Sweet Liar

by Debra Doxer

  No one had ever said such sweet things to me, and he was being so selfless about it, not expecting anything in return. My mind blanked out and my throat closed up, preventing me from saying anything at all. Guilt washed over me because he’d already been hurt so much; I didn’t want to be the one who hurt him more.

  “Candy, it’s okay.” He took my hand to get my attention. My conflict must have been apparent and affecting him, even though he acted like it didn’t.

  I couldn’t help but think of the Jonah I first met months ago. He was surly and arrogant, and he could act like such an ass sometimes. That Jonah was so different from the man in front of me now. I’d thought I was falling for a boy in school, but that wasn’t who Jonah was. He was so much more, and he could mean so much more to me if I let him.

  Why was it so hard to let him?

  We both heard the lock on the front door click open at the same time. Jonah sat up, looking alert. When he saw it was Lorraine, he relaxed and stood up to help her, leaving me lying there to think about everything he’d said.

  He was falling in love with me, and those words made me feel as tall as a mountain and as small as a pebble, because I couldn’t say the words back to him.

  ***

  Lorraine had bought a tiny Christmas tree at the store that she set up on a shelf that ran along the bay window in her living room. The tree was plastic and already came decorated with lights.

  “I suddenly felt like having one,” she said as she plugged it in and turned it on.

  Her obvious joy at having Jonah here for Christmas, despite the reason why, made me smile, but I wished he would give Lorraine a hug or at least say something to let her know that he was happy to see her too.

  He’d been so open and affectionate with me that I knew he had a soft side; he just wasn’t ready to show it to her. It was hard to see how much she wanted that from him, even though a smile covered her disappointment. I would have given anything to have my own mother here, or even my father. The fact that Jonah and Lorraine had each other but couldn’t make a connection was frustrating to witness.

  With the tree set up, Lorraine moved into the kitchen to put away her groceries, including a huge turkey she intended to roast for tomorrow.

  “I know you like to cook, Candy. Your father told me. If you’d like to help me or make something on your own, my kitchen is yours.”

  I smiled and thanked her, even though I wasn’t feeling very inspired when it came to cooking, especially since I didn’t know if I would ever see my mother’s recipe book again.

  “Since I’m not a size four misses, looks like this is yours,” Jonah said, walking into the kitchen and handing me a plastic bag from Walmart.

  “I took a guess at your size,” Lorraine said, looking hopeful.

  “Thanks. That should fit.” I glanced at the leggings, sweater, and underthings she’d bought. There was also a toothbrush and a pair of flannel pajamas.

  “You both still look exhausted. Did you get any rest while I was out?”

  I blushed, recalling how we’d occupied ourselves, as Jonah smirked at me while shaking his head to answer his mother’s question.

  Lorraine’s gaze swung between the two of us. “I see,” she said under her breath, and I wondered if she liked the idea of Jonah and me together. I was pretty sure my father wouldn’t like it. The last time I saw him, Jonah wasn’t his favorite person. Jonah wasn’t mine then either, although that was changing.

  While Lorraine started on dinner, insisting after we told her not to trouble herself, I wandered into the office where Pumpkin had been spending his time. He trotted over to me, wanting to be picked up. Standing over by the window was Jonah, frowning at his phone.

  “Everything okay?”

  He glanced up and quickly schooled his face into a benign smile.

  “What is it?” I asked, my flat tone letting him know that I didn’t believe his smile for a second.

  His shoulders fell as he held up his phone, the screen dark. “I hate being so out of touch. It’s driving me crazy not knowing what’s going on.”

  Jonah shook his head and put his phone away. With the fake smile gone, he looked pensive and worried.

  “We haven’t talked about what happens next,” I said, finally voicing what had been on my mind all day. “We can’t hide here forever.”

  He approached me and ran his hand over Pumpkin’s head. “I’m working on it.”

  “Working on what exactly?”

