What the Librarian Did

by Karina Bliss

  What do your instincts tell you?

  To jump him.

  Frowning, Rachel turned off the heat and put a lid on the gravy. Keep it simple, stupid. Now was the time to tell him she’d had second thoughts.

  Except then he might leave-and take Mark. She put the vegetables and greens into serving dishes, then returned them to the warming drawer. She’d raise the subject after lunch.

  Devin brought over a platter of meat, beautifully sliced. “Thirty-two. Damn, I’m good. You want me to carry this to the dining room?”

  Rachel pointed to the two-person oak table in the corner of the kitchen. “You mean that?”

  “Don’t tell me. It also makes up into a bed at night.”

  If only he didn’t make her laugh. “Put the meat in the oven with the vegetables, then come and be introduced.”

  “In a minute.” Off-loading the meat, he took her into his arms and smiled at her. And Rachel knew it wasn’t fair to let this go on any further.

  “About last-”

  Devin kissed her with the same arrogant confidence he had the night before, bypassing her reservations and tapping straight into the uncomfortable heat she felt for him. “I’d rather talk about tonight.”

  Such an innocuous statement. Such a wealth of sinful promise.

  Flustered, Rachel pulled free, fixed her gaze on his belt buckle and launched into her analogy about the difference between three-lane highways and one-way streets, and knowing what kind of driver you were. Devin balanced on the edge of the table, swinging one booted foot, and listened in polite silence.

  She ran out of gas and spluttered to a stop. What had started out as a good idea had ended up a six-car pileup.

  “Let me see if I’ve got this straight.” His voice was thoughtful. “I haven’t even made a layover yet and already I’m a blind alley?”

  She looked up to see the slow-burn grin that always took the chill off.

  “You know this road map of yours isn’t even accurate,” he pointed out. “Paul, the expressway, turned out to be a dead end.”

  Rachel bit her cheek to stop from smiling.

  Hooking one arm around her waist, Devin pulled her closer. “What you need on that map is a rest stop. Somewhere to take a break from the serious business of staying on the straight and narrow, scanning side mirrors, checking GPS, watching for safety signs…”

  She couldn’t hold back the laugh. “You’re incorrigible.”

  “I love it when you use librarian words.” He nuzzled her neck. It felt wonderful. Maybe she was overthinking this. No one needed to get hurt. He was a rock star, for God’s sake, and she hadn’t lost her head over a guy since her teens. Briefly, her arms tightened around him. To hell with impartiality. By bringing her son here, Devin was top of her hit parade right now.

  “Let me introduce you to everybody, and then we’ll have lunch.” As she pushed Devin toward the living room, Rachel said softly, “Thanks for bringing Mark…to meet other students.”

  “Actually, I’m hoping for advice,” he replied. “I’ll tell you about his cock-eyed plan when everyone’s gone.”

  DEVIN SUDDENLY FOUND himself standing alone, amid a dozen students of various nationalities jammed together on the sofa or seated on large cushions on the floor. Conversation dried up as they recognized him. Turning around, he saw Rachel had stopped in the doorway with an anxious expression. “Something wrong?”

  She smiled and moved forward. “For a moment I thought I’d left the oven on…but I didn’t.” She began making introductions.

  As he did the rounds, Devin noticed everyone was wearing stickers starting with “Ask me about…” Trust the librarian to have an icebreaker. Shaking hands with a guy called Huang, he looked closer. Ask me about…

  Growing up in Taiwan.

  What it’s like to have to study in my second language.

  Rodeo.

  “You rodeo?”

  Huang nodded. “When I first come here to learn English I live in Warkworth with rodeo family.”

  Devin had friends in the business, and the two of them discussed barrel racing and bull riding for several minutes.

  “And where is your sticker, Dev-an?” Huang inquired politely, and those within earshot laughed. The young man’s face reddened.

  Talking to Mark nearby, Rachel glanced at Huang, then pulled a sticker pad and pen out of her apron, a white cotton bibbed thing covered with cherries. “I’m so sorry, Devin, I forgot.”

  God, she was sweet. “No problem,” he said.

