold my release at bay any longer. I moan loudly into her mouth as I let go. My stomach contracts as my shoulders lift from the bed at the sheer force of the pleasure, which courses through my body. I release her mouth and fall back onto the bed with my eyes shut and my open mouth, sucking in the air I so desperately need. She slows her rhythm then stops altogether. We stay connected, wrapped in each other for a few minutes.

  She lifts her head, her face a little red thanks to my facial hair rubbing up against her when we kissed. Her lips are swollen, and I love knowing I'm the one who kissed the hell out of her.

  "We have to leave,” she says softly.

  Reality comes crashing back to me. "We don't have to do anything."

  "There are things at your old house that you want but haven't gotten. I told you I could go by myself and get them."

  "No," I shake my head. "No way do I want you in that house without me."

  "Nothing is going to happen to me. No one is going to be there." Logically, I know this, but the thought of her in that house makes my stomach clench. The one person my mom had working for her day in and out, taking care of the house, has been let go and given a hefty bonus as a thank you for her years of service to my mom.

  "I need to go,” I say. She nods and lifts off me. I immediately miss her naked body against mine.

  We dress and make the drive to my old house in silence. I need to do this. I need to get anything I want out of the house today, because there will be an estate sale. Everything is going. Then in a few months, I'm having the house demolished. I've had offers for it, but I've declined them all. I have plans for the land and no amount of money being thrown at me will change my mind.

  I park in front of the garage door just as I have countless times since I've gotten my license. I kill the engine but don't move. Focusing on the door in front of me, I try to ready myself to go inside. I haven't been here since the day I tried to kill myself when Evie drove me away. Evie's hand touches my arm, snapping me from my thoughts. I offer her a sad smile before opening my door.

  The heat of the afternoon hits me when I'm no longer in the comfort of my air-conditioned truck. Evie walks to my side and I immediately grip her hand in mine, needing her near me as we go inside.

  We enter the house and I stop at the base of the stairs, which lead to my bedroom. The house is quiet. The only sound is the rapid beat of my heart as I prepare myself to climb the stairs to my old room. Evie doesn't say a word, letting me do things at my pace.

  I place my foot on the first step. Each lift of my foot after that feels as if I'm pulling it from cement. My legs are heavy, as if they are protesting going back to a space, which held so much torment for me.

  The door to my room is closed. The brushed nickel doorknob cold in my hand as I twist it. The door swings wide as I stand on the threshold. Nothing has changed; not even the bed is made. My mom must not have wanted to disturb anything after I left. Maybe she was hoping one day I’d come back. She should have known better. Once I escaped this hell, there was no returning.

  I could have left years ago. I could have gone and started anew, but I was scared. I didn't know how to live on my own, having never done so before. Here I was provided everything I needed and didn't need or want any of it. I had nice clothes, a nice truck, anything and everything except the one thing I desired above all—a mother who believed me and put my wants and needs above her own. Someone who loved me more than her husband. Who enjoyed spending time with me. But she didn't. The world revolved around her work and Everett. She'd throw money at me left and right, thinking that was enough to make me happy.

  I step into my room and sit on the bed. Evie steps in front of me, her fingers brushing through my hair.

  I raise my face to hers. "He threatened me."

  "I know," she says.

  "No, he told me if I left that he'd cut off all my money. He said he'd take my truck from me, and I'd be left with nothing. This is all I'd ever known. I was scared to leave and scared to stay. Even though he wasn't...touching me anymore, he was still here all the time. Always watching me, knowing he had me right where he wanted me."

  "He knew how to get to you, Cy. He knew what to say, how to act, to bend you to his will. He broke down your confidence. He's a monster, but he's not here any longer." I nod and stand. I hug Evie for a moment, needing to feel her.

  The first place I go is my closet to pull out a large suitcase and two duffle bags. I flip through all the clothes in my closet and take what I want, leaving the rest. The same goes for my shoes and the clothes in my dresser. I go through my bathroom, under my bed, through my nightstand, through my desk. Every part of my bedroom is looked over and dug through, to make sure I'm not missing anything. Surprisingly, I've filled up both bags and the suitcase. I didn't think I was going to want that much stuff.

