Who? The blonde? “Now that’s a hell of a relief, isn’t it?” The words burst out of my mouth before I could stop them. “As if any of them ever mean something to you.”
He looked stricken, but he knew I was right. After a long pause, he started brushing his thumb in circles over my knuckles. “You do.”
“Oh, do I?” A cynical laugh escaped me. “Obviously so much so that you couldn’t wait to replace me with your next challenge right after you kissed me.”
“I swear there’s nothing going on between Rebecca and me. She’s only a friend.”
“Rebecca,” I repeated bluntly. Great. Did he want to tell me anything else about her? Maybe rub it in that she was so much better to kiss, or that she was just a damn lot more beautiful or more popular than I was? “Maybe we come from two different places, Chris, but from where I stand, it does mean something when a guy laces his fingers with a girl’s.”
“Yes, it does.” For emphasis, he squeezed my hands. “But not this morning.” He blew out a frustrated sigh. “Heck, I was a complete douche, okay? I used my friend’s girlfriend to make you jealous.”
A gulp stuck in my throat. “You did what?”
“This entire week, you seemed so happy when you were with the guys…with Ethan. Oblivious to how I felt about you. It was a stupid thing to do this morning, but I wanted a reaction.”
“And that was your plan?” I cried out. “To shove a random girl in my face?”
He shrugged, forlorn. “Well, it did work.”
“If you only wanted my reaction, a phone call would have done, Chris!”
“Yeah, I get that… Next time, I know.”
“Next time?” What in the world did he mean by that? I certainly wasn’t going to let him kiss me a second time just to break my heart all over again! “There won’t be a next time. Not with you and me, anyway.”
“Why not?” he asked, looking a little upset. “Last Saturday was an amazing date, and we didn’t even leave the house. Don’t you think we should do it again?”
And here it was, oh my God—the offer to be his next go-to girl. How could he even think about it—after what he’d done to me! “No, I really don’t. I’m not that type of girl.”
He scrunched up his face. “What type?
“The type that’s available whenever you fancy a brief roll in the hay, or that you can send away when you’re bored of her.” The type like Lauren… The name hung like a flashing sign above us.
His voice became defensive. “You wouldn’t be that kind of girl for me.”
“No? I’m not sure you even know a different kind, actually.”
“I do know how exclusive works,” he answered bitterly.
“Really? When was the last time you had a girlfriend?” Whoa, did I really just suggest that this was what I wanted from him?
“It doesn’t matter,” he mumbled.
“It matters to me.”
His blue eyes bored into mine as he ground his molars.
“See, I knew you didn’t know how it works.”
His gaze never wavered from mine. “Tenth grade. Amanda Roseman. We lasted seven and a half months. She broke my heart when she left me for my once-best friend. So I decided to take a little time off from being exclusive.”
Boy, my mouth sagged open.
“That doesn’t mean I’m not willing to try it again with the right girl.”
“You think I am the right girl? Why? Because you had to wait two weeks before I let you kiss me?”
“That, and because I did stuff with you that I’ve never done with anyone else. Not in a long time anyway. Apart from you, my mom is the only girl who ever gets texts from me. And when I took random chicks to my room, I never cooked for them…or freaking played Wii golf.”
“Oh, that justifies everything, does it?”
“The way I see it, yes, it does.” He paused with a helpless expression. “Let’s give this a shot. We could be awesome together.”
That’s what I’d thought when I walked out of this house last weekend. Except, here was the rub. “We didn’t even last a day. How is that awesome?” With a soft shake of my head, I tried to smooth out my frown. “Seriously, I just don’t think we’d work together.” Finally managing the strength to pull my hand away from his, I rose from his bed and stalked to the door.
Chris was behind me in a second. “Where are you going?”
“I don’t know.” Out. Home. To the beach again. Wherever. I couldn’t bring myself to confront my parents just yet, but I didn’t want to stay around Chris anymore, either, thinking about how much pain he could have saved me the past six days if only he’d gotten over himself for once.