  “Ask me about…” She tapped the pen against her teeth while she considered. Devin smothered a smile. Sex, drugs and rock and roll? Rehab? With her hair pulled back in a loose ponytail she looked only a few years older than these kids.

  “Being famous,” suggested Trixie, and suddenly everyone was chiming in.

  “How much money you’ve made.”

  “Dating supermodels.”

  “What it is like,” said Huang, “to live most people’s dream?”

  “That’s a silly question,” said Trixie, “because there’s only one answer. Bloody fantastic.”

  Everyone laughed.

  “Okay, let’s go with that one,” said Devin. “You’re nineteen years old, Trixie, and a rock star-famous, rich, dating studs. Now what?”

  She raised one pierced eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

  “You’ve got another fifty to sixty years to fill and you’ve got nothing left to wish for. What happens when the novelty wears off?”

  Baby Goth shook her head. “Never going to happen.”

  “Eat your favorite food for a week,” he said drily, “then tell me you don’t crave a change. Eventually it happens.”

  There was silence as people digested that.

  “But you’ve still got your music,” Huang ventured.

  Devin turned to him. “And in the first rush of fame you’ve overcommitted to album contracts. So, yeah, you’re busy. Except your record company wants more of the kind of songs that made you famous. And you want to stay famous. Making music becomes a high-pressure business instead of a creative endeavor.”

  “Then I’d forget about fame,” Mark said confidently, “and just write original music for my hard-core fan base. They’d keep buying.”

  “But not in enough numbers to keep the money flowing in that you’ve been spending like water.”

  “Then I’ll enjoy what I’ve already bought,” said Trixie. “The mansion and the boy toys.” She licked her lips lasciviously and the others laughed.

  “Sorry, Baby Goth.” Devin shook his head. “The boy toys won’t hang around if you’re not famous. And how much money you’ve got left to play with depends on your manager and your business savvy-which has probably been addled by the drugs or alcohol you used to medicate the terror you feel at living the dream and not being happy.”

  He became aware of the silence, the heaviness of the atmosphere. And he used to be the party guy. Then Rachel’s hand curled around his fist, encouraging him, and he intertwined his fingers with hers.

  “Listen, I was too young when I got famous,” he said. “I didn’t know the Holy Grail doesn’t exist. But you guys are smarter.” They liked that; smiles dawned. He made his final point. “Just remember when you hit the big time in your chosen careers not to tie your identity to it. And leave something left to strive for.”

  “Life’s meaning lies in the journey, not the destination,” said Huang.

  “Confucius?” Devin asked.

  “Cereal box,” said Huang.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  “SO YOU WON’T EVEN EAT gravy?” Mark was asking Trixie as Rachel approached shyly with her own plate.

  “Nope,” said Trixie, “Rach prepares it out of the drippings of little baby animals.” As she spoke she moved over to make room for her hostess on the couch. “Sit in the middle, Mark,” she added with a shudder. “I can’t look at carcasses.”

  Used to Trixie’s theatrics, Rachel sat next to her son, who cast a longing g
lance at her roast lamb before scraping the gravy off his vegetables. But she knew not to interfere in affairs of the heart.

  “There’s pavlova and ice cream for dessert,” she consoled him, and he visibly brightened.

  Across the lounge, Devin perched on a stool, still swamped by students, and she was grateful. It was hard enough acting natural around Mark without Devin’s keen powers of observation making her nervous. Trixie noticed the direction of her gaze. “You do realize you’re going to be inundated with first-years once it gets out he’s been here?”

  Rachel shrugged and turned to smile at her son. “I hope you’ll come again, too, Mark.”

  “Sure,” he said, looking at Trixie.

  Trixie opened her mouth, no doubt to tell him she was only here because her washing machine had broken down and she needed somewhere to do free laundry. Rachel cut her off. “So how are your studies going, Mark?” Maybe his cock-eyed plan was to give up school?

  “Great. Got my first A on an assignment last week.” He finished his last roast potato and reluctantly speared a carrot.

  “Do you know what you want to do with your degree yet?”

