Rock Me Hard

by Casey Hagen

  Something told him she’d consider it her duty to live to her fullest, to experience happiness and hurt...for those who couldn’t.

  Her knuckles turned white as she gripped the wheel. “No can do,” she said, tossing him a glance. “We take the good and the bad.”

  They stopped at the Newtown General Store, a well-loved relic from the mid-eighteen hundreds with creaking wood floors and the unique scent that came with buildings from the long ago era.

  “I wonder if they have flowers,” she said as they climbed the front stairs.

  “I wouldn’t bet on it. Why?” he asked.

  She stopped on the top step and glanced over her shoulder at him. “There’s a church not far from here that has a memorial for the kids and teachers. The church shut down a couple years ago, but the memorial is still there, I think. I thought we could take some over. It feels wrong to drive through and not acknowledge it.”

  He climbed the two steps separating them. “Careful, that heart of yours is showing,” he said, cupping her cheek and stealing a soft kiss.

  “I’m not particularly feeling the need to hide it right about now,” she whispered over his lips.

  His heart did a slow roll in his chest as everything about her, her scent, her warmth, her vulnerability—all of it—combined to wrap around him and draw him in, binding him to her with every thread of trust weaving between them.

  That had to be some kind of lust to love record right there.

  A mixture of old and new, display racks held popular candy and snacks, but also fresh baked local treats and crafts from the area.

  They grabbed coffee and water but had no luck in the flower department.

  Natalie bounced with sheer child-like delight when she spotted the display of penny candy and tiny brown paper bags. “This is better than flowers!” she said, pointing at the glass jars.

  She counted out twenty-six bags and divvied up a variety of candies in each.

  He raised his camera and captured her, head bent, biting her lip as she folded each of the bags down.

  The cashier spotted her. “I’ve got a box if you want?”

  She nodded and those curls bounced. “That would be great. Thank you,” she said with a kind smile and a sparkle in her eye.

  Not only did she not have a diva bone in her body, if you didn’t know, there would be absolutely no way to tell there was a mega star in the midst.

  Another piece of him fell. Pieces had been falling for her for since the beginning. Yeah, he thought he needed to stop it, but with every passing minute, it became painfully clear that there was no stopping the freight train barreling through his heart.

  Was this falling in love at first sight?

  He couldn’t imagine anything faster, scarier, or more exhilarating.

  Before they left, he managed to capture a few more candid shots of her holding a gummy worm in the air with metal tongs and standing in front of the red, weathered building, glancing up at the two skinny windows at the top as though the room or apartment over the store held all the mysteries to the building’s history.

  And his favorite, the image of him catching her popping a Swedish fish in her mouth as they headed for the church.

  “How far is it?” he asked a few minutes later, not wanting to spoil the moment.

  “Just a couple streets over now,” she said.

  They turned the corner and slowed to a stop across the street from a golden stone church with a pointed arch entry and a thick, red door. Between the overgrowth of the shrubs and the death that came with winter, the church became a forgotten place of solace in a town that couldn’t forget the tragedy that left gaping holes in their lives.

  He’d spent so much time angry about what was happening to his father, but at least his father had had the gift of time. He’d had a wife, at least for a time, and sons. He’d built a successful practice and had friends that loved him. He’d invested his time and money into their community, earning love and respect that would carry his memory and ensure that he didn’t die even when his physical body was no longer with them.

  Dementia sucked. Late at night, his body played out, his mind weary, the terror for what was to come tried to grip him. But at least he felt the fear and could deal with it. His brother though, he’d done nothing but act out since their father had told them. At some point, that was going to come to a head.

  They’d been lucky to have a dad that was there for them, for all their school activities, their achievements, their disappointments, a man who’d put them through college on his dime alone.

  “I’ve got to be honest, I’m nervous,” he said quietly.

  “Me too,” she murmured, glancing at the church. “It’s so beautiful, but it looks lonely, doesn’t it? I mean, if a building could be lonely.”

  He opened his door. “I know what you mean. Almost like you can hear the ghostly voices of the people who once worshipped there for centuries.”

  “Just like that,” she said, opening her door and stepping out.

  He rounded the back of the Jeep and grabbed the candy out of the back before taking her hand. “Will this make it into a song?”

  “It’s already changing me, so it would be impossible for it not to,” she said, her voice breaking as she squeezed his fingers.

  It’s already changing me...

  And she was already changing him. There went another piece of his heart.

  They started up the walk and cut around on the patches of crusty snow and dead grass that covered the yard until they found the granite memorial with the carving of child angels around the bottom with the occasional adult angel mixed in.

  He watched as Natalie fell to her knees in complete disregard for the cold and dirt, staining the knees of her jeans as she began placing bags around the memorial.

  He dropped down next to her in time to see a teardrop fall on her hand and another that splattered against the bag, leaving an essential part of her behind.

  It wasn’t where the victims lost their lives, but that didn’t matter. Something hovered in the air. But it was the breeze that kicked up and the heavily clouded sky that cracked for just a handful of minutes to bathe them in the warmth of the sun that told him the victims were there.