“Wait, please!” His fingers wrapped around my wrist so firmly that I was yanked backward before my next step. He spun me to face him. “I was an arrogant dick when we met, you were right about that. But I thought I showed you a different side lately. Someone you could actually like. I even played by your rules.”
Taking a deep breath, my shoulders lifted and sank. Exhaustion came over me again. “You did,” I said weakly and after a moment of thinking, I added, “I meant what I said the other day—that I probably couldn’t kiss a guy without having true feelings for him. You made me believe you could be that guy. But it wasn’t for real, Chris. You weren’t for real. You said yourself, you played by my rules—you tried to be different for me. That’s not what I want.”
“What do you want?”
I looked at the ceiling, then turned around, and sagged against the wall behind me. “I want someone who is all that you showed me, but naturally so. Someone who doesn’t have to force himself to be the kind of guy I want. Most of all, I want someone who doesn’t come with the tag ‘trouble.’ Do you understand?”
His gaze didn’t waver from mine as he seemed to contemplate my words for a long moment. Once again, he easily managed to create distance by just adding enough cold to his voice. “I do understand. You want someone safe and boring. Someone who doesn’t give you that exciting tingle in there.” His fingertip brushed across my stomach. Immediately, the gate to my butterfly container burst open and all the little fellows came out to play. “In short,” he snapped, “you still want Ethan.”
It was Mario Kart versus chocolate-covered strawberries. In a way, he was right. Ethan would have been my perfect match. We were compatible on a level that Chris and I would never reach. But that was not it. In a soft mumble, I told him, “I do like the exciting tingle. I just don’t want the heartache that comes with it.”
“Give me a chance to show you that you and I can work without heartache. I’m not Ethan—God, I’ll never be like him.” He rolled his eyes in a way that almost made me laugh. “But I can do safe. Give us a shot and let’s start again.”
For an infinitesimal moment, there was just Chris and me in this world. I considered an option that would let me say yes to that offer, but I also remembered the roller coaster ride it promised just because he was him. And with my family breaking apart, I didn’t think I could handle trouble like him right now.
Slowly, I shook my head. Then I turned and walked away.
Chapter 18
IT WAS THE longest evening of my life. The conversation with my parents about the divorce wasn’t something I ever wanted to have again, but it wasn’t as bad as expected, either. Lots of tears—my tears—and hugs and vows that no one was going to drop out of my life just like that.
Apparently, they’d sorted it all out before they decided to tell me the good news. Dad was going to move out before Christmas. This weekend, actually. But he’d stay close. No running off to L.A. or San Francisco, he promised. His office was in the neighboring town after all, and that’s where he intended to move. He’d already found himself a small apartment to rent, but he made sure the couch there was big enough for me to sleep on if I should ever want to crash at his place—which I totally intended to do every weekend from now on.
Strangely enough, this was the longest talk my parents and I’d had
in months without them shouting at each other. Maybe Chris was right. Even if most things about a divorce were just crap, there was a tiny part that gave me hope that with some distance my parents would be able to work at their relationship.
And finally, they made clear that I had nothing to do with them breaking up. “If it wasn’t for you,” my dad said quietly, “your mom and I might have hated each other in the end, and that wouldn’t have been good for you.”
“That’s right,” Mom agreed. “A breakup too late in a relationship is the worst thing that can happen. So don’t be sad or feel guilty, honey. It was about time someone showed us the truth. And we’re both glad it was you.” She gave me such a genuine smile that I just had to believe her. And the relief coming with it was like…strawberry-vanilla tea. It was good for my soul.
When I returned to my room later that night, my phone blinked with several missed calls—most of them from Ethan. Since he could have already gone to bed, I decided to text instead of calling him. Free for a chat?
It didn’t take ten seconds for my phone to ring. “Hey, Charlie Brown,” I said, feeling sleepy, and sank into my pillow.