  “Well, it’s kind of a backup if a career in music doesn’t go anywhere. It was a deal I made with my parents.” He pulled a face, but it might have been due to the carrot.

  “How cool that you’ve got Devin as a mentor,” said Trixie.

  “Yeah, but I’m trying not to take advantage of that, y’know? I think he’s had enough people using him in his life.”

  Rachel felt a prickle of unease but dismissed it. Her relationship with Devin had moved beyond Mark. Yeah, and into a gray area. So she’d be more scrupulous about keeping a distinction.

  “Have you and Devin done the wild thing yet?” said Trixie.

  “That question’s really not appropriate.” Rachel concentrated on cutting her lamb.

  “Why, because of Mark? I’m sure he knows the facts of life. He grew up on a farm.”

  Cheeks burning, Rachel tried desperately to change the subject. “What kind of farm was that, Mark?”

  It was his turn to look panicky. Puzzled, Rachel watched color creep up his cheeks, then the penny dropped and she came to the rescue. “Did I tell you about this study on dairy cows they did at Leicester University?”

  Within thirty seconds, Trixie’s eyes glazed over and she stood up. “Run for cover,” she advised Mark. “It’s one of her Wikipedia anecdotes.”

  When she was out of earshot, Rachel looked at Mark. “It’s a beef farm, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah.” He ducked his head. “But if Trixie finds out she’ll stop speaking to me…or beat me up.”

  “It could be worse. Imagine what she’d be like with iron in her diet.” She met her son’s eyes and they burst out laughing.

  DEVIN WAS GETTING recommendations on Pacific hip-hop artists from a Samoan student named Selei when the sound of Rachel’s laughter made him look across the room. He liked watching her laugh, liked the way it animated her face and made her eyes glow. She and Mark sat side by side sharing a joke, heads together like conspirators.

  He was glad he’d had the idea of seeking her advice about…A preposterous idea entered his mind as he stared at them. Laughing, they had a striking similarity in the tilt of their chin and the way their eyes crinkled.

  No. He had to be imagining things.

  “I’ve got a compilation CD in my car, Devin,” said Selei. “I’ll lend it to you.” He left the room in the wake of the other students, who were making a rush to the kitchen for dessert.

  Casually, Devin wandered over to Rachel and Mark. “What’s pavlova, that it causes a stampede?” he asked.

  Beryl and Kev’s hometown was Matamata. “Near Hamilton,” Rachel had said, “where I grew up.” Mark’s birth mother had been from Hamilton.

  “A cake-size meringue smothered in cream and strawberries,” said Rachel.

  And she was thirty-four. Around the right age.

  “New Zealand and Australia still squabble over who invented it,” Mark added. “It was made in honor of some ballerina who toured Down Under a couple of centuries ago.”

  “Actually, it was only eighty odd years ago,” Rachel corrected. “Anna Pavlova, in 1926…Devin, why are you looking at us strangely?”

  “I was thinking how odd it was to fight over ownership of a dessert.” He reached for Rachel’s empty plate, telling himself this was all coincidence. “The food was great, thanks.”

  “Here, I’ll take that.” Mark stood and stacked the plate on top of his own, still half-full with carrots and broccoli. “You want me to get you some pav? Rachel?”

  “I’ll come with you. Devin, stay and enjoy the peace for a few minutes. You’ve earned it.”

  He sat on the couch, trying to think. The math worked, but Rachel wasn’t the type to have had a teen pregnancy. Why was he so emphatic about that? Devin smiled. Because he couldn’t imagine anyone taking advantage of her.

  But he was thinking of the grown woman. What would she have been like at sixteen, seventeen? The corners of his mouth lifted again. A Goody Two-shoes without a doubt. Earnest and probably naive. But still uniquely Rachel.

  Devin couldn’t categorize her. Yes, she was conservative, at least compared to him, but she surrounded herself with people who were outsiders, or rebels like baby Goth. Yes, Rachel was sensible and pragmatic, but last night she’d surrendered-briefly-to passion and spontaneity.