  He’d never been a spiritual man. He’d never taken the time to really think about it, but being with her, seeing the world through her eyes, opened something up inside him, and he knew he needed to take care of himself better. Take the lessons of his father and really step into his life.

  Fill his soul.

  Because otherwise, what was the point of any of it? He was wasting time under the guise of needing to do for others while someone like Natalie, hell, even his brother, was packing every last minute with experiences to hold on to.

  Maybe it wasn’t all his brother after all. Maybe part of the problem was that he never gave himself permission to live more the way his brother had.

  Could jealousy of his brother be part of their underlying problem?

  Shit.

  This might just be the first of many revelations on this trip, and he didn’t know if he was ready for a single one.

  She raised her face to the sun and closed her eyes, the corners of her lips curved up slightly, even as the tracks of hot tears dried on her cheeks.

  Something about the light, the location, about Natalie and her very essence...holy hell.

  His hands shook as he reached for his camera and wondered if he’d ever see anything so compelling again in this lifetime.

  He swallowed hard and took aim with his lens at the exact moment twenty-six angels whispered to her and gave her a smile.

  THEY WORDLESSLY ROLLED out of Newtown and didn’t pick up their rock, paper, scissors game again for several miles.

  Natalie sucked down her coffee, needing to restore the energy sapped at the church. She’d done it. She’d been completely open in front of him. Relief slid through her when she spotted his damp eyes, the sight reassuring her that she’d definitely chosen well.

>   She’d never taken anyone with her on a road trip before. She’d worried that she’d have to have her guard up, and it would stifle her ability to soak in the surroundings and let them play over her emotions.

  Being in the moment, opening herself to adventure filled her soul the way a well-loved acoustic guitar inspired a seasoned guitarist with every catch of the strings.

  Aiden reached a hand over and rested it on her thigh. “You okay?” he asked.

  “Yeah. It’s weird, I hadn’t been out of high school long when that happened, and it was sad, but now that I’m older...I see it more clearly, and it’s devastating.”

  “I was in med school, maybe sleeping three hours a night, when I managed to actually sleep. It seemed like this horrible thing that was so far removed from my life that I—I don’t know. It’s like I didn’t process it. But today...”

  “It broke your heart?” she asked.

  “Yeah, can’t lie. It definitely did that,” he said quietly.

  “One more thing about you to love,” she murmured, reaching for his hand and lacing her fingers with his.

  Their adventure took them through Beacon Falls, Hamden, down to Branford, and eventually Old Saybrooke. They grabbed lobster rolls from a rickety crab shack along the water before their direction weaved them a bit inland.

  With their bellies full, they stopped at parks and walked among the naked trees. He tucked her under his arm every time and constantly asked how her strained muscles were holding up.

  Each time they reached the car again, he backed her up to the hood and bent her over the cool metal while he crushed his lips to hers, their tangle of tongues, teeth, and groans a disgusting public display of the way their bodies called to each other.

  “One of these times, I’m going to slide boneless to the ground in a wrecked heap of lust,” she said, her vocal chords vibrating against his mouth where he kissed her neck.

  “I’ll be right behind you,” he whispered against her skin. “God, I could spend the next hundred days tasting you and still not get enough.”

  Anyone else and she’d wonder it was a line, but with her hand curled around his wrist and his pulse hammering under her fingertips, she had no doubt of exactly what she did to him.

  Natalie, not Nikki.

  Well, Nikki too...and it didn’t get better than that.

  Their direction carried them back out again, snagging glimpses of Long Island Sound falling way to Block Island Sound and the view of Race Rock Light on Fisher Island.

  They turned up the heat so they could crack the windows and enjoy the salty scent of the ocean water while country music thumped in a catchy rhythm that they drummed their fingers along to.

  “Hey, you know where we’re headed, don’t you?” she asked.

  “Uhhh, toward Rhode Island?”

  “Well, that too, but before that? Think eighties movie.”

  He shook his head and took a gulp of his water, the chords of his throat working in delicious ways that made her want to take a fleshy nip of his neck. “I’ve always been more of a reader so the chances of me getting this are slim to none.”

  She cleared her dry throat, the gesture having nothing to do with thirst and everything to do with Aiden. “Okay, think fishing boats, pizza, a torrid affair between a babysitter/waitress and an older man.”

  “I’ve got nothin’,” he said, shaking his head.

  “Oh, that’s just not right. I might have to break our rule and aim this car straight there,” she declared.

  “Hey, these were your rules.”

  “I know, but your lack of education in movies, precisely eighties movies, is just too sad. Something has to be done. I fear there’s no time to waste.”

  “I’m not sure it’s that serious.”

  “I am. As a matter of fact, we’ll stay there overnight and watch the movie tonight. Google Walmart, would you?”

  “Walmart?”

  “Yup, we’re going to need a DVD player, the movie, and movie snacks.”

  “Or, we could just watch it when we get back,” he said as he scrolled through his cell.