“Finally! Chris told me what happened. Are you okay?” At Ethan’s anxiety, my sleepiness fled. No drifting off to the sound of his voice while on the phone. Shame.
“Yeah. I’m good now. Had the longest talk with my parents. My dad is going to move out this weekend.”
A long pause followed. “I’m so sorry, Susan.”
“I know. Thanks.” It still hurt to talk about it, but not as much as it had earlier in the afternoon. “I think I’ll be fine. We all will be. They promised they’ll work it out.” And for once, I believed them.
“Do you want to do something this weekend?” From the sound of it, he was asking that for two reasons. One, he really wanted to distract and help me. And two, he wanted to catch up on the time we’d missed this past week. Who wouldn’t love him for that? But I already had plans this weekend.
“I’d like to, but I’m going to help my dad move. There’s a lot to pack, and I want to spend some time with him, too. Maybe next week?”
“The offer doesn’t have an expiration date.” Ethan’s voice held a softness that made me smile.
“See you on Monday.”
“Yeah. And hey…” He hesitated. “Chris says good night.”
At the mention of his brother, a knot pulled around my heart. I’d said some mean things to Chris today, but I never thanked him for breaking my fall. Remembering his fluffy sweatshirt drenched with my tears after our embrace, I heaved a deep sigh. “Tell him not to turn off his phone just yet,” I said to Ethan before we hung up.
Apart from Ethan, Sam was the only friend I called tonight. When I briefed her about the divorce, she agreed to meet tomorrow morning and even help us move my dad’s things if we wanted. After that call was made, I typed in a message for Chris.
Amazing how long it took me when in the end it was only three words. Thanks for today.
No answer. So we were back to the silent treatment? Maybe I deserved it for turning my back on him, but how could I deal with dating a guy who came with a reputation longer than the red carpet? Just because he enjoyed kissing me didn’t mean we were on the same terms when we said “we work together.” For him, I was an interesting adventure because I was different from the kind of girls he usually hung out with. For me, he was my first real kiss, something you didn’t brush off like a ladybug in the summer.
I’d been dreaming of it every night since last Saturday, even when I’d slept in Ethan’s arms after the fight with my parents. And I would again as soon as I closed my eyes tonight for sure.
After ten minutes of waiting, I gave up hope of a response and turned off the light. Just as I rolled to the side and pulled the cover up to my chin, my cell beeped. It bothered me that a smile reached my eyes at that moment.
Taking the phone with me under the bedspread, I read in the illuminated blue cave with the cell against my thighs: Ethan said you’re feeling better. I’d like to make sure of that myself. Mind if I call you?
All right, he was forgiven for taking so long to reply when his answer was as sweet as that.
Do you really think that’s a good idea? I sighed and sent off the text. Common sense told me it was best to keep a distance so everything could go back to normal between us. Yet another part of me hoped he’d reply with a yes.
When my phone started to vibrate in my hand, it wasn’t accompanied by the usual beep of a text, but the Harry Potter medley. Dream Guy Material flashed on the screen.
I picked up and quietly said, “Hey.”
“Hi.”
An endless silence followed.
The only sign that he was still there was his deep breaths. They were heavy and painful.
I tried to ease the tension with a soft tease. “I thought you’d say something stupid to make me laugh so you could hear that I’m fine.”
After another short moment, then Chris startled me as he said, “Ethan is gay.”
At that statement, so calm and out of nowhere, I burst out in wild laughter. “Yeah? So what?”
“You knew.”
“Yes, I did. Didn’t you?”
“I assumed. Never knew for sure.” If a shrug could be heard in a voice, it certainly was in Chris’s now. “He told me today. You know what that means.”
“No, what?”
“That you can’t have him.” He might as well have ended that with a “duh.”
“True.”
“I’m confused. Today you turned me down because you wanted him.” I really wanted to see the frown on his face when he said that. Because he was so wrong.