  Searching his mind for facts, not feelings, Devin came up with very few. Busy protecting his own privacy, he’d never appreciated that she was doing the same. What did he know about Rachel, really? Only what she’d wanted him to.

  No wonder he couldn’t get her out of his head.

  He remembered how opposed she’d been to his friendship with Mark a few weeks back; in hindsight, her concern had an almost hysterical quality. But then, she looked out for new students. Hell, she had a houseful right now.

  Through the open doorway, Devin watched her cluck over her brood like a mother hen. This woman wouldn’t have given up a child. He was wrong. Things could stay simple. Simple was how he needed them.

  TWO HOURS LATER Rachel was on the doorstep saying goodbye to students when Trixie came out with Mark.

  “I’m taking him to the new health food store in Grey Lynn and stocking him up on whole foods.” Rachel noticed he was carrying Trixie’s bag of clean laundry. Mark caught her eye and grinned self-consciously.

  Whatever his cockeyed scheme was, it wasn’t serious. From their conversation, she’d learned that Mark wasn’t planning to leave school. He probably wanted to date Trixie, and hoped Devin would get some pointers from Rachel. Unfortunately, he was doomed to disappointment. Trixie might consider dating a younger man but she stuck to her own kind. Hopefully, the crush didn’t run too deep.

  “Drive carefully,” she said to Trixie.

  “Yes, Mom. C’mon, Mark, let’s leave the lovebirds to it.”

  Rachel blushed. Why did Trixie keep doing this to her? “Our relationship hardly warrants that description,” she began, and was pulled back into a hard male body.

  “Yet,” said Devin. His breath on her nape sent a shiver down her spine. “Thanks, guys, we’d appreciate it.”

  Rachel finished waving them down the street before she turned on him. “You’re taking far too much for granted, mister.”

  “You just don’t like someone else taking charge,” he said mildly. “But what’s that got you in the past? Guys like Paulie you can’t respect.”

  “I respected Paul,” she said defensively.

  “Notice how you put that in the past tense?” Devin rubbed his thumb between her eyebrows, making her aware that she was frowning. “Besides, if I let you dictate the pace you’ll end up thinking about it for another month, laying down rules and parameters and basically taking all the fun out of it.” Devin slid his thumb down her jawline, then brushed it across her mouth. “Do you really want me to let you do that?”

  His broad ches
t was very close. In answer she stepped forward and laid her cheek against it, then felt his arms close around her. The trouble was, around this guy she couldn’t think. He smelled so good-rugged, clean, masculine. “You have pheromones in your aftershave, don’t you?”

  A chuckle rumbled under her cheek. “I haven’t shaved for a couple of days.”

  She checked; he was right. Funny how she’d stopped noticing him as scruffy and disheveled. Lifting a hand, she ran her fingers through the stubble. It highlighted his mouth, wide, firm and tempting.

  And his hair was soft, too. Somehow all those vibrant red highlights made her expect it to be springy, but it was baby-fine. “It’s getting long again,” she commented. She could lose her hand in all that rich, wild color.

  “You think I should get another haircut?”

  She hesitated. “No.”

  Something started to hum between them, like the charge in the air before an electrical storm. He freed her hair from the ponytail. “You smell good, too. Like roast lamb and gardenias.” He kissed her, and she closed her eyes, suddenly weak with desire. “And you taste of strawberries,” he said when he came up for air.

  “I might have eaten a couple in the preparation,” she admitted, smiling.

  “Is that why you served yourself so little, or did you go short so the fledglings could have second helpings?” He looked at her with a frank affection he didn’t bother to hide. He had no business looking at her that way, as though they had the possibility of a real relationship, a future. It took her dangerously close to needing him, and Rachel had spent her life making sure she didn’t need anyone.

  “You have the most expressive face of anyone I’ve ever met,” he said. “And you’ve just gone AWOL on me. Why?”

  Rachel swallowed. “That’s silly,” she said, and kissed him.

  The kiss was different, distant. Devin let her go. He’d had enough casual sex to last him a lifetime, and it wasn’t what he wanted from her. The realization was a shock; now he was the one who needed some time to think.