  “I’m still working it out.” His expression asked for my understanding, and since the situation was far beyond my control, I decided to give it to him.

  “My mother was right,” he said, catching some of my hair and pushing it behind my ear. “We’re both exhausted. Let’s eat and get some sleep. Tomorrow’s Christmas. Maybe Santa will bring you something special.”

  “I already have size-four leggings in bright pink with purple rhinestones on the ankle. What more could I want?”

  He winced. “Yeah, I saw those in the shopping bag. She meant well.”

  “I know, and I’ll wear them as long as I don’t have to leave the house. By the way, I’m glad you get to spend Christmas with your mother.”

  Jonah smiled at first before something heavy filled his gaze. Wrapping his arms around me, he said, “If I could give that same thing to you, I would.”

  Somehow, he knew what I was thinking, and I brought my arms up and wrapped them around his neck. I liked it when he squeezed me tighter, even though I didn’t understand his feelings for me. I’d done nothing to earn his love, and a part of me didn’t feel worthy of it.

  “Why do you want to be with me?” I asked, leaning back to look at him. “I’m sarcastic and spiteful. I’ve been terrible to you so many times.”

  He smiled down at me. “Because despite what you put out there for the rest of the world to see, I know you.” He touched his finger to my chest, right where my heart was. “I know what’s in here.”

  Overwhelmed, I swallowed, wondering if the emotions blooming in my chest beneath his touch were the same ones he was talking about.

  “Remember what you said to me this afternoon about not realizing how the girls at school try to get my attention? You’re no different. Do you have any idea how many guys came up to me in school and asked if we were together because they wanted to make a play for you themselves? I told each and every one of them to stay the hell away from you. Before I ever touched you, I couldn’t stand the thought of anyone else touching you. The moment I saw you, I knew you were trouble. The moment after that, I decided I liked trouble.”

  I was speechless. Jonah had been telling boys in school to stay away from me? I should have been angry with him, but I couldn’t muster any fire in my belly. All the fire went elsewhere.

  Lorraine didn’t want Jonah and me sleeping together at night. I overheard as much when I was making up the couch in the living room and their whispering voices carried to me from the office.

  “She’s only eighteen,” Lorraine said. “I have a responsibility to her father. If he were here, he would never allow it.”

  “It’s fine,” Jonah replied. “I’ll sleep in here, and she can sleep out there.”

  There was some shuffling and moving of things while Jonah set up the mattress.

  “So, how long has this been going on?” Jonah asked.

  “What?”

  “You and Sebastian Seaborne.”

  “I never cheated on your father and he never cheated on his wife, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  “That’s what I’m asking.”

  I gripped the blanket, not liking the way he was talking to her, although I’d asked the same question when I first met Lorraine.

  “It’s just hard to believe that you’re with him. Everything I know about him says he’s about as affectionate as an ice cube.”

  “He’s nothing like that,” Lorraine said in a chastising voice. “He’s a quiet man and a little standoffish sometimes, but he’s also kind and c
aring. Look at the way Candy feels about him. Have you ever seen loyalty like that before? Look what he did for his wife.”

  “I know what he did for his wife, but what did he ever do for Candy? He gave her up and hardly ever saw her. Then he let her get drawn into this mess. Sebastian Seaborne is no saint.”

  “I never said he was. But he loves his daughter, and he loved his wife. I know that much.”

  Jonah hushed her then, and I heard him quietly close the door to the office. His mother’s words resonated in my head, love and loyalty. Somehow she understood me, and she understood my father too. Had he ever actually said that he loved me? I couldn’t remember a time. But I didn’t need to hear the words. In his own way, he loved me. I’d doubted it at times myself, but I never completely gave myself over to the idea that my father didn’t love me. He did the best he could. Like Lorraine, I’d always understood that about him.