“No, Chris, I didn’t turn you down because of Ethan. I said I wanted someone a little more like him. That’s all.”
“Ah. Safe and boring. I get it now.”
Total crap is what he got. “Ethan isn’t boring. We talk a lot. He understands me. We can have fun without me having to worry that he’s gushing over the next best girl.”
He huffed. “Because he’d be gushing over the next best guy…”
“Chris!” An outraged laugh escaped me. “You’re impossible.”
“Yeah, I know.” There was a smile in his voice. “But I think it’s cool that he finally told me. And he’s going to tell Mom, too. You’re good for him in that way.”
This genuine compliment took me unaware. Nobody saw it, but my brows lifted in surprise. “I guess he just needs someone who doesn’t judge him for what he feels.”
“I don’t. He knows that.” Chris sounded serious enough to wipe out all doubt. “I just wish he’d have confirmed my suspicion a little bit sooner. Like a week sooner.”
Getting his innuendo, I asked, “What would have changed?”
“I wouldn’t have been an ignorant dick. I would have come for another kiss the very next day. I wouldn’t have messed us up.”
“Us?”
“Well, the possibility of us.”
Damn, he put it so nicely that the corners of my mouth twitched up. I could barely speak without making it known. “Dude…shit happens.”
The rich sound of his laughter filled my head. “So I guess I’ll have to show you.”
“Show me what?”
“That I can be safe, boring, funny, a listener, a talker…and all on an exclusive basis.”
I didn’t see how he’d ever manage to pull off that stunt, but the promise gave me a warm feeling in my chest anyway. Nevertheless, tonight wasn’t the time to return to that particular discussion, so I let him off with a chuckle. “In your dreams, Chris.”
“Perhaps. Luckily, you’ll be there as well tonight.” If we were sitting across from each other, he’d have winked at me without a doubt. “Sleep tight, sweetness.”
I closed my eyes and bit my lip when he didn’t hang up after that. He was waiting for something. Something I hadn’t given him yet when we talked on the phone in the past. Tonight it felt right, though. “You, too,” I mumbled
and clicked him away with a swipe of my thumb.
*
The weekend was hard—on all of us. I saw my mom crying more often than she wanted me to witness and didn't always let me comfort her. As wrenching as it was for me to see her broken over the end of her marriage, it was also relieving, because it proved one darn thing to me. They still loved each other. And even if they didn’t live in the same house anymore, it would never be like with Chris and Ethan’s parents, who couldn’t find a nice thing to say to each other after their dad moved out.
Sam had been a great support these past two days. She’d been there to catch me when emotions took over, and she was there to lighten the mood with stupid jokes when I could do with a laugh.
Gramps helped us pack some of Dad’s stuff, too. The worry lines in his face had grown deeper, but he didn’t seem as shocked about the whole breakup as I had been. Of course, my parents had talked to him before they’d told me and, in a quiet moment, he admitted, he was glad they finally worked up the bravery to make a change. If he thought it was for the best, it gave me confidence to put trust in their decision.
The apartment my dad moved into was cozy. That’s the only thing I could say about it. Not big, but with a warm welcome clinging to the air. I slept at his place the first night, and he took me out for breakfast on Sunday morning before he drove me home—to my home, not his anymore. I hugged him for so long before letting him leave that his body might have bruised underneath his clothes.
“Hey, dinner at my place on Wednesday?” he offered with the loveliest smile. One I hadn’t seen in a long time.
“Absolutely! We can cook together.” The flicker of a memory crossed my mind, how Ethan and Chris had danced through their kitchen when they cooked for me. “I’d like that,” I added on a softer note.
Dad nodded. He went to hug my mom, who was standing quietly on the threshold, and said goodbye to her, too.
If it was going to be like this from now on, things wouldn’t be too bad. We could make this work out. Together. And for once, both my parents seemed to have set their minds on the same thing. That was actually nice.
Dating Trouble (Grover Beach Team Book 5) Page 21