  I set the bags outside the room and go back in for two boxes I have on the top shelf of my closet. They are full of my dad's belongings: clothes, pictures, anything of his, which reminds me of him. He was a great father. I wish he didn't have to leave my life so soon.

  Placing the boxes outside the door as well, I turn and look back at my room. Evie is behind me, her hand rubbing up and down my back. Then the clouds part and a ray of sun breaks through the window, casting its light into the room. Something shiny catches my eye near the foot of my bed. I walk over to it and bend down. Son of a bitch!

  Twenty-Three

  Cy

  I pick up the piece from the floor and let it roll to the palm of my hand. My mouth sets in a hard line as I walk out my bedroom to the boxes on the floor. Opening each one up, it’s the second one, which holds the glass dinosaurs my father had given me when I was little. I remember lining them up along the windowsill so the sun would stream through them and cast different colors into the room. My private rainbow.

  I used to love playing with them, but when I was about ten, I decided to pack them away. I didn’t want my friends teasing me for playing with dinosaurs. They are some of my most prized possessions.

  I know what I'm going to find when I open it and lift the cloth, but I do so anyway. Lifting the cloth I used to wrap around them, I discover each one has been shattered into hundreds of glass shards.

  Evie kneels beside me. "What is that?"

  My throat suddenly feels too tight. I try swallowing until I’m finally able to choke down the emotion that has risen. "Dinosaurs. They were dinosaurs my father gave me."

  Standing abruptly, I stride back into my room and find the bat bag I have on the floor of my closet. At one point, as a teenager, I played baseball in an effort to be out of the house longer. It didn't work. I would just get it twice as bad at night. Everett would say I was a terrible player and talk down to me while he hurt me. He never went to a single game.

  I open the bag and retrieve one of the aluminum bats I have inside. Then I stride to the bedroom my mom shared with Everett. I'm keenly aware of Evie following my every move. Inside their bedroom, I go to his dresser, but realize all his stuff is gone. When my mom made him leave, he must have taken everything with him.

  I walk back to my room, needing to take my anger out on something. I start with my bed. The place I would sleep. The place where Everett would force himself onto me when he snuck into my room in the middle of the night. I drop the bat for a moment to flip the bed on its side. Picking up the bat again, I knock off all four wooden feet then walk around to the other side. I use all my might to pry the headboard from the frame and do the same with the footboard.

  With the bed in pieces, I move on to the armoire. I open the doors and rip them from their hinges. One hard shove and the armoire is pushed to the floor, splintering into bits when it lands.

  The large, flat screen television is next to go. A few swings of the bat and the screen is shattered. I open the bathroom door and swing hard at the mirror and the glass shower door. Pieces of glass rain down around m
e, but I'm above caring. I use my hands to rip the towel holder from the wall.

  When there is nothing left for me to destroy, I stand in the middle of my bedroom, my chest heaving with each breath.

  "Did it help?" Evie asks from the doorway. In my destructive rage, I forgot she was here.

  I nod, still holding the bat, and go into my closet to retrieve my old bat bag. Once I slip the bat inside, I zip it up and drop it next to the boxes. "This is coming, too."

  "Is there anything else you want? Your mom's jewelry, any collectibles she might have had?"

  I open my mouth to say no, but then I remember something. "She has a safe."

  I pile the boxes on top of one another and pick them up. Evie grabs the two duffel bags, even though I tell her to leave them and I'll come back up for them. She doesn't listen, not that I thought she would. My Evie does what she wants.

  We drop the stuff off by the garage door and go back for the rest. We then move to the pantry. I place my hands on the side of one of the shelves of food and pull it out from the wall. A black safe door is there, built into the wall. It's about a foot by a foot in size and has a keypad to unlock it.

  "How did you know this was here?" Evie asks.

  "My mom had to have surgery on her wrist when I was about sixteen. She couldn’t move the wall so I did it for her. She made me promise never to tell anyone, including Everett. Then about six months ago, she asked me to help one day again when he was at work. She didn't access it often, but I know she kept stuff in here she didn't want him to see."

  "Do you know the combination?"

  I nod. "It's my dad's birth date."

  I enter the date and pull the door open. Inside are folders and two boxes. "I've never looked inside before. I always let her do what she needed to and put the shelf back. She told me the code, though. She said in case anything ever happened to her, she wanted me to have it."