  Jonah was a different kind of person from my father. He talked about his feelings, and it seemed like he felt them more deeply than my father or I did. We were reserved, even in the best of times; in the worst, we were downright reticent. Jonah’s willingness to tell me how he felt disarmed me, and even though it made me uncomfortable at times, I basked in it and hoped he wouldn’t lose patience with me because I didn’t know how to express myself the same way.

  Lorraine and Jonah eventually emerged from the office, and their calm expressions gave nothing of their conversation away. I’d changed into the flannel pajamas Lorraine bought, and Jonah wore sweats and a T-shirt. We all told each other good night, and I thought Jonah might stay with me to talk for a little while, but he didn’t. After giving me a hug and a kiss on the top of my head, he went to the office and closed the door.

  As I lay down on the couch with Pumpkin curled up by my feet, I couldn’t help but wish Jonah was lying beside me. I thought of everything he said to me today and how I felt about it all. His words repeating in my mind felt like a warm blanket wrapped around me, protecting me from the cold.

  With so many thoughts spiraling through my head, I didn’t think I’d be able to sleep, but exhaustion won out and soon I drifted off.

  It was three in the morning when my eyes opened again. I didn’t know what woke me. If I’d had a dream, I couldn’t recall it. When I sat up and rubbed my eyes, I noticed that Pumpkin was gone. Fully awake now, I got up to look for him, figuring he’d finally felt comfortable enough to go exploring a little.

  After searching in the kitchen and dining room, I walked down the hallway, wondering if he’d found his way back to the bathtub. When I saw that the door to the office was wide open, I peeked inside and stared at the empty air mattress. My gaze swung around the room, but Jonah wasn’t there. He wasn’t in the bathroom either, but Pumpkin was, back in the bathtub again where he obviously felt the most comfortable.

  Concerned, I went back into the living room and looked out the window to find that Jonah’s Jeep was gone. My heart knocked a little harder in my chest. It was three in the morning. Where was he? I thought about waking up Lorraine to see if she knew, but decided not to worry her. I wanted to call or text Jonah, but I couldn’t use my cell phone. I wouldn’t risk it.

  I sat back down on the couch and worried my lip as I stared out the window at the long, dark driveway, waiting for him to come back. The hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach told me Jonah was off doing something he shouldn’t. After all, nothing good happened at three in the morning.

  Lorraine was up with the sun and found me sitting in the living room, still staring out the window.

  “Did Cooper go out somewhere?” she asked, standing in the kitchen doorway in her robe. “I didn’t see him in the office.”

  I’d never get used to her calling him Cooper. “I think he’s been gone all night.”

  She was about to walk into the kitchen, but stopped and faced me fully. “All night?”

  I nodded and watched worry weigh on her the same way it was me.

  “I’ll make some coffee,” she said.

  An hour later, we were both dressed, and I was on my third cup of coffee.

  Just when we decided we couldn’t wait any longer, we had to risk calling his phone, we heard the sound of gravel crunching outside. My gaze flew to the window and my heart stopped when I saw Jonah’s familiar Jeep.

  “Thank goodness,” Lorraine said.

  Jonah came up the walkway with a small duffel bag thrown over his shoulder. When he came in the door, Lorraine and I just stared at him.

  “Morning,” he said, looking unsure.

  “Where have you been?” I realized how sharp my tone was when his eyebrows shot up.

  After dropping the bag onto a chair, he took off his coat. “I went back to get some things. Well, one thing really.”

  “Back?” I stood up, angry at him for sneaking away and for taking such a big risk.

  He pulled open the zipper and reached into the bag to withdraw something as familiar to me as my own name. It was my mother’s recipe book.

  My mouth fell open as I looked from the book to his face. “You went back for that?”

  “Merry Christmas.” He smiled and handed it to me. “Got some of your own clothes for you too.”

  I held the book to my chest, overjoyed to see it again. “I can’t believe you did this.”

  He smiled, shrugging like it was no big deal, and I took him completely by surprise when I launched myself at him, repeating “thank you” over and over again, not caring that Lorraine was watching us.