  “Oh, no. We have to do it this way. It’s your first time so it’s going to be an epic level, bucket-list-worthy experience. I mean, you have an opportunity here to experience this movie in a way most don’t. I can’t wait!”

  “Can I make one request?” he asked with a sly grin on his handsome face.

  “Sure,” she said.

  “We watch the movie naked.”

  The request reached her all the way to her girly parts. She glanced over at the sensually devious look in his eye and smiled. “Oh, you’re so on.”

  They found a Walmart close by where she led him right back to the electronics department and plopped a DVD player in his arms before crossing over to the DVDs.

  “What are we looking for?”

  “Ha! Got it. This,” she said, thrusting the DVD at him. “Mystic Pizza.”

  “Never heard of it.”

  She slapped a palm over her heart and pressed the back of her hand to her forehead with a great flourish as though she were laced into a ball gown and about to succumb to the vapors. “Oh, there goes the first barb in my heart.”

  “You can shoot a few back when we talk books,” he shot back.

  She slapped her hands on her hips. “Hey, I read.”

  “I’m sure you do, but I’m willing to bet you’ve never heard of some of my favorites.” He glanced down at the device in his arms. “I don’t want to be a buzzkill, but can’t we just get a hotel room with a smart TV and grab the movie on Google Play?”

  “We could, but we have a rare opportunity. We’re going to eat pizza right at the Mystic Pizza from the movie and then crash in a cheap motel and hook this bad boy up to an antiquated tube TV and see it in its grainy eighties’ glory.”

  “God, you’re so weird, but I love it,” he said as he cupped her chin and kissed her lips. “Are you sure places like that still exist?”

  “We’ll find one,” she said with a smile.

  At the register, heavy with the movie, more water, soda, mixed nuts, and pretzels, they asked the cashier if she knew of any roadside motels that hadn’t been brought into the twenty-first century.

  “The Anchor Light Motel. And they’ve never had bedbugs. Some of them pricier places have, but never the Anchor Light,” she said to them.

  “Thank you so much,” Natalie said, taking her receipt.

  Less than twenty minutes later, they rolled onto West Main Street, and the very Mystic Pizza location from the movie came into view.

  They parked along the road across the street and waited for a break in traffic before they jogged hand in hand toward the door.

  “It doesn’t look like much,” he said. “But I kind of like that about it. Stand under the sign and I’ll get your picture,” he said.

  “Oh, no...this one will be of us together.” He’d been nabbing pictures of her for the entire day, and she’d grown used to it, even comfortable with it, but she wanted some of them together.

  She pulled out her cell, snuggled up against him, and set it to capture a series of shots in rapid succession.

  Twenty photos later, it was the one of them, his lips buried in her neck and the way she curled into that invasion of his lips with a smile, her eyes closed, with a hand resting on his cheek that said it all.

  Aiden burrowing into her and the way she protected their intimacy. She better be right about him because anything less would crush her heart.

  “You know, I almost wish I had a regular me Facebook. I’d make this my profile pic,” she said.

  “Then you’d have to change your relationship status, and there’d be all those questions,” he said with a shake of his head.

  “If it were just my family and friends, I’d be fine with that,” she said.

  His mouth took a grim turn, and he glanced away. “Come on, it’s getting cold out here.”

  “Wait, what is it?”

  “I don’t know what you
mean,” he said, still not looking her in the eye.

  “Is this really how you want to start this whole thing with us? By hiding the way you really feel?” she asked.

  Because she didn’t want to do that. She’d worked hard to be open with him. To let him see the real her. And if she’d said or done something to upset him, she expected him to at least show her the respect to tell her so she could correct it.

  “No,” he sighed. He shoved a hand through his hair and grimaced. “I guess it just bothers me that you’re only good with sharing this,” he gestured between the two of them, “with people you’re close to. You’ll keep me hidden from Nikki’s life, from her fans, from other men who might be interested—”

  She tried to hold in the laughter. Really, she did. It was no laughing matter, but did this man, this man who’d gone to medical school, who ran a business, who cared for his father, did he really think she’d want to pass him up for anyone she met on the road?

  “You’re laughing at me,” he said.

  “You’re a funny guy,” she said back.

  “I’m glad I could amuse you,” he muttered, reaching for the door handle of the pizza place.

  “Do you really think I’m trying to keep some single status so I can have you waiting at home for me while I go off and keep my bed warm with random strangers on the road?” She ducked her head to meet his gaze. “Maybe it has more to do with the chaos I bring to your doorstep the minute the public knows about us. Did you ever think of that? Of how hard it might be for your dad?”

  He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m an idiot.”

  “Yeah, you’re my idiot,” she said with a laugh before swatting his firm, round, rather perfect ass and sailing past him into the restaurant.

  A good half of the booths sat empty with them beating the dinner rush by at least an hour. “What do you like on your pizza?” she asked as they waited at the counter.

  “Meat. Lots of meat,” he said, looking at the T-shirts for sale. “What size are you?”

  “After pizza? Definitely a medium.”

  “What can I get for you folks?” the woman behind the counter asked as she pulled a pencil from behind her ear.