  “You’re welcome,” he said, giving me a squeeze and chuckling softly in my ear.

  “Was anyone at the house?” I unwound my arms and took a step back, blushing slightly under the scrutiny I felt coming from Lorraine.

  “No. It’s being watched, though. I sneaked in through a back window. It’s, um . . .” He rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s pretty trashed, Candy. The recipe book was buried under a bunch of broken plates and glasses on the kitchen floor.”

  I squinted in confusion as my distress at this news lodged thickly in my throat. “Did they think we hid something in our dishes?”

  “Looked more like someone was making a point.”

  “Your father?”

  Jonah nodded. “He’s fine. Just a bump on the head.”

  He related this pivotal news in an even tone with his gaze intent on mine, and I glanced away as my stomach churned.

  Victor was fine, and I wasn’t surprised. Neither was Jonah. We both knew it would take more than a blow to the head to stop him, and I was glad for Jonah’s sake. He didn’t need anything more weighing on his conscience, but I couldn’t stand the thought of Victor tearing through our house, smashing my memories to bits.

  “Did you see him?” I asked.

  “No. I paid Heather a visit. She updated me. She’s driving up this morning to visit Theo, and I told her she should tag along when he comes by here.”

  “Does she know that here is with your mother?”

  He nodded. “We can trust her. We could use her help, actually. Her parents are important in the organization. From what I know and hear, they’re good people. They would never allow what my father did to you. We may not have a lot of rules, but we don’t hurt innocents.”

  “Victor never cared about rules,” Lorraine said.

  “He told the organization that one of Sebastian’s old contacts is talking, someone he passed information to. That gives him all he needs to justify what he’s doing, but Heather knows the truth now. She agreed to explain the situation to her parents. Maybe they can help us.”

  Lorraine smiled at me before looking at her son. “I’ll make you some breakfast. Then I hope you’ll get some sleep. You look exhausted.”

  Once she was gone, Jonah reached into his pocket and pulled out my phone and battery. “I turned it on while I was down there to throw them off if they’re looking for your signal.”

  Surprised, I watched him place the items on the coffee table, unaware he’d taken them. “You shoul
dn’t have disappeared like that.”

  He tilted his head. “Were you worried?”

  I nodded.

  He smiled hesitantly. “You’ve lost so much. I couldn’t let you lose that recipe book too.”

  His thoughtfulness touched me more than I could have imagined. “I couldn’t lose you either.”

  Taking a step in my direction, Jonah looked hard at me. “I’m not going anywhere, Candy. I promise.”

  ***

  Lorraine and I cooked most of the day while Jonah slept. He’d been up for almost forty-eight hours when he got back this morning. As Lorraine got organized in the kitchen, she insisted I find something in my mother’s recipe book that I could make to contribute to the meal. When I saw all the potatoes and cheese she had, I knew I could pull off my mother’s potatoes au gratin.

  “Everything will be okay, Candy,” she said more than once when my attention drifted and I stared off into space. I didn’t see how it could be okay, but appreciated her wanting to make me feel better.

  Later in the afternoon, we all sat down at Lorraine’s small dining room table. She was at the head, and Jonah and I were on either side of her. I kept thinking that I was spending Christmas with two people I hadn’t even known a year ago.

  I was hoping to spend this day with my father, but Lorraine was trying hard to make things nice, and I wondered how thrilled she must be at unexpectedly having Jonah here. He had to be the best Christmas present she’d ever gotten. She looked happy as she spoke throughout the meal, her pink nails flashing in the air as she gestured, asking Jonah questions about his life since she’d last seen him. She’d missed his high school graduation and sending him off to college. She’d missed so much.

  Jonah gave her all the expected answers but didn’t elaborate much, and somehow he managed to finish half the food on the table by himself. No matter the situation, his appetite never seemed to be affected.

  “You could have given her a little more,” I said to him as Jonah and I were clearing the table while Lorraine started on the dishes in the kitchen.